EXCOLO

....kay, don't much likeat. Genny don't hardly look at me. Eyes stay right on Tez even when she says hi t'me. She's lookin' all pale an' distant too...'minds me'a th'look ye see on junkies when they's shootin' up. Don't like'at. Not at fuckin' all. If'n Genny wants t'serve Tez an' learn magic from'im, don't got no problem wit'at, but if'n she starts losin'erself...

"If'n you two wanna be alone, I c'n leave." I says, raisin' an eyebrow. Know it ain't like'at, but fuckin'ell. Tez ain't said one word, an' I might's well be on th'moon's far's Genny's concerned.

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"Wanna see the other stuff I been doin'?"

The paintings around me are mirrors again, lenses, burning-glasses all focused upon me so that I catch and kindle. The one I can see and the ones I can't, building and swelling, floodwaters rising. I am beautiful, I said to him; I would like him to see this, see what she makes of me. There is an eager hoarseness in my voice when I say to her, "Yes. Oh, Genny, yes."

Syl's words break in on us: "If'n you two wanna be alone, I c'n leave."

Lilith, Iblis, now Syl - why does everyone think that? 'I bet that baby soft skin tastes positively divine...' 'Perhaps one day she will carry an offering inside her.' Never, never.

Pull my eyes away from the painting. "Sorry, Syl. Kid's been working hard, though."

Edited Date: 2009-02-12 09:33 pm (UTC)

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"If'n you two wanna be alone, I c'n leave."

"Sorry," I mumble, along with Tez.

Ain't like that with me'n Tez and she knows it! Just Syl's kinda joke. Leastways I hope she knows it ain't like that, hope she's just jokin'!

"Good to see you, Syl." Open my eyes, and they're all clear again, and the light don't hurt so much. Make myself turn away from Tez'n the painting. It's hard, like there was strings tyin' me to it, or some o'them big rubber bands that go in Zann's machine, and I gotta stretch 'em way out if I wanna turn away from Tez. But I do, and I look at Syl. "Um. You doin' okay?"

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Oh, lookat Tez get all fuckin' pissy. Doesn't think'm serious, duzze? Dammit, Tez, y'know I'd hack yer balls off wit'a rusty razor if'n y'went near Genny. Get yer fuckin' head outta yer ass.

Both ovvem say sorry. Think Genny getsit wuzza joke. "Um. You doin' okay?" she says.

An' Tez says, "Sorry, Syl. Kid's been working hard, though."

"Doin' fine, Genny," I says, noddin', "but you ain't lookin' too good. An' Tez, yeah, she's been workin' hard. She's been workin' too fuckin' hard. Thoughtcha were gonna take it easy onner, huh? How much blood she given ya?" Shoulda known'e wouldn't be tryin' t'stop'er, nor seein' jes' how thin she's wearin'erself. An' fuck, here we are 'bout t'ask'er for more. God damn.

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I catch Syl's look, and I don't know if I manage to hide my flinch - not because of her expression, or even because of my own defensive stupidity, but because my mind jumped straight there, me and Genny, even though I know Syl knows me better.

"An' Tez, yeah, she's been workin' hard. She's been workin' too fuckin' hard. Thoughtcha were gonna take it easy onner, huh? How much blood she given ya?"

Take a proper look at Genny when she says that. A human look, I should say, dragging my vision down from the glow and spark of her inspiration to tired flesh, pale skin. Shadows under her eyes, eyes themselves red with strain now the grey's clearing. What's she been doing to herself?

Reach over to Genny and put my hand on her arm, and it's her turn to flinch, and that was pain, wasn't it? Ignore the shiver-thrill of blood clotting under her sleeve, but I can feel the ladder of cuts up her arm, crossing and recrossing. I smile without meaning to. My Genny, my little priestess; and my satisfaction purrs back at me from the paintings around the room.

"You've got to take better care of yourself," I say, though, and tug her in gently against my side. Push back a stray lock of that fair hair with one finger. "Don't go making yourself sick." Too much too fast, but we don't have time for her to take this easily, not with Lilith where she is, not with what we need to ask of her. Damnit. Clench of anger in my gut, and I feel it resonate through Genny and the paintings. Angry at myself, too: should have come to see her sooner.

