All these things if I were King would all appear around me.

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

near the river on Sunday, September 13th
afternoon

Boss's been on edge a bit, I think. Seems like it, anyway. Don't blame her, really. Duelin's a big thing. Never seen a duel. Wonder if maybe she'll let me be there to see it. And deal with that jackass if he manages to win. I shake my head and get up out of my chair, sick of staring at these papers like they'll suddenly say out loud what's printed on them so I can understand it.

I step out onto the porch and pause to light a cigarette before settin' out on Main. My hand reaches to my belt, automatically checking for my cuffs and my gun. They're there--always are.

When I reach the river, I pause and take in a deep breath of air before putting the cigarette back and inhaling the fumes. Still no clue what to do about the gods. No idea what to do about all of it.


[OPEN to Julia.]
[CLOSED.]

Comments

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

She pulls away and dammit I knew she'd do that but she doesn't really seem to have a clue about keeping herself safe. I sigh a little and get up, too, taking the hand she offers and using it to pull her closer.

"I know, Jule. I know." I look down into her eyes and wish I hadn't upset her. Wish more that she'd stop being so dumb and just let somebody keep her safe. "But I wasn't there. You wouldn't let me," I mutter and let go of her hand.

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

He uses my hand as leverage to pull me closer, my feet trip a step or two toward him, but my back stays straight and unyielding, even as we stand nose to nose.

I am frustrated with the way that everyone around me wants to run my life, if it’s not my mother, its Liam, if it’s not Liam its one of my many brothers or sisters at the Abbey. Didn’t I leave for just this reason? And if so, why did I come back? Why does it feel like I’ve just stepped back into my old life after leaving the abbey?

"I know, Jule. I know."

We are like a twin set of statues for a moment. Unmoving and stubborn, the only connection is our hands that are gripped between us. My eyes I know will have that stormy look to them, the look that warns of a tempest of anger just under the surface.

I can only shake my head; too many words are on the tip of my tongue, none of them pleasant or helpful.

"But I wasn't there. You wouldn't let me,"

He sighs,lets my hand drop and I pull it back like he’s burned it.

“Is that what this is about?” For a moment I am shocked, just staring at him.

“That I didn’t invite you to come along on some adventure?” Even as I feel the first fat raindrop drop on my nose from over head I ignore it.

“This is the first time I’ve gotten to see you, really see you. And you want to be upset with me for leaving you behind? Well, you were better off here.” I turn my back on him to put my violin in it’s case, as the sky starts to open up on us, already the climb up the small hills will slick with sudden mud and cold rain.

I’m drenched and unhappy, and have to walk back to the abbey, my sandals skidding and sliding for footing up to Main Street from the river. It’s a ridiculous walk, when I want to at least have the barest sense of poise so Liam can see I can take care of myself.

Then I trip in the rain, squeezing my eyes together as the water comes down in sheets. My knees feel that instant burn and I know I’ve scraped them on a rock.

Damn it all anyway, I hate blood.

“Are you mad or just disappointed?” I quarry, fairly sure that Liam is still behind me.

“If you are mad then I want your help up.” It’s a silly request as I fumble to my feet, careful not to look down to see how bad the cut is.

“But I just am very tired of disappointing people, I’d rather just not know. If it’s all the same to you.”

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

The only answer I give to her question is the motion of helping her up, draping one of her arms across my shoulders and supporting her weight. I get her up to the top then scramble back down in the mud to get my cuffs and gun. I tuck them in their places afore scrambling up the hillside and joinin' her again.

"I just want you to be careful, Jule," I say then grab her hand and pull her to the side of a building where she won't get wet. "So sue me. Besides," I say, taking off my light jacket and puttin' it around her shoulders, "you know I miss ya. Want me to lie about that and say I'm not sore about you goin' off without me?" My mouth moves into a grin, then, one that works on all the chicks--'cept her mom. And sometimes Jule. Don't care that I'm gettin' wet. 'Just want my best friend to stop tryin' to leave me.

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

And just like that we are back to normal.

He’s once again taking care of me, which on some levels is a little frustrating but on another is actually nice, it’s familiar. He doesn’t say a word to me as he helps me up and lets me lean against him as we make our way on Main. He’s gone in a flash and I watch with worried eyes as he goes back to where we once were. I think at once that perhaps he really is mad at me, maybe I just should have kept my mouth shut about the whole thing, and…

But he turns back up in a flash tucking in his gun and cuffs.

I don’t know if he can see the look of relief on my face through the rain, but it’s there.

"I just want you to be careful, Jule,"

Once again I am pulled in the direction that Liam wants to go, tucked into a dry corner of whatever building we are near.

