[identity profile] brotherlaurence.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] estdeus_innobis
He stinks and he's a drunkard, that bum we just passed by and I think but for the grace of God that likewise there go I.

I thought of going to see her.

I thought of stopping by to say hello or just to see her face or let her know that I'm alright, despite whatever she's heard, but the thought of her and the idea that she doesn't care one bit aches so much.

This is harder than when I quit drinking. And I have, again. It did nothing be land me asleep in my own bed with a headache and wondering what, if anything, I did to embarrass myself. But Kate, Kate. She is a harder thing to just give up.

But I think I do. I have prayed much and things have come back to me, things clouded by my feelings and my lust that once meant so much to me. They kind of do again, even though there's still a numbness, an emptiness there that makes me want to die.

I won't. This town, this world, someone needs me. God needs my assistance and he won't have it if I go join him before my time. So I don my robes and step out into the street, carefully keeping my eyes away from the store, and set off into the woods.


[OPEN.]
[CLOSED.]

Date: 2009-02-28 04:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
It's real early. The sky's barely lightened by the sun. I slide my finger along the smooth wood shaft then across one'a the soft feathers stickin' out'a it. It's just startin' int'a good season for deer an' they're bein' slow ta start. A'course. 'Least the orchard's producin' well.

Somethin' dusky grey an' brown moves ahead'a me. It's big, looks like a good sized buck maybe. Not too far, but far 'nough that he won't smell me an' it'll be a challenging shot between . I notch the arrow onto the string an' pull back ta my ear. My arms're tense, rigid. My breathin's steady, concentrated. Barely any wind makes this a lot easier, except...

My breath catches in my throat an' it feels like it's because'a my heart bein' up in there. It ain't a buck movin' through those trees. Only got a second 'cause my fingers're already lettin' go'a the string. My left arm pushes an' I really hope it's enough as the string snaps forward an' the arrow's gone.
Edited Date: 2009-02-28 04:24 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-03-01 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
The man, who looks huge-- like a full grown buck without the antlers-- bends down an' the arrow just barely passes over his head. I rush forward, not even sure what 'bout what's comin' outta my mouth, but I think I hear sorry sorry sorry.

"Hello?"

He's still bent over and, oh goodness no, it's Kate's friend, Laurence.

"I'm so sorry. So so sorry. 'Re you all right, Brother Laurence?"
Edited Date: 2009-03-01 03:31 am (UTC)

Date: 2009-03-01 04:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
Laurence is standing up and smiling, but I'm still worried 'bout what just happened. I've never made this kinda mistake before.

"I'm alright, Miss Kessler." His hands go to his chest an' his hair, checkin' for wounds, I guess. If he'd've been hit by the arrow, though, he'd know it. "Really." All I can manage is a nod. My heart's still up in my throat an' my tongue feels like a piece'a bark. He works the arrow free from the tree it struck. "That one almost had my name on it, didn't it? I hope it's not damaged." His smile gets wider an' he looks at me intently. My mouth just gets drier, even with all his good humor 'bout this. I just can't believe I almost killed a man. "Here, would you like to sit down? Miss Kessler?"

I numbly walk over ta the tree he motions at an' take a seat. Quietly, embarrassed, horrified, I say, "I am really sorry. I'm glad you didn't get hurt."

Date: 2009-03-01 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
He's still jokin' with me. Or maybe at me. Sometimes it can be hard ta tell. But he's smilin' an' laughin' softly. Kindly. He's not sittin' with me, but crouches in front'a me instead. I nod as he says he's all right again an' finally swallow down the lump in my throat.

"I just... I never come so close to hurtin' another person before. Guess it shook me pretty bad." I weakly gesture at his clothin'. "Y'should think 'bout somethin' brighter or a different color'n that, if you're goin' ta keep walkin' the woods durin' deer season."

Date: 2009-03-01 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
"No, it wasn't." I'm startin' ta feel better, but still it's worryin' what just happened. Laurence takes my hand lightly.

"And if I am right, you would never hurt someone on purpose. But, really, it's my fault for being careless in my dress. Besides, I think the noise I was making probably scared off all of your prey, anyway."