Syl's looking a bit drawn herself, worry or lack of sleep. Don't like seeing that, either. "Not so good at taking it easy on people," I say to her. It's an apology; she's right, damn it. "And I'm too far away, in the town." Should be right here, looking after Genny, watching her as she steps into herself from day to the next.

It's been a long time since I wondered if they'd let me come back - since I let myself think about it. Lilith on the lot, and Lugh, and Genny working herself bloodless, and Syl.... Needed here.

Edited Date: 2009-02-13 10:41 am (UTC)

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"Doin' fine, Genny," I says, noddin', "but you ain't lookin' too good. An' Tez, yeah, she's been workin' hard. She's been workin' too fuckin' hard. Thoughtcha were gonna take it easy onner, huh? How much blood she given ya?"

"Went to the doc the other day," I mumble. Feel like I'm a kid again and Syl caught me snitchin' cotton candy, when she gives me that look. "He fixed me up. And I been takin' his iron pills, too."

But Tez's got his hand on my arm. It hurts when his hand goes down on the cuts from today and yesterday, but it's just for a second. After that it just feels warm. His blood close to mine, makin' my heart beat it stronger up to the surface. He's smilin'. He don't need to see the pictures 'cause he can tell they're his without lookin'. He's smilin', and so am I.

"You've got to take better care of yourself. Don't go making yourself sick."

"I won't," I say, leanin' up against him. A god's arm around me, a god's finger light on my hair, a god's shoulder for me to put my head on, heartbeat strong with so much power I can almost see it glow. It wasn't that strong the last time I saw him. Can I see more 'cause I painted more? Or did I make that power?

Nobody can do what I do, Zann said. And even if I know there's other folks who can paint like I do, there's none of 'em that can make a god smile. Don't even hear what happens next

baby jaguar curls up, perfectly happy, snuggles down to rest

'cause I'm just leanin' on Tez.

'Cept there's anger there too - I feel it ripple in circles goin' out from him into me, like we're one pond that a pebble got dropped in. I put my arm 'round him, whisper, "It's okay."

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Tez kinda blinks, looks a bit more like'e's actually fuckin' here, an'en getsa holda Genny's arm. Don't miss th'way'is eyes light up, but'e shakes'at off too 'n says, "You've got to take better care of yourself. Don't go making yourself sick." an' gives'er a hug.

An' Genny's smilin'n sayin' she won't, but I don't trust'at look. "Went to the doc the other day. He fixed me up. And I been takin' his iron pills, too."

Ah, hell. "Genny, if'n ye're already needin' t'get bloody fixed up 'n take pills, means ye're goin' too fuckin' fast. When ya do it right ye don't need no fixin', less'n y'do somethin' big."

Fuckin'ell. Startin' t'change m'mind 'bout th'whole thin'. If'n she can't control'erself yet, don't wanna be askin'er t'do nothin' else.

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Genny's leaning up against me, head up my shoulder, and there's a tender little pain under my breastbone. She hugs me back, arm round me: "It's ok." Oh, Genny, it's not, it's really not. Don't let go of her.

"Genny, if'n ye're already needin' t'get bloody fixed up 'n take pills, means ye're goin' too fuckin' fast. When ya do it right ye don't need no fixin', less'n y'do somethin' big."

Something big. That's why we're here, isn't it. Syl's right, the kid's pushing herself too much, but fuck - she's in more danger, and more immediate, from Lilith wandering round the lot than she is from bloodloss.

Walk her back a bit, gently, and tug her down to sit on the bed. Keep her tucked in against me, arm round her. "You're doing good, kid, real good." Don't want her to think I'm mad at her. "Just need to take it slow. I need you, Genny, now more than ever - you can't go burning yourself up."

I glance at Syl. "We were going to ask you something, ask for your help."

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"Genny, if'n ye're already needin' t'get bloody fixed up 'n take pills, means ye're goin' too fuckin' fast. When ya do it right ye don't need no fixin', less'n y'do somethin' big."

"It ain't that bad no more, Syl! Aw, heck, don't be mad! Please? Honest, I'm gonna be okay! I was just, you know, workin' on somethin' big and had to do a lot to get it right." And I did get it right! And I saw stars...

Tez steps back towards the bed and I go with him, still curled up safe in his arm, goin' where he goes.

"You're doing good, kid, real good."

