This is it, this moment is all we’ve really got. Right now is what matters. There is no was.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Monday, March 8th
Day 281
Basement of The Tavern

Candles, I think she'd like them. Fire seemed like a good idea at the time. So I set them around the once filled hole. It seems like I just did it all, but the candles are burned down to the stubs stuck in the ground and I'm a wolf again. Laying down at the edge of her grave, I notice she's smiling. I didn't notice that when I closed her eyes, or uncovered her and wiped the dirt from her pale face.

There's a twisting emptiness in my stomach like I'm hungry but I just ate. Now isn't the time for eating anyway. We haven't been down here long. Aside from the dirt, she looks just like she did ten minutes ago when she was alive. The blood has dried but I can till taste it on my tongue. I shiver and my skin twitches as I lick my paws. The fur is gone from them now, it must've been from the fight. Whatever was in that last bottle I drank was sweet and cool and better than anything I've tried before.

My stomach twists again and I growl in response. Maybe that's what she's smiling at. The thought makes me lower my head to look down at here again. Verdi, my friend, crazy goddess of apples, wonderful drinks, and lover of a good fight. We haven't been here long, but she'll wake up, I couldn't kill her, she said so, and I'm gonna be here when she wakes up. There are some things I know I should do for her, but I'm afraid if I shift back I'll see her smile, and I'll laugh until I cry.

That's not what I want to do so I lift my muzzle into the air and sing her a song. Not one of sadness, I don't think she'd like that, one of running and playing in warm fields with apple trees. A song of a place I hope I'll see her in again. I hope she can hear it in the hall of her fathers, wherever that is.

[OPEN TO GLASS AND LUCIEN AND ... VERDANDI]
[CLOSED]

Comments

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Wasn't there when I woke this morning afore dawn, and couldn't swear to it being there when I boiled water for tea, but there's a odd sensation at the tips of my fingers, skin waiting to itch and tremble. Thought of it, sure, but not much of it--took it for more t'do with quickening, and hoped it'd pass sooner than I'd seen it pass in others.

Finish my drink and rinse the cup, and the feeling of being ill at ease grows thicker and darker, blood spilling into water and still no sense of the shape of it. Dress and thinking of going out, see if I can pass by the graveyard to at least ease the jitter in me or go out to make some sense of it or--

And then it comes clear and I'm to the door and open it and can feel it, the itch and scream of it under my skin. Curse 'neath my breath and turn back and think of asking Iago for his keys, to look through the Tavern or to look up if I need leave, and then have some clear sense of how well he'd take being woken to find out I need go looking for a corpse. Chase them down myself, then, and pull on my boots and down the stairs quick as I can.

Can tell where they are, the buzzing itch sounding under my skin, and what's been said of the basement leaves me thinking there could be better things t'do then go down there. Not a Wednesday, no, but everyone I've heard word of being tangled up in this is someone the wards won't keep from me...

And dress it up however I like, still matter of someone lying dead in the dark.

Cut to the front of the Tavern, shoot the bolt and door open and Silk's quiet but see someone up by the Craftsman's Touch, call to them sharp and can't keep from dry amusement when I see his face as he draws near. Robert Thelmoore, again. Half a dozen more and'm like to start taking the poor bastard for a carrion crow all unwitting.

"Go for Lucien," I say, "tell him come downstairs, door'll be unlocked." And back inside and to the basement door, open the padlock and take it with me for matter of no-one locking the door behind me, and as I'm down the stairs into the dark there's a sound like wind, thin half-giddy howl skirling up into the air. How the hell'd I miss this? Dead days at least, I'd swear to it, and my not catching anything until now...

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

I am in the middle of a routine examination when Robert Thelmoore comes bursting in the front. I can hear him from the back, asking for me in an anxious tone.

Figuring the exam can wait, I pop my head out of the exam room. "What's wrong?"

"Mrs. Beddau told me 't come 'n get you." Oh no... not the baby! I immediately go to get my bag, hoping to God it's the nerves of a first time mother making a small symptom seem big, but it's Glass and she wouldn't send someone running for me if it wasn't an emergency---

"She's at the Tavern, said to go downstairs, the door'll be unlocked." Robert says, following me as grab my coat. Wait....

"Downstairs at the Tavern?" I ask and he nods. "Did Mrs. Beddau look alright?" He nods again. "Looked tired, but alright, told me to come get you, and then went back inside."

Well, there is one other thing that would get Glass to send someone to come get me. Damn. At least my heart stops hammering a touch.

I thank Robert, then excuse myself from my patients and go jogging over to the tavern, bag in hand. Slip in, and it's dark and quiet. Not the bar then, must've meant the basement. I find the door and start to make my way down. It's almost black, and there's an odd sound echoing about, and I can smell the blood in the air.

"Glass?" I call out quietly. "Glass, where the hell are you?"

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

There's a quiet shuffle on the stairs followed by scents I know and a voice. I stop my song, glancing down into the hole. She's still there, golden hair, soft smile and all. I killed her, this place is mine now. So's the knife that's now a sword. I still haven't figured that one out. I remember it being smaller.

Back feet firmly planted into the ground, I lay on top of the blade, now next to the hole and wait. I'm not staying here long enough for them to string me up. No way.

Part of me wants to run and hide, hoping they won't see me, the other half won't leave Verdi's side. Apparently the latter part wins as I stay where I am, where they can see me. Baring teeth, and letting a low warning growl rumble through my chest.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Come to where I can see the hole aground amid the candles, and first thought that isn't of her is some small mind for how Iago will take this. Dead days at least, I'd swear to it, but not rotting. Maybe some matter of being goddess of the now, last moment caught and held? And there's a bloody wolf down here, something ragged and lean enough that I can't tell if it's part dog or not.

