EXCOLO

I gotta admit I feel kinda better since Zann took me to the doc. Can't do much 'bout the feelin' tired all the time, he says, 'cept don't paint so much, 'cause that's what gettin' blood taken outta you does. But he gave me more of them big iron pills and fixed up my arm, and I waited a couple days 'fore I started paintin' again, 'cause I knew Zann'd be worried if I started right up.

Couldn't sleep the whole time. Every time I closed my eyes the stars started spinnin' and dancin' and it's all I could see.

Today I couldn't stand it no more. Got out the knife and paint and oh it felt good makin' that first cut, and seein' the gray close in and open up the other world. My brush flies, and I see.

Comets fly, planets swirl, new stars jump into the sky, just being born. And then a bell rings in me, as high and clear as the winter sky. I feel myself turn away from the easel

baby jaguar stretches, smiles, leaps!

and put my hand against the door to feel what's on the other side. "Tezcatlipoca," I whisper, and smile.

The brush is still across the room,paintin' where I left it. I hear it fall to the floor, see stars whirl in the night sky behind the dark dark gray that covers the world, see the light start to come back.

"Hey, Tez," I say softly, as I open the door. Still can't see him, but I know he's there.

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Came back t'm'wagon after gettin' more coffee 'n found a note from Tez. Meet'im at Genny's wagon. Guess we's really doin' it, then. Pause ferra smoke, 'cuzzI think'm gonna need it, an'en head out.

Get t'th'wagon jes'n time t'see Genny go in. Come in right after'er, cuz I hear'er talkin' t'Tez an'I know'e's there.

"Hey there, bothayas," I says, noddin. Genny's lookin' paler'n'I'd like...

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I can feel her before she opens the door. Not like the taut-thrumming cord between me and Iblis: quick little surge of happiness that's not all mine.

She opens the door and her eyes are grey and the close space of her wagon smells of paint and, underneath it, blood. There's paint smeared under her eye, and I smooth it away with the pad of my thumb as she turns the blankness of her eyes in my direction.

"Hey, Tez." Her voice is all soft, and I touch her shoulder gently as I step past her, let her know what I'm doing while she can't see. "Hey, kid." She turns to follow me, and I hear feet on the steps, familiar voice -

""Hey there, bothayas."

Door bangs shut and I'd smile at them both but I'm too busy looking at the painting on the easel, burst of stars hazy-white against teh dark, and my fingers hover over it though it's too wet to touch.

"Nice work, Genny." It's not finished, but I can feel the power in it, and - hell, there's a bunch of them, stars salt-white scattered against the night, burn of comets, and under them her, and me....

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The world's all gray 'cept for the shape of Tez glowin' black in my mind.

"Hey, kid."

He touches my face, the little spot where there's blood and paint and him and me, and I feel the shiver of power all through me, and smile.

""Hey there, bothayas."

I blink. New voice out there... "Oh. Hey Syl..." But I'm turnin' towards Tez, can't not follow him when he moves.

"Nice work, Genny."

"Thanks," I whisper, smilin' wider.

Takes longer for the gray to clear these days. Almost don't want it to, not right now. Not when I can see a god glow before me...but the man's comin' back, like he was painted under the god, and the top layer's clearin' away from the canvas when the gray washes away.

Light's too bright when it comes back, and I gotta close my eyes for a sec.

"Wanna see the other stuff I been doin'?" Hope he does, hope he does, oh, I wanna show you!

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....kay, don't much likeat. Genny don't hardly look at me. Eyes stay right on Tez even when she says hi t'me. She's lookin' all pale an' distant too...'minds me'a th'look ye see on junkies when they's shootin' up. Don't like'at. Not at fuckin' all. If'n Genny wants t'serve Tez an' learn magic from'im, don't got no problem wit'at, but if'n she starts losin'erself...

"If'n you two wanna be alone, I c'n leave." I says, raisin' an eyebrow. Know it ain't like'at, but fuckin'ell. Tez ain't said one word, an' I might's well be on th'moon's far's Genny's concerned.

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"Wanna see the other stuff I been doin'?"

