EXCOLO

Milk run's finally over for the day, thank God. Too many new people in town, too many new orders, too much shit to keep straight. And to top it all off, something's got everyone's underwear in a bunch today. Something about a hanging, or something. Real rural justice, not to mention spectacle. I didn't even know about it until this morning, when a lot of my "regulars" (if you can call them regulars after less than a week) weren't home to pick up their milk and I had to leave it on the stoop, and then others, later on the run, started talking about it. Damned if I know the guy they were talking about. This town's gone to shit since I've been gone, if you ask me.

On my way back, I notice a tea shop that wasn't there when I left. "Dormouse," it says over the door, probably a reference to something I don't get. It's all pastels inside, greens and pinks and girly colours. Normally I'm not a tea drinker, but hell, today I can use something to steady my nerves. All this talk of hanging's got me twitchy.

I tether Lucky to a hitching post outside and walk in, and it looks like there's a decent crowd. Well, at least there are a few tables taken. I look over behind the counter, trying to figure out who's in charge and where I should sit. There's one really pregnant woman who looks kinda frazzled, and...

"Mrs. Esterly?" Now *there's* someone I haven't seen in a dog's age. Looks just like she did when I left, too. I walk up to the counter, grateful just to see a familiar face amid all the strangers. And then I have no idea what to say. I mean, we knew each other, but it's not like we were close. And what the hell do you say to someone you haven't seen in four years? Hi, ma'am, I ran away from home but now I'm back. By the way, you hear my Pa died? You still in the spinnin' business? As if.

I put out my hand and try to avoid being awkward. "Haven't seen you in a long time."

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The door opens again, and a young woman walks in, looking just about as tired as Wanda. But funny thing, for not having seen her in here before, she looks so damn---

"Mrs. Esterly?" Well, she recognizes me. It takes a moment of hard scambling in this full brain of mine, but by the time she comes over and extends her hand, I make the connection.

"Elanna Bailey is that you? Goodness dear I haven't seen you in years." I say warmly, reaching out to give her hand a squeeze. "Sit, sit, relax. You look as if you could use to rest a spell." I offer, waving to a chair, hoping she'll sit and dish about why she was gone for a while. Nellie and I have a bet going on it. I push my plate of pumpkin scones over as Wanda comes over to find out which tea she'll have. "What brings you back to Excolo, dear?" You know, besides your fathers death, but I don't want to say that out loud.

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Well, at least it's a warm welcome. That's nice. Makes me hope that there's a chance I can actually settle back in again. I drape my jacket over the back of the chair -- it looks kinda out of place, brown down jacket on the dainty pink chair, but it's not like I'm going to wear it the whole time I'm in here -- and take the offered seat. "Thanks," I say, settling in.

I take one of the scones from the plate. They smell damn good, like pumpkins or something. Where the hell anyone gets pumpkins in February, who knows? Maybe they do canning or make preserves or something. However they do it, I'm happy they do. My home cooking isn't all that great and my stomach's been growling for something decent for days. Take a bite -- just as good as it smells. "Mmm." I try to say thanks with my mouth full, stop, swallow and try again. "This is really good, thanks." I look over to the counter, at the pregnant woman. "These are really, really good."

Sitting, eating, it gives me a chance to process what she's asking. I mean, she didn't actually say she knows that Pa's dead, but the rumour mill's fast around here, and enough people have seen me driving Old Bailey's wagon -- and probably saw Old Bailey when he got sick -- that they've probably put two and two together by now.

I shrug. "I was homesick, I guess. Felt like coming back and seeing people again." Which isn't quite a lie, but it's a damned sight from the truth. "What about you? You still doing the spinning stuff?"

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She scarfs down a scone, and looks over to Wanda in appreciation. Wanda just smiles and nods as she brings over a cup of tea, mint from the smell of it, for my guest. "Wanda here is quite the baker. Edmund white has been trying to get her recipies ever since she moved in." Wanda just laughs a little and shuffles off.

"I was homesick, I guess. Felt like coming back and seeing people again." Well now, if that isn't a half truth, I don't know what is. I can smell bullshit a mile away. Still, she does have her father in... Oh. Well. "Yes, I can't image there would be much to bring a young person back to Excolo. I am sorry to hear of your father's passing, dear." I offer quietly, realizing she must have come back to say her goodbyes. Still, Bailey's gone now... wonder what's keeping her here. "How are you finding Excolo since you've left?" I ask, curious. Excolo has grown quite a bit over the last few years.

"What about you? You still doing the spinning stuff?" Now that gets a grin from over the rim of my cup. "My dear, I can usually be found here, or out in the shed 'getting my hands dirty', as my Jack put's it." I say, remembering I have to go home and check on the plates I am firing. "Either the pottery or our wool. Do you need either one?"

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I take the tea, glad to have something to do with my hands. Smells minty. Mrs. Esterly offers some condolences for Pa, and I nod. I'm still never really sure what to say when it comes up. I mean, what DO you say? They're sorry, you're sorry, everybody's sorry... but that's not really the makin's of a useful conversation, and it ain't gonna bring him back.

