This is it, this moment is all we’ve really got. Right now is what matters. There is no was.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Monday, March 8th
Day 281
Basement of The Tavern

Candles, I think she'd like them. Fire seemed like a good idea at the time. So I set them around the once filled hole. It seems like I just did it all, but the candles are burned down to the stubs stuck in the ground and I'm a wolf again. Laying down at the edge of her grave, I notice she's smiling. I didn't notice that when I closed her eyes, or uncovered her and wiped the dirt from her pale face.

There's a twisting emptiness in my stomach like I'm hungry but I just ate. Now isn't the time for eating anyway. We haven't been down here long. Aside from the dirt, she looks just like she did ten minutes ago when she was alive. The blood has dried but I can till taste it on my tongue. I shiver and my skin twitches as I lick my paws. The fur is gone from them now, it must've been from the fight. Whatever was in that last bottle I drank was sweet and cool and better than anything I've tried before.

My stomach twists again and I growl in response. Maybe that's what she's smiling at. The thought makes me lower my head to look down at here again. Verdi, my friend, crazy goddess of apples, wonderful drinks, and lover of a good fight. We haven't been here long, but she'll wake up, I couldn't kill her, she said so, and I'm gonna be here when she wakes up. There are some things I know I should do for her, but I'm afraid if I shift back I'll see her smile, and I'll laugh until I cry.

That's not what I want to do so I lift my muzzle into the air and sing her a song. Not one of sadness, I don't think she'd like that, one of running and playing in warm fields with apple trees. A song of a place I hope I'll see her in again. I hope she can hear it in the hall of her fathers, wherever that is.

[OPEN TO GLASS AND LUCIEN AND ... VERDANDI]
[CLOSED]

Comments

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Skuld. I can smell your wolfskin cloak from here and I'm much warmer now. Thank you, thank you and I've missed you so much. "Hvar varúlfur þú?" It's a whisper and I wish I had mead to wet my throat.

Skuld's crying and I want to comfort her but she's moving away. The ice slips from my hands and I slowly blink, trying to shake off my grogginess. There's a growl and then two, and maybe Skuld's gone to defend us. It's not time yet, or maybe it's past time? I just know it's not now and I try to sit up.

I try to focus and look around, and I think I do well because I recognize two of my old friends, along with my ...sister? She looks like my sister and I smile weakly at her before getting into a more comfortable seated position. I'm in a hole and while it's not deep, I'm still in a hole. There's dirt on me and it's encrusted on my clothes. There's blood too.

Looking at my friends again, Skirnir's behind Skuld and Eir's by the stairs. She's pregnant and I can see the babe inside her, see its lifetime stretched out and won't she be surprised in twenty years. It reminds of someone missing and I can't remember who, not yet but later, I'll know later. I know I will.

Dark Eir can wake the dead and fair Skirnir's reclaimed lost souls before. Did Skuld lead them here, for me? She's glowing on her own, so strong and fierce, and she wouldn't need them but maybe she wanted company. I don't mind company either but I don't think I can get out of this spot on my own.

"Ég geta ekki fá út af this gat á minn eiga. Ég er of þreyttur." I give them a helpless look as I softly say, "Þóknast hjálparvalmynd."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

...................

I don't care how it happened. Verdi's eyes are open, she's breathing and her eyes are open. She looks over at Lannie and asks where she was, but I don't think Lannie is listening, for she is still standing between me and Verdi, blade at the ready.

Verdi sits up, looking around at the three of us.

"Ég geta ekki fá út af this gat á minn eiga. Ég er of þreyttur. Þóknast hjálparvalmynd."

Lannie is still growling, but I stand up and circle around her, touching her lightly on the shoulder. "She's still too weak to be a threat." I whisper in her ear before hopping down in the hole with Verdi and offering her my hands.

"Gefa minn þinn snertið ekki , Sólskin. ÉG vilja hjálpa þú. Hvernig ert þú fe---"

I stop in mid sentance. "Ummmm..." Look over to Glass. "I was not speaking English just now, was I? Well, that's different." Shake my head and decide to worry about it later.
"Come on, lets get you up."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Sits up and speaks and there's a low sick throbbing in the small of my back and'm angry enough I'm after being ill. Lucien's going down into the barren grave, some babble, some noise--

"I was not speaking English just now, was I?" and shake my head, not in negation but in indifference. Gone.

