Maybe they're just pieces of me you've never seen

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

(Friday, October 9th, later afternoon)
(A house outside the main town)

I hate to admit it, it's good to feel Lucien in somewhat better spirits.   I never realized how much of a drain it is on both of us when he's miserable.   The pony.... even I have to admit that was a downright decent thing to do. 

Lucien spent most of the day doing house calls, managing to keep in good spirits.  He's thinking about both his women on the walk back from the outlying farms, thinking maybe he could have dinner with Miao, or entice Wanda out to the bar.  I am content enough to just listen in on his thoughts, not intercede.  I think I've done enough damage to him for the time being, and soon enough..... soon enough.....

We're passing a small, rough looking house when the smell of disease and impending death reaches us on the wind.  Lucien stops in his tracks, the medical concern that seems inbred to him crowding out thoughts of perfumed hair and soft lips, and he enters the house quietly.
All the way in a back room, the man lies in bed, alone, writhing in pain, death hours away, if that.  Lucien pulls up a chair and sits besides the bed.  There is nothing that can be done.  The cancer has spread over the entire body, it's a wonder the poor wretch lived this long.   Lucien is wracking his brain, trying to figure out what to do, when I finally speak up, quietly.   "Lucien, he's too far gone.  You can't heal him, and yes, I could, but it would tax you far to greatly."  We think for a minute, and the answer comes to me.  I mentally share it with Lucien, and with a sigh, he surrenders control to me.
I smile softly at the man with Lucien's face and lay my land on his chest.   "I'm ready,"  He gasps, body convulsing.  "But it huts so bad... can't get past the..."   "Shhhhhh, friend.  Peace, I know.  I'm going to take the pain away briefly.... that should give you the peace you can't reach.... are you ready?"   He nods, eyes glassed over with agony.  "Please, please, God help me please." 

I take a deep breath, and instead of releasing sickly green fire, the purity of the Light I still contain engulfs him, and his face is transformed.  His face turns to ours and his smile is beatific.  "Thank you.... oh thank you.... you're an angel...."  I would laugh bitterly at that, but he turns his face at looks at something I cannot see.  Not to my eyes, not anymore... but I can feel it, i can feel HOME, and I want to weep at the beauty of it.....

and then he's gone, and we are alone.  Lucien stirs, confused and concerned at my unbearable sorrow.  I cannot, I can't... I render him unconscious.

I am alone. The only demon who still carries the Light, the only demon who regrets.
I am alone.

(open to Lilith)
(Closed)

Comments

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

The little god has not slept since I saw him last for fear of the dreams he may have. Its a pity he doesn't need it, the madness that comes when a mortal is denied sleep would be rather interesting to see in him. Perhaps it would even push him closer to what he is and should be. But I have spent enough time on him for now, and there are others I would like to see.

It does not take me long to locate the doctor in a house with a dying man and I watch as he agonizes over what can and cannot be done. Its then my Marbas takes over, with the creators own flame he releases the man from the pain that binds him to his rotting form, setting him free. At the feel of that power so near, my form collects in the doorway, anger and hate lighting my eyes and traveling through me in burning waves.

Ooh, you sentimental fool.

"Have you slipped so far that you would now bestow mercy based on pity rather than when its deserved?" I ask, stepping slowly into the room. It is true, so few are deserving, if any are, but there were reasons for his pain, though his time remaining was short there were lessons yet to be learned.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

A little lost in my own torments, it takes me a good minute to realize I am not alone.

Lilith. And is she ever irate with me.

"Have you slipped so far that you would now bestow mercy based on pity rather than when its deserved?" Sighning inwardly, I shift to my human form as I am berated so she does not have to look at Lucien's form and grow even angrier. I turn on the chair and look at her with flame kissed feline eyes. "Perhaps...." Shrug a bit. "Perhaps I am getting soft in my old age. Perhaps feeling a bit nostalgic. Perhaps I am just bloody bored." I finish with a small smile, rising from the chair.

"Shall we continue this outside and away from the wretched humanity?" I consider burning the body, but I think better on it, remembering the grief Lucien got from the godling.

