"The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing"

[tommi-esterly.livejournal.com]

Tuesday, February 23rd
The Dormouse, mid afternoon

I sip my tea and listen to the conversations swirling about me.

"Did you go this morning?"
"No!  Did you?"

"Do you think he did it?"

"I heard his neck did not snap, and that he jerked around on the--"
"I do NOT wish to hear about that!  If you want to talk about that, you may kindly get out of my shoppe."

I arch an eyebrow at Wanda, but say nothing.  Granted, it is her shoppe and a hanging of a murderer is hardly light conversation, but her mood has become increasingly surly as she progresses.  Poor dear looks like she is uncomfortable and has not slept well in a week, and her normally sweet disposition has all but disappeared.  

As Mrs. Higgins and Mrs. Clark get up in a huff and leave, I pat Wanda's hand in a comforting manner as she drags herself over to refill my cup.   "Not much longer till the baby's here, right?  Another month?  Just gotta hold on a bit longer."  I try to say kindly, still wildly curious to know who the father really is.  She has assured us that the baby is indeed Mr. Whitman's, but he's only been in town since later summer, and I DO know how to do math, thank you very much.  "I hired a new girl, she starts Thursday.  She'll be here two days, and taking over for a bit when I get closer and for a few weeks after."  Wanda sighs, giving me a smile before heading back to the kitchen.

Due in a month?   Like HELL that baby's her husbands.   Wonder if it'll have blonde hair instead of red or black...

(Open)

Comments

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

And I am sure I was envied by half the women in town to have caught one of the most handsome men in town."

"Only half?" I tease. "Perhaps I am losing my looks as I age." I grin at her unrepentantly. I've never pretended to be modest.

Wanda talks about Kent, and I nod. She is very convincing... Maybe too convincing. It feels like she is trying to seem bright and happy, but I wonder...

"Yes, do tell him I asked after him. The next time he comes in, the first drink is on the house."

"And what of you? Have I heard through the grapevine you and Hermia have taken in a young girl?"

"Has it really been so long since we had a proper chat?" I say, raising my eyebrows. "Yes, a few weeks ago a girl called Alice - we think she's about thirteen, but it's hard to tell and she doesn't seem to know - was found wandering barefoot in town, obviously traumatised. From what we can gather, her family's dead. Something bad happened, but she's been too hurt by it to be able to tell us what... And she is a little touched in the head, poor thing. She's a sweet girl, truly sweet, and we're glad to take care of her." I smile a little. "I would never have thought a year and a bit ago when I first came to Excolo that I would end up as a husband-to-be and guardian. But then, I suppose you didn't expect to be married and pregnant, either." I raise my cup. "Let's drink to happy accidents, shall we?"

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Valmont tells me to send Kent in and the first drink will be on him. "I am sure he'd appreciate it. If I can keep it in my sleep deprived brain, I will pass it along." I say cheerfully enough, giving myself the 'out' in not mentioning it to him at all. I suppose it's better for everyone else in Excolo if he's not around, I just wish I did not miss him so.

I am glad the conversation shifts again, and I listen with interest as my dear friend speaks of the newest member of his household. "Oh the poor little dear." I sigh, placing a hand on the swell of my stomach as my imp does something acrobatic. "How sad for her, but how fortunate that she made her way to you. Oh, if there is anything I can do, or that you and Hermia need for her, please do not hesitate to ask." I say sincerely, reaching across the table to cover his hand with mine.

"I would never have thought a year and a bit ago when I first came to Excolo that I would end up as a husband-to-be and guardian. But then, I suppose you didn't expect to be married and pregnant, either. Let's drink to happy accidents, shall we?"

"Yes, what a difference a year can make." I say raising my cup to his and trying to smile. "I never imagined..."

One of those awful, painful, hormone-driven mood swings chooses right now to slam into me full tilt, and my GOD it is so hard to keep up this facade day to day to day when I am this tired and uncomfortable and and and....

I burst into tears, and as soon as I do, I am desperately trying to wipe them away with a napkin and struggling to smile.

"Oh my dear, you must pardon me!" I say, hating myself for the momentary weakness. "These silly hormones get me to weep at everything, even happy moments." I laugh, hoping he buys it.

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

"How sad for her, but how fortunate that she made her way to you. Oh, if there is anything I can do, or that you and Hermia need for her, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Thank you, darling," I say, squeezing her hand back. Then Tommi is leaving, and I wave and smile, and turn back to Wanda. "I imagine you have your hands full. But she's struck up a bit of a friendship with Fiona. Perhaps I should bring them both into tea one day. It's been a while since I've done that. Alice might be too old for fairy wings, but no girl is too old for cakes." I smile.