"Thanks," I say real soft, feelin' warm when he says it.

"Just need to take it slow. I need you, Genny, now more than ever - you can't go burning yourself up."

"Yeah. I'm gonna go slower. I promised Zann, too. And the doc." I put my head down on Tez's shoulder, can almost hear his heartbeat when I do. His heart, his blood. His...need? He needs me? I guess so. "I ain't gonna burn out," I say, quieter now. "I ain't gonna go 'way when you need me." I put my arm 'round him, and I don't care that the cut on it still hurts when I squeeze. The blood's for him. "Promise."

"We were going to ask you something, ask for your help."

"'Course!" I say, even 'fore he's done askin'. "'Course I'll help you! What do you need me to do?"

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Tez sighs...think'e's startin' t'get'it, but'e's still pushin'. Want Lillith off th'fuckin' lot too, but not if'n's gonna hurt Genny...he leads'er over t'th'bed an' sits'er down. "You're doing good, kid, real good. Just need to take it slow. I need you, Genny, now more than ever - you can't go burning yourself up."

An' Genny nods, like a kid tryin' real hard t'please'er daddy, an' says, "Yeah. I'm gonna go slower. I promised Zann, too. And the doc. I ain't gonna burn out. I ain't gonna go 'way when you need me. Promise."

...hell. Startin' t'really see Zann's problem wit'is. She's doin' alla'is fer Tez, an' nonovvit really fer'erself. Ain't so much teachin' azzitis worship, an' ain't sure'at's healthy. Ain't sure at fuckin' all.

But Tez's pushin' on. "We were going to ask you something, ask for your help."

An' Genny's all for'it. 'Course she is. "'Course I'll help you! What do you need me to do?"

"Y'know Lily?" I sigh.

Edited Date: 2009-02-14 01:32 am (UTC)

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"I ain't gonna burn out. I ain't gonna go 'way when you need me. Promise."

Tightness in my throat, and don't promise that, Genny, don't, because you will. Of course you will, eventually or soon. And, "Course! Course I'll help you! What do you need me to do?"

Find her hand and hold it hard, warning. "No. Never say that, Genny, never, not without knowing what I'm asking. What anyone's asking." Think of Danika-Iblis and the tightness is a pain and an anger. "Please."

"Y'know Lily?"

Syl's sounding all tired and worn, and I wish I could put my arm around her too. The feel of her's all grey and tight and tucked in on itself: something wrong. Thought of Lilith here does that to me too. Please say you don't, Gen.

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Suddenly Tez's hand's 'round mine and I can feel every muscle and bone holdin' tight, so tight I almost gasp.

"No. Never say that, Genny, never, not without knowing what I'm asking. What anyone's asking. Please."

"Okay." My voice's gone all quiet with the shock of hearin' Tez's voice like that, and seein' the little pull of fear on his face, makin' all the stars go out in the dark of his eyes. "Promise," I say again. Don't hardly know what's makin' him look like that but I can't not promise when he's so scared.

"Y'know Lily?" Syl asks.

"New gal at the Grindhouse? I seen her 'round but I ain't talked to her. I think Zann knows her. But Zann knows everyone." I gotta grin at that - my Zann, makin' friends with everything and everyone. But why're Tez'n Syl both lookin' like that 'bout some gal at the Grindhouse? Scared and sad and...

"Why? What about her?"

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Tez squeezes Genny's hand, real tight. "No. Never say that, Genny, never, not without knowing what I'm asking. What anyone's asking. Please."

....well, hell. Mebbe'e really is gettin' better. First time've heard'im say somethin' like'at to'er. Us'ally seems right pleased she's willin' t'do whatever'e says. Mebbe'e's act'ally steppin' up.

Ain't sure Genny getsit, but Genny's always been kinda like'at. Y'talk t'er nice, ain't hard gettin'er t'do whatcha want. She's jes' sweet by nature. Wants t'help ev'ry-fuckin'-body. An' sure, she's frownin' at Tez like she don't understand why 'e's actin' like'is. "Okay. Promise." Still ain't sure she getsit, bu's a bloody start, ain't it?

We ask'er 'bout Lily, an' Genny shrugs. "New gal at the Grindhouse? I seen her 'round but I ain't talked to her. I think Zann knows her. But Zann knows everyone. Why? What about her?"