The paintings around me are mirrors again, lenses, burning-glasses all focused upon me so that I catch and kindle. The one I can see and the ones I can't, building and swelling, floodwaters rising. I am beautiful, I said to him; I would like him to see this, see what she makes of me. There is an eager hoarseness in my voice when I say to her, "Yes. Oh, Genny, yes."

Syl's words break in on us: "If'n you two wanna be alone, I c'n leave."

Lilith, Iblis, now Syl - why does everyone think that? 'I bet that baby soft skin tastes positively divine...' 'Perhaps one day she will carry an offering inside her.' Never, never.

Pull my eyes away from the painting. "Sorry, Syl. Kid's been working hard, though."

Edited Date: 2009-02-12 09:33 pm (UTC)

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"If'n you two wanna be alone, I c'n leave."

"Sorry," I mumble, along with Tez.

Ain't like that with me'n Tez and she knows it! Just Syl's kinda joke. Leastways I hope she knows it ain't like that, hope she's just jokin'!

"Good to see you, Syl." Open my eyes, and they're all clear again, and the light don't hurt so much. Make myself turn away from Tez'n the painting. It's hard, like there was strings tyin' me to it, or some o'them big rubber bands that go in Zann's machine, and I gotta stretch 'em way out if I wanna turn away from Tez. But I do, and I look at Syl. "Um. You doin' okay?"

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Oh, lookat Tez get all fuckin' pissy. Doesn't think'm serious, duzze? Dammit, Tez, y'know I'd hack yer balls off wit'a rusty razor if'n y'went near Genny. Get yer fuckin' head outta yer ass.

Both ovvem say sorry. Think Genny getsit wuzza joke. "Um. You doin' okay?" she says.

An' Tez says, "Sorry, Syl. Kid's been working hard, though."

"Doin' fine, Genny," I says, noddin', "but you ain't lookin' too good. An' Tez, yeah, she's been workin' hard. She's been workin' too fuckin' hard. Thoughtcha were gonna take it easy onner, huh? How much blood she given ya?" Shoulda known'e wouldn't be tryin' t'stop'er, nor seein' jes' how thin she's wearin'erself. An' fuck, here we are 'bout t'ask'er for more. God damn.

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I catch Syl's look, and I don't know if I manage to hide my flinch - not because of her expression, or even because of my own defensive stupidity, but because my mind jumped straight there, me and Genny, even though I know Syl knows me better.

"An' Tez, yeah, she's been workin' hard. She's been workin' too fuckin' hard. Thoughtcha were gonna take it easy onner, huh? How much blood she given ya?"

Take a proper look at Genny when she says that. A human look, I should say, dragging my vision down from the glow and spark of her inspiration to tired flesh, pale skin. Shadows under her eyes, eyes themselves red with strain now the grey's clearing. What's she been doing to herself?

Reach over to Genny and put my hand on her arm, and it's her turn to flinch, and that was pain, wasn't it? Ignore the shiver-thrill of blood clotting under her sleeve, but I can feel the ladder of cuts up her arm, crossing and recrossing. I smile without meaning to. My Genny, my little priestess; and my satisfaction purrs back at me from the paintings around the room.

"You've got to take better care of yourself," I say, though, and tug her in gently against my side. Push back a stray lock of that fair hair with one finger. "Don't go making yourself sick." Too much too fast, but we don't have time for her to take this easily, not with Lilith where she is, not with what we need to ask of her. Damnit. Clench of anger in my gut, and I feel it resonate through Genny and the paintings. Angry at myself, too: should have come to see her sooner.

Syl's looking a bit drawn herself, worry or lack of sleep. Don't like seeing that, either. "Not so good at taking it easy on people," I say to her. It's an apology; she's right, damn it. "And I'm too far away, in the town." Should be right here, looking after Genny, watching her as she steps into herself from day to the next.

It's been a long time since I wondered if they'd let me come back - since I let myself think about it. Lilith on the lot, and Lugh, and Genny working herself bloodless, and Syl.... Needed here.

Edited Date: 2009-02-13 10:41 am (UTC)

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"Doin' fine, Genny," I says, noddin', "but you ain't lookin' too good. An' Tez, yeah, she's been workin' hard. She's been workin' too fuckin' hard. Thoughtcha were gonna take it easy onner, huh? How much blood she given ya?"

