Maybe they're just pieces of me you've never seen

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

(Friday, October 9th, later afternoon)
(A house outside the main town)

I hate to admit it, it's good to feel Lucien in somewhat better spirits.   I never realized how much of a drain it is on both of us when he's miserable.   The pony.... even I have to admit that was a downright decent thing to do. 

Lucien spent most of the day doing house calls, managing to keep in good spirits.  He's thinking about both his women on the walk back from the outlying farms, thinking maybe he could have dinner with Miao, or entice Wanda out to the bar.  I am content enough to just listen in on his thoughts, not intercede.  I think I've done enough damage to him for the time being, and soon enough..... soon enough.....

We're passing a small, rough looking house when the smell of disease and impending death reaches us on the wind.  Lucien stops in his tracks, the medical concern that seems inbred to him crowding out thoughts of perfumed hair and soft lips, and he enters the house quietly.
All the way in a back room, the man lies in bed, alone, writhing in pain, death hours away, if that.  Lucien pulls up a chair and sits besides the bed.  There is nothing that can be done.  The cancer has spread over the entire body, it's a wonder the poor wretch lived this long.   Lucien is wracking his brain, trying to figure out what to do, when I finally speak up, quietly.   "Lucien, he's too far gone.  You can't heal him, and yes, I could, but it would tax you far to greatly."  We think for a minute, and the answer comes to me.  I mentally share it with Lucien, and with a sigh, he surrenders control to me.
I smile softly at the man with Lucien's face and lay my land on his chest.   "I'm ready,"  He gasps, body convulsing.  "But it huts so bad... can't get past the..."   "Shhhhhh, friend.  Peace, I know.  I'm going to take the pain away briefly.... that should give you the peace you can't reach.... are you ready?"   He nods, eyes glassed over with agony.  "Please, please, God help me please." 

I take a deep breath, and instead of releasing sickly green fire, the purity of the Light I still contain engulfs him, and his face is transformed.  His face turns to ours and his smile is beatific.  "Thank you.... oh thank you.... you're an angel...."  I would laugh bitterly at that, but he turns his face at looks at something I cannot see.  Not to my eyes, not anymore... but I can feel it, i can feel HOME, and I want to weep at the beauty of it.....

and then he's gone, and we are alone.  Lucien stirs, confused and concerned at my unbearable sorrow.  I cannot, I can't... I render him unconscious.

I am alone. The only demon who still carries the Light, the only demon who regrets.
I am alone.

(open to Lilith)
(Closed)

Comments

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"Oh My Lady, she is lovely. A being all unto her own...but nowhere near as lovely as you.... more of a pale shadow of your perfection. Oh, is that what caused the hound God to shatter the night with his keening? The loss of his one worshiper? Petty Gods and their need of worship."

"Isn't she?" I preen, "My Djinn is quite the artist when he wants to be. As for the hound gods woe, I hardly care about what the reason was," I smile. "But it serves him right, they have all always been such needy little things," I giggle, leaning against him and smiling up at him as he talks more of the child. "I got a sense of the child, yes. She certainly has a sense for me, or rather, whats wrong with Doctor Constantine. I am merely surprised you let her live after disappointing you so."

"So few are rarely ever anything but a disappointment these days and I had considered snuffing out her little flame. But there is always time for that, and it might be interesting to see what use she could be first. A Fae child is rare to find, even if it is one tainted with human blood."

Marbas tilts his head looking at me for a moment as if he's confused. I wonder what the cause of his confusion is. Perhaps its the child or the fact that she lives, though were I to kill every disappointment in this wretched town, there would be nothing left. "May I ask a question?" he finally says.

"Anything you want," I smile, leaning into him more and nipping at his lips. Even with his flaws, I do so miss my lion sometimes.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"As for the hound gods woe, I hardly care about what the reason was, But it serves him right, they have all always been such needy little things,"
"That is why we still remain as we are, we have no need for humans to look to ones such as we." I say, with more than a little pride echoing in my voice as I remember what I used to be, both when I was blessed and damned as I am now and forevermore. Human thought, or lack thereof, cannot diminish me, but perhaps I have let myself be drug down too far in what will never be.

