"Peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice."

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

Morning of Monday, 3rd May
The Boy

It has been a strange time, living at the abbey, but better for me than the carnival, I think, grateful though I am to Syl for her hospitality. The peaceful industry of the place has helped me grow calm again. Calm, and determined to find a way back to what I was, so I can once again be what I should be to this community of good people.

Nanse-kam told me about his meeting with Miao, and I am very sorry I had not realised she'd carried her wound into the waking world. Such things happen rarely, but it should have occurred to me that it might have done in this case.

I have been wearing abbey robes, but I think that would look strange at the brothel, so I wear a sari that Nanse-kam kindly bought for me at the market. The drapes remind me of the robes I used to wear long ago, and it seems respectful to wear pretty clothes when visiting a friend.

The house is quiet when I arrive, and the receptionist tells me they're not yet open for business.

"It's just a friendly visit," I say. "If Miss Lei is available, tell her an old friend is here to see her." I give the name Noma, because that is what I'm using in town. My face isn't at all like the one Miao has seen, but I wonder how long it will take for her to recognise me. She's perceptive, after all.

[open to Miao]

Comments

[lei-miao-shan.livejournal.com]

"Love isn't always enough to sustain a relationship. My husband and I loved one another, but we had little in common. If we had not had shared duties and children, we probably would have drifted apart. But I am sorry if you are sad now."

"I am sad now," I nod. "I am grieving. But I know that it was the right thing for both of us." I pause to sip my tea. "I did not know that you had a husband and children...do you still speak with them?" I hope so.

Yuanjung says that she has seen Wanda, and I listen intently. "Not in flesh - I will not have her husband know what has happened to me, and I can't trust that she won't tell him - but in her dreams. She seems in less danger now she has had her child."

"She will always be in danger so long as she remains under the Morningstar's influence," I sigh. "Her child...how does she seem to you?" I hope, I hope against all hope that the babe will grow sweet and kind...but I worry, oh, I worry. "I miss Wanda so...but I cannot support the decision that she has made. And she seems unwilling or unable to hear reason."

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

"I did not know that you had a husband and children...do you still speak with them?"

I shake my head.

"They have passed out of this world," I say, "and out of Dream. I have not seen them in a long, long time."

"Her child...how does she seem to you? I miss Wanda so...but I cannot support the decision that she has made. And she seems unwilling or unable to hear reason."

"The child seems more than human, but beyond that I can't say. I feel no malice from her. And Wanda has chosen her own way... But I have some comfort in thinking that the love she has for the child might stop her from plunging into destruction. I think she loves the infant more than she loves her husband, and so perhaps that will save her." I sip my tea and set it down.

[lei-miao-shan.livejournal.com]

Yuanjung shakes her head when I ask about her husband, her children, and it pains my heart. "They have passed out of this world, and out of Dream. I have not seen them in a long, long time."

"I am sorry," I say, and I am. I have perhaps known Yuanjung for a very little time, but I think that she treasures the bond of family, of maternity. "You must miss them very much. I am sorry that you have not seen them, and I hope that you find them again soon."

I ask her of Wanda, and of the child that she has born. Yuanjung tells me,
"The child seems more than human, but beyond that I can't say. I feel no malice from her. And Wanda has chosen her own way... But I have some comfort in thinking that the love she has for the child might stop her from plunging into destruction. I think she loves the infant more than she loves her husband, and so perhaps that will save her."

"Perhaps," I sigh, and turn my cup around in my hand. "The bond that she had with Lucien and I...I would have said, some time ago, that nothing would have broken it. And yet she has left at least me behind, and Lucien as a lover, to be with the Morningstar. That she has forgotten so many friendships, has ignored them and the danger she has posed to them, for the sake of being with him. And it worries me, that he has used her to bear his child." I shake my head. "I hope truly that the child will heal her, and all of this. But I am frightened, Yuanjung. I am frightened."

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

"You must miss them very much. I am sorry that you have not seen them, and I hope that you find them again soon."

I smile a little.

"If I see them again, I think it will be in the world beyond dream or waking, and I don't plan to go there just yet. But perhaps one day we shall be reunited."

"I hope truly that the child will heal her, and all of this. But I am frightened, Yuanjung. I am frightened."

I listen to what Miao says about Wanda, and I sigh. I reach out and touch the back of her hand lightly.

"I am frightened too, Miao. I wish I knew more about where this would lead. It's why I need to find a way back to my old state. I have so little power like this, and I can't protect the town the way I have done before." I shake my head. "I've tried to talk to Wanda a little. I hope it has helped. But some people just don't want to be saved."

[lei-miao-shan.livejournal.com]

"If I see them again, I think it will be in the world beyond dream or waking, and I don't plan to go there just yet. But perhaps one day we shall be reunited."