Hear my name and "Glass, where the hell are you?" and don't turn away from the wolf. Wish I'd thought to bring something from the kitchen, but there's no reason I could ever have thought to need such.

"I'm here," I say, calm and clear and not too loud, and sit down on the steps, second or third from the floor, arms crossed on my knees and the padlock still in one hand. "So's a wolf, and Verdi's dead. I don't suppose you've aught in the way of meat with you?" Voice falling into a sing-song cadence, considering the wolf, the black wolf, the black wolf down in the basement with Verdi looking ragged and battered...

Could be. Not after counting on it, though can't say how else a wolf'd show up in the basement of the Tavern, but if it's not then it's hardly going to know I'm making a fool of myself, talking half to her and half to Lucien. "Settle down, girl, no-one's after you or her. A sandwich or something'd do in a pinch, she looks starving. Are you alright, aside from that? No-one's looking to hurt you, think there's been enough of that." Swear that if there wasn't some dead I needed to mind, I'd be heading back up the stairs and looking for Mab, but am damn well not being chased off a corpse by a low growl and a handful of teeth.

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"I'm here, So's a wolf, and Verdi's dead. I don't suppose you've aught in the way of meat with you?" Glass calls up quietly from the steps below me, and I can only stop for a moment and process what she said. Verdi's.... dead? And a wolf???

Glass keeps talking to the wolf that is just out of my line of slight, and I catch that she's asking for me to get it something to eat. "Stay put, make no sudden moves, I'll be right back." I calmly go back up the stairs, but as soon as I hit the landing, I swiftly move to the kitchen, find a hank of cooked ham, and am back down the stairs in what was probably less than a minute and a half.

Very calmly again I edge back down the stairs, but this time, slip past Glass who is sitting there and staring at the black wolf, who is growling alongside the body of---

I push the pang of sadness away. Later. Right now, I have a very unhappy wolf and a very pregnant friend in the same bloody fucking room. I place myself very solidly between the wolf and Glass, and kneel down, holding out the ham. "Hey there," I say softly to the animal that I would normally think mindless, but it is Excolo, and I swear there's something familiar about that growl. "I am not going to hurt you, would you like some of this? You look really hungry."

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Glass is talking to me and my head cocks at what she says. I'm actually happy she's not running away in fear from me and I know Lucien's here even before I catch his scent from above.

I still don't wanna let them near Verdi though. She's coming back, it hasn't been that long.

Lucien comes back, and I wanna hide in a hole when I smell the meat and he starts waving it at me, talking to me like I'm someone's Dog. I snort at it. You'd think a doctor would.... wait, he's a doctor and Glass knows all about herbs and stuff! Looking at them and whining softly, I lay back down beside the hole. They might know how to fix her up.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Never seen a problem that was made worse by getting something to eat, but suppose misery kills an appetite. Wonder if she even notices how long it's been, or if it's like to Verdi's not rotting. And trying to think the last time I actually saw Verdi, up and around. Hard to tell exactly how long it's been.

Dust off my hands and pick up the padlock again as I get to my feet and go down the stairs, cross over for a look. Grave dug barehanded, ragged tears in the dirt floor, and a cut smooth as ice in her throat. Move aside one of the candles and down on one knee for a closer measure of her, and she's no warmer than the air.

Look at the wolf, and dammit, Verdi didn't have a wolf, nor a dog, and this one's acting clear enough as one that minded her. Right then. "How long's she been dead?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

The wolf snorts at me, as if insulted. The thing is hungry, no doubt about it, but won't come away from Verdi. It whines instead and lays back down next to the body.

The pregnant lady throws me a bit though, moving past me to examine Verdi, getting way too close to the wolf for my comfort...

but the wolf doesn't seem to mind, looks almost hopeful, and Glass is certainly acting like she knows the creature. I edge up beside Glass as she asks the wolf how long it's been, like she's expecting an answer.

"Glass, as far as I know, wolves don't talk so... what am I missing?" I ask, looking hard at the wolf because it still occurs to me that there's something so familiar about it...

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"How long's she been dead?"

I look sharply in Glass' direction. Verdi isn't -- breathing -- dead. I didn't kill her. I couldn't. She can't... What does she mean how long?! It just .... Letting out a breath, I shake my head, hearing Lucien approach.

"Glass, as far as I know, wolves don't talk so... what am I missing?"

He doesn't know, but I can't not change and tell them what happened. Wishing I could talk in this form, I shift back, only there's no snapping or tearing and it doesn't hurt anymore. Or maybe it does and I just don't notice, but suddenly I'm me again, human me. And its cold.

"They don't," I say to Lucien, hugging myself and sitting back down by the grave. Looking down at Verdi again, she hasn't changed, and it looks like she could sit up at any time. "She's not dead," I snap, "but it happened today."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"Glass, as far as I know, wolves don't talk so... what am I missing?" and I shrug and I'm after saying that doesn't talk needn't mean doesn't understand when there's twist and stretch of bone, flesh running like water, and Lannie's back to the meat of being human again. Leaves me feeling a touch unsettled, to see it from the side of my sight.

Lucien sets his coat around her shoulders, which can't but help. She's looking no better now than she did as a wolf, only rather less patchy. "She's not dead," and there's quite a lot I could say to that, "but it happened today."

"Well," I say mild, "I'm taking it for happening rather longer ago than that, but given Verdi suppose I could be mistaken." My back's pulling taut in the kneeling beside the grave, and shift a little to try for comfort. Not much bloody help. "It only happened today, how long're the two of you down here afore that?" Trying to place it now and don't think I've seen either of them since Iago's poker game.

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

There's a rippling and shifting of fur and---

"They don't," I am up and around the space, settling my coat around Lannie's naked form before my mind can even process what just happened seconds ago. "She's not dead, but it happened today." I am rubbing my hands up and down her arms, trying to warm her when she announces that, and I raise my eyes to meet Glass' from behind Lannie. Oh, I do hate this part of the job.