“I am though.” I protest, not acknowledging the burn of my knee for the moment that is a testament to just how little care I do take.

He is taking off his jacket already while I shiver, it doesn’t take him hardly any time to tuck it around me and grin. I instantly snuggle into it, tilting up the collar and completely surround myself with his warmth and scent and protection.

"you know I miss ya. Want me to lie about that and say I'm not sore about you goin' off without me?"

“Yes.” I respond and shake my head, pulling him closer to me and out of the rain he seems so hell bent on standing in, I move closer against the wall and shake my head at that grin of his. I’ve seen it too many times for it to work on me. But just in case, I lean my forehead against his shoulder and out of the direct line of fire.

“No.” I change my mind about his question, but don’t look back up. Right at the moment this is comfortable, the rain just inches away, dry and warm. I close my eyes and laugh.

“I missed you too, I wish I didn’t have to go without you…but I did. I had to leave here and let it be just me.” I swear I could almost fall asleep here, my arms tucked up between us and face against his wet shirt.

“But you didn’t lack for entertainment while I was gone. You just miss having someone to tell about it.” I joke.

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

I laugh, the movement making her head bob a little, and my arms go around her under my jacket.

"Of course," I say into her hair. I wanna say something else, some excuse to keep talkin' and maybe say her name again, keep all that shit outside at bay, but I've got nothin' so I just stand there, feelin' a few raindrops on my back and her warm against my front. I should probably be gettin' back, but I don't give a shit. Then the question comes up, the one that I've wanted t' ask her since she got back and never really had a chance. "Y'find what you were lookin' for?"

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

The little shivers from the cold rain have stopped, even before he slipped his arms around me and under the coat. My head is just under his chin, cheek just above his heart and its slow steady beat. I’m warm but wet and instantly lament my long hair that has become stringy and tangled since running through the rain.

But, then again, it’s just Liam. He’s probably seen me at my worst, which is of course just after I returned to Excolo. It had been several days of straight sleeping, before I felt strong enough to face my future, and since then I haven’t looked back.

Liam has, I know he doesn’t think the decision I’ve made is the correct one. He’s hinted to me as much.

I like the way we are now, silence and close. I like his laugh rumbling in his chest and against mine, I like being hidden and safe and tucked away. Maybe that’s why the Abbey is so ideal?

"Y'find what you were lookin' for?"

I tilt my head up ever so slightly, my breath against his throat as I think, instead of being brave and looking him in the eye, I look back down at the ground, the dirt that is slowly being swallowed up by mud just passed our shoes.

“No, but I found a lot of things I never wanted to see.” It’s hesitantly said, strange on my tongue since I haven’t spoken of my time away to anyone, not to any detail.

There is still confusion, still a bit of fear.

“It’s hard to find something, when you don’t know what’s missing. And harder still when strangers offer you plenty of ways to fill the void.” I raise my fingers to just in front of my face, toying with one of the buttons on his shirt as I talk.

“Temporary distractions at best.” I muse, plucking at the disk and letting it settle back against wet fabric.

“Everyone is looking for something…I guess there is a different purpose for me, than to figure out why I feel so restless. The Abbey will give me peace.” I add that last part as a reassurance to myself

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

I stiffen a little. Things she never wanted to see. Strangers offering ways to fill the void. I don't wanna know. I just wanna know their names so I can hunt them down.

"Peace is good," I say instead of asking about all the things I don't really want to know. We stand in silence a moment and I wait until she looks up at me. She looks older than when she left. For the better, sure, but I'm sorry I missed it. I'm sorry she's giving herself away to the Abbey, maybe to turn into her mom. I push those thoughts aside, though, and just lean down a little and kiss her.

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

I seem to remember something like this once.

One of the Sundays he’d been at church with his family, we’d been friends for quite a while then. We were running around and playing in the park, we were so young and though neither of us would admit it, we had been very curious about everything; including each other. The memory is crystal clear, sitting on the ground with little flowers around us, I had been playing at making a daisy chain head piece and he’d been bothering me to chase him and play tag.

He’s asked me if I’d ever kissed anyone, I blushed and laughed and hid behind my flowers. I looked away for a moment, took my eyes off him for a second and the next his lips were on mine.

Just like now.

Only this second kiss isn’t sweet and innocent, no, it’s definitely not either of those things. His lips are well practiced, and it’s like a momentary dance. He leads, I follow, like always. I’m amazed for a moment in an analytical way at how smooth his mouth is in the way it moves across mine. The kiss is…warm, soft and surprising.

A nice surprise.

But unfortunately, it can’t say that way. My eyes blink open as I jump back, only to move inches more against the wall behind me. However my hands are quicker, pushing against his chest they had just been cuddled against.