"Went to the doc the other day," I mumble. Feel like I'm a kid again and Syl caught me snitchin' cotton candy, when she gives me that look. "He fixed me up. And I been takin' his iron pills, too."

But Tez's got his hand on my arm. It hurts when his hand goes down on the cuts from today and yesterday, but it's just for a second. After that it just feels warm. His blood close to mine, makin' my heart beat it stronger up to the surface. He's smilin'. He don't need to see the pictures 'cause he can tell they're his without lookin'. He's smilin', and so am I.

"You've got to take better care of yourself. Don't go making yourself sick."

"I won't," I say, leanin' up against him. A god's arm around me, a god's finger light on my hair, a god's shoulder for me to put my head on, heartbeat strong with so much power I can almost see it glow. It wasn't that strong the last time I saw him. Can I see more 'cause I painted more? Or did I make that power?

Nobody can do what I do, Zann said. And even if I know there's other folks who can paint like I do, there's none of 'em that can make a god smile. Don't even hear what happens next

baby jaguar curls up, perfectly happy, snuggles down to rest

'cause I'm just leanin' on Tez.

'Cept there's anger there too - I feel it ripple in circles goin' out from him into me, like we're one pond that a pebble got dropped in. I put my arm 'round him, whisper, "It's okay."

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Tez kinda blinks, looks a bit more like'e's actually fuckin' here, an'en getsa holda Genny's arm. Don't miss th'way'is eyes light up, but'e shakes'at off too 'n says, "You've got to take better care of yourself. Don't go making yourself sick." an' gives'er a hug.

An' Genny's smilin'n sayin' she won't, but I don't trust'at look. "Went to the doc the other day. He fixed me up. And I been takin' his iron pills, too."

Ah, hell. "Genny, if'n ye're already needin' t'get bloody fixed up 'n take pills, means ye're goin' too fuckin' fast. When ya do it right ye don't need no fixin', less'n y'do somethin' big."

Fuckin'ell. Startin' t'change m'mind 'bout th'whole thin'. If'n she can't control'erself yet, don't wanna be askin'er t'do nothin' else.

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Genny's leaning up against me, head up my shoulder, and there's a tender little pain under my breastbone. She hugs me back, arm round me: "It's ok." Oh, Genny, it's not, it's really not. Don't let go of her.

"Genny, if'n ye're already needin' t'get bloody fixed up 'n take pills, means ye're goin' too fuckin' fast. When ya do it right ye don't need no fixin', less'n y'do somethin' big."

Something big. That's why we're here, isn't it. Syl's right, the kid's pushing herself too much, but fuck - she's in more danger, and more immediate, from Lilith wandering round the lot than she is from bloodloss.

Walk her back a bit, gently, and tug her down to sit on the bed. Keep her tucked in against me, arm round her. "You're doing good, kid, real good." Don't want her to think I'm mad at her. "Just need to take it slow. I need you, Genny, now more than ever - you can't go burning yourself up."

I glance at Syl. "We were going to ask you something, ask for your help."

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"Genny, if'n ye're already needin' t'get bloody fixed up 'n take pills, means ye're goin' too fuckin' fast. When ya do it right ye don't need no fixin', less'n y'do somethin' big."

"It ain't that bad no more, Syl! Aw, heck, don't be mad! Please? Honest, I'm gonna be okay! I was just, you know, workin' on somethin' big and had to do a lot to get it right." And I did get it right! And I saw stars...

Tez steps back towards the bed and I go with him, still curled up safe in his arm, goin' where he goes.

"You're doing good, kid, real good."

"Thanks," I say real soft, feelin' warm when he says it.

"Just need to take it slow. I need you, Genny, now more than ever - you can't go burning yourself up."

"Yeah. I'm gonna go slower. I promised Zann, too. And the doc." I put my head down on Tez's shoulder, can almost hear his heartbeat when I do. His heart, his blood. His...need? He needs me? I guess so. "I ain't gonna burn out," I say, quieter now. "I ain't gonna go 'way when you need me." I put my arm 'round him, and I don't care that the cut on it still hurts when I squeeze. The blood's for him. "Promise."

"We were going to ask you something, ask for your help."

"'Course!" I say, even 'fore he's done askin'. "'Course I'll help you! What do you need me to do?"

