Dawn of Thursday, September Seventeenth

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

He stinks and he's a drunkard, that bum we just passed by and I think but for the grace of God that likewise there go I.

I thought of going to see her.

I thought of stopping by to say hello or just to see her face or let her know that I'm alright, despite whatever she's heard, but the thought of her and the idea that she doesn't care one bit aches so much.

This is harder than when I quit drinking. And I have, again. It did nothing be land me asleep in my own bed with a headache and wondering what, if anything, I did to embarrass myself. But Kate, Kate. She is a harder thing to just give up.

But I think I do. I have prayed much and things have come back to me, things clouded by my feelings and my lust that once meant so much to me. They kind of do again, even though there's still a numbness, an emptiness there that makes me want to die.

I won't. This town, this world, someone needs me. God needs my assistance and he won't have it if I go join him before my time. So I don my robes and step out into the street, carefully keeping my eyes away from the store, and set off into the woods.


[OPEN.]
[CLOSED.]

Comments

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

He's still jokin' with me. Or maybe at me. Sometimes it can be hard ta tell. But he's smilin' an' laughin' softly. Kindly. He's not sittin' with me, but crouches in front'a me instead. I nod as he says he's all right again an' finally swallow down the lump in my throat.

"I just... I never come so close to hurtin' another person before. Guess it shook me pretty bad." I weakly gesture at his clothin'. "Y'should think 'bout somethin' brighter or a different color'n that, if you're goin' ta keep walkin' the woods durin' deer season."

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

Slowly I nod my head. Bright colours. Am I really that type?

"Your intention wasn't to hurt, Ella, not a person. It's natural for someone, I think, to feel shocked when their plans change so suddenly." I take her hand gently and look at her evenly. "And if I am right, you would never hurt someone on purpose. But, really, it's my fault for being careless in my dress." I chuckle a little and look around. "Besides, I think the noise I was making probably scared off all of your prey, anyway."

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

"No, it wasn't." I'm startin' ta feel better, but still it's worryin' what just happened. Laurence takes my hand lightly.

"And if I am right, you would never hurt someone on purpose. But, really, it's my fault for being careless in my dress. Besides, I think the noise I was making probably scared off all of your prey, anyway."

A small smile pulls my lips up. "You were makin' a ton'a noise," I say quietly. My eyes go down to our hands together. It's not uncomfortable. More like when Daddy holds my hand or gives me a hug. I take the arrow from him with my other hand and look at it. "The head looks OK." I'm surprised that it's not damaged considerin' how much force was behind it when it hit the tree. "What're you doin' out here so early, anyway?" I blush a little an' shrug my shoulders up ta my cheeks. "I... I mean, if you don't mind me askin'."

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

"Good," I say at the assessment of her arrow. "I'm surprised it's not, though. You must have a good arm!"

"What're you doin' out here so early, anyway?" she shrugs and blushes, the pink coloring her cheeks and I can only feel a vague echo of pain at the shadow of a memory it brings up; of Kate's own blush, which just made her all the prettier. "I... I mean, if you don't mind me askin'." I smile and shake my head, releasing her hand and running my fingers through my hair.

"Not at all," I assure her and sit back on my heels. "I was thinking. I needed to get away; things have been...difficult lately." It has only been days, yet suddenly I feel better than I have in some time. "There are great plans for this town and it is my job to see them come to fruition." I look her over, gentle girl I would never expect to see holding such a weapon. "I admit I'm surprised to find anyone out here--and here you are with a bow and arrows."

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

"Thanks," I say ta his compliment of my shooting, feeling my cheeks flush a bit.

He lets go a'my hand an' I suddenly feel how chilly it is out here. "Not at all. I was thinking. I needed to get away; things have been...difficult lately. There are great plans for this town and it is my job to see them come to fruition." I didn't realize it when I met him before, when he was with Kate, that maybe he was someone real important in town. I hadn't ever seen him 'round the Abbey, but that don't mean he's got some important job with the Council. I don't go 'round Town Hall much at all. "I admit I'm surprised to find anyone out here--and here you are with a bow and arrows."

Shruggin', I set the bow down on the ground an' slip the quiver off my shoulder and over my head. "We don't have meat on our farm, so this's the next best thing. Daddy don't like havin' ta rely on other people for things. Says it makes us too dependent. There's a lot more he says 'bout it, but mostly it's just explainin' what would happen if such-an-such farmer died an' he's the only way ta get this or that an' on an' on he'll go with it." Heat rises in my cheeks fast as I realize I was just goin' on. "I'm sorry for talkin' so much. What, um, what's been difficult for you lately?"

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

She speaks and I nod all the while. I think Kate mentioned that Ella had a brother. Is that it, I wonder, on their farm?

"He sounds like a very smart man, your father," I observe. "As for what's been difficult," I sigh then realize that I must come to say it, when my emotions are not dampened by drink. "Kate and I are no longer seeing each other." My lips move into a smile as I realize the stab of pain in my heart has decreased a little. "I have not taken it very well," I confess.

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

I smile. "I like ta think he is."