"I'm taking it for happening rather longer ago than that, but given Verdi suppose I could be mistaken." Well, that's... for Glass that's downright tactful. I point to a small crate behind her, because she clearly needs to sit down on something, then go back to trying to get Lannie warm, settling myself behind her and pulling her closer.

"It only happened today, how long're the two of you down here afore that?" Looking down at Verdi, I could believe that it's only been hours, but she is... was... a goddess. Maybe things work different.

"It's Monday, Lannie." I say quietly. "March 8th... and I haven't seen you in the bar since last Wednesday at the least... and honey..." My eyes meet Glass' again and I take a deep breath. "Lannie, I'm sorry honey but Verdi's gone."

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"I'm taking it for happening rather longer ago than that, but given Verdi suppose I could be mistaken."

I don't think Glass would lie, but I've been here and it wasn't that long ago. Can she smell something I can't?

Glass asks how long we've been down here and my head tilts slightly. "Maybe a day?" Not enough time has passed for it to be longer than ...

My back stiffens when Lucien sits behind me. Please don't try to keep me here. Please, please, please.

"It's Monday, Lannie. March 8th..."

Huh? Shaking my head, I look around like something in this room is going to prove we've only been here for a day.

"I haven't seen you in the bar since last Wednesday at the least... and honey... Lannie, I'm sorry honey but Verdi's gone."

"The door was locked, I couldn't get out" I say more to myself than anyone else. "But look at her!" I can feel warm tears slide down my cheeks. "I didn't... I couldn't...." I stammer.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"Maybe a day?" and-- no, dammit, from the first I felt anything it felt old. Light rising and falling, time gone past. Consider Verdi, mouth drawing down. Damn gods. If she's done this afore and's saving up time of her death to have it all spilling out now or some ragged nonsense, I'm after being bloody annoyed.

Lucien waves at something behind me and I glance over, straighten and go sit down. Suppose this is only going to get worse with time, and hope this summer's quieter than the last. His time for seeing Lannie's close to a match for mine, I think. And let him set it out, think he'll have a gentler touch than me. Trying to recall what I know of minding the dead in Verdi's tradition. Fire and ships and maybe cairns...

"But look at her!" and Lannie's weeping. "I didn't... I couldn't...." All the world falling to pieces. Damn gods.

"If you used her knife, you maybe could," I say, thinking of the ice-slick cut and trying to help. "Know that when she took after Tez with it and he tried gutting himself, she was worried it might actually matter. Could see it being a thing that'd kill a god."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"The door was locked, I couldn't get out. But look at her! I didn't... I couldn't...." Lannie's trembling and the tears have started, and I pull her close with one arm while I stroke her hair with my free hand.

"If you used her knife, you maybe could, know that when she took after Tez with it and he tried gutting himself, she was worried it might actually matter. Could see it being a thing that'd kill a god."

I look at Glass, thinking I should get that story from her, but that's for another day. Right now...

"Gods can die Lannie. Trust me, I know; watched one die right before my eyes." I sigh, taking a moment to rake hair from my face. "Can you tell us what happened?" I ask gently, hoping shock does not set it.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Lucien's arm tightens, making me want to get free. What if he's just tricking me to keep me here until the sheriff comes? There's no threat coming from either of them, I'll worry about it later if I have to.

Glass mentions the knife, reminding me that its laying next to the grave where I left it. My eyes widen when I look at it, "Did it shrink?" It seems the right size, but smaller than it was when I pulled it out of her.

"Gods can die Lannie. Trust me, I know; watched one die right before my eyes. Can you tell us what happened?"

I look at him in disbelief. How can the present die? Or wind, night, earth, or whatever it is they're made of. No wonder he's not freaking out. Taking a deep breath, I begin, " I came down here to get a couple of kegs. She was in here, wanted a fight and got one," I say hearing the edge of a growl to my tone. "She said I couldn't kill her. I didn't want to at first."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"Did it shrink?"

"Don't know," I say, considering Verdi. Need to mind her, but not sure how much I should do towards taking her away from here yet. There's some measure of sound intent behind what was done, can tell that. "How big was it?"

Look up curious a moment when Lucien's making mention of a god dying, then recall what that was about. "Can you tell us what happened?"

"I came down here to get a couple of kegs. She was in here, wanted a fight and got one," Lannie says. "She said I couldn't kill her. I didn't want to at first."

Sniff a little, and thinking Verdi must have caught a surprise, way it's been described. Probably not an over-long one. "More of what you mentioned afore, then?" I say. Consider Verdi, still lying there, and get to my feet and cross to the grave again, restless. Recall something vague of indentured folk being burnt along with the dead, and bloody well hope she'd not expected that.

"Guessing that happened close after you went down the stairs--what day was that?" I interrupt myself. "And chalk it up to strangeness of the Tavern that I didn't tell before now. Well, then. As she's dead," since Lannie seems a touch more together now, "can at least see to her. And if she takes after doing what some of them do and comes back, 'll worry about the trouble that does to the dead when she does it."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Lannie seems surprised at the size of the knife, and I start to worry about shock again, but Glass seems to take it in stride.

"I came down here to get a couple of kegs. She was in here, wanted a fight and got one," Lannie says. "She said I couldn't kill her. I didn't want to at first."

"More of what you mentioned afore, then?" I look up in surprise. "What? It's happened before?" I ask, looking from Glass to Lannie. "Was Verdi in the habit of attacking people for fun?" I suppose I should not be surprised... but... Sunshine. I can't imagine a mean bone in her body.

Glass is all business now, asking after the day again as she circles the body.

"Well, then. As she's dead, can at least see to her. And if she takes after doing what some of them do and comes back, 'll worry about the trouble that does to the dead when she does it."