Yes, it is time for Lucien and I to be seperated. He is a good person, a good human... and I am weary of all this humanity.

"...I had considered snuffing out her little flame. But there is always time for that, and it might be interesting to see what use she could be first. A Fae child is rare to find, even if it is one tainted with human blood." Lilith remarks and then with a smile, leaning into me. This may be a bad idea, usually half of what I think or say has the opposite reaction with her, but her willingness to let Fiona live has my felines curiosity raging.

"Please realize I do not ask to cause you grief, lovely one." I say as a caveat to what I am about to ask. "Would you bear another child if you had the opportunity?" I ask softly, looking down into her eyes.

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"That is why we still remain as we are, we have no need for humans to look to ones such as we." he says with that pride I so adore, reminding me of the creature he once was and will be again. The great President who tolerated no weakness and the one who commanded legions. My Marbas.

"Though that never stopped them from trying," I laugh. "How many names and roles have they used for me?" Some have been more true than others and I have been all of them, yet never any one.

"Please realize I do not ask to cause you grief, lovely one." he says prefacing his question. Making me wonder, if he thinks he has to cousin it, why would he ask at all? But the curiosity that is lighting his face does make me laugh. At least that part of him has not been lost.

"Would you bear another child if you had the opportunity?"

....Unfortunately, he has gained a greater capacity for sentimentality too. My poor lion. I can see why my possible reaction would cause him such concern, but my punishment wasn't his fault. It was my choice. "You know as well as I that its not a matter of opportunity, I simply cannot. When my debt was paid and my freedom finally bought, they made sure there were no more," I say, eyes and lips setting into a thin line as I recall their never ending screams. To no longer be able to bear anymore children simply to have them all die. Both a mercy and another punishment at once, typical. "But there are others," I smile up at him, tracing my finger along the line of his jaw. The blood and lineage so diluted its barely an echo of what I am, but it is still there.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"Though that never stopped them from trying, How many names and roles have they used for me?" Lilith laughs, speaking of man's necessity to label her. "Ah yes, I still am partial to the one that band came up with... Piretta Blaze was it? Had that song stuck in my head for decades." I laugh with her.

"You know as well as I that its not a matter of opportunity, I simply cannot. When my debt was paid and my freedom finally bought, they made sure there were no more," The way her jaw sets and her eyes gaze into the past... this is exactly why I was loathe to bring it up.

"But there are others," Nod absently, thinking.... "The blood drinkers, of course...but... " I murmur as she caresses my face. Still wandering, I summon a flame to my hand and roll it about my fingers, mixing the hellfire of my damnation and the pure white flame of light together as I think.

Could I possible undo what my creator has done? We were once of the same power... a power which I still possess a sliver of.....

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"The blood drinkers, of course...but..." he says, expression going vague as his thoughts turn inward. I watch as the fire dances across his hand and smile, remembering his gesture of deep thought. Then my smile fades and the back of my eyes begin to itch as the creators light sparks in his hand, threading and combining with the other.

"But what?" I ask, dropping my hands and slowly stepping away until the itch subsides and the reminders fade. Perhaps in the end I will return to that perfect flame and be close to it again, but now is not that time.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"But what..." her voice sounds far away, and when I look up, I realize Lilith has taken several steps back. Curse softly under my breath and with a flick of my hand, both flames are no more.

"But what if you could? Not a legion, but one child. Just one, perfect ... if it could be done...?"

Oh, this may get Lucien killed. This is a touchy subject at best, but Kaeli got me thinking. If she could heal a infertile woman, why couldn't I? Our Creator rendered her infertile, our Creator also blessed me with his ability to heal. A ability which I still possess...

I look to my Lady, waiting to see how she reacts.

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"But what if you could? Not a legion, but one child. Just one, perfect ... if it could be done...?" he says after extinguishing the flame from his hand.