"I never imagined..." Wanda continues, then I can see her smile slipping, like wax melting, and in the blink of an eye she is in tears. Almost as quickly she's wiping her face with a napkin.

"These silly hormones get me to weep at everything, even happy moments."

I move round the table so I'm sat next to her.

"Here," I say, offering her my silk handkerchief. "You don't have to apologise, my dear. It's nothing to be ashamed of. But Wanda," I say quietly, glad the shop is now quite deserted, "those didn't seem like very happy tears to me."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

I smile at the idea of Fiona running about here in her faerie wings... but if she couldn't stand to be around Lucien, I doubt she will be any more comfortable around me. Another small thing in my life that I enjoyed that it seems I will lose. "Perhaps in late April, once my life is settled and I am back on my feet." I offer, trying to focus on baby faerie wings, instead of Fiona hidding behind Valmont and looking at me with wide, frightened eyes.

Despite my effort to will the sudden tears away, Valmont is at my side and handing me his handkerchief. "Thanks," I sniffle, suddenly giggling slightly. "I still have the one you gave me last month, remind me to give that one back to you before you go."

"But Wanda, those didn't seem like very happy tears to me."

Dammit. "You are right, of course. They are 'tired' tears." I admit. "And 'lonely' tears, for Kent is always working it seems. And they are 'everything bloody hurts' tears." None of that is a lie, strictly speaking. "I am just ready for this phase to be over and for her to get here, is all. I am finding it hard to be happy about much when all it feels like I am about to burst and I want to do is sleep."

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

"I still have the one you gave me last month, remind me to give that one back to you before you go."

I smile.

"Luckily I have a near endless supply. Handy for damsels in distress," I say, and wink.

"You are right, of course. They are 'tired' tears. And 'lonely' tears, for Kent is always working it seems. And they are 'everything bloody hurts' tears. I am just ready for this phase to be over and for her to get here, is all. I am finding it hard to be happy about much when all it feels like I am about to burst and I want to do is sleep."

I put my arm around Wanda.

"I'm sorry, my dear," I say. "I wish I could help. I hear you employed a girl to help you out, that's a good idea. As for lonely... Come and have dinner with me and Hermia some day soon," I say. "I like to cook. Or if it seems too far to walk, we can come to you. I'm sure I can find my way round your kitchen." I squeeze her shoulder. "I haven't seen you with Miao lately," I say. "Did... you have a falling out?" I know Miao didn't come to the wedding, and I've been wondering about it for a while now.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"As for lonely... Come and have dinner with me and Hermia some day soon, I like to cook. Or if it seems too far to walk, we can come to you. I'm sure I can find my way round your kitchen."

I sniffle a little and dab at my eyes. "I... I have a midwife appointment on Monday. I have to waddle out that way to see them, I am sure I can make my way to the Whitechapel on the way back." I think aloud, listening to my daughter's heartbeat to help calm my frazzled nerves.

"I haven't seen you with Miao lately, Did... you have a falling out?"

I look at him for a moment, my expression blank, then start to cry all over again. "You could say that." I laugh/sob at the same time. "Have you ever seen Miao pissed off? I have, and let me tell you..." I am laughing even as the tears flow. "Threw a cup of tea right in my face!" I think my laugh has gone a touch hysterical now, so I suck down a few deep breaths to try and get back to some form of rational.

"And before you ask, it was not over Lucien. It's... it's a long story." I say with a small shrug.

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

"Miao threw tea at you?" I think if she said Miao had grown wings and flown I would be less surprised. I stare at her for a moment, and then I go over to the door and flip over the CLOSED sign, then come and sit back down.

"You don't look fit to do any more business, and I'll buy another pot of tea if it makes you feel less guilty for closing early," I say. "I like long stories. Tell me about it."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Oh good lord, I shocked him. Then again, Lucien had just about the same look when I finally told him. "I really upset her..." I laugh a little, but Valmont is up and flipping the sign. Oh, no... I know where this is going.

"I like long stories. Tell me about it."

I am shaking my head in the negative. "Valmont, please. It's... it's nothing---" and I have to stop because it's really not nothing, and I do hate lying to him. "She wasn't wrong to be upset, and I know, I know I..." I look at him alomst helplessly. "I just don't think I can handle anyone else hating me." I tell him a small, tired voice.

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

"She wasn't wrong to be upset, and I know, I know I... I just don't think I can handle anyone else hating me."

