estdeus_innobis | Sometimes... dead is better.

Sunday, March 14th, late morning
The Abbey Infirmary

The screaming, or trying to is the worst part, I think. That noise will stay with me long after he passes, waking me in the middle of the night.

He's sedated now, has been for the most part. I tried to ease him out of it, so we could try to make sense of this, to figure out who--- but he started to thrash, and make that sound behind his teeth. I am... he's not sane anymore. Nobody would be after... put him back under, no sense stressing him out, not at this point. I mean, while sedated I could unwire his jaw, but I am not sure there would be anything but screaming in horror and agony at this point.

Went back and forth on setting him up on a saline drip. It won't nourish him, and he would not be able to digest anyway, not anymore. I did do it, after some internal debate, but if the identify of the monster who did this can't be found out from Derek, then it's a cruelty to prolong his suffereing. But to let him dehydrate and starve...

Well, medicine is tricky sometime, and in Derek's condition, it is hard to calucate the line between enough painkillers and...

something else that I'll have to live with on my conscious, I am sure.

The last twenty-four hours have been long, between taking care of Derek and running across the steet to check in on Wanda. I've had to keep her sedated too. Ran back to the office to check on Lannie last night, but she's okay. Even made me dinner. Told her not to look for me except to shower and change clothes, because I am staying at the abbey until it's over, And thank heavens for the Abbey and it's people, because Derek needs round the clock care and they give me the ability to run out, or sleep for an hour.

He's under now, so I take a few moments to wander outside the infirmary and stretch out on a bench, close my eyes. Not sleep, just...

I hate my job today.

(open to Abbey residents, medically inclined people or law enforcement)