I am not sure Lannie needs to know the all the details of Glass' calling right now, so I try to change the subject. "Lannie, c'mon. Why don't we go upstairs, get you a hot shower and something to eat? It'll help, I promise."

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"How big was it?"

Shrugging slowly, I answer, trying to remember how big it was. "It was a little bigger than a knife but when I pulled it out of her, it was more like a ....sword?" Picking it up, it even feels lighter now. I feel sick when it occurs to me that it probably feels lighter because its not jammed into her chest. I heard her heartbeat stop.

"What? It's happened before?" Lucien seems surprised, I was too. "Not like this," I gesture to the grave, Glass is now near. I shake my head again, resisting Lucien's suggestion about going upstairs. "Tuesday," I say vaguely, "Its Tuesday or Wednesday." What day did they say they thought it was again? "What are you going to do with her?" I ask, tensing up a little. Something about her being so close to Verdi and talking about seeing to her and the dead makes me bristle some. "She's not dead if she comes back, right?" I look from one to the other. Hopefully one of them will know.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"What? It's happened before?"

"Not like this," and I shrug, thinking of Pelan and Lewis McKay. And Iago. Oh, love, how are you going to take this?

"She--" How to put it? "Every time I could get details out of her or someone who talked to her, she had a reason," I say. "Not saying they were all good ones."

"Tuesday. Its Tuesday or Wednesday," Lannie says a little dazedly. "What are you going to do with her? She's not dead if she comes back, right?"

"It's Monday," I say bluntly. "And Lucien's idea of a hot shower and some food is probably a good one." I sigh, both hands in the small of my back, and try and stretch. Rather hoping I can get a hand moving her upstairs, but not after asking Lannie.

"I'm going to at least clean her, and take her sins, and see if there's anything she'd need in the way of her body being minded. And while I'm not saying she's not coming back, that is her corpse, and can't very well just leave her lying around."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"Not like this,"

"She-- Every time I could get details out of her or someone who talked to her, she had a reason, Not saying they were all good ones."

The more they talk, the more worried I get. "Did she hurt you? Others?" I shake my head, trying to make sense of it. "How long has this been going on?" First Benedict attacking her, now this.

Lannie insists it's last week, before getting defensive about Verdi again. Glass... oh hell, tactful as usual informs her flatly its Monday, and urgers her upstairs again.

"I'm going to at least clean her, and take her sins, and see if there's anything she'd need in the way of her body being minded. And while I'm not saying she's not coming back, that is her corpse, and can't very well just leave her lying around."

Yep, as subtle as a sledgehammer to the back of the head.

"Lannie, I don't know how gods work it but..." I leave off of her to cross to Verdi and crouch down next to the body. I check her pulse, listen to her chest, all for show. She's gone, we all know it, but sometimes the rituals help. I could marvel at the lack of decomposition, but now is not the time. "It is Monday, at least five days after you came down here. Verdi may come back... but it's not going to be to this body."

I stand up and hold my hand out to her. "Please. Come upstairs. You don't have to stay here, you can come stay with me, if you'd like." I offer, small smile.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"She-- Every time I could get details out of her or someone who talked to her, she had a reason, Not saying they were all good ones."

I cock my head at her wondering what she's trying to say. Then Lucien chimes in, concerned. "Did she hurt you? Others? How long has this been going on?"

"Not long," I say quickly, wondering which one is gonna tell me its been longer than I think it has. Then my head snaps back to Glass. Its a good idea for who? Her or me? I know I'm not going anywhere. And what's she gonna do...TAKE from her? "She liked dirt", I say, picking up the sword --it immediately feels like an extension of my arm -- and moving towards the hole, on guard now. Nobody's taking anything. "Verdi's sins, or whatever you called them, are hers and she should keep them," I growl, looking at Lucien. His hand is stretched out to me and his smile is warm. Like hers was. I killed her. My stomach churns and twists and I almost throw up at the taste of her blood on my tongue.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"She liked dirt," Lannie says, picking up the blade. Keep an eye on that. "Verdi's sins, or whatever you called them, are hers and she should keep them."

"She did," I say mild. "Also she liked apples, sunshine, mead, and company. And there's maybe something t'be said for keeping in mind how she thought the dead ought be treated, in all the time she lived." Think of Iago again, and my mouth draws down. "Not t'mention giving those who minded her a chance t'say farewells while she's not in the dirt surrounded by dead candles." Cross my arms and consider her. I'm out of reach of the blade as it stands, but didn't she mention it growing...?

"As to her sins, it's no kindness to insist she rest uneasy. She knew what I was and never asked me to keep off her. And neither her nor those she minded ever set particular store by keeping their scars."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Well, this is going swimmingly. Lannie is growling about dirt and Verdi keeping her sins as she stands guard over the body. Naked save my coat settled about her shoulders. And looking a little green now.

Glass stands her ground, laying out her duties to the dead. To the woman standing guard with a blade that can grow, apparently.

To the naked woman.

To the naked woman that was just a wolf a few moments ago.

To the naked werewolf that I happened to have had...

right. If I don't break this up, something terrible will happen. Most likely that I will start laughing like a loon, for if this isn't a Wagnerian opera, I don't know what is.

"Okay, that's it." I announce, smiling a tad too broadly, standing up. "This is getting us nowhere. Lannie, she can't stay here. You are not staying here. You are coming with me to get some clothes and some food, and then we can all discuss this, together." I say pointedly to both women, then knowing full well I will have to move quick before she realizes it to fight me too much, I go to pick up Lannie and throw her over my shoulder. Shouldn't be too hard, she hasn't eaten in days....

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"Also she liked apples, sunshine, mead, and company. And there's maybe something t'be said for keeping in mind how she thought the dead ought be treated, in all the time she lived."