I've never heard Wanda so defeated, and it shakes me. She's always been so strong. I reach for her hand and squeeze it.

"I very much doubt I'll hate you," I say. "Even if you have done something very bad." My voice is quite serious. "I'm not a good man, Wanda, though I try to be a decent one, and I don't judge people by higher standards than those I hold myself to. And I am not sure those are so very high, though Hermia has improved me a little," I add with a small smile. "I won't necessarily approve, but unless you hurt Hermia, or Alice, or Fiona, I would not hate you."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

I listen to all the things Valmont is telling me. It's all well, but there's try to be a good man and then... then there's me.

"You say that now but... if what I've done is enought to get Miao to swear and dash tea in my face, and drive all but Jaime and Lucien away, pardon me if I have my reservations." My mouth twitches up, just slightly at the corner, but it falls again and I start at the floor, his hand a uncomfortable weight on mine.

"Okay, I'll ask you the same thing I asked Jaime." I sigh and take a deep breath. "What would you do if you found out the person you were in love with were the worst person in the world?"

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

"You say that now but... if what I've done is enought to get Miao to swear and dash tea in my face, and drive all but Jaime and Lucien away, pardon me if I have my reservations."

"Well, Jamie's a sweeter natured chap than me by far," I say cheerfully. "So I doubt he can stand something I cannot. Excepting bee stings."

"What would you do if you found out the person you were in love with were the worst person in the world?"

I feel my eyebrows go up.

"That," I say, "is a rather alarming question. "If I found out after falling in love with them, that would suggest they'd kept themselves hidden, and so maybe I wouldn't have been in love with the real them at all..." I tilt my head. "Just tell me, dear, what this is about."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"If I found out after falling in love with them, that would suggest they'd kept themselves hidden, and so maybe I wouldn't have been in love with the real them at all..."

A ghost of a smile flickers over my face. "Oh, he's so good at hiding. He can be in the middle of a crowd, and you would never know that he was..." I breathe, passing a hand over my head, for it is starting to ache. "But in that facade, there was truth. There is, I have to believe that." Oh hell, I am babbling. I sigh and drop my head into my hands. 'M sorry Valmont, I'm just..." Just what? Tired? Selfish? Insane? A little of each, I suppose.

"Just tell me, dear, what this is about."

"I want to, I do. I want to be a good friend, so I should tell you, try to keep you safe..." Laugh a little as a few tears slip out. "but I want what I want too, and I'm not going to change, and that's why Miao is so upset with me, for I should know better and..."

Groan a little and wipe at the tears with the handkerchief. "Okay, fine, remember that you insisted." I take a deep breath and keep my gaze fixed on a point somewhere on the back wall. "This wonderful guy I met? The one who seemed a perfect match for me in every aspect? He's the one in the water tower. And I wed him anyway, knowing what I know."

There. He'll either hate me or think I am mad, I am sure.

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

The way Wanda is talking is making me nervous, but I keep nodding calmly until she comes to the point. Is she going to say that Kent is a murderer? I've known a lot of those, although if he's lifted a hand to Wanda -

"This wonderful guy I met? The one who seemed a perfect match for me in every aspect? He's the one in the water tower. And I wed him anyway, knowing what I know."

...

I put my tea cup down quite gently on its saucer. There are a great many things I could say, but for the moment I can't think of any of them.

"Why on earth," is what comes out at last, "would the Devil want to get married?" And then I look at Wanda again, Wanda who has been bigger each time I've seen her lately. "Oh," I say quite thinly. "Oh, my dear."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

It's almost unbearable, this wait for his reaction. The cup makes it way back to the saucer, not to my face, so there are small miracles still left.

"Why on earth, would the Devil want to get married?" I have to clamp my hand over my mouth hard, for it is within me to burst into laughter. Or screaming, not sure which. Then he's looking at me, as if seeing me for the first time.

"Oh, my dear."

"Here I thought it was my sparkling personality, turns out I merely have good child bearing hips." I try to joke,even laughing a little...

but it dissolves into tears.

[valmont-vicomte.livejournal.com]

"Here I thought it was my sparkling personality, turns out I merely have good child bearing hips."

Wanda is crying again, and I -

My mouth feels strangely numb. But when you see the abomination of desolation standing where it ought not to be, then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains. I look at the curve of Wanda's belly, and there is a sour taste on my tongue.

But Wanda is crying, and after a moment I reach out and take her hand. Her fingers are cold.

"What are you going to do?"

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Continued here:

http://community.livejournal.com/estdeus_innobis/388025.html