I latch on instead to her questions. "Excolo... well, it's bigger. More people." I pause, thinking it over. "Lots more people. I don't remember it growing so fast when I was a kid, but I guess you never do." Or maybe it just has been growing faster since I left. The prodigal daughter high-tails it out of town, and all of a sudden everyone comes pouring in.

No. I cut off that thought before it really forms. This is not all about you, Elanna. Focus on your conversation.

"About the other stuff..." In truth, the house is a mess. Yeah, the kitchen table was nice and clear except for Pa's orders, but the rest of the house looked like a hurricane ran through it. Or at least it did last week. I'm makin' headway, but after so much time living in rented rooms and spare couches, the idea of having a whole house, with a kitchen and living room and all the other rooms Pa's Pa decided to put in... it all seems a bit much. At least the kitchen is getting presentable. Maybe soon I'll be able to have all the busybodies over who no doubt are gonna want to make sure I'm doin' okay now that Old Bailey's kicked the bucket. I think over the offer of pottery and wool. "I dunno. I'll have to clean up the house a bit more. Don't really know what's still around and what needs replacin'. I'll let you know soon as I find out."

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Poor lamb looks like she's oput of place in her own town. Well, not her's at the moment, is it. It's more Wanda's, and mine and Nellie's, and anyone who's settled in to make a life. Elanna ran off, probably with some young man, and now she's trying to fit her piece of the puzzle back in, except now we're on a new puzzle.

"Town's grown up a bit more, true. Most cases, it's for the good. Would you believe The Tavern is now a respectable place, with a resturant bar, and stage?" I ask, arching an eyebrow. It was such the dive when she left. "And the new owner of The Whitechapel... well the bar's still rough, but I've seen the inn part, it's really rather lovely. Excepting for a few rough characters now and then..." and I grimace a little, thinking of the bad business of this morning. "... everone that's come in has had something to offer. If you like, I can give you a tour of Excolo, the new and updated version." I add with a laugh.

"I dunno. I'll have to clean up the house a bit more. Don't really know what's still around and what needs replacin'. I'll let you know soon as I find out."

I nod over my tea. "I am sure you'll get it straightened out soon. I can't imagine it's been easy. I can't imagine it's been easy, both coming home to take care of your father in the end, and then finding yourself the own of a business, and at such a young age too." I mention nonchalantly, fishing for more information.

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And speakin' of busybodies, here they come now.

No, that's cruel. For all I know, she just wants to be helpful. And find out why I skipped town in the first place, and why I came back. Gossip like that's always been a hot commodity, unless that changed while I've been gone too.

"Maybe I'll take you up on that," I say to the offer of a tour. I mean, I know where everything is, pass it every day delivering milk, but it might not be a bad idea to find out where the new no-go areas are, if the town's got any now. Didn't used to, not really, but you never know what's happened. I mean, if the Tavern's respectable and the Whitechapel's got a decent inn, somewhere else might have fallen down into no-man's-land. Nothin' sacred anymore.

"I can't imagine it's been easy, both coming home to take care of your father in the end, and then finding yourself the own of a business, and at such a young age too."

I shrug and take a sip of the mint tea, tryin' to figure out how to play this one. I mean, sooner or later everyone's gonna know about Pa, and that I've taken over the milk run. Might just be easier to let it go through the grapevine than have everyone ask me every time I see 'em. "It's takin' some getting used to. I mean, I used to do the milk run when I was a kid, but bein' the one in charge, having to deal with the contracts and the payments... well, I'm just glad no one's gotta pay 'till next week. Not sure I'm quite ready for that challenge yet."

And the less said about the stack of debts I found sitting neatly in the kitchen drawer next to the scrap paper, the better. Those are gonna require a whole other level of gettin' used to.

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"Tell you what, you tell me what morning works for you, and I'll tag along on the milk run and fill you in on whats what and whose who." I offer happily, more than willing to fill her in on Excolo's going's on. "Wanda here has been here a little over four years. You may have just left as she was settling in and opening up. Recently married to a labourer and due in a month." I add in a lower tone lest she hears me. Sometimes I think she has supernatural hearing though, for almost nothing gets said in here without her hearing it.

Elanna considers her words before she talks about herself. Oh, I do love the 'what to say, what to say?' game. She finally admits it's all a bit much for her, and I rach over and touch her hand it sympathy. "It's all a bit much, isn't it? Maybe once you're settled, you can take on help? I know your Pa's business must have doubled since you left. I know ours has picked up considerably. But that's teh up side of the town growing, isn't it? Always someone looking for work." I say, trying to give her something positive to look forward to.

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I'm thinking over what morning might be good for Mrs. Esterly to tag along on a milk run -- the carriage has seating for two, and it might be nice to have some company, when she talks about taking on help and I nearly choke on my tea. Me, an employer? Ordering people around? Making someone else get up at the crack of too-damned-early-o'clock to milk the cows and collect eggs and... No way I'm making anyone else go through that sort of hell.