"So it is always with those we have loved and lost." I say, smiling faintly. "But we shall see them again, I think. When the time comes for all of us to pass beyond that veil, before we are reborn into our new bodies, I think that we will see all of those dear to us again. You will see your children and your husband again, Yuanjung. Of this I am sure."

Yuanjung reaches out, and she touches my hand. And in her touch is some comfort in her touch that I must smile. "I am frightened too, Miao. I wish I knew more about where this would lead. It's why I need to find a way back to my old state. I have so little power like this, and I can't protect the town the way I have done before. I've tried to talk to Wanda a little. I hope it has helped. But some people just don't want to be saved."

"Tezcatlipoca told me that she had been destroyed." I say, and my voice shakes slightly. "I hope...I hope that this has not been true. But after speaking to her, I came away with the idea that she believes she cannot live without him...and what can we do, in that case?"

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

But we shall see them again, I think. When the time comes for all of us to pass beyond that veil, before we are reborn into our new bodies, I think that we will see all of those dear to us again. You will see your children and your husband again, Yuanjung. Of this I am sure."

I knew Miao believes in reincarnation; I wonder if it has occurred to her that may not be the fate of gods, for all some of us are good at rebirth. But she means to comfort me, and so I smile at her.

"Tezcatlipoca told me that she had been destroyed. I hope...I hope that this has not been true. But after speaking to her, I came away with the idea that she believes she cannot live without him...and what can we do, in that case?"

"Tezcatlipoca was in love with despair," I say dismissively, and that is a literal truth, thinking of the tower. "He does not believe in salvation. And he is dead now, so in his case perhaps he was right, but I have a brighter look on the world than him. And as for Wanda... There is nothing we can do, except hope she will see that life offers better things for her than It. She knows you are here if she changes her mind, and you have your own people to care for. Concentrate on them, and on yourself."

[lei-miao-shan.livejournal.com]

It startles me when Yuanjung dismisses Tezcatlipoca so swiftly.
"Tezcatlipoca was in love with despair," she says, as though that is all that should matter. "He does not believe in salvation. And he is dead now, so in his case perhaps he was right, but I have a brighter look on the world than him. And as for Wanda... There is nothing we can do, except hope she will see that life offers better things for her than It. She knows you are here if she changes her mind, and you have your own people to care for. Concentrate on them, and on yourself."

"I know," I nod slowly, though I think of how many I have lost now too...Dorian is away, Wanda is gone, Lucien is gone. Even Luke has been away a long time. In some ways I feel terribly alone now. "...Tezcatlipoca made terrible choices, but there was kindness to him too. He gave me aid when I confronted the Morningstar, he brought me home, and comforted me as best he could. I do not..." I pause, and consider. "He was wrong in what he did, yes, but there was great kindness to him too. I am very sorry that he is dead." My wrist throbs gently, and I rest it upon the table. "In the meantime...what shall you do, Yuanjung? Do you have any idea yet how you will return to the dream?"

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

Great kindness? Oh, Miao. You are sweet. Sweeter than me; but then, I was a judge. People forget that sometimes, now.

"I am glad he was kind to you," I say. "And he gave his life for one of his priests. That, I think, is the best thing he has done in a long time."

"In the meantime...what shall you do, Yuanjung? Do you have any idea yet how you will return to the dream?"

"Not yet," I say, shaking my head. "But I have been talking with my priests, and we have some ideas." I sigh. "Hopefully we shall find a way. I cannot do much for my people as I am now." I set down my cup and rise. "I have taken up enough of your time, Miao, but I am glad to have seen you. If you need to find me, I will be at the abbey." I pause. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you that my - situation needs to be secret for now. I trust you."

[lei-miao-shan.livejournal.com]

"I am glad he was kind to you. And he gave his life for one of his priests. That, I think, is the best thing he has done in a long time."

Ah, that is very sad. I wonder who this priest was, what happened to him that required the life of a god to heal it. I likely will never know.

I ask if she has any idea on how she will return to the dream, and she shakes her head. "Not yet. But I have been talking with my priests, and we have some ideas. Hopefully we shall find a way. I cannot do much for my people as I am now." As she says this, she stands, and I stand with her. "I have taken up enough of your time, Miao, but I am glad to have seen you. If you need to find me, I will be at the abbey. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that my - situation needs to be secret for now. I trust you."

"You honour me with your trust," I bow my head slightly. "I am very glad that you came, Yuanjung. It was good to see you." After a moment, I come around the table, and I hope that I am not being rude as I pull her into an embrace. "Please, come and see me if you have need of anything. You are a good friend, and I wish to help any way that I can."