EXCOLO

Been cleanin' most of the day. Can't figure out what all else to do and my place is a mess with all them pictures I done thrown every which way.

I went out to see Momma with Syl that first night I got back, and she cried and hugged me and that felt good. 'Cept all the way back people was starin' at me and whisperin' and pointin'. Wasn't as bad as the ones who tried to run up'n hug me. I'm sure they was just bein' nice and all but somehow it don't feel right.

So I'm stayin' in my trailer most days. It's all too confusin' to do nothin' else. I don't know where I been and I don't hardly know where I am. How can I talk to anyone? And I miss Tez so bad it hurts sometimes.

I can feel him in the paintings when I sort 'em out. It's his power that helped me make 'em. I can tell. I can feel it in my fingers whenever I touch the paint. Wish I could remember us paintin' 'em together. Wish I knew where these stars were…

There's a knock, and I peek out the window and catch a little bit of blonde hair on two heads and oh heck, I know who that is! Ain't hardly nobody I'd wanna see now but I do wanna see the twins!

Go over to the door and fling it open with a big grin. "Oh, hey gals, come on in - "

And then I stop.

They're separate. There's two of 'em in two separate bodies each with two legs'n two full-size arms'n they're standin' a couple inches apart.

Oh heck. Oh heck. What happened since I been gone? What happened?

Think my mouth's still open.

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Don't see Genny, o'course, but I 'ear 'er breathe in, an' then Faith reaches back an' touches my shoulder an' I can see 'ow she's seein' Genny.

"Sorry, luvvie," I say. "Things've... Changed quite a bit since you've bin ill. Can we come in?"

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Hope's wearin' sunglasses but Faith ain't. Faith has to reach out to touch Hope 'cause they ain't touchin'

And I'm starin' and I never done that to them, never, and I told myself I never would.

"I'm sorry," I say back. It comes out kinda shaky. "'Course you can. C'mon in and sit down." I swallow, and I reach out to hug 'em both as they come in. Both at the same time, like I always done. "It's - it's real good to see you. Both of you." I mean it. Didn't know how much I meant it till I said it.

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Genny's shocked, o'course. Don't blame 'er. But she 'ugs us, an' I lean into 'er a bit.

"It's - it's real good to see you. Both of you."

Catch 'old of Hope's 'and so I can speak.

"You too," I say. "'ve missed you. People're sayin' Syl fixed you, 'ow'd she do it?" We sit down on the bed. "Right glad yer better, luvvie."

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"Faith, honey…" She sounds just like she used to - I can still tell it's her. I give her a little squeeze, then go back so we can all go sit down on the bed.

Still can't sit down 'tween 'em. I could but it wouldn't be right. 'Stead, I go over next to Hope, and sit real close to her.

"Don't 'member most of it myself. But…it was Tez who fixed me too. Wasn't just Syl." Think I can say it without cryin'. And I gotta say it. Gotta make sure that they know what he did. "Tez…gave himself up. And that helped bring me back."

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"Tez is dead?" Can 'ardly believe it. "But... 'ow?" 'E's a god, 'e can't just die. "Oh, Gen, I'm sorry," I say, an' I reach out fer 'er 'and. "Is Syl alright?" I add, cos this's got to 'ave cut 'er up, an' why ain't she told us?

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"I dunno how she done it." I grab Hope's hand when she reaches out and hang onto it, tight. "I dunno how it could happen. But Syl's…pretty broke up. She don't want to talk 'bout it much. But he done it to help me." I said it all kinds of times but it still don't make it feel better. Or more real. I push away the tears but my eyes're still cloudy.

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"I dunno how it could happen. But Syl's…pretty broke up. She don't want to talk 'bout it much. But he done it to help me."

About the best thing the stupid bastard's done all year, I reckon but I don't say. Not like me to 'old back, but our Gen's already 'ad a bit of a shock today.

"Right glad yer alright, luvvie," I say instead. "A lot's 'appened since you've bin gone. We saw Management," I say. "Got ourselves fixed, after a fashion. Reckon it was about time."

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"Right glad yer alright, luvvie," I say instead. "A lot's 'appened since you've bin gone."

"Yeah." I sniffle and wipe my eyes more, then snuggle back up to Hope. Kinda want to talk about it more, but kinda glad I don't have to say nothin' else. I reach behind 'em so's I can put my hand on Faith's shoulder, too. Just like I always done…

"I missed a lotta stuff. I feel like…don't 'member his name, but that fella in the story that Sadie told that one time? The one who fell asleep and woke up and it was twenty years later, but he thought it was the next mornin'?"

"We saw Management," I say. "Got ourselves fixed, after a fashion. Reckon it was about time."

I nod, real slow, tryin' to get my head 'round it all. Glad they done it themselves, 'stead o'havin someone else do it to 'em when they didn't want to. "You saw Management?" I say, starin' at 'em both. "Like, really saw 'em? What're they like? Momma wouldn't never say! And…um…are you okay with it? How it turned out, I mean?"

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"Like, really saw 'em? What're they like? Momma wouldn't never say! And…um…are you okay with it? How it turned out, I mean?"