I wipe my mouth with one of the linen napkins. "Sorry," I mutter. "Caught me off-guard there. Yeah... help. One day. Or something." I try to laugh it off and guide the conversation to something that's not me. "You got anyone working for you? With your pottery or your spinnin'?"

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Oh my giddy aunt, Elanna nearly chokes when I mention taking on help. Yes dear, you own a business now.

"Caught me off-guard there. Yeah... help. One day. Or something."

"Something to think about. Lot's of younger folk coming in, and many happy for the work." I mention, shrugging my shoulders.

Still, she doesn't like talking about herself, does she? Turns it right back to me. I wave my hand a little. "The pottery is just a hobby now. I do it because I love it, and it makes for good gift giving at the holidays. Jack has a few farm hands of course to help with the raising and shearing, but I still do all the spinning myself. Not as much anymore, I am not a spring chicken anymore." I add with an arch of my eyebrow and a grin. "But there's still business in selling the wool, no matter what form it's in."

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We're back on more manageable ground now. Ground that doesn't have to do with me or the fact that I now own the farm, Pa's business, and an inch-high pile of debts. "Yeah?" Wool doesn't seem like a high-trade item, but what do I know? Everything wool I ever got, I bought in finished form. Sure, I know how to knit. At least in theory. But it's been a long, long time since I picked up needles. "There a new weaver in town or something? Or do you just sell to people who want to knit their own stuff?"

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"There a new weaver in town or something? Or do you just sell to people who want to knit their own stuff?"

"Our farm supplies wool and meat to Excolo, and to the neighboring towns. There is a decent trade in it." I tell her, trying not to sound too proud of the life my Jack and I have built. "We sell to the traders coming in and out of town, and at market on Saturdays. As for weavers..." I take a look around and see there are some knitted things now lining the shelves alongside the tea kettles and cups. "It looks as if either Wanda has taken up knitting..." Oh she heard that and what a look! "Or the new girl she hired knits." The slight grin from the red-headed mother to be confirms it is the second.

"Do you knit? I can send you a few balls to start with if you like."

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I shake my head. "Not for a long time, but thanks. I'd probably just mangle whatever balls you gave me."

I take a minute to look around the tea house, with the knitted cozies and other sundries. "They're pretty," I say.

I take another sip of tea, realizing that there's only so long I can talk about wool or knitting before I start scraping the bottom of the barrel, and hunt around for a new direction to take the conversation. I put my teacup down and lower my voice. "If you don't mind my askin', there was some sort of big to-do this mornin'. Can't say I really understand what it was all about. You know anything about it?" I float the topic out there, hoping that I'm not pissing in anyone's corn flakes by bringing it up. You never know -- the hanged guy may have had friends. And, well, executions are never really light conversation topics no matter how you broach them. But if Excolo's started with gallows justice, I might as well know what I'm getting myself into.

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Elanna turns down the offer of the yarn. Damn, no one to knit for, or at least no one she is admitting to.

She takes a sip of her tea and looks about before leaning in closer.

"If you don't mind my askin', there was some sort of big to-do this mornin'. Can't say I really understand what it was all about. You know anything about it?"

Oh, well... thats something to talk about. My eyes flick to Wanda, who seems to be nodding off behind the counter, or at least pre-occupied, so I lean in a bit as well.

"The man they hung? He murdered at least one girl, and tried to kill another. Thank God Deputy Linford came along, otherwise..." Shudder a bit and lean in even closer, dropping my voice to a bare whisper. "They say killed that poor girl so that he could... he could cook her and eat her." It's truly hard to keep the horror out of my voice. I was not there of course, and I did not sit on the jury...

Jack on the other hand did and told me all about it when he came home that day.

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I'm sure my eyes are going wide as Mrs. Esterly's talking, and I have to stop myself from gasping at the talk of cannibalism. Yeah, that'd definitely be something worth making a commotion about. I put a hand over my mouth. "Holy shit." What the hell town have I come back to?

I know I should stop talking about it. I know it's likely to run a whole bunch of raw nerves, especially the way Mrs. Esterly's lookin' at the woman behind the counter. But like someone who can't walk away from a train wreck, I can't stop myself from asking more about it. "That's... shit. When did it happen?"

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Elanna's eyes go as big as the saucers Wanda serves the tea cups on, and her explicitive just about sums it all up.

"That's... shit. When did it happen?"

Oh thank God Valmont just walked in. He'll distract Wanda enough so I may talk. At least I hope so anyway.

"Back in early January. Girl went missing during a snow storm, and they found her... remains a week later. The thing he, they might never have caught the guy if he hadn't tried to hurt another girl. She fought back long enough until help came along. You hear about the riot it town? That was about him. A mob wanted to string him up then and there. They didn't, of course. Went through due process, and he got what was coming to him this morning."