"Call me if there's aught it seems you need," dry and cold, stepping away and up the stairs and not turning my back on any of this. "I'm for home. Excuse me." Like hell I'm staying here any longer'n I need to get my coat. Worry over the rest of it later.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Ohshitohshitohshit

She looks like death warmed over, worse than when she was in the cold sleep, but it could be a trick. "Hvar varúlfur þú?" I don't answer her back, just stay ready for another fight if it goes to that. Where have I been? Don't play innocent, acting like you didn't lock me down here with you.

"She's still too weak to be a threat."

How the fuck does he know? He just said he didn't know how this stuff went with gods. And now he's jumping down here with us and offering her offering his hands?! I glance at Glass. Good. She's not happy about this and she's staying back. Ignoring the shaking weakness in my legs, I push his hands down and stand in front of him. "Leave them alone," I growl, still holding the knife in my hands.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Skirnir whispers to Skuld and my vision's shifting. This isn't home, not from my childhood. This is Excolo, and Skuld, Skirnir and Eir are all gone and this is my home now. Everyone but Skirnir, no, Lucien seems unhappy and I raise my hands to his, thankful for his help and kindness.

"Gefa minn þinn snertið ekki , Sólskin. ÉG vilja hjálpa þú. Hvernig ert þú fe---" I nod weakly and he turns to Glass. "Ummmm...I was not speaking English just now, was I? Well, that's different."

That's why I recognized her. Glass is married to Iago, and she's carrying his child. I wonder where he is and Glass' voice is cold, cutting through me unexpectedly as she says, "Call me if there's aught it seems you need. I'm for home. Excuse me."

I try not to recoil. What if I need my friend? Is she not my friend anymore? I turn my face away, hoping no one will notice as I swallow the lump in my throat. Lannie only makes it worse with her reaction and I wish I didn't feel so fragile. I'm disoriented on top of that and I decide immediately that I'd rather be left alone (not really) than have to go through this cool reception.

"I'm fine, really." I try to sound like I mean it and I shift back, looking for a handhold. "I just need a minute or two." For what? To wallow in my helplessness? To hope they'll all leave before they realize how weak and emotional I am and how much I need them but don't want to need them but still need them anyway.

I sigh sadly before quietly asking, "If you're not going to help me up, could you give me some space to do it myself?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Okay, I know this has been a weird day, but has the world gone mad? Glass looks pissed and is leaving, and Lannie's between me and Verdi again, threatening her with the knife again, growling at her to leave us alone.

Verdi looks out of it, and I recall how it was coming back from... it hurts and it's rather confusing. She tries to dismiss us, clearly hurt, but not understanding why. She doesn't remember attacking Lannie?

"If you're not going to help me up, could you give me some space to do it myself?" Okay, that's it.

Since Lannie is in front of me, it's no big feat to now get my arms around her waist and bodily move her back out of the hole and behind me. She fights me, of course, but I am determined. "Stop." I tell Lannie, gazing into her eyes and holding her arms. "I am a doctor, and I need to see to both of you, so please Lannie, let me do my job." I ask her earnestly, touching her face. "You can come home with me and stay there for as long as you like, as soon as I make sure Verdi's okay."

I turn an give Glass a quizzical look, not understanding why she's so pissed off and cold sounding, but she has already backed up the steps and left the basement.

"Verdandi , gefa hana þinn orð þú vilja ekki skaði einhver?" Shake my head again, confused by my suddenlt ability to speak her language. Hope it wears off soon. "I will help you up, Sunshine. Been dead once before myself." Give her and Lannie a half smile. "Sucks when you first get back." I confide, and squeeze Lannie's hand before offering it back to Verdi.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Glass is gone and I tilt my head wondering how gone. Verdi goes dramatic and Lucien falls for it, making me growl as he gets in my way. He's not that strong, how the hell...?

"Stop. I am a doctor, and I need to see to both of you, so please Lannie, let me do my job."