Bloody Zann. Worryin' 'bout Genny all th'damn time an' makin' friends wit'any ol' person wanders onta th'damn lot'erself. Fuckin'ell. "She ain't who she says she is honey. Ain't even human, not really. Fuckin' messin' wittus, an' don't mean none ovvus no good. But she's tougher'n me, mebbe tougher'n Tez too...an' we need t'get'er out."

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Genny looks scared; well, good. Under the circumstances, she should be. I might have given myself over to Iblis without asking for anything but the chance to love him, but I'll let Lilith tear me apart before I see Genny do the same. Even for me.

"She ain't who she says she is honey. Ain't even human, not really." Not even close, but there's warning Genny off and then there's terrifying her, I suppose. "Fuckin' messin' wittus, an' don't mean none ovvus no good. But she's tougher'n me, mebbe tougher'n Tez too...an' we need t'get'er out."

"It's me she's after," I say, and give Genny's hand a gentler squeeze, as reassuring as I can. "But she'll come at me through the people I care about. Can't let her stay, can't get her out. Not as I am. I need to be more, Gen, and you - you're the best way I can think of."

Turn her round a bit to look at me. "Need you to paint me, the way you do. But - " Reach for a way to explain it to her. "More so. Not going to be easy on any of us."

I shouldn't be asking this, not when I've just told her off for taking it too fast, but if it's that or see Lilith get her hooks into her, into Syl....

Cup her face in my hand. Skin so damn soft, hair falling down over my hand. So very young, and the thought of Lilith - no. "Be my priestess for me, Genny. I can teach you - teach you what you need." Think how much it's going to take out of her and manage not to swallow. "Me and Syl, we can set it up. But you're the only one who can paint it. Mirror me back, make me more. Bring me back to myself."

Edited Date: 2009-02-16 05:31 pm (UTC)

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"She ain't who she says she is honey. Ain't even human, not really." Not even close, but there's warning Genny off and then there's terrifying her, I suppose. "Fuckin' messin' wittus, an' don't mean none ovvus no good. But she's tougher'n me, mebbe tougher'n Tez too...an' we need t'get'er out."

"It's me she's after. But she'll come at me through the people I care about. Can't let her stay, can't get her out. Not as I am. I need to be more, Gen, and you - you're the best way I can think of."

"Wait, who is she? What is she? She ain't gonna hurt Zann, is she? She ain't - she ain't him, is she?" Danika, Kent, devil, whatever it's called. I still feel kinda sick when I think about him. It... "You know, him? Why's she want to hurt you?" I'm holdin' real tight to his hand now, gettin' scared just thinkin' 'bout it. Who else is strong enough to hurt a god?

"Need you to paint me, the way you do. But - " Reach for a way to explain it to her. "More so. Not going to be easy on any of us."

Tez curls his hand round my face, fingers big enough that I can almost see 'em out of the bottom of my eyes, but I don't need to look to know where he is. Never do.

"Be my priestess for me, Genny. I can teach you - teach you what you need." Think how much it's going to take out of her and manage not to swallow. "Me and Syl, we can set it up. But you're the only one who can paint it. Mirror me back, make me more. Bring me back to myself."

My heart's beatin' faster. Yes, yes, let me make you more! Let it make me more when I paint you, all that power runnin' through me. Teach me how to do it! This is what I've wanted to do!

No. Ain't he just told me not to say yes 'fore I know what they're askin'? I gulp, feelin' his hand move against my face when I do. "So what would I have to learn how to do?"

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Oh, yeah, she's good'n scared now. Well, good. Needs t'be scared'a somethin' like'at. "Wait, who is she? What is she? She ain't gonna hurt Zann, is she? She ain't - she ain't him, is she? You know, him? Why's she want to hurt you?"

"She ain't him, honey," an' damn you, Tez, fer lettin'im gettat close t'er. Don't think I ain't still pissed 'bout'at. "But she knows'im." Don'tcha think I'm lettin' ya leave'im outta this neither. "Ain't sure if'n she wants t'help'r hurt'im, but she knows'im a'right, an's parta why she's'ere."

