This is it, this moment is all we’ve really got. Right now is what matters. There is no was.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Monday, March 8th
Day 281
Basement of The Tavern

Candles, I think she'd like them. Fire seemed like a good idea at the time. So I set them around the once filled hole. It seems like I just did it all, but the candles are burned down to the stubs stuck in the ground and I'm a wolf again. Laying down at the edge of her grave, I notice she's smiling. I didn't notice that when I closed her eyes, or uncovered her and wiped the dirt from her pale face.

There's a twisting emptiness in my stomach like I'm hungry but I just ate. Now isn't the time for eating anyway. We haven't been down here long. Aside from the dirt, she looks just like she did ten minutes ago when she was alive. The blood has dried but I can till taste it on my tongue. I shiver and my skin twitches as I lick my paws. The fur is gone from them now, it must've been from the fight. Whatever was in that last bottle I drank was sweet and cool and better than anything I've tried before.

My stomach twists again and I growl in response. Maybe that's what she's smiling at. The thought makes me lower my head to look down at here again. Verdi, my friend, crazy goddess of apples, wonderful drinks, and lover of a good fight. We haven't been here long, but she'll wake up, I couldn't kill her, she said so, and I'm gonna be here when she wakes up. There are some things I know I should do for her, but I'm afraid if I shift back I'll see her smile, and I'll laugh until I cry.

That's not what I want to do so I lift my muzzle into the air and sing her a song. Not one of sadness, I don't think she'd like that, one of running and playing in warm fields with apple trees. A song of a place I hope I'll see her in again. I hope she can hear it in the hall of her fathers, wherever that is.

[OPEN TO GLASS AND LUCIEN AND ... VERDANDI]
[CLOSED]

Comments

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"The door was locked, I couldn't get out. But look at her! I didn't... I couldn't...." Lannie's trembling and the tears have started, and I pull her close with one arm while I stroke her hair with my free hand.

"If you used her knife, you maybe could, know that when she took after Tez with it and he tried gutting himself, she was worried it might actually matter. Could see it being a thing that'd kill a god."

I look at Glass, thinking I should get that story from her, but that's for another day. Right now...

"Gods can die Lannie. Trust me, I know; watched one die right before my eyes." I sigh, taking a moment to rake hair from my face. "Can you tell us what happened?" I ask gently, hoping shock does not set it.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

Lucien's arm tightens, making me want to get free. What if he's just tricking me to keep me here until the sheriff comes? There's no threat coming from either of them, I'll worry about it later if I have to.

Glass mentions the knife, reminding me that its laying next to the grave where I left it. My eyes widen when I look at it, "Did it shrink?" It seems the right size, but smaller than it was when I pulled it out of her.

"Gods can die Lannie. Trust me, I know; watched one die right before my eyes. Can you tell us what happened?"

I look at him in disbelief. How can the present die? Or wind, night, earth, or whatever it is they're made of. No wonder he's not freaking out. Taking a deep breath, I begin, " I came down here to get a couple of kegs. She was in here, wanted a fight and got one," I say hearing the edge of a growl to my tone. "She said I couldn't kill her. I didn't want to at first."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"Did it shrink?"

"Don't know," I say, considering Verdi. Need to mind her, but not sure how much I should do towards taking her away from here yet. There's some measure of sound intent behind what was done, can tell that. "How big was it?"

Look up curious a moment when Lucien's making mention of a god dying, then recall what that was about. "Can you tell us what happened?"

"I came down here to get a couple of kegs. She was in here, wanted a fight and got one," Lannie says. "She said I couldn't kill her. I didn't want to at first."

Sniff a little, and thinking Verdi must have caught a surprise, way it's been described. Probably not an over-long one. "More of what you mentioned afore, then?" I say. Consider Verdi, still lying there, and get to my feet and cross to the grave again, restless. Recall something vague of indentured folk being burnt along with the dead, and bloody well hope she'd not expected that.