"Ooh I think if it could be done it would have been by now, don't you agree?" I ask with a lascivious smile and then laugh, waving my hand in dismissal. It certainly wasn't for lack of trying. He was there when some were born and when they were taken, and he was there when it all just stopped. Sometimes I think he grieved more deeply than me, maybe he still does. Or maybe its the weakness of his prison that causes him to now. I frown and my brow arches as I consider him, noting his curious expression. I am growing tired of this discussion of what was and might be. Restoring him to what he was is one thing, recalling old things that I wouldn't do differently even if I were given the chance, is another. "You well know all I wanted was to have just one survive," I say sharply. And for time, some did survive. Until there were no new ones born and when I still would not return, those were taken too. But Adam was allowed to keep his and as promised, I took those in place of mine, and happily still do.

"Perhaps we should be more concerned about restoring you to the leader of legions that you once were, hmm?" I ask, looking him over slowly and smiling again.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"Ooh I think if it could be done it would have been by now, don't you agree?" The wicked grin she gives me causes me to chuckle. "Well yes, it was not for lack of trying." I agree, fondly remembering days that would pass while he coupled....

...but this train of thought is clearly unsettling her, and I should let it go now. Especially since I do not know if I could affect such a change.

"Perhaps we should be more concerned about restoring you to the leader of legions that you once were, hmm?"
Yes, the subject has been changed.
"That will be a trick, won't it? I am sure Iblis will not be pleased with my early release... but we can hope he takes out his wrath on the Doctor, or the Trickser God, or the Doctor's woman." I speculate with a wry grin.
"If any of them live through it, that is."

Actually that is more on an incentive to do what I am able to ensure they do live. Iblis will be furious, but if it's divided between three or four targets....

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"That will be a trick, won't it? I am sure Iblis will not be pleased with my early release... but we can hope he takes out his wrath on the Doctor, or the Trickster God, or the Doctor's woman. If any of them live through it, that is."

"Ooh, not such a difficult trick if you know what you're doing," I laugh, walking back over to him. Though I think the trickster god will be far more gentle than I would. That's part of his dilemma I think. "As for Iblis..." I smile and shrug, "I'm sure he won't be pleased, to say the least. He might be annoyed with them, but it really depends on the reason and severity of your quarrel with him." Marbas doesn't keep many secrets from be but the reason for his punishment is one he holds close. Which leads me to believe its one I would not be pleased about either. If its what I suspect it is, him continuing to do what he just did today will only make the irritation worse. Also, if Iblis finds out I had a hand in freeing Marbas, he may punish him again simply to get back at me. Keeping him to myself isn't the only reason I've kept him a secrete for all of this time.

My eyes, flash at the thought of him being punished again, regardless of if it as deserved. Even inadvertently, my Iblis always has had a way with interfering with what's mine. "If he harms you again, we will see how he likes it when the same is done to one that belongs to him." An eye for an eye, I always did like that one.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure he won't be pleased, to say the least. He might be annoyed with them, but it really depends on the reason and severity of your quarrel with him."

Grin as Lilith fishes for the details of my punishment again, and what I did to deserve such a thing. "Oh come now... if I tell you all my secrets, you will get bored and leave me for someone more mysterious." I say lightly, trying to make nothing out of something.

If there is one unspoken law amongst those who chose to follow The Mornigstar and be cast down, it is to hate our Creator, to never yearn to go back, to want forgiveness.

And I did.

So it was decided that I had forgotten how vile humans could be, the one We had been cast aside completely for, and I was placed inside Lucien to remind me.

And if Lilith knew that, she might stuff me back into the next human she sees.

"If he harms you again, we will see how he likes it when the same is done to one that belongs to him."

Oh, a lions grin splits my face. My Lilith, my Lady, my vicious love....
"I will take comfort on the fact that if he cannot be placated and I am to suffer his wrath, he will be subjected to your tender mercy." I laugh, my voice rumbling across the valley.

Look her up and down, fire and lust dancing in my eyes.
"I am feeling way too human...." I decide, shifting forms and taking to demon, flexing massive wings.
"Shall we go find something diverting to kill?" I ask, holding out a massive clawed hand to her.