Women are made to be loved, not understood.

[dorian-excolo.livejournal.com]

[Friday, August 22nd (Day 453)]
[Late Afternoon, The General Store]

I've mulled this over as long as possible. There was talking, there was compromising, there was some happy note there at the end: and still, still, I have no idea where we stand. It shouldn't bother me -- it doesn't bother me, i won't let it -- but it does. She slept just fine, I made sure of that, with nothing else to worry after. It's not as though I can't cook, I've learned to tend to the baby, and there's room enough for all three of us here, more than enough if she'd think to step foot in the damn house I bought--

To be fair, I'm probably wrong. And to be fair, I doubt if it even matters. But, to be fair, I am drunk.

So I run a comb through my hair, find a mint hiding in the nightstand drawer, and head over to the General Store.

[Open to Kate]

[Closed]

Comments

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I just look at him for a moment. He is so annoying! Sometimes I do wish I didn't care about him, but... I do, so there it is.

"Dorian," I say, after a moment, "Glass hasn't ended things with you, has she? So... why are you pushing her to do something she isn't ready for? She loves you, I know that. And you love her. And suddenly she's a mother, and she feels like she can't rely on the father of her child, and... It's a lot to deal with. Can't you just... love her and be there for her and let her decide when she wants to - commit to you like that?" I shake my head. "It seems like you've suddenly decided that you're ready for that - and I remember when caring about Glass made you want to hide from her, not live with her, and it wasn't so long ago - and you expect Glass should be, too. Well. People are more complicated than that." I fold my arms.

[dorian-excolo.livejournal.com]

I don't say anything for a stretch. I don't really look at her, either. She's right, of course. She's right, I'm wrong, everything's just fine... I don't feel better, though.

"What if the baby's mine?" I look back to Kate. Now that I've said it, it's almost real. An actual possibility. Makes me a little queasy, honestly. "What the hell--"

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I blink.

"Well, I thought you said it couldn't be yours? Because of your... condition." I shake my head. "And I don't suppose there's any way to find out, so... I suppose the baby's is just... Glass's, and you can love her for that alone."

[dorian-excolo.livejournal.com]

"I changed my mind." Seems a ridiculous way to phrase it, once it's out. "I mean... I thought about it. I think-- Well, it happened before." Not getting into that, no.

Do they sell alcohol here? Never thought to ask before now. "And I already do love her. The baby. But, if I'm her father, that changes things. Doesn't it?" It has to. Somehow.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"It happened before?" I sit up straighter on my chair. "You're - you're a father?" Oh. That's...

"And I already do love her. The baby. But, if I'm her father, that changes things. Doesn't it?"

"I don't know, Dorian," I say, and shake my head. "Glass grew up without a father, and so she doesn't seem that worried about having one in her baby's life... And if you love her already, and if you love Glass, and you all stay together in future, well, that's a family regardless of a blood tie, isn't it?" It gives me a little...pang, but I ignore it.

[dorian-excolo.livejournal.com]

"I don't care if she's worried about it." Damn it. That came out a little too honest, didn't it? "I'm being selfish. And I know I'm being selfish, but there's nothing for it." I wish I could go back to being annoyed. It was much easier than this, whatever this is.

I sigh. "I'm not a father. I mean, there wasn't actually a-- They died." Which is a very nice way of putting things. Very polite. "I fucked it up, and I don't want to do that again."

This is all getting rather pathetic. "If she's even mine. Which is barely even a possibility. Don't know why I'm even going on about it." Except that I can't help it. And that bothers me. "She's just stubborn, you know? Glass is. She doesn't... She doesn't actually need me."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"They died?" Oh, Dorian. He's going on, tying himself up in knots, and when he comes to a stop I put my hand over his.

"Glass doesn't need anyone, not the way you mean it, I think. She's... self-sufficient. But she needs you in the sense that she loves you and wants to be able to rely on you. So. Give her that, if you can? She's my best friend, after all, and I'd hate to have to lock you in a cupboard if you make her miserable," and I smile a bit.

[dorian-excolo.livejournal.com]

She puts her hand over mine. I look down at it, a bit calmer just having her here. "Glass doesn't need anyone, not the way you mean it, I think. She's... self-sufficient." Yes, I know. It's obnoxious. "But she needs you in the sense that she loves you and wants to be able to rely on you." I look up from our hands. "So. Give her that, if you can? She's my best friend, after all, and I'd hate to have to lock you in a cupboard if you make her miserable."

I laugh. It's a startled thing, but happy enough. "Are you coming on to me?" I grin. "Can't say it's the right time, honestly."

I must be sobering. A horrible thought, really. And more dangerous than being drunk. I turn my hand over and squeeze hers. Briefly. Barely noticeable, if anyone were here to notice. And then pull it back. "Thank you." Everything's far from right, nothing's fixed, but I feel a little better. It's something. "I'll try."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I laugh and shake my head at him.

"You're horrible," I say. "And how can it be the wrong time? I thought there was never a wrong time. Clearly you have overstated your reputation to me," I say, and raise my eyebrows.

Dorian squeezes my hand, and I feel a little pang of... something.

"Thank you," he says. "I'll try."

"You had better," I warn, and hesitate a minute, then lean across the counter and kiss his cheek lightly. "Now go and have some coffee."

[dorian-excolo.livejournal.com]

"You're horrible," she says, though she's laughing. "And how can it be the wrong time?" Raise an eyebrow at that. "I thought there was never a wrong time. Clearly you have overstated your reputation to me." Is she flirting with me? Dear God, I think she is...

The mood becomes sedate when I thank her. "You had better," she says and I smile again. It only flickers when she leans over and kisses my cheek. "Now go and have some coffee."

"Right." I stand up. "I should go." I'm there for a moment more, hands in my pockets and only swaying the slightest bit. "Before you can no longer contain yourself. Ruin this nice moment with, just the most torrid things imaginable. I know your sort."

Ha. All right. I head out, but not before pausing at the door. "Trying for a new 'Let's all stay indoors on Wednesdays' tradition. You're welcome to stop by next week, if you're free for dinner."

She's a very lovely woman. Knowing that the way I do only makes life more difficult. But times like this I'm happy for it, happy that we're friends. Friends. I shake my head as I walk back to the Sacred Whore.