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"Perhaps.... Perhaps I am getting soft in my old age. Perhaps feeling a bit nostalgic. Perhaps I am just bloody bored."
 
He sighs, changing from the doctors form to one of his own and I smile slightly knowing he did that on my behalf. It is sad, he used to take pride in his forms and once would have cringed at the very thought of wearing something which came from dirt. “Perhaps you have forgotten your purpose and wish to extend your time in that human’s body? Though, I can understand how you would be bored, trapped as you are,” I say with an arched brow. As much as I hate to admit it, if this is what he was doing with his time, I can certainly understand the reason why he was punished.
 
"Shall we continue this outside and away from the wretched humanity?"
 
Glancing first at the rotting corpse, I return my gaze to Marbas, wrinkling my nose slightly at the smell. I wait for him to dispose of the thing and when he does not, I roll my eyes and walk out of the house. It’s his mess, let him take care of it as he will.

“Please, remind me of the reason why I’m helping you? If this is all you intend to do when you’re free, you may as well stay as you are.” I say coldly, crossing my arms and narrowing my eyes.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

“Please, remind me of the reason why I’m helping you? If this is all you intend to do when you’re free, you may as well stay as you are.”
Oh yes, we are very irate, aren't we? Stuff my hands into my pockets and stroll back outside to where the night air is cool and clean, and I tilt my face towards the last rays of the sun.
"Oh, the first thing I intend... amend that, the first thing I should be so lucky to do, is you, for days on end." Grin at her lecherously. "No my dear, the doctor does seem to be affecting me, once we are separated, all that nonsense..." Wave my hand at the house behind us. "..should cease." And maybe once I am back to normal, my regrets and melancholy will cease, and I'll be back to myself again.

"Which should be very soon. I've done what I can to speed that up along myself." Grin sharply at the memory of Wanda screaming in my face.

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

Oh, the first thing I intend... amend that, the first thing I should be so lucky to do, is you, for days on end.

"If you should be so lucky," I say neutrally, smiling slightly and studying him as he continues his reassuring words. I on the other hand am not so convinced. In some ways he already is stronger and more like himself. When I found him he would never have been able to send the doctor into sleep as he just did. But its that self-pitying look he had on his face, the one that he's getting more and more, its that I won't tolerate.

"Which should be very soon. I've done what I can to speed that up along myself."

"Oh? So not all your time has not been spent pining and nursing the sick back to health?" I ask, tilting my head and stepping closer. I wonder if that was also one of the creators little jokes, to surround me with all of these intensely melancholic creatures. "The trickster god didn't seem so sure when I saw him last."

He also didn't seem like he knew what he was doing, but we shall see. At worst, the doctor and the god die and Iblis already has the doctor's soul, no real loss there. "So what is it that you have done to speed things along, hmm?" I ask, smiling up at him.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"Oh? So not all your time has not been spent pining and nursing the sick back to health?" Shake my head and laugh. "Oh no... causing petty little problems for Lucien, he is quite a bit of fun when angry or agitiated. But not in the way you and the djinn and the wishes have got him worked up..... you have him all but suicidal. Did you know the woman who received the hooves was his other lover?" Wink at her, grinning. I probably could reverse it, but risk Lilith's fury? No, no thank you.

"The trickster god didn't seem so sure when I saw him last."
Think back on my conversation with Lúgh, his certainty mixed with trepidation. "He knows full well he will most likely die in any attempts to seperate us. I doubt he wants to, but he's ready..." Wonder... just wonder if I can keep him from dying? My first concern wil be Lucien, of course, but if I have it in me....

"So what is it that you have done to speed things along, hmm?"
Lilith caught my grin, and comes closer with her own smile. "Lucien's fiancee', have you met her? Fiesty little thing... The Tricker God's worshiper by the way...." Just the images of pale flesh singed under my fingers is enough to get me aroused. "I've become very good at impersonating Lucien. She didn't figure it out... until it was too late.
She screams beautifully. I had fun with her for hours before I re-assumed her lover's form. That was worse for her by the way... when I all but made love to her wearing Lucien's face...."
I get lost in the memories for a moment, the way Wanda begged for the demon rather than the kindness...