"Guessing that happened close after you went down the stairs--what day was that?" I interrupt myself. "And chalk it up to strangeness of the Tavern that I didn't tell before now. Well, then. As she's dead," since Lannie seems a touch more together now, "can at least see to her. And if she takes after doing what some of them do and comes back, 'll worry about the trouble that does to the dead when she does it."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Lannie seems surprised at the size of the knife, and I start to worry about shock again, but Glass seems to take it in stride.

"I came down here to get a couple of kegs. She was in here, wanted a fight and got one," Lannie says. "She said I couldn't kill her. I didn't want to at first."

"More of what you mentioned afore, then?" I look up in surprise. "What? It's happened before?" I ask, looking from Glass to Lannie. "Was Verdi in the habit of attacking people for fun?" I suppose I should not be surprised... but... Sunshine. I can't imagine a mean bone in her body.

Glass is all business now, asking after the day again as she circles the body.

"Well, then. As she's dead, can at least see to her. And if she takes after doing what some of them do and comes back, 'll worry about the trouble that does to the dead when she does it."

I am not sure Lannie needs to know the all the details of Glass' calling right now, so I try to change the subject. "Lannie, c'mon. Why don't we go upstairs, get you a hot shower and something to eat? It'll help, I promise."

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"How big was it?"

Shrugging slowly, I answer, trying to remember how big it was. "It was a little bigger than a knife but when I pulled it out of her, it was more like a ....sword?" Picking it up, it even feels lighter now. I feel sick when it occurs to me that it probably feels lighter because its not jammed into her chest. I heard her heartbeat stop.

"What? It's happened before?" Lucien seems surprised, I was too. "Not like this," I gesture to the grave, Glass is now near. I shake my head again, resisting Lucien's suggestion about going upstairs. "Tuesday," I say vaguely, "Its Tuesday or Wednesday." What day did they say they thought it was again? "What are you going to do with her?" I ask, tensing up a little. Something about her being so close to Verdi and talking about seeing to her and the dead makes me bristle some. "She's not dead if she comes back, right?" I look from one to the other. Hopefully one of them will know.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"What? It's happened before?"

"Not like this," and I shrug, thinking of Pelan and Lewis McKay. And Iago. Oh, love, how are you going to take this?

"She--" How to put it? "Every time I could get details out of her or someone who talked to her, she had a reason," I say. "Not saying they were all good ones."

"Tuesday. Its Tuesday or Wednesday," Lannie says a little dazedly. "What are you going to do with her? She's not dead if she comes back, right?"

"It's Monday," I say bluntly. "And Lucien's idea of a hot shower and some food is probably a good one." I sigh, both hands in the small of my back, and try and stretch. Rather hoping I can get a hand moving her upstairs, but not after asking Lannie.

"I'm going to at least clean her, and take her sins, and see if there's anything she'd need in the way of her body being minded. And while I'm not saying she's not coming back, that is her corpse, and can't very well just leave her lying around."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

"Not like this,"

"She-- Every time I could get details out of her or someone who talked to her, she had a reason, Not saying they were all good ones."

The more they talk, the more worried I get. "Did she hurt you? Others?" I shake my head, trying to make sense of it. "How long has this been going on?" First Benedict attacking her, now this.

Lannie insists it's last week, before getting defensive about Verdi again. Glass... oh hell, tactful as usual informs her flatly its Monday, and urgers her upstairs again.

"I'm going to at least clean her, and take her sins, and see if there's anything she'd need in the way of her body being minded. And while I'm not saying she's not coming back, that is her corpse, and can't very well just leave her lying around."

Yep, as subtle as a sledgehammer to the back of the head.

"Lannie, I don't know how gods work it but..." I leave off of her to cross to Verdi and crouch down next to the body. I check her pulse, listen to her chest, all for show. She's gone, we all know it, but sometimes the rituals help. I could marvel at the lack of decomposition, but now is not the time. "It is Monday, at least five days after you came down here. Verdi may come back... but it's not going to be to this body."

I stand up and hold my hand out to her. "Please. Come upstairs. You don't have to stay here, you can come stay with me, if you'd like." I offer, small smile.

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"She-- Every time I could get details out of her or someone who talked to her, she had a reason, Not saying they were all good ones."

I cock my head at her wondering what she's trying to say. Then Lucien chimes in, concerned. "Did she hurt you? Others? How long has this been going on?"