I take a long sip of my tea, remembering Jack's face as he told me everything. Never seen him look quite so grey in all my life.

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I'm quiet for a long time, drinking my tea to cover up the emotions I'm sure are playing out all over my face. Cannibalism? Here? Bastard got what he deserved, or maybe not even enough. I mean, I've been around. I've been away, far away, but cannibalism is the sort of thing you don't really hear about. Yeah, there are rumours that back right after everything went to hell in Pa's Grandpa's time, but now? Didn't we all put that sort of craziness behind us?

There was something in what Mrs. Esterly said that catches me. "Is the other girl doing okay?"

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I've obviously shaken her. She goes quiet for a long time, covering her discomfort over drinking tea.

"The other girl was hurt pretty badly, but they got her to Dr. Constantine in time." Oh shit, I look over to Wanda, for that can be another sore spot, but she is fussing over Valmont and smiling, so I think I am safe. "She's recovering nicely, but did not appear in court. Understandable, really. She had a statement prepared and that was read off. One lucky girl if you ask me."

I see she's still a little pale, so I push my lasy scone over to her. "Here dear, you look as if you could use it." I nudge over the cream as well.

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I make an effort to smile and take the offered scone. "Thanks, that's nice of you. Glad to hear about the other girl."

I take my time spreading the cream over the scone, letting my mind work everything out. This definitely was not the conversation I expected to have at a tea shop. Take a bite -- still as good as the first one.

I realize I have nothing at all to talk about. I don't want to talk about cannibalism or murder attempts, and I ain't got any real desire to talk about what's goin' on at home. So I try to steer the conversation away, again, to something else. "You said the Tavern's gone respectable? Damn. Where are all the kids going to go when they want to royally piss off their parents?" I say it with a grin.

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"You said the Tavern's gone respectable? Damn. Where are all the kids going to go when they want to royally piss off their parents?"

Again, I have to lean in a bit, but I am grinning. "The Whitechapel, as I said, is still a rough bar. See that handsome devil Wanda is fussing over? He's the new owner. Valmont Laclos." I look over, not heard, or if I was, they don't care.

"Otherwise, the kids now sneak off to the carnival across the river. They came in at the beginning if June and never left. Rather seedly lot, if you ask me." Oh, now that Wanda heard, and that look she shoots me is none too kind. "Don;t get me wrong," I hastily ammend. "There seem to be some right nice folk with it, some have even left the show and settled into the community. But it is an odd thing that they never left." I say, for it is the truth.

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I look over to the man Mrs. Esterly pointed out. Damn, he's hot. Too old for me. Way too old. But still. Hot. I make a mental note to visit the Whitechapel sometime.

I look back when talk turns to the carnival. "Can't say I've heard much about it. I mean, I seen it across the river, but I ain't never been closer than that. Maybe they just don't want to travel in the winter? Roads are pretty awful this time of year." I try to remember the last time I was at a carnival. At least a year, and nowhere near here. Might be fun to visit one again.

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Elanna gives Valmont a appreciative look. I sigh a little, and prop my head up on my hand. I do love Jack and would never dream about straying but... Valmont is not hard on the eyes at all.

Elanna mention she's seen the carnival, but then gets to the heart of the matter. "Maybe they just don't want to travel in the winter? Roads are pretty awful this time of year." I smile now, wide, for this is such a juicy little mystery.

"Now if they had come here in say, October? I'd buy that. But they got here in June. Have you ever heard of a carnival staying in one place for more than a week, two tops in the middle of Summer?" I arch a eyebrow, and let that sink in.

"No one in town knows why they stayed here, and if anyone in the carnival knows, thgey are not talking. The murderer..." Lean in again, and whisper. "He was with the show. Him coming in with them has made it real hard for the rest of them, from what I hear. If you have any plans to go over.ake sure you take a gentleman friend with you." I add for good measure. Don't want any more of our girls to go missing.

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I'm about to argue with that last point, point out that I'm a big girl who's just been travelling for four years completely by myself, and without a chaperone thankyouverymuch, but I hold myself back. One girl dead, another injured... yeah, she's got reason to warn me.

Still not quite sure what all the fuss is about though. "So... other than that guy, what's up with the carnival? Usual stuff? Elephants dancing on little rolling balls, trapeze, hall of mirrors? Or what?"

I've met carnies before, even travelled with one for a few weeks when we were going in the same direction. They're a little rough around the edges, sure, and I learned some curses that would probably get my Ma rolling in her grave if she heard me say them, they're not bad people, not most of them. So long as we're overlooking creepy-cannibal-guy, who should no longer be an issue, what with him being dead.

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"So... other than that guy, what's up with the carnival? Usual stuff? Elephants dancing on little rolling balls, trapeze, hall of mirrors? Or what?"

I tilt my head to the side to consider the question. "You mean the whole staying thing with no good reason?" I muse, thinking about my trips there is past summer.