"She won't trust Lucien again.... not completely until I'm out of him. I am more than sure she went running to her God. Shouldn't be much longer, My Lady. Not much longer at all."

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"Oh no... causing petty little problems for Lucien, he is quite a bit of fun when angry or agitiated. But not in the way you and the djinn and the wishes have got him worked up..... you have him all but suicidal. Did you know the woman who received the hooves was his other lover?"

"Ooh was she?" I laugh, "I had no idea, who the recipients were of those lovely little gifts was far from my concern. But I have heard my name mentioned more and more lately, was that your little friends doing as well?" I ask, still smiling. I know it was, just as I always know who it is that speaks any of my names, if I choose to pay attention. "From what I have heard, your little doctor isn't the only one stirred up," I say nearly laughing when I think of the more recent conversation between the little god, his witch and the diminished Norn.

He tells me about his fun with Lucien's fiancee' and I smile hearing about the trouble he's been causing. Though the idea of him putting actual effort into being good at impersonating the doctor tells me how 'bored' he really is. Then, my smile wavers and I can feel my eye twitch slightly when I catch images from him of the act itself. If there ever was a human I could feel the slightest amount of pity for, it was Eve.

My brow furrows slightly as he continues, and then furrow deepens to a dark scowl when his apparent over enjoyment of what he did with the woman becomes evident. To punish or corrupt is one thing, and even to enjoy it. But I can taste his desire in the air as he trails off, remembering what he's done, and I wonder how mired and entrenched in that humans flesh has he truly become?

"I have not met her yet, but perhaps I should?" I smile, my face growing cold and hard as stone. "Trusting him at all was rather foolish on her part, but if she's involved with a god too?" I trail off and slowly shrug, "There are none so blind as those who will not see," I say as I smile, touching a finger to the tip of his nose. To say I am losing patience is an understatement and would imply I had some remaining. Given what I have just seen, soon cannot be soon enough.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"I have not met her yet, but perhaps I should?"
Oh, well then. Her face tells me exactly what she thinks of my exploits. How does Wanda say it? 'Fuck me softly with a chainsaw'? I did what I could do to further the advancement of my freedom. Let her be irate.

"Trusting him at all was rather foolish on her part, but if she's involved with a god too? There are none so blind as those who will not see," "Oh, not just one god, but two." I laugh, trying to divert her attention away from her consternation with me. "The girl is either drawn to those with power, or those that serve the darkness. Actually, you might like her, all dark desires and prone to violence. She tries to fight those aspects of her nature, but I think, in the end, she'll turn away from all that is good and virtuous."

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"Oh, not just one god, but two. The girl is either drawn to those with power, or those that serve the darkness. Actually, you might like her, all dark desires and prone to violence. She tries to fight those aspects of her nature, but I think, in the end, she'll turn away from all that is good and virtuous."

My brow arches at what he says regarding the girl, wondering if he is trying to shift the attention from him to other things. I am still far from pleased with what I have seen today, but right now there is nothing to be done, not until he's free. I'll worry about it then. "Two?" I laugh. "Yes, she might be worth paying a visit to sometime. Maybe you should introduce us," I say with a mischievous smile. I wonder if she would be afraid of me as well. I'm sure Lucien has told her about me by now.

"Speaking of my Djinn, did I ever thank you properly for returning him?" I ask, flashing him a smile and tilting my head, "The fae child ended up being of little use and more effort than it was worth, but there was another who was more than happy to wish him free." My smile widens thinking of how lovely the pretty witch was when I saw her last.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

Lilith seems amused at the idea of Wanda taking two gods to bed. "Yes, the Trickster God and the Hound God. It's made her life most complicated."

"Yes, she might be worth paying a visit to sometime. Maybe you should introduce us," Smile and shake my head as we begin to amble back towards town, the dying rays of the sun making the shadows long on the road. "That may prove tricky, he has removed himself from their home lest I hurt her again. Not that I am planning to, once was enough to sow the seeds of distrust there. Wanda is aware of you, though. Perhaps the two of you could take tea together." I am grinning now, trying to imaging that conversation. Wanda would either be terrified or surly, I wonder which her emotions would chose?

