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estdeus_innobis[Saturday, August 16, morning]
[Hermia and Valmont's apartment]
I thought I was careful.
No, I was careful! I always am! I count, and I have all the herbs measured out exactly, and I never forget to take them. There is too much work to be done, and too many other things to worry about. After we have made the blue city come into being, and chased the red city away - then I can stop taking the herbs, and start planning for the far future. For now I must concentrate on magic, and on fighting!
Or, that's what I thought.
At first I thought that I had counted incorrectly, or marked the wrong day on my calendar. But then the days passed and my monthly bleeding still did not come.
And then three days ago, there was that horrible burst of Power, and the dead birds. Chester and I are still trying to puzzle it out. Perhaps now that the Power was released, my body would return to its normal rhythms?
Except that it did not. I checked my calendar again and again, and still once more. The more I checked, and the more I considered, the more I started to think that...perhaps I did not miscount?
Yesterday I tried to go to Lucien's office on the way home from the library, but he was not there - odd, that he wasn't; I hope he's all right. Glass wasn't in either. I have tried to think of who else would know about such things - perhaps that woman from the carnival that people have spoken about? Or, well, there is Syl, but she would hardly welcome me!
And the more that I have thought about it, the more I want to talk to Valmont. Yes, Lucien or Glass or the carnival midwife could confirm it and give me details, and of course I want that and need that! But Valmont is the one I talk to when I am anxious or happy or excited or uncertain, and I am all of those right now. And the more I think about it, the more I want him to be the first person that I speak to about it.
I sit on the bed, hugging my knees to my chest, watching Valmont sleep, waiting for him to wake while my heart flutters with nerves.
What am I doing? What am I thinking? Yes, I have battles to fight, and there is Excolo to save. But who will live in the Excolo that we make, if not the children who will come after us? What better way is there to say that I believe what we are fighting for, if not to show that I have faith that the world will still be here nine months from now, and to try to make that world better?
Well, not nine months. More like seven and a half, if I have counted correctly.
Dear gods, seven and a half months!
Dear gods, when will Valmont wake up?
[Open to Valmont]
[Hermia and Valmont's apartment]
I thought I was careful.
No, I was careful! I always am! I count, and I have all the herbs measured out exactly, and I never forget to take them. There is too much work to be done, and too many other things to worry about. After we have made the blue city come into being, and chased the red city away - then I can stop taking the herbs, and start planning for the far future. For now I must concentrate on magic, and on fighting!
Or, that's what I thought.
At first I thought that I had counted incorrectly, or marked the wrong day on my calendar. But then the days passed and my monthly bleeding still did not come.
And then three days ago, there was that horrible burst of Power, and the dead birds. Chester and I are still trying to puzzle it out. Perhaps now that the Power was released, my body would return to its normal rhythms?
Except that it did not. I checked my calendar again and again, and still once more. The more I checked, and the more I considered, the more I started to think that...perhaps I did not miscount?
Yesterday I tried to go to Lucien's office on the way home from the library, but he was not there - odd, that he wasn't; I hope he's all right. Glass wasn't in either. I have tried to think of who else would know about such things - perhaps that woman from the carnival that people have spoken about? Or, well, there is Syl, but she would hardly welcome me!
And the more that I have thought about it, the more I want to talk to Valmont. Yes, Lucien or Glass or the carnival midwife could confirm it and give me details, and of course I want that and need that! But Valmont is the one I talk to when I am anxious or happy or excited or uncertain, and I am all of those right now. And the more I think about it, the more I want him to be the first person that I speak to about it.
I sit on the bed, hugging my knees to my chest, watching Valmont sleep, waiting for him to wake while my heart flutters with nerves.
What am I doing? What am I thinking? Yes, I have battles to fight, and there is Excolo to save. But who will live in the Excolo that we make, if not the children who will come after us? What better way is there to say that I believe what we are fighting for, if not to show that I have faith that the world will still be here nine months from now, and to try to make that world better?
Well, not nine months. More like seven and a half, if I have counted correctly.
Dear gods, seven and a half months!
Dear gods, when will Valmont wake up?
[Open to Valmont]
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no subject
Date: 2012-10-17 04:47 pm (UTC)"I hope she'll be glad, too. It's taken her a while to adjust to living with us. But she needs to know we'll always be a family, whatever form that family takes." I smile at Hermia. "There's no need to tell her yet, I suppose. Not until things are - certain."
"We may have to work quickly. The baby would be here in...April?"
"April," I say softly, and put the cloth down. "Wouldn't it be funny if the baby was born on our wedding anniversary?" And once again I'm struck by how enormously and fundamentally my life has changed since I came to Excolo.
I set the kettle on the stove - we can have some tea since I have spilled most of my coffee - and then I sit down next to Hermia. I link our hands.
"A spring baby," I say. "I like the idea of that." New beginnings.
no subject
Date: 2012-10-17 05:02 pm (UTC)And until the next few weeks have passed. Even if I am pregnant, I know all too well that it may not last. I have seen that happen to more women than I can count, both here in Excolo and in Athens. It is the way life works; it is something that women simply know...and even though I have accepted it all my life, now I am suddenly thinking 'no, not me, let this one last. Let this child be real.'
I swallow back that bit of fear, and look back to Valmont's smile, and I steady again. "But we should tell Alice first, because she is family."
Valmont puts the teakettle on, and comes to sit next to me while it heats up. For a moment we are quiet again, each with our thoughts. Which may be the same thoughts, which makes the silence even more comfortable. "A spring baby," I say. "I like the idea of that."
"I like it too," I say softly, lacing my fingers through Valmont's. As strange as it seems to have the first child coming precisely one year after the wedding, it does feel right to have a baby in spring. When things start growing, and everything is new. "I hope the lilacs will be out then."
no subject
Date: 2012-10-17 05:19 pm (UTC)"I hope so too," I say, and kiss the back of her hand. There will be so much to think about and plan, but for now I look at Hermia, sun coming through the window lighting her hair, and think of her in springtime at the same window with our child - our child! - in her arms... and that is quite enough to be getting on with.