She mentions giving other people a chance to say goodbye. I hadn't thought of that. "That's why I'm not leaving and I poured her brews in there with her," I say through clenched teeth. I was hoping one of them was that healing stuff she had. It wasn't. Most of her wounds healed but she never woke up. I don't understand. "And she can be buried by her apple tree, next to the well," I try to snarl but, annoyed that tears are flooding my eyes again it comes out like a wet snort. Yeah. That'll keep'em away.

She looks like she's resting fine to me. What if she needs those to get where she's going or to come back? And what if she comes back and attacks one of them? I'm not going anywhere and I still don't like the idea of anyone taking anything from Verdi, even if its Glass. My lips pull back at the thought.

"Okay, that's it." Lucien says, and tries to calm things down. He comes my way, and ducking out of his arms, I drop down into the hole next to Verdi. I took something too, and I don't want it. I'm not hungry, and I wish I was in wolf form as slow fat tears on to her face when I slide her knife back in her hands. "I dug this hole before I remembered her room," I say quietly, gesturing toward the door that looks like a wall unless its open. I left it opened so I wouldn't forget its there again. "There's a place for her there. I dug that hole too." Took longer to dig the holes than to kill her. And I'm still crying but I don't know which part bothers me most.

Still not believing she's dead, I ouch her hand lightly though every muscle in my body feels like its going snap. The cold is enough to send a shock up my arm that makes me want to ATTACK, and when it reaches my ears, the howling of the wolves is deafening. Its only when I sink down to the ground that I realize that I'm howling with them.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Mjǫllnir pounds at the gates of Helheim, bringing jolts of lightning and a steady stream of rain.

...go away.

Garm's howling, shaking the earth and filling my ears, calling to me but haven't I already paid my debt?

...let me sleep.

The sweet taste of mead's on my tongue and it must be Freyr but why would he seek me?

There's another jolt and it sends me flying past the ice, talons and claws pulling at my form to drag me along...

It's bright, too too bright and I'm shoved, starlight and shadows into meat too small. Too much too much and it knits, itching and I can't move or breathe or see and why should it be important...?

...so cold...

I'm so heavy and the starlight still pours in, finally leaking out when I'm filled to the brim before suddenly, quickly lighting all the dark corners of my eyes and everything in my mead-hall's basement.

...I am Verðandi.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"Anghenfil angiriol!" and hands up and backing away and an edge like knives in my voice, anger and disgust and helpless, unrested, shattered, shattered in the light... Gods, blasted fucking gods--

Brought up sharp, something jabbing into my back, and the light's everywhere and room's so empty and howling inside well as out, where did you take her, what did you do with her, can't find her nor help her, and arms in front of me and teeth bared in crescent arc, bone on bone on bone and nothing to shield against nor target and leave her alone! too late to say, any of it.

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

My plan to get Lannie out of here backfires when she ducks away. Quicker than I though she'd be. I'd worry about her getting defensive, but there are tears now, and that's good. The blade is back in Verdi's hand, and there are more tears as I crouch down near Lannie who is now howling---

"Anghenfil angiriol!" I hear Glass above the howling, and the light, oh heavens! It's blinding but I can't look away. Glass has reeled away so quick she's back against the rail to the stairs, and I should help her, I should get Lannie away...

but the Light! It's so warm, like water flowing over me, and beautiful!

"Sunshine." I breathe, stretching out my hand towards the glowing goddess.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"Anghenfil angiriol!" I hear over their howls and mine. But I can't stop, we're calling her back. I don't remember why but its what I'm supposed to do. So I howl more until my throat feels like its gone and I can't see or feel anything but the biting cold then warmth of skin and see nothing but light.

"Sunshine."

--ohfuck NO.I knew it!--

I didn't want to be the one to have killed her, but I didn't want her alive to hurt someone else. Don't want anyone else to kill her either. Lucien is right here, so's Glass. I can't let them get hurt. I won't. But what if she's not my friend gone rabid, but just Verdi again? I can't take that chance. With a ragged sob, I grab the knife from her now warm hands and climb out of the hole. Standing between Lucien and Verdi I growl, waiting for her to make a move for him, or Glass.

I'm tired but my body feels strong, pumped up. Almost like it does after a run. But unlike a run, I just don't want to fight anymore.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Skuld. I can smell your wolfskin cloak from here and I'm much warmer now. Thank you, thank you and I've missed you so much. "Hvar varúlfur þú?" It's a whisper and I wish I had mead to wet my throat.

Skuld's crying and I want to comfort her but she's moving away. The ice slips from my hands and I slowly blink, trying to shake off my grogginess. There's a growl and then two, and maybe Skuld's gone to defend us. It's not time yet, or maybe it's past time? I just know it's not now and I try to sit up.

I try to focus and look around, and I think I do well because I recognize two of my old friends, along with my ...sister? She looks like my sister and I smile weakly at her before getting into a more comfortable seated position. I'm in a hole and while it's not deep, I'm still in a hole. There's dirt on me and it's encrusted on my clothes. There's blood too.

Looking at my friends again, Skirnir's behind Skuld and Eir's by the stairs. She's pregnant and I can see the babe inside her, see its lifetime stretched out and won't she be surprised in twenty years. It reminds of someone missing and I can't remember who, not yet but later, I'll know later. I know I will.

Dark Eir can wake the dead and fair Skirnir's reclaimed lost souls before. Did Skuld lead them here, for me? She's glowing on her own, so strong and fierce, and she wouldn't need them but maybe she wanted company. I don't mind company either but I don't think I can get out of this spot on my own.

"Ég geta ekki fá út af this gat á minn eiga. Ég er of þreyttur." I give them a helpless look as I softly say, "Þóknast hjálparvalmynd."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

...................