"Speaking of my Djinn, did I ever thank you properly for returning him?" Finally, a sincere smile. With desire for her and her alone, I trace her perfect cheek with my finger tip. "Your pleasure in the deed is more than repayment, so yes you did." I smile at her and wink. Then she mentions the child Fiona and her Djinn, and someone set him free? "Oh, someone was either wise or foolish enough to free him? Who was it, and do they still live?" I ask, then a thought occurs to me.

"Why did you let the child live? Not questioning your motives.... you've just piqued my curiosity."

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"Yes, the Trickster God and the Hound God. It's made her life most complicated."

My nose wrinkles again at the mention of Iblis's pet, the hound god. "Its no wonder that your methods surprised her so. I imagine she's not used to one with such finesse," I smile, running a finger down his chest.

I laugh at his mention of her being aware of me and the suggestion that we have tea. "Now wouldn't that be pleasant, a girl talk over tea." She may know of me, but I know I can throw her off if I choose to. "Your pleasure in the deed is more than repayment, so yes you did."

Smiling, I nip at his finger, and then kiss the palm of his hand. "The pretty witch who was the hound god's priestess. She came to us of her own free will and when she left..." I pause, tracing my finger over his temple, showing him the masterpiece she has become, "she was priestess no more." Cupping his cheek, I smile and bring my lips to his ear, "That was her wish."

"Why did you let the child live? Not questioning your motives.... you've just piqued my curiosity."

"Really?" I giggle, leaning against him and tracing my nails up his leg, "Is your curiosity all I've piqued?" I flash him another smile and shrug, "The path to hell is paved with good intentions and she has no shortage of those. Did you not meet her and see what she is?"

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"The pretty witch who was the hound god's priestess. She came to us of her own free will and when she left..."
Lilith shows me what the seer became, and I almost shiver in the raw power and joy of it.
"she was priestess no more. That was her wish."
"Oh My Lady, she is lovely. A being all unto her own...but nowhere near as lovely as you.... more of a pale shadow of your perfection. Oh, is that what caused the hound God to shatter the night with his keening? The loss of his one worshiper?" Shake my head and kiss her cheek. "Petty Gods and their need of worship."

"Really? Is your curiosity all I've piqued?" Growl in contentment as her nails rake my leg. "Oh, I am always piqued for you, as it were. I got a sense of the child, yes. She certainly has a sense for me, or rather, whats wrong with Doctor Constantine. I am merely surprised you let her live after disappointing you so."

Cock my head and study my Lilith, wondering.....

"May I ask a question?"

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"Oh My Lady, she is lovely. A being all unto her own...but nowhere near as lovely as you.... more of a pale shadow of your perfection. Oh, is that what caused the hound God to shatter the night with his keening? The loss of his one worshiper? Petty Gods and their need of worship."

"Isn't she?" I preen, "My Djinn is quite the artist when he wants to be. As for the hound gods woe, I hardly care about what the reason was," I smile. "But it serves him right, they have all always been such needy little things," I giggle, leaning against him and smiling up at him as he talks more of the child. "I got a sense of the child, yes. She certainly has a sense for me, or rather, whats wrong with Doctor Constantine. I am merely surprised you let her live after disappointing you so."

"So few are rarely ever anything but a disappointment these days and I had considered snuffing out her little flame. But there is always time for that, and it might be interesting to see what use she could be first. A Fae child is rare to find, even if it is one tainted with human blood."

Marbas tilts his head looking at me for a moment as if he's confused. I wonder what the cause of his confusion is. Perhaps its the child or the fact that she lives, though were I to kill every disappointment in this wretched town, there would be nothing left. "May I ask a question?" he finally says.

"Anything you want," I smile, leaning into him more and nipping at his lips. Even with his flaws, I do so miss my lion sometimes.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"As for the hound gods woe, I hardly care about what the reason was, But it serves him right, they have all always been such needy little things,"
"That is why we still remain as we are, we have no need for humans to look to ones such as we." I say, with more than a little pride echoing in my voice as I remember what I used to be, both when I was blessed and damned as I am now and forevermore. Human thought, or lack thereof, cannot diminish me, but perhaps I have let myself be drug down too far in what will never be.