"It's... darker? Most of the carnivals that come through try to have an image of allure and shadows, but you can tell real quick they're slap-dash and more about the scam than the show? Not this one. The magician they have, can actually pull stuff right out of your head, and although I haven't had a reading, they have actual conjoined twins who do tarot readings. They're supposed to be real good too. And that... oh what's the word they used..." I tap my lip with a finger. "Wunderkrammer, that's it. The side show with mermaids and two headed goats and all that other stuff the other shows sew up together and pass off as 'real'... yeah, what they got in there look pretty damn real to me."

Pick up my remaining scone and take a bite, as I think. "I am an old woman, and maybe prone to stretching the truth a bit to embellish a story..." And I wink at her with that. "... but I tell you, there's something off. Can't put my finger on it, though. It's a good show, and the candy apples are to die for, but, just be careful if'n you head out there. okay?"

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Weird-sounding carnival. Definitely worth checking out at some point when I've got Pa's affairs in order. With, as Mrs. Esterly would not doubt insist, a male escort. If I find one.

I finish the last of my tea and look out the window. Sun's starting to go down. Stupid winter. I wish to hell it'd just end and be summer again so I'm not waking up in the dark. "Thanks for the warning," I say.

"Look, you've been really helpful, and thanks for the scones and all that, but I really should be getting back home. Lucky's had a long day," and I'm sure she can tell from my voice that I have too. Definitely not used to this whole waking up on the wrong side of dawn thing. "I'll figure out a day and we can do that ride-around tour together, and you can show me the sights?"

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She's trying to be polite, but I can tell she's tired and longing to get home, which she confirms. I reach over and pat her hand gently. "I understand dear. You head on home and get some rest."

"I'll figure out a day and we can do that ride-around tour together, and you can show me the sights?" I stand with her and lay money for us on the table. "Just leave a note with the milk the day before you want me to tag along, and I'll meet you bright and early the next morning." I say cheerfully, nodding to Valmont and Wanda as we head to the door.

"If you find you need anything dear, don't hesitate to call on me, alright?" I remind her gently as the door closes behind us.

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My days are getting harder and harder to bear. Yes, I know all pregnant women since the dawn of time have had to deal with expanding bellies, muscle and joint pain, and lack of sleep...

but I doubt many of them had to deal with all of it in a third of the time. I am growing increasingly irritable, and even worse, because of the fatigue, I can't shut the noise out of my head well. I can, but it takes effort now that leaves me exhausted and with a headache. I try to keep focused now on her heartbeat, rather like a white noise to drown out all the random songs from the people around me.

Lucien came by a few nights ago, Friday, after the hearing. I fed him, and we talked a little, but he was generally withdrawn and quiet. Misery loves company, it seems. He spent the night, just so he did not have to be alone with his thoughts, and so I might try to get a few more hours. After all, I always slept better along side some one. Funny thing though, she knew it was not her sire lying beside me, and she was not pleased at all. I don't think I got more than an hour, for she was violently kicking me, and I swear I could feel her insisting on my getting Kent. I slipped out of bed, leaving Lucien to sleep like the dead, and I tried to explain to her quietly that her father is very busy and I just can't call him on a whim...
as much as we both would like to and would like to have him here. The kicking died down a little, but I still get the feeling she wants him, and soon.

I sigh, and push that from my memory, for I don't want the imp to latch onto that and start kicking me again in the hopes I will try and summon her father. I just want the day to end so I can get a hot shower and something to eat before I start my nightly tossing and turning session.

Edited Date: 2010-10-26 02:03 am (UTC)

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The business with Donner has left a sour taste in my mouth. They didn't treat the hanging as entertainment, unlike many places I have been before - it was done quietly at dawn. More than he deserved, no doubt. Thinking of Vale, that nice dim sweet girl makes me think of Kora, another nice sweet dim girl, and before I know it I am in rather a gloomy mood. So I decide to shake it off by dropping in at the Dormouse - it's been a long time, and there are few things tea can't cure.

I open the door and see Tommi with a young woman, and Wanda is bustling about. I blink a little, because she looks so, well, pregnant. Now I'm not sure that the baby is Lucien's, because I don't think they reunited soon enough for her to be that size... Well. It's her business.

"Good afternoon," I say cheerfully.

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Oh don't think I can't hear you Thomasina Esterly; over in your corner and chattering away like a jaybird, and after I explicitly told the others not to speak of it.

I don't have time to tell her off because the door opens again; it seems people want me to work. I turn on my heel with an affixed smile---

"Valmont!" I say, my smile now real even if it is tired, and I manage to cross over to him without waddling. "How are you darling? I stretch up and kiss him on the cheek." "Come in, sit down. Which one would you like today? How's Hermia?" I ask, guiding him to a chair.

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Wanda looks genuinely happy to see me, and kisses me on the cheek.