"She makes a wrong move and you won't need to," I say, showing teeth. What. She comes back from the dead and expects a party? I'm still not sure she was even dead! How do we know she's not just... And why won't he get out of my way?

"If you're not going to help me up, could you give me some space to do it myself?"

Shouldda left her buried. "Sucks when you first get back."

Shaking my head, I snort and shrug, "I wouldn't know, people are too busy trying to KILL ME!!" I growl, feeling the wolf pawing to get out. Not gonna let it though. Not for her.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lannie growls and she and Lucien go back and forth. I look at the stairs but Glass is already gone and when I look up again, Lucien seems to have won whatever talk they were having.

He speaks perfectly in my language and I smile at him, reaching for his offered hand. He calls me Sunshine, "Been dead once before myself. Sucks when you first get back.""I wouldn't know, people are too busy trying to KILL ME!!" I'm puzzled and I look her over, trying to figure out why. She's skinny, dirty and twitchy, and when Lucien's hand slides into mine, so do the memories of the last month.

There's so much to think about and I stumble as I stand up, half-tripping against him as I try to get my balance. "Sorry Lucien. I don't think I can walk on my own yet." He looks different, younger and shinier, and it reminds me of how he looked when I first met him. My legs are wobbling and I offer, "Trade you a bottle of whiskey, doctor, if you can get me upstairs safely."

I look at Lannie and gently say, "You should come too, and hang on to Garm if it makes you feel better." I want to ask what she meant earlier but the basement isn't the right place for this. "I have some questions and you probably do too."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"I wouldn't know, people are too busy trying to KILL ME!!"

"Sorry Lucien. I don't think I can walk on my own yet. Trade you a bottle of whiskey, doctor, if you can get me upstairs safely."

"I can, and I will, and make it vodka." I sigh, getting an arm around her waist, wishing there were two of me at the moment.

Verdi then turns to Lannie and asks her to follow us. "I have some questions and you probably do too."

I give them both a look, and swing Verdi up in my arms. "Well, I am the medical professional, and I have a shit load of questions. Lannie, can you walk up the stairs? If not, lemme run Verdi up, and I'll be back down to get you in a minute, I promise. Or I can get you upstairs and come back for her." I nod my head to the woman in my arms. "I just can't carry both of you at once."

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

She's weak, I can smell it. But she might be trying to trick me again. I don't like Lucien that close to her and my body tenses more.

I shake my head. "I can walk." Not interested in answering any questions right now. Unless they involve Sleep.

"I'll follow you guys up," I say, eyes fixing on the knife in my hand. Its warm and the blade is short again.

I don't need the thing so I drop it on the ground. Like I wanna keep it anyway. Instead of running, I pause at the stairs, gesturing for them to go ahead. Glass had a great idea. Get the fuck out.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lucien takes my offer, wanting vodka instead and picks me up, saying, "Well, I am the medical professional, and I have a shit load of questions." It's inevitable so I nod in agreement before he starts talking to Lannie.

Lannie shakes her head, eyes watchful as she says, "I can walk. I'll follow you guys up."

Lucien heads up the stairs and I'm watching behind us for Lannie. I don't hear her footsteps and when we reach my door, I turn the knob, unlocking and opening it easily. As soon as we're inside, I sigh and say, "I don't think she's coming."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"I can walk." I see the look in her eyes, and nod to her as well. She knows where the office is, I am sure I will see her later.

I head upstairs with the goddess in my arms, and she directs me to her apartment and lets us in.

"I don't think she's coming." I shake my head. "I don't think so Sunshine, Lannie's badly rattled, and is not aware that several days has past." I explain, setting her down gently on the couch, and sitting next to her.

"So... want to tell me what the fuck happened?" I ask gently, smoothing some dirty hair from her face.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

"I don't think so Sunshine." I've always liked his nickname for me and I'd smile but I'm confused by what he says next. "Lannie's badly rattled, and is not aware that several days has past." Neither one of those make sense and I look at him, not sure what question to ask first. He's got a clearer head than me and I think I sigh happily when he touches me. He's gentle and warm too, keeping me steady when he asks, "So... want to tell me what the fuck happened?"

