Afternoon of Monday, the Thirtieth of November

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

"Follow the truth of the way."
~ from the Dhammapada

The day so far I have spent cleaning as I once did for Cain. I have been searching for a new way to converse with the Lord, since I abandoned my flail. The wounds on my back have healed as much as they are going to, leaving a host of scars so that I never forget the faults of my life, or my thinking.

I lay aside the broom and set out to the River. I sit on its bank, eyes tracking the ebb and flow of the water. It moves so easily even over the sharpest rocks, not fighting them but moving gracefully around them. If I could be like that, I think, even a little--I think life would be something else entirely.

[OPEN to Kate.]

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[kateohara.livejournal.com]

It's a cold day, but bright, so I take a walk along the river, enjoying my day off. I hesitate when I see Laurence sitting outside. I've seen him at church of course, and we always exchange friendly words, but we haven't had a proper conversation in a long time, and I feel a little awkward. I shake myself. After all Laurence and I have been through together, to avoid him would be cowardly. He is still my friend, after all.

"Hello," I say. "Is this seat taken?" I add with a smile, pointing to the grassy bank beside him.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I don't jump visibly, I am sure, but I am surprised to hear a voice--especially that of Kate. I begin to rise when she asks if the space beside me is taken.

"No, of course not," I say and return her smile, pressing down the notice that my heart has picked up its pace slightly. Not quite like it used to. "Please," I say and gesture to the ground. I hesitate slightly and hold out my hand to help her. "How are you today, Kate?" I resist the urge to add "Miss" to her name. One step forward, several steps back.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

He holds out his hand to help me sit down and I take it.

"How are you today, Kate?"

Well, Laurence, I'm in love with a woman and I met an angel. I settle myself on the ground and instead say:

"Pretty well, thank you. I've been busy laying in stocks in case the roads get snowed in this winter. The snows aren't as deep here as where I grew up, but I like to be prepared." I smile. "How are you? I enjoyed your sermon yesterday. You seem to be settling into your church well." I pause. "It suits you, I think, this new life."

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I lift my knees and wrap my arms around them. I smile at her compliment, ignoring the tiny twang of regret at the idea of my new life and how it suits me. I nod, though.

"It seems to, doesn't it?" I say and look out on the water. "Thank you. It seems easier to talk to a crowd when they come to you." I laugh. "It's a change, but a good one."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"Thank you. It seems easier to talk to a crowd when they come to you.It's a change, but a good one."

I smile at that, thinking of how much has changed since I first met Laurence, preaching in the street in his robes.

"I'm pleased for you. Truly." I hesitate a moment and reach out and pat his hand. "I had a very interesting conversation recently," I say after a quiet moment. "I... met an angel." I look at him. "I know it sounds mad - well, maybe not in Excolo - but it's true. I... thought you might like to know," I say, a little shyly.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I look up when her hand pats mine and look at it, then at her. This is a strange thing, this meeting, but even that is lost on me when my brain processes what she has said.

"An angel?" I ask, not in disbelief but in a kind of awe. Gods and demons on this Earth, I have come to accept, if not understand, but angels? An angel? "A real angel?" The last question is spoken without me realizing it.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"Yes," I say. "I - can't prove it, but I believe it to be true. He's... not what I might have expected. But I believe that he will be on our side against -" I glance in the direction of the Tower - "our enemies," I finish. I smile a little. "It was a wonderful and very strange thing to hear that from him." I look at the river running by. "There's - something else I feel I should tell you, Laurence. I think you deserve to know." I look back at him. "I... met someone. In a romantic sense." I swallow, feeling my stomach flutter. I almost say I'm sorry, but I don't think it would help.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

The angel not what she expected. I can't say that surprises me. What here is what we expect of the things that call--or called--themselves gods?

"There's - something else I feel I should tell you, Laurence. I think you deserve to know." I look over at Kate and my brow furrows, but I feel a sinking in my stomach, as if I know that this is not pleasant news. "I... met someone. In a romantic sense." Something is in my feet that should be in my chest. My heart?

"Oh?" I say evenly. "Well, congratulations." I truly hope there is no irony in the phrase and I give her a smile that I don't believe. "Have we met?"

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Laurence is upset, I can tell, though his expression remains calm.

"Well, congratulations. Have we met?"