"How lovely to see you," I say, sitting down. "You're positively blooming," I add, although Wanda is actually looking quite worn out. But I'm not stupid enough to say that to a heavily pregnant woman. "Hermia's well, thank you, as am I. I'll have a pot of Earl Grey, and perhaps a scone," I say. "If you'd join me in sharing the pot, I'd be even more pleased. It's been a while since we caught up."

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I can't help the smirk as Valmont calls me blooming. Ballooning may be a closer description, but he has always been a gentleman.

I get the tea and scones, then ease myself into the chair across the table.

"Lets see, the last time I saw you... well, it wasn't exactly the place to have a conversation, and the time before that..." I say with a wry grin. "So tell me dear husband... when will you be throwing me aside for Hermia and breaking my heart forever?" I ask, feigning heartbreak poorly behind my twinkling eyes and twitching smile, but I give up and just start giggling. I really must repay Iago for that little joke.

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"Oh, lord," I say ruefully, rubbing my hand across my eyes. "Hermia was not impressed by Iago's little stunt," I say. "If he's a wise man he would stay out of her way for a little while. A crossed librarian is a formidable thing," I stay soberly, but I can't stop the corner of my mouth twitching up. "You made a lovely wife for a day, Mrs Whitman," I say, nodding gallantly. "And what did Kent make of it all? How is he, by the way? I haven't seen him recently. He used to come to the Whitechapel from time to time, but it's been a while."

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Valmont informs me that Hermia was ill pleased by Iago's joke, and he should be wary of her wrath, but his mouth is twitching up as well.

"You made a lovely wife for a day, Mrs Whitman," I laugh a little and blush, tucking a curl behind my ear. It seems Valmont and I have always flirted, and even though I am as big as a house, it still comes naturally. "And I am sure I was envied by half the women in town to have caught one of the most handsome men in town." I retort, smilimg brightly.

"And what did Kent make of it all? How is he, by the way? I haven't seen him recently. He used to come to the Whitechapel from time to time, but it's been a while."

How my smile does not slip, I have no clue. If I were a good friend... I would tell him who Kent really is. But Dorian said it himself, I am selfish. I never really thought that before, but it must be true. If it weren't... nevermind. I push brooding thoughts away.

"Kent had forgotten just about everything as well." Not a lie, per se. "All he could remember was his old apartment, so he was there." Okay, more of a lie, but the truth is so much stranger. "He's fine. Working hard, took a job over in Oakridge. Should be back by the end of the week. I guess he feels he should work harder to provide for me... us." Again, a half truth. I haven't seen him in weeks, but he has been providing. I have found steaks and fresh fruit in the ice box, and baby blankets and clothes for both of us have just been appearing. I am not sure if I am disgruntled by his absent attentiveness or disquieted by it. I really hope that Qareen-thing isn't skulking about the house without my knowledge.

"I will mention that you were asking after him though. I'll try to convince him to get out and have some fun before the baby gets here." Okay, that's an outright lie, but Valmont doesn't need to know that.

"And what of you? Have I heard through the grapevine you and Hermia have taken in a young girl?" I ask, trying to switch the subject. Having seen Valmont fawn over Fiona, it does not surprise me at all he would make a excellent father.

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And I am sure I was envied by half the women in town to have caught one of the most handsome men in town."

"Only half?" I tease. "Perhaps I am losing my looks as I age." I grin at her unrepentantly. I've never pretended to be modest.

Wanda talks about Kent, and I nod. She is very convincing... Maybe too convincing. It feels like she is trying to seem bright and happy, but I wonder...

"Yes, do tell him I asked after him. The next time he comes in, the first drink is on the house."

"And what of you? Have I heard through the grapevine you and Hermia have taken in a young girl?"

"Has it really been so long since we had a proper chat?" I say, raising my eyebrows. "Yes, a few weeks ago a girl called Alice - we think she's about thirteen, but it's hard to tell and she doesn't seem to know - was found wandering barefoot in town, obviously traumatised. From what we can gather, her family's dead. Something bad happened, but she's been too hurt by it to be able to tell us what... And she is a little touched in the head, poor thing. She's a sweet girl, truly sweet, and we're glad to take care of her." I smile a little. "I would never have thought a year and a bit ago when I first came to Excolo that I would end up as a husband-to-be and guardian. But then, I suppose you didn't expect to be married and pregnant, either." I raise my cup. "Let's drink to happy accidents, shall we?"

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Valmont tells me to send Kent in and the first drink will be on him. "I am sure he'd appreciate it. If I can keep it in my sleep deprived brain, I will pass it along." I say cheerfully enough, giving myself the 'out' in not mentioning it to him at all. I suppose it's better for everyone else in Excolo if he's not around, I just wish I did not miss him so.

I am glad the conversation shifts again, and I listen with interest as my dear friend speaks of the newest member of his household. "Oh the poor little dear." I sigh, placing a hand on the swell of my stomach as my imp does something acrobatic. "How sad for her, but how fortunate that she made her way to you. Oh, if there is anything I can do, or that you and Hermia need for her, please do not hesitate to ask." I say sincerely, reaching across the table to cover his hand with mine.