"It's me she's after. But she'll come at me through the people I care about. Can't let her stay, can't get her out. Not as I am. I need to be more, Gen, and you - you're the best way I can think of. Need you to paint me, the way you do. But - More so. Not going to be easy on any of us. Be my priestess for me, Genny. I can teach you - teach you what you need. Me and Syl, we can set it up. But you're the only one who can paint it. Mirror me back, make me more. Bring me back to myself." Oh, hell, look'at th'way she's lookin'at'im. Ain't sure I like'at, nottat fuckin' all...but ain't got no choice now, do we? C'n already see th'way'er eyes'r lightin' up, way she's smilin'...

But then, she swallows. "So what would I have to learn how to do?"

"Good girl, Genny," I sigh. Good fuckin' girl. She keeps askin' questions, she jes' might be okay. Make sure she knows 'zactly what she's gettin' inta 'fore she starts, an' we're goin' someplace.

"Tez useta be a god'a sorcery. Witchcraft." Lean back 'gainst th'wall. "Me. An'I already got somma'is power in me. If'n y'can paint'at parta'im, wake it up, me'n him might b'able t'team up 'n shoot'at bitch right th'hell outta'ere." Sigh, "Tha's what we's hopin', anyway."

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She ain't - she ain't him, is she? You know, him? Why's she want to hurt you?"

Syl reassures her - and I see the look she gives me too. So close to Genny I force myself not to wince. She can probably feel it anyway.

"No, kid." Give her a bit of a squeeze. "He's promised. Knows you're - " mine " - under my protection." Feel my mouth twist up. "As for why...I think she finds it amusing to torment me."

"Tez useta be a god'a sorcery. Witchcraft. Me. An'I already got somma'is power in me. If'n y'can paint'at parta'im, wake it up, me'n him might b'able t'team up 'n shoot'at bitch right th'hell outta'ere. Tha's what we's hopin', anyway."

Used to. Didn't think that would twinge like it does. I'm still afraid of what I might lose, but....

I look at Syl as I speak, talking as much to her as to Genny. "It's going to take more than a scratch on your arm. The old rituals, the bloodletting." She will need to be blackened, made holy, purified; and there's a little shock of excitement deep in me. So long, so very long.... She's warm against me, and I can feel the blood singing in her.

"And it is - not a kind part of me." If there's any such part beyond the human, the kindnesses I've learned. The sight of me struck men dead, once, and it suddenly occurs to me to wonder what it will do to her.

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"She ain't him, honey. But she knows'im." Don'tcha think I'm lettin' ya leave'im outta this neither. "Ain't sure if'n she wants t'help'r hurt'im, but she knows'im a'right, an's parta why she's'ere."

Syl sounds mad. More'n usual mad, even, and I don't know why, 'cept maybe 'cause it makes her mad to think 'bout Tez still goin' round with him. Don't blame her, but I still don't like it that Syl's mad at Tez.

"No, kid He's promised. Knows you're - under my protection. As for why...I think she finds it amusing to torment me."

"Okay." It still ain't all okay. Can't be okay if there's someone out there who thinks it's fun to hurt Tez, and I hug him back when he says that. But least I know that it ain't Danika and all her other people goin' 'round the Grindhouse, bein' right here in the middle of the family with nobody knowin.' That ain't Lily, and whatever she is, we're gonna get her out.

"Tez useta be a god'a sorcery. Witchcraft. Me. An'I already got somma'is power in me. If'n y'can paint'at parta'im, wake it up, me'n him might b'able t'team up 'n shoot'at bitch right th'hell outta'ere. Tha's what we's hopin', anyway."

"It's going to take more than a scratch on your arm. The old rituals, the bloodletting."

More blood. "I can do that," I whisper. "I can give more." I start to smile at Tez...but Syl's givin' me that look. "Um. We gonna need the doc here?"

"And it is - not a kind part of me."

"What's that mean?" But 'fore I even get the question out I can feel Tez wantin' this, whatever it is. His heart's beatin' faster, and so is mine. A new part of him! A new part of him that I can help make?

"So I paint you lookin' like that, and then you...become it?" Ohhhh, I never done that before. I painted things like they really are, painted things like they were long ago or are gonna be in the future, painted things outta nothin', but I never painted somebody into somethin' else. I can already feel myself smilin'. It's beautiful just thinkin' 'bout it. He wants to do this. I want to do this...

"What did that part of you look like? Can you show me?"

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