I don't care how it happened. Verdi's eyes are open, she's breathing and her eyes are open. She looks over at Lannie and asks where she was, but I don't think Lannie is listening, for she is still standing between me and Verdi, blade at the ready.

Verdi sits up, looking around at the three of us.

"Ég geta ekki fá út af this gat á minn eiga. Ég er of þreyttur. Þóknast hjálparvalmynd."

Lannie is still growling, but I stand up and circle around her, touching her lightly on the shoulder. "She's still too weak to be a threat." I whisper in her ear before hopping down in the hole with Verdi and offering her my hands.

"Gefa minn þinn snertið ekki , Sólskin. ÉG vilja hjálpa þú. Hvernig ert þú fe---"

I stop in mid sentance. "Ummmm..." Look over to Glass. "I was not speaking English just now, was I? Well, that's different." Shake my head and decide to worry about it later.
"Come on, lets get you up."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Sits up and speaks and there's a low sick throbbing in the small of my back and'm angry enough I'm after being ill. Lucien's going down into the barren grave, some babble, some noise--

"I was not speaking English just now, was I?" and shake my head, not in negation but in indifference. Gone.

"Call me if there's aught it seems you need," dry and cold, stepping away and up the stairs and not turning my back on any of this. "I'm for home. Excuse me." Like hell I'm staying here any longer'n I need to get my coat. Worry over the rest of it later.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Ohshitohshitohshit

She looks like death warmed over, worse than when she was in the cold sleep, but it could be a trick. "Hvar varúlfur þú?" I don't answer her back, just stay ready for another fight if it goes to that. Where have I been? Don't play innocent, acting like you didn't lock me down here with you.

"She's still too weak to be a threat."

How the fuck does he know? He just said he didn't know how this stuff went with gods. And now he's jumping down here with us and offering her offering his hands?! I glance at Glass. Good. She's not happy about this and she's staying back. Ignoring the shaking weakness in my legs, I push his hands down and stand in front of him. "Leave them alone," I growl, still holding the knife in my hands.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Skirnir whispers to Skuld and my vision's shifting. This isn't home, not from my childhood. This is Excolo, and Skuld, Skirnir and Eir are all gone and this is my home now. Everyone but Skirnir, no, Lucien seems unhappy and I raise my hands to his, thankful for his help and kindness.

"Gefa minn þinn snertið ekki , Sólskin. ÉG vilja hjálpa þú. Hvernig ert þú fe---" I nod weakly and he turns to Glass. "Ummmm...I was not speaking English just now, was I? Well, that's different."

That's why I recognized her. Glass is married to Iago, and she's carrying his child. I wonder where he is and Glass' voice is cold, cutting through me unexpectedly as she says, "Call me if there's aught it seems you need. I'm for home. Excuse me."

I try not to recoil. What if I need my friend? Is she not my friend anymore? I turn my face away, hoping no one will notice as I swallow the lump in my throat. Lannie only makes it worse with her reaction and I wish I didn't feel so fragile. I'm disoriented on top of that and I decide immediately that I'd rather be left alone (not really) than have to go through this cool reception.

"I'm fine, really." I try to sound like I mean it and I shift back, looking for a handhold. "I just need a minute or two." For what? To wallow in my helplessness? To hope they'll all leave before they realize how weak and emotional I am and how much I need them but don't want to need them but still need them anyway.

I sigh sadly before quietly asking, "If you're not going to help me up, could you give me some space to do it myself?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Okay, I know this has been a weird day, but has the world gone mad? Glass looks pissed and is leaving, and Lannie's between me and Verdi again, threatening her with the knife again, growling at her to leave us alone.

Verdi looks out of it, and I recall how it was coming back from... it hurts and it's rather confusing. She tries to dismiss us, clearly hurt, but not understanding why. She doesn't remember attacking Lannie?

"If you're not going to help me up, could you give me some space to do it myself?" Okay, that's it.

Since Lannie is in front of me, it's no big feat to now get my arms around her waist and bodily move her back out of the hole and behind me. She fights me, of course, but I am determined. "Stop." I tell Lannie, gazing into her eyes and holding her arms. "I am a doctor, and I need to see to both of you, so please Lannie, let me do my job." I ask her earnestly, touching her face. "You can come home with me and stay there for as long as you like, as soon as I make sure Verdi's okay."

I turn an give Glass a quizzical look, not understanding why she's so pissed off and cold sounding, but she has already backed up the steps and left the basement.

"Verdandi , gefa hana þinn orð þú vilja ekki skaði einhver?" Shake my head again, confused by my suddenlt ability to speak her language. Hope it wears off soon. "I will help you up, Sunshine. Been dead once before myself." Give her and Lannie a half smile. "Sucks when you first get back." I confide, and squeeze Lannie's hand before offering it back to Verdi.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Glass is gone and I tilt my head wondering how gone. Verdi goes dramatic and Lucien falls for it, making me growl as he gets in my way. He's not that strong, how the hell...?

"Stop. I am a doctor, and I need to see to both of you, so please Lannie, let me do my job."

"She makes a wrong move and you won't need to," I say, showing teeth. What. She comes back from the dead and expects a party? I'm still not sure she was even dead! How do we know she's not just... And why won't he get out of my way?

"If you're not going to help me up, could you give me some space to do it myself?"

Shouldda left her buried. "Sucks when you first get back."

Shaking my head, I snort and shrug, "I wouldn't know, people are too busy trying to KILL ME!!" I growl, feeling the wolf pawing to get out. Not gonna let it though. Not for her.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lannie growls and she and Lucien go back and forth. I look at the stairs but Glass is already gone and when I look up again, Lucien seems to have won whatever talk they were having.

He speaks perfectly in my language and I smile at him, reaching for his offered hand. He calls me Sunshine, "Been dead once before myself. Sucks when you first get back.""I wouldn't know, people are too busy trying to KILL ME!!" I'm puzzled and I look her over, trying to figure out why. She's skinny, dirty and twitchy, and when Lucien's hand slides into mine, so do the memories of the last month.