“W-w-what was that?! Why did you do that?” There is more than a tinge of surprise as well as disbelief not only at his actions, but the fact that for a moment…I let him do it!

“I’m not…some girl.” I sputter it out trying to think of more intelligent things to say to Liam, even as my hands flat against his chest are holding him out in the rain.

Good, he could do with a cold shower.

“You can’t just kiss people; I’m not even people that you kiss! Actually, I’m the person that you don’t kiss. When you are thinking of people that you want to do that to, I should be at the bottom of the list, I’m your friend. You are my friend, and we just can’t stand on the street, in the rain and I can’t just let you kiss me. Where would that idea even come from…?” I can’t stop my mouth, Nanshe forgive me, but he’s ruffled my feathers enough that I start to babble.

“I can’t just stand here, I have taken vows…not chastity vows, but I may as well have. I don't think I'm that sort of girl, am I? Oh Nanshe. Dear, I…I…” With a bout of quick thinking I place my own hand over my mouth with eyes wide on him. If I can just shut up long enough, perhaps I can get out of this mess.

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

It's nice while it lasts and I'm wonderin' just how far she'll let this go against a building off Main Street when she pushes me back into the rain, voice almost shrill and words faster than normal.

"Not chastity vows?" I say and raise an eyebrow. "Does yer ma know that?" I ask with a laugh. I catch her hand and pull her out into the rain with me. "Come on, don't be mad." I laugh again and this time it has me doubled in half. "Jule," I say through gasps for air, "I'll make you stand out in the rain until you forgive me or let me kiss you again." Another laugh comes up at the look on her face at that. "Come on. Jule....."

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

It’s all a game, a game I didn’t know we were playing and certainly didn’t know the rules for.

He’s grinning at me, and I’m blushing terribly. I feel the heat of it creeping down from my cheeks to my neck as he asks if my mother knows about my vows. I don’t think I could get anymore pink after that.

“Of course she knows!” I cough it out through my embarrassment as he pulls me out into the pouring rain, I normally would protest, except water will cool my flushed skin…and maybe Liam’s dirty thoughts.

I am stiff just staring at him, as he laughs at me. Pulling my arm closer to him, jerk me a little with his movements.

“Come on, don't be mad."

I just can’t reply, and he can’t stop laughing long enough to say more than my name, and all I can do it stand there, mortified at the reaction he’s had to kissing me.

Horror on my part, probably comes close.

I pull up his jacket around my face with my free hand, now a little less shocked and more than flustered.

"I'll make you stand out in the rain until you forgive me or let me kiss you again."

I quickly give a shake of my head and another expression of pain and turn to move toward the shelter, but he keeps a hold of me. Still with that laugh at my expense, with creates another insecure thought with it.

I must have surprised him with how bad it was, and even though I don’t need to be good at it, I most certainly didn’t want to be laughed at. I feel the little lump in my throat that will probably lead to tears if I let it.

"Come on. Jule....."

“No, thank you.” Is rasped now and I make a motion of brushing the water away from my face. But he does get a strained smile.

“Well, no thank you most definitely since I’ve done such a poor job of it that you laughed in my face.” Again the red hot heat burns my cheeks. But I will be brave and face it down…since I have no choice, Liam is holding fast to me.

“Let’s not talk about this anymore…I’ll forget about it. I’m sure it was nothing anyway...like a handshake. I am not sleeping with you or anything, my handshaking only goes so far.” I mumble.

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

My smile and my laugh fade. Fuck, I'm bad at this.

"Not bad," I mutter. I have the urge to kiss her again and prove how not bad it was, but somehow that doesn't seem such a great idea. "Jule, what do you want? I'm sorry." Then I look around and crash to my knees in the mud, hands gripping hers. "Jule," I whine, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." I tug on her hands a little like I'll bring her down into the mud with me. "Wasn't bad," I say, lookin' up at her and catchin' her eyes. "I promise." With a grin I add, "Of course, if you wanna practice...." and let my face finish the sentence.

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

“You’re insane!”

Nanshe bless me, we are in the mud!

First he starts this by asking me what I want, as if confusing me with this sudden change of our friendship wasn’t enough, now he’s demanding what I think about it. He didn’t even give me a chance to answer before he’s splashing about on Main, mud coating that star on his chest and pretty much the front of him.

Even before I hit the ground, I am grinning at his craziness. I only wince once I land on my sore knees, and quickly flip so I’m sitting on my rump in the mud, now as fully coated as he is.

"Wasn't bad,"

I groan and put my hands up to my face again, only then realizing how dirty I am. Which pulls another laugh from me.