I wince inside because this is the part I particularly don't want to come to... But now Laurence has brought it up, how can I avoid it? I'm partly nervous because I'm worried what he'll think, but I'm also not sure if Tess would like him knowing. Glass is one thing; Tess knows she's my best friend. We haven't really talked about whether we want to be - public? Is that the right word? Out in the open. About all this. So I fudge things a bit by saying:

"I think so. We've been friends for quite a while. I hope - " I bite my lip. "I don't want your feelings to be hurt, Laurence. I care about you a great deal." I'm aware that's not very comforting.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

She doesn't volunteer his name and I don't press the issue. Frankly, I'd rather not know.

"I hope - I don't want your feelings to be hurt, Laurence. I care about you a great deal." I don't make the wry comment that sits on my tongue and instead take in a deep breath and turn to her.

"Kate, you are far too young to worry about my feelings. We both know how I feel about you and how I must feel about this. But don't trouble yourself with it, Kate." I touch her arm. "Are you happy?"

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"Kate, you are far too young to worry about my feelings. We both know how I feel about you and how I must feel about this. But don't trouble yourself with it, Kate."

Well, goodness, how am I supposed to respond to that? Too young? I know Laurence has always been troubled by the age gap between us, but to suggest I'm too young to care about how he feels... That hurts. But I bite back a snappish response, because of the way he says we both know how I feel about you. That just makes me feel sad, and faintly guilty - though not as badly as I once did.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes," I say. It's a hard sort of thing to admit to him, because I know he'll be thinking about our relationship and wondering if I'm happier now, and I don't want to address that. "I am. It's - good for me, I think." I smile a bit. "Thank you," I add. "For caring enough to be kind about it."

I look at the river again and clear my throat.

"How is Cain?" I ask. "It's been a while since I saw him."

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I don't think she likes what I said, but I don't change it. Allow me this bit of irritation, Katharina. And, truly, don't waste your worries on me.

"Yes," she says and I smile a little. "I am. It's - good for me, I think. Thank you," she adds. "For caring enough to be kind about it."

"I'm glad," I say. And my caring enough, Kate, has never been lacking. But that's another thing you shan't trouble yourself with.

"How is Cain? It's been a while since I saw him." My eyes follow hers to the river, the topic changed and the atmosphere more neutral.

"I'm afraid I haven't seen much of him, either." I fear there may be some problem there, with him, or with Kaeli and him. Perhaps over the feelings of Lúgh's death. I sigh. "I have been...strangely busy lately."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"I'm afraid I haven't seen much of him, either."

"But you two have always been close," I say. "Is there a problem between you?" I hope they haven't fallen out. It's hard to imagine Cain getting angry with anyone, but if Excolo has shown me anything, it's that anything is possible.

"I have been...strangely busy lately."

"Strangely?" I say, curious. "How so?"

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

"Hmm?" I ask in surprise. "No, not that I am aware of." I laugh a little. "Not as strangely as an exorcism, but strange for me. I guess I didn't expect opening a church to elevate me at all. Suddenly I'm invited to dinners and asked for counsel...," I pause and shake my head as I look upon the water. "Strange. Like that Mrs. Wilson. Now she and her daughter have me over almost once a week, when before she wouldn't look at me." I shrug.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I laugh a little.

"Perhaps Mrs Wilson has taken a shine to you," I suggest teasingly. I think about saying that I think Amanda has had a bit of a crush on him, but that might feel awkward. "It sounds, though, like you've become a leader in the community." I touch his hand again lightly. "I think that's what you were meant to be." I smile. I have the brief thought that I might have been at his side through this, the church and the store binding us to the community, keeping us together at its heart. It would, I think, have been nice, going for dinners with the elderly ladies of the community, sewing for church projects, talking over the business of preaching and of selling, the different ways we have of reaching out to people. It would have been very comfortable.

But there is Tess, and it's not at all what I ever expected, and I am so glad she and I met. And so the feeling passes away as I look over the river.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I laugh. Mrs. Wilson, I think, would rather marry off her daughter than herself. I don't say that, though, knowing Amanda works for Kate. I think I've discouraged her. I don't need Kate thinking I need a matchmaker. Not that I'm even sure she would do that sort of thing.

Not really much in the way of women to be matched with, anyway.

"It sounds, though, like you've become a leader in the community." She touches my hand lightly and I look at her and smile slightly. "I think that's what you were meant to be." I raise my eyebrows and look at the grass, then the bark of the tree nearby.

"Perhaps," I say. "Perhaps it is."