There's so much to think about and I stumble as I stand up, half-tripping against him as I try to get my balance. "Sorry Lucien. I don't think I can walk on my own yet." He looks different, younger and shinier, and it reminds me of how he looked when I first met him. My legs are wobbling and I offer, "Trade you a bottle of whiskey, doctor, if you can get me upstairs safely."

I look at Lannie and gently say, "You should come too, and hang on to Garm if it makes you feel better." I want to ask what she meant earlier but the basement isn't the right place for this. "I have some questions and you probably do too."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"I wouldn't know, people are too busy trying to KILL ME!!"

"Sorry Lucien. I don't think I can walk on my own yet. Trade you a bottle of whiskey, doctor, if you can get me upstairs safely."

"I can, and I will, and make it vodka." I sigh, getting an arm around her waist, wishing there were two of me at the moment.

Verdi then turns to Lannie and asks her to follow us. "I have some questions and you probably do too."

I give them both a look, and swing Verdi up in my arms. "Well, I am the medical professional, and I have a shit load of questions. Lannie, can you walk up the stairs? If not, lemme run Verdi up, and I'll be back down to get you in a minute, I promise. Or I can get you upstairs and come back for her." I nod my head to the woman in my arms. "I just can't carry both of you at once."

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

She's weak, I can smell it. But she might be trying to trick me again. I don't like Lucien that close to her and my body tenses more.

I shake my head. "I can walk." Not interested in answering any questions right now. Unless they involve Sleep.

"I'll follow you guys up," I say, eyes fixing on the knife in my hand. Its warm and the blade is short again.

I don't need the thing so I drop it on the ground. Like I wanna keep it anyway. Instead of running, I pause at the stairs, gesturing for them to go ahead. Glass had a great idea. Get the fuck out.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lucien takes my offer, wanting vodka instead and picks me up, saying, "Well, I am the medical professional, and I have a shit load of questions." It's inevitable so I nod in agreement before he starts talking to Lannie.

Lannie shakes her head, eyes watchful as she says, "I can walk. I'll follow you guys up."

Lucien heads up the stairs and I'm watching behind us for Lannie. I don't hear her footsteps and when we reach my door, I turn the knob, unlocking and opening it easily. As soon as we're inside, I sigh and say, "I don't think she's coming."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"I can walk." I see the look in her eyes, and nod to her as well. She knows where the office is, I am sure I will see her later.

I head upstairs with the goddess in my arms, and she directs me to her apartment and lets us in.

"I don't think she's coming." I shake my head. "I don't think so Sunshine, Lannie's badly rattled, and is not aware that several days has past." I explain, setting her down gently on the couch, and sitting next to her.

"So... want to tell me what the fuck happened?" I ask gently, smoothing some dirty hair from her face.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

"I don't think so Sunshine." I've always liked his nickname for me and I'd smile but I'm confused by what he says next. "Lannie's badly rattled, and is not aware that several days has past." Neither one of those make sense and I look at him, not sure what question to ask first. He's got a clearer head than me and I think I sigh happily when he touches me. He's gentle and warm too, keeping me steady when he asks, "So... want to tell me what the fuck happened?"

"I...I'm not sure yet." I look at Lucien, noticing again how young he looks. "You're absolutely lovely, Lucien. I mean, you've always been pretty but you aged some a while ago. That's gone," and my fingers graze the smooth texture of his cheek. The words echo in my mind, reminding me to ask, "What day is today? I remember Tuesday afternoon." My mind's wandering and I continue softly, "Tuesday is Tyr's day ...wars, laws and someone else's grace."

Focusing on Lucien's breath-taking face, I ask, "Has it been nine days?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Verdi still looks confused, and admits as much.

"You're absolutely lovely, Lucien. I mean, you've always been pretty but you aged some a while ago. That's gone," Her fingers dance across my face, and I give her a curious look. "What?" I look about the apartment, and catch my reflection in a mirror on the opposite wall. "Holy shit." I breathe out, touching my own face to make sure it's actually mine. "Verdandi , hvaða did þú gera til mig?" Shake my head again, making sure I am speaking English this time. "Verdi, what'd you do to me, and what's with the language I should not be able to speak thing?"

"What day is today? I remember Tuesday afternoon." She starts to ramble a bit, and I am still in somewhat disbelief about my sudden youthful looks, when her eyes lock on my face. "Has it been nine days?"

"It's Monday the eight, so... six days. You and Lannie were down there almost a week." Run a hand through my hair, and decide to dive in.

"Do you remember anything of Tuesday? Why you were down in the basement? Lannie said you were waiting for her, and goaded her into a fight. She says it wasn't the first time, either."

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lucien gets up and looks at himself in a mirror. "Holy shit. Verdandi , hvaða did þú gera til mig?" He's speaking my language like he was born to it and shakes his head. "Verdi, what'd you do to me, and what's with the language I should not be able to speak thing?"

I smile, saying, "I didn't do anything to you, Lucien. At least I think I didn't," and I shrug a little. "Maybe it's a side-effect of being so close to me when I came back. I don't know but your accent's perfect."

I ask him about the number of days past and he says, "...six days. You and Lannie were down there almost a week." Is that better or worse than nine days? I'm alive so I'll go with better.

Lucien has questions and I relax into the couch while he asks. I trace my path during the day, listing my errands. "Yes, I went to see a friend and we made plans for later, and I checked with the Post Office about a package I'm waiting on." He mentions the basement and I say, "I'm in there all the time. All the stills are down there, and the liquor and the ingredients; and all my best work too."

"Lannie said..." and I nod in agreement, even as he adds, "...says it wasn't the first time, either."