“Stop it! Just stop talking!” My stomach hurts from both the nervous reactions and now my giggling. But my pale blue eyes hit his hazel ones, greener now that he's happy and I’m reassured of at least a return back to normal for us.

"I promise."

This time the little look of pleasure that warms my features that had been frozen by what I will now refer to as, ‘the accident’.

“Good.”

"Of course, if you wanna practice...."

I snort out a laugh and pick up a handful of the dirt and throw it at him, trying to skitter away quickly on my hands and knees.

“You are disgusting!” I yell, moving back to where we had been standing. The water above hitting the small puddles and splashing more droplets of mud onto me.

“You hear me!” I can hardly get any words out, for my laughing now. Apparently it’s contagious.

But I don’t answer him…not directly anyway. Perhaps that is something I will be keeping to myself.

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

She always did have a good arm, I think as I wipe the mud from my face. "Sure, now I'm disgusting," I say standin' up and brushing at my clothes best I can. Walkin' back to where I keep my stuff's gonna be interestin' so covered in mud. "You don't look so great yourself," I tell her and laugh again.

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

I stand up and roll my eyes at him. I don’t even want to look down at myself, because if I look half as horrid as Liam does, I’m in bad shape.

"You don't look so great yourself,"

I stick my tongue out at him, and instantly regret that as I taste the dirty water on my lips, making a scrunched face in reaction.

“Gee, thanks.” My words hold just the barest notes of sarcasm, but the amusement is still there.

As he brushes himself off, I start to take stock of what exactly I have on that is ruined. I can hardly see anything for the mud and muck, except for the blemishes of blood at my knees that make me a bit woozy to look at.

Sure, it can’t be that bad, if it was I would have noticed long before now, but still…

“Liam.” My voice is a little more serious now.

“I think I want to go wash off the blood.” He knows how I get with my own cuts and scrapes. Anyone else, I would have patched it up no problem. Mine? Well, that is a horse of a different color, I once passed out when I got a cut on my forehead from jumping down from the trees in the park with him and it bled into my eye.

I put a cold hand out to grip him as the color drains from my face.

Shouldn’t it have stopped now? I can’t swallow any harder than I do with that thought. On second thought…maybe I am going to get sick…

I blink up at him from behind the mask of mud. My fun is over, for the moment.

“Will you clean it up?” I know, it’s pitiful. I know it even as I say it, if I had been home I would have begged for one of the sisters to do it, I have no shame when it comes to dealing with cuts.

“Oh dear...I hope I don’t puke on your shoes…”

[ravenous-liam.livejournal.com]

Jule looks down at her knee, talkin' about washing of the blood and that look comes on her face again like she might pass out. Seen that look before. “Will you clean it up?" she asks, gripping my arm while her face goes white.

"Sure, Jule," I say, already moving to pick her up in my arms. By the time she threatens my shoes I've got her legs swung up gently over one arm and her back against my other. At least if the sheriff comes looking for me, I look like I'm working. "Yeah, pukin' on me might not be as fun as you think," I joke, juggling her and her violin case, and start movin' toward the abandoned apartment building. After a bit of walkin' and me checking to make sure that Jule's still breathing OK, we get to my place--one of the few rooms with a full roof and runnin' water still. I hesitate a second, tryin' to figure out where to put her, then finally set her on the bed. "You OK, Jule?" I ask, setting down the case.

[julia-marshal.livejournal.com]

I barely pay attention to the walk. Right now, I concentrate on breathing though my nose and out of my mouth, and not choking on all the little rain drops that are wrecking havoc on everything around us.

Liam, talks to me as he walks. I almost protest at being caught up in his arms, like most women would. Thoughts of how heavy I am play in my mind, then vague whimpers interrupt from me as responses, so I figure until he drops me on my bottom, I should be okay.

My eyes are closed until we reach his place; I had half expected him to take me home, so I'm surprised when we aren't there. I’m set on the bed, most of the mud washed off from our walk in the rain to here, if it hadn’t been, I would have felt bad about ruining his bedding.

Even so, I look up at him forlornly.

"You OK, Jule?"

“Yeah.” I do NOT look back down at my legs.

“I know it’s a lot of trouble, but can I…How long have you been here?” I look around the room for a bathroom, and am glad to see one. And even though I still feel ill, I can’t help my curiosity.

“I need a shower...” One thought interrupts another and so on. Liam is pretty good at going with the flow, since he’s used to it. Nanshe bless him.

I stand, abet weakly, already starting to shed the jacket he’s given me and even going so far as to fold it so I can set it down at the foot of the bed.

“Can I use yours?”