"I would never have thought a year and a bit ago when I first came to Excolo that I would end up as a husband-to-be and guardian. But then, I suppose you didn't expect to be married and pregnant, either. Let's drink to happy accidents, shall we?"

"Yes, what a difference a year can make." I say raising my cup to his and trying to smile. "I never imagined..."

One of those awful, painful, hormone-driven mood swings chooses right now to slam into me full tilt, and my GOD it is so hard to keep up this facade day to day to day when I am this tired and uncomfortable and and and....

I burst into tears, and as soon as I do, I am desperately trying to wipe them away with a napkin and struggling to smile.

"Oh my dear, you must pardon me!" I say, hating myself for the momentary weakness. "These silly hormones get me to weep at everything, even happy moments." I laugh, hoping he buys it.

Edited Date: 2010-10-27 01:58 am (UTC)

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"How sad for her, but how fortunate that she made her way to you. Oh, if there is anything I can do, or that you and Hermia need for her, please do not hesitate to ask."

"Thank you, darling," I say, squeezing her hand back. Then Tommi is leaving, and I wave and smile, and turn back to Wanda. "I imagine you have your hands full. But she's struck up a bit of a friendship with Fiona. Perhaps I should bring them both into tea one day. It's been a while since I've done that. Alice might be too old for fairy wings, but no girl is too old for cakes." I smile.

"I never imagined..." Wanda continues, then I can see her smile slipping, like wax melting, and in the blink of an eye she is in tears. Almost as quickly she's wiping her face with a napkin.

"These silly hormones get me to weep at everything, even happy moments."

I move round the table so I'm sat next to her.

"Here," I say, offering her my silk handkerchief. "You don't have to apologise, my dear. It's nothing to be ashamed of. But Wanda," I say quietly, glad the shop is now quite deserted, "those didn't seem like very happy tears to me."

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I smile at the idea of Fiona running about here in her faerie wings... but if she couldn't stand to be around Lucien, I doubt she will be any more comfortable around me. Another small thing in my life that I enjoyed that it seems I will lose. "Perhaps in late April, once my life is settled and I am back on my feet." I offer, trying to focus on baby faerie wings, instead of Fiona hidding behind Valmont and looking at me with wide, frightened eyes.

Despite my effort to will the sudden tears away, Valmont is at my side and handing me his handkerchief. "Thanks," I sniffle, suddenly giggling slightly. "I still have the one you gave me last month, remind me to give that one back to you before you go."

"But Wanda, those didn't seem like very happy tears to me."

Dammit. "You are right, of course. They are 'tired' tears." I admit. "And 'lonely' tears, for Kent is always working it seems. And they are 'everything bloody hurts' tears." None of that is a lie, strictly speaking. "I am just ready for this phase to be over and for her to get here, is all. I am finding it hard to be happy about much when all it feels like I am about to burst and I want to do is sleep."

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"I still have the one you gave me last month, remind me to give that one back to you before you go."

I smile.

"Luckily I have a near endless supply. Handy for damsels in distress," I say, and wink.

"You are right, of course. They are 'tired' tears. And 'lonely' tears, for Kent is always working it seems. And they are 'everything bloody hurts' tears. I am just ready for this phase to be over and for her to get here, is all. I am finding it hard to be happy about much when all it feels like I am about to burst and I want to do is sleep."

I put my arm around Wanda.

"I'm sorry, my dear," I say. "I wish I could help. I hear you employed a girl to help you out, that's a good idea. As for lonely... Come and have dinner with me and Hermia some day soon," I say. "I like to cook. Or if it seems too far to walk, we can come to you. I'm sure I can find my way round your kitchen." I squeeze her shoulder. "I haven't seen you with Miao lately," I say. "Did... you have a falling out?" I know Miao didn't come to the wedding, and I've been wondering about it for a while now.

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"As for lonely... Come and have dinner with me and Hermia some day soon, I like to cook. Or if it seems too far to walk, we can come to you. I'm sure I can find my way round your kitchen."

I sniffle a little and dab at my eyes. "I... I have a midwife appointment on Monday. I have to waddle out that way to see them, I am sure I can make my way to the Whitechapel on the way back." I think aloud, listening to my daughter's heartbeat to help calm my frazzled nerves.

"I haven't seen you with Miao lately, Did... you have a falling out?"

I look at him for a moment, my expression blank, then start to cry all over again. "You could say that." I laugh/sob at the same time. "Have you ever seen Miao pissed off? I have, and let me tell you..." I am laughing even as the tears flow. "Threw a cup of tea right in my face!" I think my laugh has gone a touch hysterical now, so I suck down a few deep breaths to try and get back to some form of rational.

"And before you ask, it was not over Lucien. It's... it's a long story." I say with a small shrug.

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"Miao threw tea at you?" I think if she said Miao had grown wings and flown I would be less surprised. I stare at her for a moment, and then I go over to the door and flip over the CLOSED sign, then come and sit back down.