"Not long," I say quickly, wondering which one is gonna tell me its been longer than I think it has. Then my head snaps back to Glass. Its a good idea for who? Her or me? I know I'm not going anywhere. And what's she gonna do...TAKE from her? "She liked dirt", I say, picking up the sword --it immediately feels like an extension of my arm -- and moving towards the hole, on guard now. Nobody's taking anything. "Verdi's sins, or whatever you called them, are hers and she should keep them," I growl, looking at Lucien. His hand is stretched out to me and his smile is warm. Like hers was. I killed her. My stomach churns and twists and I almost throw up at the taste of her blood on my tongue.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"She liked dirt," Lannie says, picking up the blade. Keep an eye on that. "Verdi's sins, or whatever you called them, are hers and she should keep them."

"She did," I say mild. "Also she liked apples, sunshine, mead, and company. And there's maybe something t'be said for keeping in mind how she thought the dead ought be treated, in all the time she lived." Think of Iago again, and my mouth draws down. "Not t'mention giving those who minded her a chance t'say farewells while she's not in the dirt surrounded by dead candles." Cross my arms and consider her. I'm out of reach of the blade as it stands, but didn't she mention it growing...?

"As to her sins, it's no kindness to insist she rest uneasy. She knew what I was and never asked me to keep off her. And neither her nor those she minded ever set particular store by keeping their scars."

[docconstantine.livejournal.com]

Well, this is going swimmingly. Lannie is growling about dirt and Verdi keeping her sins as she stands guard over the body. Naked save my coat settled about her shoulders. And looking a little green now.

Glass stands her ground, laying out her duties to the dead. To the woman standing guard with a blade that can grow, apparently.

To the naked woman.

To the naked woman that was just a wolf a few moments ago.

To the naked werewolf that I happened to have had...

right. If I don't break this up, something terrible will happen. Most likely that I will start laughing like a loon, for if this isn't a Wagnerian opera, I don't know what is.

"Okay, that's it." I announce, smiling a tad too broadly, standing up. "This is getting us nowhere. Lannie, she can't stay here. You are not staying here. You are coming with me to get some clothes and some food, and then we can all discuss this, together." I say pointedly to both women, then knowing full well I will have to move quick before she realizes it to fight me too much, I go to pick up Lannie and throw her over my shoulder. Shouldn't be too hard, she hasn't eaten in days....

[melania-lowell.livejournal.com]

"Also she liked apples, sunshine, mead, and company. And there's maybe something t'be said for keeping in mind how she thought the dead ought be treated, in all the time she lived."

She mentions giving other people a chance to say goodbye. I hadn't thought of that. "That's why I'm not leaving and I poured her brews in there with her," I say through clenched teeth. I was hoping one of them was that healing stuff she had. It wasn't. Most of her wounds healed but she never woke up. I don't understand. "And she can be buried by her apple tree, next to the well," I try to snarl but, annoyed that tears are flooding my eyes again it comes out like a wet snort. Yeah. That'll keep'em away.

She looks like she's resting fine to me. What if she needs those to get where she's going or to come back? And what if she comes back and attacks one of them? I'm not going anywhere and I still don't like the idea of anyone taking anything from Verdi, even if its Glass. My lips pull back at the thought.

"Okay, that's it." Lucien says, and tries to calm things down. He comes my way, and ducking out of his arms, I drop down into the hole next to Verdi. I took something too, and I don't want it. I'm not hungry, and I wish I was in wolf form as slow fat tears on to her face when I slide her knife back in her hands. "I dug this hole before I remembered her room," I say quietly, gesturing toward the door that looks like a wall unless its open. I left it opened so I wouldn't forget its there again. "There's a place for her there. I dug that hole too." Took longer to dig the holes than to kill her. And I'm still crying but I don't know which part bothers me most.

Still not believing she's dead, I ouch her hand lightly though every muscle in my body feels like its going snap. The cold is enough to send a shock up my arm that makes me want to ATTACK, and when it reaches my ears, the howling of the wolves is deafening. Its only when I sink down to the ground that I realize that I'm howling with them.