"I...I'm not sure yet." I look at Lucien, noticing again how young he looks. "You're absolutely lovely, Lucien. I mean, you've always been pretty but you aged some a while ago. That's gone," and my fingers graze the smooth texture of his cheek. The words echo in my mind, reminding me to ask, "What day is today? I remember Tuesday afternoon." My mind's wandering and I continue softly, "Tuesday is Tyr's day ...wars, laws and someone else's grace."

Focusing on Lucien's breath-taking face, I ask, "Has it been nine days?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Verdi still looks confused, and admits as much.

"You're absolutely lovely, Lucien. I mean, you've always been pretty but you aged some a while ago. That's gone," Her fingers dance across my face, and I give her a curious look. "What?" I look about the apartment, and catch my reflection in a mirror on the opposite wall. "Holy shit." I breathe out, touching my own face to make sure it's actually mine. "Verdandi , hvaða did þú gera til mig?" Shake my head again, making sure I am speaking English this time. "Verdi, what'd you do to me, and what's with the language I should not be able to speak thing?"

"What day is today? I remember Tuesday afternoon." She starts to ramble a bit, and I am still in somewhat disbelief about my sudden youthful looks, when her eyes lock on my face. "Has it been nine days?"

"It's Monday the eight, so... six days. You and Lannie were down there almost a week." Run a hand through my hair, and decide to dive in.

"Do you remember anything of Tuesday? Why you were down in the basement? Lannie said you were waiting for her, and goaded her into a fight. She says it wasn't the first time, either."

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lucien gets up and looks at himself in a mirror. "Holy shit. Verdandi , hvaða did þú gera til mig?" He's speaking my language like he was born to it and shakes his head. "Verdi, what'd you do to me, and what's with the language I should not be able to speak thing?"

I smile, saying, "I didn't do anything to you, Lucien. At least I think I didn't," and I shrug a little. "Maybe it's a side-effect of being so close to me when I came back. I don't know but your accent's perfect."

I ask him about the number of days past and he says, "...six days. You and Lannie were down there almost a week." Is that better or worse than nine days? I'm alive so I'll go with better.

Lucien has questions and I relax into the couch while he asks. I trace my path during the day, listing my errands. "Yes, I went to see a friend and we made plans for later, and I checked with the Post Office about a package I'm waiting on." He mentions the basement and I say, "I'm in there all the time. All the stills are down there, and the liquor and the ingredients; and all my best work too."

"Lannie said..." and I nod in agreement, even as he adds, "...says it wasn't the first time, either."

"That's true, to both questions, though she did much better this time." I smile and then remember Lannie's reaction downstairs before saying, "She looked as tired as I feel. Was it really six days?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Verdi assures me that she didn't do anything, or at least plan on it at any rate.

"Maybe it's a side-effect of being so close to me when I came back. I don't know but your accent's perfect."

I take a last look in the mirror, before crossing back. "Núll heilbrigður , á minnstur Tez vilja fá a hlátur út af this." I laugh a little, realizing I'll get some funny looks once I show up "young" again.

Lannie runs through her day again and explains that the stills are in the basement, and all that sounds regular enough...

but then she admits to attacking her, and my brow creases in puzzlement as she seems proud of the fact Lannie bested her.

"She looked as tired as I feel. Was it really six days?"

"Yes it was, but let's back up." I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. "Why were you attacking Lannie? She's been rattled enough about people trying to kill her since the whole Benedict thing... is there something I'm missing here? Did you need to die for some reason?" I sure hope there is, because none of this makes much sense to me.

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

Lucien makes a comment about Tez laughing and my smile widens. "If you see him, tell him it was my fault." I pull a clump of dirt from my hair and add, "And tell him he stills owes me a pair of boots. I haven't forgotten about that."

We talk about Lannie and Lucien looks confused as he asks, "Why were you attacking Lannie? She's been rattled enough about people trying to kill her since the whole Benedict thing... is there something I'm missing here?"

"She asked me," and I nod before continuing, "Yes, that fight with Benedict really shook her. She should have able to handle him easily but didn't. We fixed that though, her and I."