"That's true, to both questions, though she did much better this time." I smile and then remember Lannie's reaction downstairs before saying, "She looked as tired as I feel. Was it really six days?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Verdi assures me that she didn't do anything, or at least plan on it at any rate.

"Maybe it's a side-effect of being so close to me when I came back. I don't know but your accent's perfect."

I take a last look in the mirror, before crossing back. "Núll heilbrigður , á minnstur Tez vilja fá a hlátur út af this." I laugh a little, realizing I'll get some funny looks once I show up "young" again.

Lannie runs through her day again and explains that the stills are in the basement, and all that sounds regular enough...

but then she admits to attacking her, and my brow creases in puzzlement as she seems proud of the fact Lannie bested her.

"She looked as tired as I feel. Was it really six days?"

"Yes it was, but let's back up." I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. "Why were you attacking Lannie? She's been rattled enough about people trying to kill her since the whole Benedict thing... is there something I'm missing here? Did you need to die for some reason?" I sure hope there is, because none of this makes much sense to me.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lucien makes a comment about Tez laughing and my smile widens. "If you see him, tell him it was my fault." I pull a clump of dirt from my hair and add, "And tell him he stills owes me a pair of boots. I haven't forgotten about that."

We talk about Lannie and Lucien looks confused as he asks, "Why were you attacking Lannie? She's been rattled enough about people trying to kill her since the whole Benedict thing... is there something I'm missing here?"

"She asked me," and I nod before continuing, "Yes, that fight with Benedict really shook her. She should have able to handle him easily but didn't. We fixed that though, her and I."

"Did you need to die for some reason?" So many questions but somehow with Lucien, it never feels like an interrogation. He's a good doctor and I smile, saying, "A blood sacrifice was required but I didn't mind. I was happy to do it." I'm picking at my shirt and I think there's wine and mead in it. There's the taste of salt on my lips too and I say, "I think she pickled me. I wonder if that had anything to do with it?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

She talks about Tez and boots as she pulls dirt from her hair. I wish I knew where he was, I could really use a sounding board, or at least someone to talk to thatr won't look at me like I'm crazy. Werewolves, dead-the-alive goddess, satan spawn...

"She asked me, Yes, that fight with Benedict really shook her. She should have able to handle him easily but didn't. We fixed that though, her and I."

I can only rub my jaw and think of how to put this. "Let me talk to Lannie again. She's half starved, and looks exhausted. Maybe I did not understand her right?" I ask, cocking my head. I really need to get Lannie's side of the story for this one.

"A blood sacrifice was required but I didn't mind. I was happy to do it." Okay, now we are getting somewhere. "Sacrifice? Sacrifice for what? What needed to be accomplished by your death?" I ask, brushing some dirt from my shirt now.

"I think she pickled me. I wonder if that had anything to do with it?"
I can't help it, I lean over and sniff her, chuckling. "Well, you were in a grave, with a slit across your throat. I've heard some of your brews can be... restorative. Perhaps she was dousing you in hopes it might revive you?"

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

I reply to his question about Lannie and he thinks about it before saying, "Let me talk to Lannie again. She's half starved, and looks exhausted. Maybe I did not understand her right?"

I frown, "Maybe." I shrug before saying, "Tell her the boys will cover for her and she should take a few days off. She earned it, and more." Much more, and I smile, thinking about it.

I tell him why I did it and he asks, "Sacrifice for what? What needed to be accomplished by your death?" Another small frown and I ask, "Do you need that for your report? What if I don't want everyone to know?" I shouldn't be so suspicious, not of my doctor. I take off what's left of my torn shirt and reluctantly say, "There was a lot of darkness creeping into me and the balance was off. I had to fix that."

My t-shirt's still intact but no bra. Right. Gaueko. "Lannie and the others needed to be protected. They were trained to survive even if I wasn't around anymore. Benedict was a perfect example of why." I pull dirt loose from another tangle and continue, "Lannie wasn't supposed to kill me but when I felt the end coming, I decided to go anyway. She's a warrior but that wasn't her job, to end me. Given the choice, someone else would have done it."

I talk about being pickled and Lucien sniffs me before talking about how he found me. "That's strange. She tore my throat out but I guess that doesn't matter now." I smile, "I'm alive again but maybe she did stumble on something. Honestly, I think she did it," and I look at him thoughtfully. "Not sure how yet but hey, it's a theory."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Well no shit Lannie's earned a few days off, but I don't voice that. Verdi seems so sure and so calm. I am hoping it's a god thing and she hasn't gone a touch mad.

She seems reluctant to tell me the 'whys' of it all, and I don't want to push her, but I need to understand. I am about to ask again, and to assure her I won't and HEY! Hi there, Verdi.

"There was a lot of darkness creeping into me and the balance was off. I had to fix that." I keep my eyes trained on her face, I am a medical professional and she's explaining taht she wanted them to be tougher, to be protected and do not look down you stupid male ass!!!

"Lannie wasn't supposed to kill me but when I felt the end coming, I decided to go anyway. She's a warrior but that wasn't her job, to end me. Given the choice, someone else would have done it."

"Well, she killed you, and it was days ago, and I get the feeling she's really upset about it." I say quietly, resolutely not looking at her chest. "One last question; did she know she was being trained? Did you explain it to her before you started surprising her in the cellar?"

I arch an eyebrow as she continues. "You think she brought you back?" I think back to exactly what happened. "Lannie put the weapon back in your hand and started howling. Then... it seemed really loud, and it got really bright. And next thing I know... living, breathing sunshine. Figuratively and literally." I laugh a little and rake a hand through my hair.

"You probably could use something to eat and a shower. Want me to get you something food wise while you clean up?"

I am trying to be good, and finding a shirt would help a lot towards that end Sunshine...

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

[continued here (http://community.livejournal.com/estdeus_innobis/399161.html)]