Afternoon of Monday, the Thirtieth of November

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

"Follow the truth of the way."
~ from the Dhammapada

The day so far I have spent cleaning as I once did for Cain. I have been searching for a new way to converse with the Lord, since I abandoned my flail. The wounds on my back have healed as much as they are going to, leaving a host of scars so that I never forget the faults of my life, or my thinking.

I lay aside the broom and set out to the River. I sit on its bank, eyes tracking the ebb and flow of the water. It moves so easily even over the sharpest rocks, not fighting them but moving gracefully around them. If I could be like that, I think, even a little--I think life would be something else entirely.

[OPEN to Kate.]

Comments

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"Kate, you are far too young to worry about my feelings. We both know how I feel about you and how I must feel about this. But don't trouble yourself with it, Kate."

Well, goodness, how am I supposed to respond to that? Too young? I know Laurence has always been troubled by the age gap between us, but to suggest I'm too young to care about how he feels... That hurts. But I bite back a snappish response, because of the way he says we both know how I feel about you. That just makes me feel sad, and faintly guilty - though not as badly as I once did.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes," I say. It's a hard sort of thing to admit to him, because I know he'll be thinking about our relationship and wondering if I'm happier now, and I don't want to address that. "I am. It's - good for me, I think." I smile a bit. "Thank you," I add. "For caring enough to be kind about it."

I look at the river again and clear my throat.

"How is Cain?" I ask. "It's been a while since I saw him."

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I don't think she likes what I said, but I don't change it. Allow me this bit of irritation, Katharina. And, truly, don't waste your worries on me.

"Yes," she says and I smile a little. "I am. It's - good for me, I think. Thank you," she adds. "For caring enough to be kind about it."

"I'm glad," I say. And my caring enough, Kate, has never been lacking. But that's another thing you shan't trouble yourself with.

"How is Cain? It's been a while since I saw him." My eyes follow hers to the river, the topic changed and the atmosphere more neutral.

"I'm afraid I haven't seen much of him, either." I fear there may be some problem there, with him, or with Kaeli and him. Perhaps over the feelings of Lúgh's death. I sigh. "I have been...strangely busy lately."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"I'm afraid I haven't seen much of him, either."

"But you two have always been close," I say. "Is there a problem between you?" I hope they haven't fallen out. It's hard to imagine Cain getting angry with anyone, but if Excolo has shown me anything, it's that anything is possible.

"I have been...strangely busy lately."

"Strangely?" I say, curious. "How so?"

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

"Hmm?" I ask in surprise. "No, not that I am aware of." I laugh a little. "Not as strangely as an exorcism, but strange for me. I guess I didn't expect opening a church to elevate me at all. Suddenly I'm invited to dinners and asked for counsel...," I pause and shake my head as I look upon the water. "Strange. Like that Mrs. Wilson. Now she and her daughter have me over almost once a week, when before she wouldn't look at me." I shrug.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I laugh a little.

"Perhaps Mrs Wilson has taken a shine to you," I suggest teasingly. I think about saying that I think Amanda has had a bit of a crush on him, but that might feel awkward. "It sounds, though, like you've become a leader in the community." I touch his hand again lightly. "I think that's what you were meant to be." I smile. I have the brief thought that I might have been at his side through this, the church and the store binding us to the community, keeping us together at its heart. It would, I think, have been nice, going for dinners with the elderly ladies of the community, sewing for church projects, talking over the business of preaching and of selling, the different ways we have of reaching out to people. It would have been very comfortable.

But there is Tess, and it's not at all what I ever expected, and I am so glad she and I met. And so the feeling passes away as I look over the river.

[brotherlaurence.livejournal.com]

I laugh. Mrs. Wilson, I think, would rather marry off her daughter than herself. I don't say that, though, knowing Amanda works for Kate. I think I've discouraged her. I don't need Kate thinking I need a matchmaker. Not that I'm even sure she would do that sort of thing.

Not really much in the way of women to be matched with, anyway.

"It sounds, though, like you've become a leader in the community." She touches my hand lightly and I look at her and smile slightly. "I think that's what you were meant to be." I raise my eyebrows and look at the grass, then the bark of the tree nearby.

"Perhaps," I say. "Perhaps it is."