A small smile pulls my lips up. "You were makin' a ton'a noise," I say quietly. My eyes go down to our hands together. It's not uncomfortable. More like when Daddy holds my hand or gives me a hug. I take the arrow from him with my other hand and look at it. "The head looks OK." I'm surprised that it's not damaged considerin' how much force was behind it when it hit the tree. "What're you doin' out here so early, anyway?" I blush a little an' shrug my shoulders up ta my cheeks. "I... I mean, if you don't mind me askin'."

Date: 2009-03-01 09:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
"Thanks," I say ta his compliment of my shooting, feeling my cheeks flush a bit.

He lets go a'my hand an' I suddenly feel how chilly it is out here. "Not at all. I was thinking. I needed to get away; things have been...difficult lately. There are great plans for this town and it is my job to see them come to fruition." I didn't realize it when I met him before, when he was with Kate, that maybe he was someone real important in town. I hadn't ever seen him 'round the Abbey, but that don't mean he's got some important job with the Council. I don't go 'round Town Hall much at all. "I admit I'm surprised to find anyone out here--and here you are with a bow and arrows."

Shruggin', I set the bow down on the ground an' slip the quiver off my shoulder and over my head. "We don't have meat on our farm, so this's the next best thing. Daddy don't like havin' ta rely on other people for things. Says it makes us too dependent. There's a lot more he says 'bout it, but mostly it's just explainin' what would happen if such-an-such farmer died an' he's the only way ta get this or that an' on an' on he'll go with it." Heat rises in my cheeks fast as I realize I was just goin' on. "I'm sorry for talkin' so much. What, um, what's been difficult for you lately?"

Date: 2009-03-02 03:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
I smile. "I like ta think he is."

"As for what's been difficult." He sighs an' looks like he'd rather not have ta say what's been goin' on. Now I feel bad for askin'. "Kate and I are no longer seeing each other." I can feel the frown I'm makin' even as he smiles. "I have not taken it very well."

"Oh, Laurence," an' now I'm the one takin' hold'a his hand. "I'm sorry. D'you..." I stop myself, 'bout ta ask after Kate, but maybe I shouldn't. Not if he's havin' trouble with it. "D'you want somethin' warm to drink? I've got some things back that way," I look back through the trees from where I'd let the arrow loose.

Date: 2009-03-02 07:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
"Sure." I smile an' take my hand back. As I pick up my bow, I stand an' shoulder the quiver again before headin' over ta where I left my huntin' pack. "Who knows? Perhaps you were meant to almost shoot at me this morning. God works in mysterious ways," says Laurence an' I look at him puzzled.

"You think he wanted us ta run inta each other out here? Like this?" I don't know much 'bout his god-- or any god besides Nashe, really-- but that sure seems strange ta me. Puttin' your-- what's that word Momma always used-- clergyman, maybe? Puttin' him in danger like that so we'd have a talk. Could'a just sent him ta the farm. It'd be safer an' less nerve-wrackin' for both of us.

"Is it somethin' your god does often? Y'know, things like this," I say an' feel bad that so much doubt's in my tone.

Date: 2009-03-02 08:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
The more Laurence explains, it seems, the less I get this god he's talkin' 'bout.

"Does he cause things ta happen then, like your break-up or me almost hittin' you, ta force you ta pay attention to him? Or's it more like he just takes advantage of what comes after what happens?"

It occurs ta me that we're talkin' 'bout this god like he's just some guy that lives down the road. How silly's that?

Date: 2009-03-02 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
My brow knits.

"I'm even more confused now. Laurence, have you ever met a god?"

I hope real bad that question ain't goin' ta be answered with a "yes." I like Laurence. I don't want him ta be crazy.

Date: 2009-03-02 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
I sit down when he recommends it ta me. I'm not afraid of him, even if he is so much bigger'n me. He seems like a real gentle guy an' I'm pretty sure I'd have the advantage if it came ta tryin' to escape through the trees. I know these woods real well an' he's wearin' long robes.

What he says next, though, I wasn't prepared for. Laurence doesn't have that wild look in his eyes like some'a the people that've come 'round the farm before. The ones that'd been on their own too long, livin' in places that people shouldn't've been livin'. Places like the some a'them cities that got bombed during the Wars. But right now, talkin' 'bout people bein' gods. People I've met. Then he says that he knows it sounds crazy.