"As for what's been difficult." He sighs an' looks like he'd rather not have ta say what's been goin' on. Now I feel bad for askin'. "Kate and I are no longer seeing each other." I can feel the frown I'm makin' even as he smiles. "I have not taken it very well."

"Oh, Laurence," an' now I'm the one takin' hold'a his hand. "I'm sorry. D'you..." I stop myself, 'bout ta ask after Kate, but maybe I shouldn't. Not if he's havin' trouble with it. "D'you want somethin' warm to drink? I've got some things back that way," I look back through the trees from where I'd let the arrow loose.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I look at our hands a moment, hers holding mine, and marvel at the kindness in such a movement. When I did it, it was without thought to anything beyond comfort and I am sure she intends it the same way. A lovely young girl such as herself wouldn't mean it as anything else to someone like me. I look up at her and nod.

"Sure," I say. "Who knows?" I continue as I follow her to her things. "Perhaps you were meant to almost shoot at me this morning. God works in mysterious ways." She had asked before about God. Perhaps she will again. Even if she doesn't, I hope to perhaps show Him through me and once I figure out exactly how I'm to help save the town, I know Ella will be on our side.

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

"Sure." I smile an' take my hand back. As I pick up my bow, I stand an' shoulder the quiver again before headin' over ta where I left my huntin' pack. "Who knows? Perhaps you were meant to almost shoot at me this morning. God works in mysterious ways," says Laurence an' I look at him puzzled.

"You think he wanted us ta run inta each other out here? Like this?" I don't know much 'bout his god-- or any god besides Nashe, really-- but that sure seems strange ta me. Puttin' your-- what's that word Momma always used-- clergyman, maybe? Puttin' him in danger like that so we'd have a talk. Could'a just sent him ta the farm. It'd be safer an' less nerve-wrackin' for both of us.

"Is it somethin' your god does often? Y'know, things like this," I say an' feel bad that so much doubt's in my tone.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

She is doubtful and it makes me laugh. Then I shrug as I respond.

"They say He works in mysterious ways. He could take something like a break-up and use it to get your attention back on Him. That isn't to say He disapproved of the relationship," I add, realizing how that may come across, "but when you're unattached you have more available time and thought, I guess." It occurs to me that maybe Kate was wrong; maybe I can't have a relationship. I seem to be all or nothing in my life, having great trouble with balance. I shake my head a little and bring myself back to the present. More for me to think on at a later time.

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

The more Laurence explains, it seems, the less I get this god he's talkin' 'bout.

"Does he cause things ta happen then, like your break-up or me almost hittin' you, ta force you ta pay attention to him? Or's it more like he just takes advantage of what comes after what happens?"

It occurs ta me that we're talkin' 'bout this god like he's just some guy that lives down the road. How silly's that?

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I smile at Ella, considering her question.

"I don't really know," I confess. "I was taught not to question it." I laugh a little and think of the other gods around here. "I don't really know that I have it in me to question any god, to be honest. Not when you know what they can do."

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

My brow knits.

"I'm even more confused now. Laurence, have you ever met a god?"

I hope real bad that question ain't goin' ta be answered with a "yes." I like Laurence. I don't want him ta be crazy.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I look at Ella a moment. How can it be that there are still people in this town that have not met nor heard of the gods that walk here?

"Miss Kessler," I say slowly. "Perhaps you had better sit." When she does, I take her hands and look into her eyes. "There are gods that walk here. You may have even met them, yourself. The newspaper man, the man who owns the butcher's shop, and others. The newspaperman, Lúgh, and his wife were at Karina's party. She's one, too. The wife," I say quickly, "not Karina. There's a thing in the Tower that I think's called them all here. It's evil and dangerous and you must promise me you'll never go to it, never ask it for anything. It's imperative that you not. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. Be careful who you ask. Some can change their faces and you may never know who you are really speaking to."

[ella-kessler.livejournal.com]

I sit down when he recommends it ta me. I'm not afraid of him, even if he is so much bigger'n me. He seems like a real gentle guy an' I'm pretty sure I'd have the advantage if it came ta tryin' to escape through the trees. I know these woods real well an' he's wearin' long robes.

What he says next, though, I wasn't prepared for. Laurence doesn't have that wild look in his eyes like some'a the people that've come 'round the farm before. The ones that'd been on their own too long, livin' in places that people shouldn't've been livin'. Places like the some a'them cities that got bombed during the Wars. But right now, talkin' 'bout people bein' gods. People I've met. Then he says that he knows it sounds crazy.

"Yeah. It sounds real crazy. I've met most'a them you're talkin' 'bout, y'know? None of them seemed like they'd be gods." The newspaper man seemed a little too... fit, compared to other journalists I've seen come through Excolo. Last one was years ago, but he was fat an' sweaty an' stared in a way that made me real uncomfortable. An' Mister Marks, a god? If I were a god, I wouldn't be runnin' a butcher's shop. Or a paper. "If they're gods, how come they ain't runnin' the town, then? And what Tower 're you talkin' 'bout?"