"Did you need to die for some reason?" So many questions but somehow with Lucien, it never feels like an interrogation. He's a good doctor and I smile, saying, "A blood sacrifice was required but I didn't mind. I was happy to do it." I'm picking at my shirt and I think there's wine and mead in it. There's the taste of salt on my lips too and I say, "I think she pickled me. I wonder if that had anything to do with it?"

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

She talks about Tez and boots as she pulls dirt from her hair. I wish I knew where he was, I could really use a sounding board, or at least someone to talk to thatr won't look at me like I'm crazy. Werewolves, dead-the-alive goddess, satan spawn...

"She asked me, Yes, that fight with Benedict really shook her. She should have able to handle him easily but didn't. We fixed that though, her and I."

I can only rub my jaw and think of how to put this. "Let me talk to Lannie again. She's half starved, and looks exhausted. Maybe I did not understand her right?" I ask, cocking my head. I really need to get Lannie's side of the story for this one.

"A blood sacrifice was required but I didn't mind. I was happy to do it." Okay, now we are getting somewhere. "Sacrifice? Sacrifice for what? What needed to be accomplished by your death?" I ask, brushing some dirt from my shirt now.

"I think she pickled me. I wonder if that had anything to do with it?"
I can't help it, I lean over and sniff her, chuckling. "Well, you were in a grave, with a slit across your throat. I've heard some of your brews can be... restorative. Perhaps she was dousing you in hopes it might revive you?"

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

I reply to his question about Lannie and he thinks about it before saying, "Let me talk to Lannie again. She's half starved, and looks exhausted. Maybe I did not understand her right?"

I frown, "Maybe." I shrug before saying, "Tell her the boys will cover for her and she should take a few days off. She earned it, and more." Much more, and I smile, thinking about it.

I tell him why I did it and he asks, "Sacrifice for what? What needed to be accomplished by your death?" Another small frown and I ask, "Do you need that for your report? What if I don't want everyone to know?" I shouldn't be so suspicious, not of my doctor. I take off what's left of my torn shirt and reluctantly say, "There was a lot of darkness creeping into me and the balance was off. I had to fix that."

My t-shirt's still intact but no bra. Right. Gaueko. "Lannie and the others needed to be protected. They were trained to survive even if I wasn't around anymore. Benedict was a perfect example of why." I pull dirt loose from another tangle and continue, "Lannie wasn't supposed to kill me but when I felt the end coming, I decided to go anyway. She's a warrior but that wasn't her job, to end me. Given the choice, someone else would have done it."

I talk about being pickled and Lucien sniffs me before talking about how he found me. "That's strange. She tore my throat out but I guess that doesn't matter now." I smile, "I'm alive again but maybe she did stumble on something. Honestly, I think she did it," and I look at him thoughtfully. "Not sure how yet but hey, it's a theory."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Well no shit Lannie's earned a few days off, but I don't voice that. Verdi seems so sure and so calm. I am hoping it's a god thing and she hasn't gone a touch mad.

She seems reluctant to tell me the 'whys' of it all, and I don't want to push her, but I need to understand. I am about to ask again, and to assure her I won't and HEY! Hi there, Verdi.

"There was a lot of darkness creeping into me and the balance was off. I had to fix that." I keep my eyes trained on her face, I am a medical professional and she's explaining taht she wanted them to be tougher, to be protected and do not look down you stupid male ass!!!

"Lannie wasn't supposed to kill me but when I felt the end coming, I decided to go anyway. She's a warrior but that wasn't her job, to end me. Given the choice, someone else would have done it."

"Well, she killed you, and it was days ago, and I get the feeling she's really upset about it." I say quietly, resolutely not looking at her chest. "One last question; did she know she was being trained? Did you explain it to her before you started surprising her in the cellar?"

I arch an eyebrow as she continues. "You think she brought you back?" I think back to exactly what happened. "Lannie put the weapon back in your hand and started howling. Then... it seemed really loud, and it got really bright. And next thing I know... living, breathing sunshine. Figuratively and literally." I laugh a little and rake a hand through my hair.

"You probably could use something to eat and a shower. Want me to get you something food wise while you clean up?"

I am trying to be good, and finding a shirt would help a lot towards that end Sunshine...

[norn-verdandi.livejournal.com]

[continued here (http://community.livejournal.com/estdeus_innobis/399161.html)]