EXCOLO

Saturday January 16th, [Day 230]
Before the lightning

My slippers shuffle on the floor as I walk into the bedroom carrying a tray with a glass of milk and a plate of sandwiches for the grinning man in bed. I'm not sure how many tries it took me, but I finally got it right this time. I think. I'm not sure if the bread is supposed to turn black like that, but he said he likes it that way. He is really very sweet.

I knew he was sweet the morning I woke up and called him Adam and asked where my garden was. He told me his name is Jamie, but I could call him whatever I liked. I think he might love me because he said I was his and he would have to kill any man trying to steal me away. Those words should scare me, but somehow I found them to be very sweet. I didn't have time to think about it more because the food I was making suddenly burst into flames, which seems to happen a lot when I think about what he said. I don't think food is supposed to do that and when I mentioned it he just laughed and said it was alright and I'd learn in time. I don't think it was my fault but I just nodded and tried to eat the awful tasting food.

It was odd that I remembered that other name but not my own or anything else, like how I got here. Jamie has been calling me by names that I do not recognize, maybe that's a game we play? Setting the tray across his lap, I perch on the side of the bed, drawing my dressing gown closed as stare into the fire I lit in the fireplace. I'm good at starting fires and though the cold doesn't really bother me, I know he'll be asking me to take off the gown and feed him soon, like he has for the past few days. It just feels like the fire is trying to tell me something and I can't take my eyes off the dancing flames. Thunder rumbles off in the distance and the sound makes the blood run faster through my veins. I guess I must like storms.

(Closed)

Sunday, November 15th.
Day 168
Night

After leaving the two to sort out their little fight, I returned to my garden. Sick and heavy from the poison growing within my form. I knew what it was, what he had done. But never like that, something had gone wrong. As the only female of my kind, I was gifted with the ability to bring new life, but never at the price of my own. He is no better than the first or the rest, using me to serve his own needs. I expelled that poison into my garden and watched as among a thick patch of tiger lilies, a small human-like creature appeared, an infant. My own human form came back as I lay on the grass, next to the lilies and newborn.

Just one. Not one-hundred but one, just a small single one, made of flesh, blood and bone. I knew what he did when I felt it stir and move inside me, but how is it possible that this little creature is his and mine? We have been many things, him and I, but among them, human was never one. Oh My Marbas, what have you done?. Then a small pathetic meww issues from her mouth and when I draw her to my breast, she purrs, like him. Tiny hands knead at my breast as needle sharp teeth bite down, mixing blood with milk and flame, and even in my anger, I smile, she's mine.

I know Iblis didn't end my Marbas, we would have felt it, her and I. I have see neither him nor Iblis since that night, nor do I wish to. Long ago, I turned my back on all that I loved rather than become a slave, and once again, I am done. But I find that even now I wait, wait for them to come like they used to, come and take her away, to join with the rest of the little lights that once, when I was young, held me enthralled. Not one-hundred this time,not even two, just this tiny, single, one.

We have not moved from our bed of grass and lilies, her curled content in my arms as I stare down at her, wondering at her human body and what went wrong. Of course she's perfect, skin as soft as petals, hair red, and eyes as blue as flame, but the human body is not a guise or a shell, she has no other form, yet she is not harmed by my flame. She seems to like it as a matter of fact. Perhaps its because it is warm or from which she was born. Regardless, none of mine have ever turned out like this,small, weak or frail. Maybe that is why they have not come to take her away like the rest, their light is part of her too. Nobody else will bother us here,Here she is safe, the garden is hidden and will protect her as it does me, she is a part of it now. I feel her drifting off and feeling her fatigue as if it were my own, I too drift off to sleep with her still purring and suckling, wrapped tightly in my arms.

[OPEN TO MARBAS]          [CLOSED]

Monday, October 19th
Day 141
Night

It has not been that long since I have last walked the streets of the town, I don’t think, but Ooh just look at the changes that have taken place. The death of a god never ceases to bring a smile to my face; my Djinn did a wonderful job with that one, and with the pretty witch too, pity it had to end so soon. Her gifts were magnificent and her death was also a gift that few ever receive, an end of their own choosing, and she chose well. I could say I am disappointed in her use of her gifts, but that would be a lie. I did have such high hopes when we loosed her on the town, but then that’s one of the more interesting things with free will, you never know what they will choose to do.

I have returned to the carnival this evening to see what interesting things the night might bring, if any. So far the only thing of remote interest is the increased whispers of my name on the wind. I find it both intriguing and amusing that here, my name is accompanied with suspicion as well as greed. ”Who is she really? Is she dangerous? Who cares? Thank god she’s back, we’ll make more money again.” That last one is my personal favorite. Even before I begin to dance, I send out a silent call to those who are hungry for what we offer here and smile as I see them begin to filter in. Some even stare around in wonder, trying to figure out why they felt as if they needed to be here tonight. Then my dance begins and the confusion fades, they know why they’re here and happy they came.

Born in lust, turn to dust - Born in sin, c'mon in.

OPEN TO IBLIS  CLOSED