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Tez sighs...think'e's startin' t'get'it, but'e's still pushin'. Want Lillith off th'fuckin' lot too, but not if'n's gonna hurt Genny...he leads'er over t'th'bed an' sits'er down. "You're doing good, kid, real good. Just need to take it slow. I need you, Genny, now more than ever - you can't go burning yourself up."

An' Genny nods, like a kid tryin' real hard t'please'er daddy, an' says, "Yeah. I'm gonna go slower. I promised Zann, too. And the doc. I ain't gonna burn out. I ain't gonna go 'way when you need me. Promise."

...hell. Startin' t'really see Zann's problem wit'is. She's doin' alla'is fer Tez, an' nonovvit really fer'erself. Ain't so much teachin' azzitis worship, an' ain't sure'at's healthy. Ain't sure at fuckin' all.

But Tez's pushin' on. "We were going to ask you something, ask for your help."

An' Genny's all for'it. 'Course she is. "'Course I'll help you! What do you need me to do?"

"Y'know Lily?" I sigh.

Edited Date: 2009-02-14 01:32 am (UTC)

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"I ain't gonna burn out. I ain't gonna go 'way when you need me. Promise."

Tightness in my throat, and don't promise that, Genny, don't, because you will. Of course you will, eventually or soon. And, "Course! Course I'll help you! What do you need me to do?"

Find her hand and hold it hard, warning. "No. Never say that, Genny, never, not without knowing what I'm asking. What anyone's asking." Think of Danika-Iblis and the tightness is a pain and an anger. "Please."

"Y'know Lily?"

Syl's sounding all tired and worn, and I wish I could put my arm around her too. The feel of her's all grey and tight and tucked in on itself: something wrong. Thought of Lilith here does that to me too. Please say you don't, Gen.

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Suddenly Tez's hand's 'round mine and I can feel every muscle and bone holdin' tight, so tight I almost gasp.

"No. Never say that, Genny, never, not without knowing what I'm asking. What anyone's asking. Please."

"Okay." My voice's gone all quiet with the shock of hearin' Tez's voice like that, and seein' the little pull of fear on his face, makin' all the stars go out in the dark of his eyes. "Promise," I say again. Don't hardly know what's makin' him look like that but I can't not promise when he's so scared.

"Y'know Lily?" Syl asks.

"New gal at the Grindhouse? I seen her 'round but I ain't talked to her. I think Zann knows her. But Zann knows everyone." I gotta grin at that - my Zann, makin' friends with everything and everyone. But why're Tez'n Syl both lookin' like that 'bout some gal at the Grindhouse? Scared and sad and...

"Why? What about her?"

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Tez squeezes Genny's hand, real tight. "No. Never say that, Genny, never, not without knowing what I'm asking. What anyone's asking. Please."

....well, hell. Mebbe'e really is gettin' better. First time've heard'im say somethin' like'at to'er. Us'ally seems right pleased she's willin' t'do whatever'e says. Mebbe'e's act'ally steppin' up.

Ain't sure Genny getsit, but Genny's always been kinda like'at. Y'talk t'er nice, ain't hard gettin'er t'do whatcha want. She's jes' sweet by nature. Wants t'help ev'ry-fuckin'-body. An' sure, she's frownin' at Tez like she don't understand why 'e's actin' like'is. "Okay. Promise." Still ain't sure she getsit, bu's a bloody start, ain't it?

We ask'er 'bout Lily, an' Genny shrugs. "New gal at the Grindhouse? I seen her 'round but I ain't talked to her. I think Zann knows her. But Zann knows everyone. Why? What about her?"

Bloody Zann. Worryin' 'bout Genny all th'damn time an' makin' friends wit'any ol' person wanders onta th'damn lot'erself. Fuckin'ell. "She ain't who she says she is honey. Ain't even human, not really. Fuckin' messin' wittus, an' don't mean none ovvus no good. But she's tougher'n me, mebbe tougher'n Tez too...an' we need t'get'er out."

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Genny looks scared; well, good. Under the circumstances, she should be. I might have given myself over to Iblis without asking for anything but the chance to love him, but I'll let Lilith tear me apart before I see Genny do the same. Even for me.