Yes, it is time for Lucien and I to be seperated. He is a good person, a good human... and I am weary of all this humanity.

"...I had considered snuffing out her little flame. But there is always time for that, and it might be interesting to see what use she could be first. A Fae child is rare to find, even if it is one tainted with human blood." Lilith remarks and then with a smile, leaning into me. This may be a bad idea, usually half of what I think or say has the opposite reaction with her, but her willingness to let Fiona live has my felines curiosity raging.

"Please realize I do not ask to cause you grief, lovely one." I say as a caveat to what I am about to ask. "Would you bear another child if you had the opportunity?" I ask softly, looking down into her eyes.

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"That is why we still remain as we are, we have no need for humans to look to ones such as we." he says with that pride I so adore, reminding me of the creature he once was and will be again. The great President who tolerated no weakness and the one who commanded legions. My Marbas.

"Though that never stopped them from trying," I laugh. "How many names and roles have they used for me?" Some have been more true than others and I have been all of them, yet never any one.

"Please realize I do not ask to cause you grief, lovely one." he says prefacing his question. Making me wonder, if he thinks he has to cousin it, why would he ask at all? But the curiosity that is lighting his face does make me laugh. At least that part of him has not been lost.

"Would you bear another child if you had the opportunity?"

....Unfortunately, he has gained a greater capacity for sentimentality too. My poor lion. I can see why my possible reaction would cause him such concern, but my punishment wasn't his fault. It was my choice. "You know as well as I that its not a matter of opportunity, I simply cannot. When my debt was paid and my freedom finally bought, they made sure there were no more," I say, eyes and lips setting into a thin line as I recall their never ending screams. To no longer be able to bear anymore children simply to have them all die. Both a mercy and another punishment at once, typical. "But there are others," I smile up at him, tracing my finger along the line of his jaw. The blood and lineage so diluted its barely an echo of what I am, but it is still there.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"Though that never stopped them from trying, How many names and roles have they used for me?" Lilith laughs, speaking of man's necessity to label her. "Ah yes, I still am partial to the one that band came up with... Piretta Blaze was it? Had that song stuck in my head for decades." I laugh with her.

"You know as well as I that its not a matter of opportunity, I simply cannot. When my debt was paid and my freedom finally bought, they made sure there were no more," The way her jaw sets and her eyes gaze into the past... this is exactly why I was loathe to bring it up.

"But there are others," Nod absently, thinking.... "The blood drinkers, of course...but... " I murmur as she caresses my face. Still wandering, I summon a flame to my hand and roll it about my fingers, mixing the hellfire of my damnation and the pure white flame of light together as I think.

Could I possible undo what my creator has done? We were once of the same power... a power which I still possess a sliver of.....

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"The blood drinkers, of course...but..." he says, expression going vague as his thoughts turn inward. I watch as the fire dances across his hand and smile, remembering his gesture of deep thought. Then my smile fades and the back of my eyes begin to itch as the creators light sparks in his hand, threading and combining with the other.

"But what?" I ask, dropping my hands and slowly stepping away until the itch subsides and the reminders fade. Perhaps in the end I will return to that perfect flame and be close to it again, but now is not that time.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"But what..." her voice sounds far away, and when I look up, I realize Lilith has taken several steps back. Curse softly under my breath and with a flick of my hand, both flames are no more.

"But what if you could? Not a legion, but one child. Just one, perfect ... if it could be done...?"

Oh, this may get Lucien killed. This is a touchy subject at best, but Kaeli got me thinking. If she could heal a infertile woman, why couldn't I? Our Creator rendered her infertile, our Creator also blessed me with his ability to heal. A ability which I still possess...

I look to my Lady, waiting to see how she reacts.

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"But what if you could? Not a legion, but one child. Just one, perfect ... if it could be done...?" he says after extinguishing the flame from his hand.