"You don't look fit to do any more business, and I'll buy another pot of tea if it makes you feel less guilty for closing early," I say. "I like long stories. Tell me about it."

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Oh good lord, I shocked him. Then again, Lucien had just about the same look when I finally told him. "I really upset her..." I laugh a little, but Valmont is up and flipping the sign. Oh, no... I know where this is going.

"I like long stories. Tell me about it."

I am shaking my head in the negative. "Valmont, please. It's... it's nothing---" and I have to stop because it's really not nothing, and I do hate lying to him. "She wasn't wrong to be upset, and I know, I know I..." I look at him alomst helplessly. "I just don't think I can handle anyone else hating me." I tell him a small, tired voice.

Edited Date: 2010-10-27 10:18 pm (UTC)

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"She wasn't wrong to be upset, and I know, I know I... I just don't think I can handle anyone else hating me."

I've never heard Wanda so defeated, and it shakes me. She's always been so strong. I reach for her hand and squeeze it.

"I very much doubt I'll hate you," I say. "Even if you have done something very bad." My voice is quite serious. "I'm not a good man, Wanda, though I try to be a decent one, and I don't judge people by higher standards than those I hold myself to. And I am not sure those are so very high, though Hermia has improved me a little," I add with a small smile. "I won't necessarily approve, but unless you hurt Hermia, or Alice, or Fiona, I would not hate you."

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I listen to all the things Valmont is telling me. It's all well, but there's try to be a good man and then... then there's me.

"You say that now but... if what I've done is enought to get Miao to swear and dash tea in my face, and drive all but Jaime and Lucien away, pardon me if I have my reservations." My mouth twitches up, just slightly at the corner, but it falls again and I start at the floor, his hand a uncomfortable weight on mine.

"Okay, I'll ask you the same thing I asked Jaime." I sigh and take a deep breath. "What would you do if you found out the person you were in love with were the worst person in the world?"

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"You say that now but... if what I've done is enought to get Miao to swear and dash tea in my face, and drive all but Jaime and Lucien away, pardon me if I have my reservations."

"Well, Jamie's a sweeter natured chap than me by far," I say cheerfully. "So I doubt he can stand something I cannot. Excepting bee stings."

"What would you do if you found out the person you were in love with were the worst person in the world?"

I feel my eyebrows go up.

"That," I say, "is a rather alarming question. "If I found out after falling in love with them, that would suggest they'd kept themselves hidden, and so maybe I wouldn't have been in love with the real them at all..." I tilt my head. "Just tell me, dear, what this is about."

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"If I found out after falling in love with them, that would suggest they'd kept themselves hidden, and so maybe I wouldn't have been in love with the real them at all..."

A ghost of a smile flickers over my face. "Oh, he's so good at hiding. He can be in the middle of a crowd, and you would never know that he was..." I breathe, passing a hand over my head, for it is starting to ache. "But in that facade, there was truth. There is, I have to believe that." Oh hell, I am babbling. I sigh and drop my head into my hands. 'M sorry Valmont, I'm just..." Just what? Tired? Selfish? Insane? A little of each, I suppose.

"Just tell me, dear, what this is about."

"I want to, I do. I want to be a good friend, so I should tell you, try to keep you safe..." Laugh a little as a few tears slip out. "but I want what I want too, and I'm not going to change, and that's why Miao is so upset with me, for I should know better and..."

Groan a little and wipe at the tears with the handkerchief. "Okay, fine, remember that you insisted." I take a deep breath and keep my gaze fixed on a point somewhere on the back wall. "This wonderful guy I met? The one who seemed a perfect match for me in every aspect? He's the one in the water tower. And I wed him anyway, knowing what I know."

There. He'll either hate me or think I am mad, I am sure.

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The way Wanda is talking is making me nervous, but I keep nodding calmly until she comes to the point. Is she going to say that Kent is a murderer? I've known a lot of those, although if he's lifted a hand to Wanda -

"This wonderful guy I met? The one who seemed a perfect match for me in every aspect? He's the one in the water tower. And I wed him anyway, knowing what I know."

...

I put my tea cup down quite gently on its saucer. There are a great many things I could say, but for the moment I can't think of any of them.

"Why on earth," is what comes out at last, "would the Devil want to get married?" And then I look at Wanda again, Wanda who has been bigger each time I've seen her lately. "Oh," I say quite thinly. "Oh, my dear."

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It's almost unbearable, this wait for his reaction. The cup makes it way back to the saucer, not to my face, so there are small miracles still left.

"Why on earth, would the Devil want to get married?" I have to clamp my hand over my mouth hard, for it is within me to burst into laughter. Or screaming, not sure which. Then he's looking at me, as if seeing me for the first time.

"Oh, my dear."

"Here I thought it was my sparkling personality, turns out I merely have good child bearing hips." I try to joke,even laughing a little...

but it dissolves into tears.

Edited Date: 2010-10-30 02:26 am (UTC)

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