"Yeah. It sounds real crazy. I've met most'a them you're talkin' 'bout, y'know? None of them seemed like they'd be gods." The newspaper man seemed a little too... fit, compared to other journalists I've seen come through Excolo. Last one was years ago, but he was fat an' sweaty an' stared in a way that made me real uncomfortable. An' Mister Marks, a god? If I were a god, I wouldn't be runnin' a butcher's shop. Or a paper. "If they're gods, how come they ain't runnin' the town, then? And what Tower 're you talkin' 'bout?"

Date: 2009-03-03 04:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
I frown at what he's sayin'.

"So all of 'em're deceivin'? There's none of 'em that're helpful or peaceful or anythin' good?" I shut my eyes an' furrow my brow more. It feels like all this is doin' is makin' me think'a more an' more questions. I realize he didn't say a thing 'bout the Tower again. Didn't Edith say somethin' 'bout a Tower not all that long ago?

"What 'bout the Tower?"

Date: 2009-03-03 03:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
I wonder why all of 'em are bad. Where's Laurence's god? Or Nanshe? Or any of the other good ones? "If this's true," I say dubiously, "then there must be good gods, too. How come all we've got in town're bad ones?"

"The Tower...it houses something that fulfills wishes, in the worst possible ways. You can get what you want, in exchange for your very soul. It's evil, and will drag you down to Hell with it when it returns. If it and the other gods win this town, I fear we may all be damned."

I pick up the thermos from my pack an' two tin cups. I fill them both with tea an' hand him one. "It's not very strong. I don't drink coffee much."

I'm tryin' not ta think 'bout what he's just said ta me. I still don't know what the Tower is or where it is, but I definitely know that Edith went there. She was always talkin' 'bout how badly she wanted Jamie Kincaid. How she'd do anything ta make him love her.

"What is it, Laurence? The thing in the Tower? An' is the Tower like that dream? Y'know, the red city. Does it live in a place like that?"

Please don't tell me this thing's here in town. I'm still not sure what I believe 'bout what he's talkin' 'bout but I do know that Edith talked 'bout finally gettin' what she always wanted.

Date: 2009-03-04 03:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
"I don't know. I wish I did. Some of them, they claim their nature is balance, that they'll take the side in need, but I doubt it. There's been no evidence of such a thing from them. All broken and violent."

"That sounds sad," I say softly. It does. If they are gods, then maybe things're bad for 'em now. Maybe they used ta be good. Daddy says that lots'a good people go bad because the world's the way it is now. Y'know. If gods were real.

"I hear it's the Devil, a helper of God who turned against him for loving humans and is now the embodiment of all that's evil. As for what it really is, I don't think anyone really knows. All our myths and legends and scripture can't possibly contain all that something like that is. But it's not good, Miss Kessler. He would most certainly lead a town like that, the one in the dream. You had that one too, then, did you?"

"Yes, I did. So, the Devil?" Momma's book had stories 'bout a devil. Some snake-guy that tempted Adam an' Eve. "He'd run the red city. Who'd run the blue city? Your god? An' can the two cities exist together or is it a 'one or the other' kind'a situation?"

Date: 2009-03-05 03:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
I sit silently for a while, sippin' the tea an' thinkin' 'bout what he's said. Finally, I look up at him an' smile a little. "If all this is true," I pause. Part of me wants ta believe it but maybe I want'a just because it's sort'a an excitin' story. All this happenin' right here in my hometown. Nothin' like this has ever happened here. It's like bein' part'a somethin' big. Bigger'n an orchard an' a family that I have ta hold up.

"If it's true, an' this guy in the Tower, the Devil, right? If'n no god here is goin' ta stand against him, then that just leaves us, right? People. Like you an' me. Am I understandin' this right?"

Date: 2009-03-07 01:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ella-kessler.livejournal.com
I wonder, when he says "just us," how many of "us" there really are. An' whether I'm one'a them. I've never really been much'a community member 'round Excolo. Always been too busy on the farm.

"But through God all things are possible. And there will be enough of us. We will prevail."

I smile at Laurence. "I hope so. I should be gettin' back ta huntin', I think." The sun's startin' ta rise, which means I don't have much time left before the deer head deeper inta the woods. "D'you think you can find your way back ta town from here? The woods can get kind'a confusin' if you wander off the paths an' don't know 'em well."

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