"Ooh I think if it could be done it would have been by now, don't you agree?" I ask with a lascivious smile and then laugh, waving my hand in dismissal. It certainly wasn't for lack of trying. He was there when some were born and when they were taken, and he was there when it all just stopped. Sometimes I think he grieved more deeply than me, maybe he still does. Or maybe its the weakness of his prison that causes him to now. I frown and my brow arches as I consider him, noting his curious expression. I am growing tired of this discussion of what was and might be. Restoring him to what he was is one thing, recalling old things that I wouldn't do differently even if I were given the chance, is another. "You well know all I wanted was to have just one survive," I say sharply. And for time, some did survive. Until there were no new ones born and when I still would not return, those were taken too. But Adam was allowed to keep his and as promised, I took those in place of mine, and happily still do.

"Perhaps we should be more concerned about restoring you to the leader of legions that you once were, hmm?" I ask, looking him over slowly and smiling again.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"Ooh I think if it could be done it would have been by now, don't you agree?" The wicked grin she gives me causes me to chuckle. "Well yes, it was not for lack of trying." I agree, fondly remembering days that would pass while he coupled....

...but this train of thought is clearly unsettling her, and I should let it go now. Especially since I do not know if I could affect such a change.

"Perhaps we should be more concerned about restoring you to the leader of legions that you once were, hmm?"
Yes, the subject has been changed.
"That will be a trick, won't it? I am sure Iblis will not be pleased with my early release... but we can hope he takes out his wrath on the Doctor, or the Trickser God, or the Doctor's woman." I speculate with a wry grin.
"If any of them live through it, that is."

Actually that is more on an incentive to do what I am able to ensure they do live. Iblis will be furious, but if it's divided between three or four targets....

[lilith-qliphah.livejournal.com]

"That will be a trick, won't it? I am sure Iblis will not be pleased with my early release... but we can hope he takes out his wrath on the Doctor, or the Trickster God, or the Doctor's woman. If any of them live through it, that is."

"Ooh, not such a difficult trick if you know what you're doing," I laugh, walking back over to him. Though I think the trickster god will be far more gentle than I would. That's part of his dilemma I think. "As for Iblis..." I smile and shrug, "I'm sure he won't be pleased, to say the least. He might be annoyed with them, but it really depends on the reason and severity of your quarrel with him." Marbas doesn't keep many secrets from be but the reason for his punishment is one he holds close. Which leads me to believe its one I would not be pleased about either. If its what I suspect it is, him continuing to do what he just did today will only make the irritation worse. Also, if Iblis finds out I had a hand in freeing Marbas, he may punish him again simply to get back at me. Keeping him to myself isn't the only reason I've kept him a secrete for all of this time.

My eyes, flash at the thought of him being punished again, regardless of if it as deserved. Even inadvertently, my Iblis always has had a way with interfering with what's mine. "If he harms you again, we will see how he likes it when the same is done to one that belongs to him." An eye for an eye, I always did like that one.

[marbasthefallen.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure he won't be pleased, to say the least. He might be annoyed with them, but it really depends on the reason and severity of your quarrel with him."

Grin as Lilith fishes for the details of my punishment again, and what I did to deserve such a thing. "Oh come now... if I tell you all my secrets, you will get bored and leave me for someone more mysterious." I say lightly, trying to make nothing out of something.

If there is one unspoken law amongst those who chose to follow The Mornigstar and be cast down, it is to hate our Creator, to never yearn to go back, to want forgiveness.

And I did.

So it was decided that I had forgotten how vile humans could be, the one We had been cast aside completely for, and I was placed inside Lucien to remind me.

And if Lilith knew that, she might stuff me back into the next human she sees.

"If he harms you again, we will see how he likes it when the same is done to one that belongs to him."

Oh, a lions grin splits my face. My Lilith, my Lady, my vicious love....
"I will take comfort on the fact that if he cannot be placated and I am to suffer his wrath, he will be subjected to your tender mercy." I laugh, my voice rumbling across the valley.

Look her up and down, fire and lust dancing in my eyes.
"I am feeling way too human...." I decide, shifting forms and taking to demon, flexing massive wings.
"Shall we go find something diverting to kill?" I ask, holding out a massive clawed hand to her.