"Don't remember," I say, quiet. "Bit of a ... blank, there. Think... Think you don't remember 'ow they is unless they want you to remember. An'... Yeah, we're 'appy enough. Gave up me eyesight, an' that's a big loss, not goin' to say otherwise, but it was that or bein' able to read the cards." Genny'll understand. It'd be like asking 'er not to paint. "An' even though it's 'ard, it don't 'urt, not the way it did just walkin' round or cold mornings." Still love 'ow easy it is to get up in the morning, even if I 'ave to step careful. "Don't regret it."

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My stomach turns. She can't see. She can't see. That's why she's wearin' them glasses and hangin' on to Faith like that. Oh God, losin' your eyes, I can't even imagine. "Oh honey. Oh honey. Oh, I'm sorry."

It's the worst thing ever I could think of, not bein' able to see. Makes me feel sick just thinkin' 'bout it. But…I don't see when I paint, not those kinds of pictures. And if I had to give up hearin' or tastin' or somethin' like that so I could keep paintin' I'd do it in a second...

"But you got your cards," I whisper to Hope. "You gotta have that. Can't not have that. And I'm glad you gals ain't hurtin' no more. Real glad. I hated seein' how much you always hurt in the winter and when you had to walk long ways." I stretch out to hug 'round both of their shoulders, and give Faith a squeeze as I ask her, "Did they make you give somethin' up too?"

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See, that's a good thing about our Gen, she don't tell us off like Syl did.

"Did they make you give somethin' up too?"

Snort.

"Nah. Apparently we're balanced now, me not speakin' an' Hope not seein'. Bet if we'd 'ad a third sister they'd've made 'er deaf," I say. "Management've got a...funny sense of 'umour, I reckon. Or just sense of 'ow things're meant to work. Pain, though, cos if I ain't with Hope, I can't speak out loud. Didn't really think o'that. Got t'be touchin' fer it to work."

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Faith's still Faith, makin' jokes like she always done - jokes that ain't funny and are funny, both. They're both still themselves, no matter how they look.

"So I guess you gotta be together most of the time anyway, so's you can talk? Guess you wouldn't want to be that far apart even if it wasn't for the talkin' thing. Might be kinda lonely bein' too far apart." My head still don't feel like it's goin' right. Takes way too long to think 'bout stuff, like paint I ain't used in a long time that's gotta be squished up 'fore it can come outta the tube.

Faith'n'Hope are separate. They can be in different places. I gotta keep sayin' it to myself so's I'll 'member it's true.

It'd make goin' 'round with fellas or gals easier on 'em both...

I hug both of the twins again, one arm 'round both of 'em like I always done. "If it's what you want, and if you're happy with it, then I'm glad."

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"I dunno if 'appy's the right word." Can be 'onest with Genny's cos she ain't judgin' us. "It's 'ard, really is. But it was right, I reckon. Ain't never goin to be normal, but it's good not t'feel like freaks. Tirin', always bein' aware people're starin or trying 'ard not to."

"Yeah," I whisper back. "It's gotta be. Bein' apart and all. But if you think it's right, then it is."

"you seen Zann yet?"

Zann. Oh heck, Zann. I squirm on the bed, and can't look at neither of the gals. "No. I ain't. I…dunno if I done stuff when I was…you know, like that, that would've made her think…you know." Don't hardly know what I mean. Just don't want Zann to think bad things 'bout me. Syl said I was actin' like a lil kid, and I don't wanna act like a kid in front of Zann. Always wanted her to think I was a grownup…

"Don't 'member hardly none of it, and I hope I didn't do nothin' bad. But…if I didn't, then….I think I wanna see her?"

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"No. I ain't. I…dunno if I done stuff when I was…you know, like that, that would've made her think…you know."

Nod, cos I do know. Sort o'smarts a bit that Gen don't care what I think, cos we did go out, but I know weren't the same fer either of us as 'er an' Zann.

"Don't 'member hardly none of it, and I hope I didn't do nothin' bad. But…if I didn't, then….I think I wanna see her?"

"Reckon you should see 'er either way," I say brisk-like. "Even if you acted like a stupid baby, cos she was worried as 'ell about you when you went soft in the 'ead. Reckon she deserves to see yer alright, y'know?" Reach over an' squeeze 'er 'and. "Dunno if it'll be alright, but reckon you'll feel better fer doin' it. An' that's the only advice I'm goin' t'give you, cos buggered if I know what else y'should do now." Smile a bit. "Really are glad yer back, luvvie. Missed you."

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"Reckon you should see 'er either way. Even if you acted like a stupid baby, cos she was worried as 'ell about you when you went soft in the 'ead. Reckon she deserves to see yer alright, y'know?"

My heart goes thump when she says that. "She was worried?" I ask, lookin' up at Faith real fast. "Honest?"

"Dunno if it'll be alright, but reckon you'll feel better fer doin' it. An' that's the only advice I'm goin' t'give you, cos buggered if I know what else y'should do now."

"I mean - um - I don't want her to feel bad or nothin'. I guess…I'll go see her. Gonna be hard, but I'll try."

Smile a bit. "Really are glad yer back, luvvie. Missed you."

Guess Faith was real worried 'bout me too, if she's all holdin' my hand and…well, if most people said that kinda stuff it wouldn't be talkin' warm an' fuzzy, but for Faith it is.

"Thanks," I say, real quiet. "Glad I'm back, too. It's real good to be back with you gals."

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