"She ain't who she says she is honey. Ain't even human, not really." Not even close, but there's warning Genny off and then there's terrifying her, I suppose. "Fuckin' messin' wittus, an' don't mean none ovvus no good. But she's tougher'n me, mebbe tougher'n Tez too...an' we need t'get'er out."

"It's me she's after," I say, and give Genny's hand a gentler squeeze, as reassuring as I can. "But she'll come at me through the people I care about. Can't let her stay, can't get her out. Not as I am. I need to be more, Gen, and you - you're the best way I can think of."

Turn her round a bit to look at me. "Need you to paint me, the way you do. But - " Reach for a way to explain it to her. "More so. Not going to be easy on any of us."

I shouldn't be asking this, not when I've just told her off for taking it too fast, but if it's that or see Lilith get her hooks into her, into Syl....

Cup her face in my hand. Skin so damn soft, hair falling down over my hand. So very young, and the thought of Lilith - no. "Be my priestess for me, Genny. I can teach you - teach you what you need." Think how much it's going to take out of her and manage not to swallow. "Me and Syl, we can set it up. But you're the only one who can paint it. Mirror me back, make me more. Bring me back to myself."

Edited Date: 2009-02-16 05:31 pm (UTC)

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"She ain't who she says she is honey. Ain't even human, not really." Not even close, but there's warning Genny off and then there's terrifying her, I suppose. "Fuckin' messin' wittus, an' don't mean none ovvus no good. But she's tougher'n me, mebbe tougher'n Tez too...an' we need t'get'er out."

"It's me she's after. But she'll come at me through the people I care about. Can't let her stay, can't get her out. Not as I am. I need to be more, Gen, and you - you're the best way I can think of."

"Wait, who is she? What is she? She ain't gonna hurt Zann, is she? She ain't - she ain't him, is she?" Danika, Kent, devil, whatever it's called. I still feel kinda sick when I think about him. It... "You know, him? Why's she want to hurt you?" I'm holdin' real tight to his hand now, gettin' scared just thinkin' 'bout it. Who else is strong enough to hurt a god?

"Need you to paint me, the way you do. But - " Reach for a way to explain it to her. "More so. Not going to be easy on any of us."

Tez curls his hand round my face, fingers big enough that I can almost see 'em out of the bottom of my eyes, but I don't need to look to know where he is. Never do.

"Be my priestess for me, Genny. I can teach you - teach you what you need." Think how much it's going to take out of her and manage not to swallow. "Me and Syl, we can set it up. But you're the only one who can paint it. Mirror me back, make me more. Bring me back to myself."

My heart's beatin' faster. Yes, yes, let me make you more! Let it make me more when I paint you, all that power runnin' through me. Teach me how to do it! This is what I've wanted to do!

No. Ain't he just told me not to say yes 'fore I know what they're askin'? I gulp, feelin' his hand move against my face when I do. "So what would I have to learn how to do?"

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Oh, yeah, she's good'n scared now. Well, good. Needs t'be scared'a somethin' like'at. "Wait, who is she? What is she? She ain't gonna hurt Zann, is she? She ain't - she ain't him, is she? You know, him? Why's she want to hurt you?"

"She ain't him, honey," an' damn you, Tez, fer lettin'im gettat close t'er. Don't think I ain't still pissed 'bout'at. "But she knows'im." Don'tcha think I'm lettin' ya leave'im outta this neither. "Ain't sure if'n she wants t'help'r hurt'im, but she knows'im a'right, an's parta why she's'ere."

"It's me she's after. But she'll come at me through the people I care about. Can't let her stay, can't get her out. Not as I am. I need to be more, Gen, and you - you're the best way I can think of. Need you to paint me, the way you do. But - More so. Not going to be easy on any of us. Be my priestess for me, Genny. I can teach you - teach you what you need. Me and Syl, we can set it up. But you're the only one who can paint it. Mirror me back, make me more. Bring me back to myself." Oh, hell, look'at th'way she's lookin'at'im. Ain't sure I like'at, nottat fuckin' all...but ain't got no choice now, do we? C'n already see th'way'er eyes'r lightin' up, way she's smilin'...

But then, she swallows. "So what would I have to learn how to do?"

"Good girl, Genny," I sigh. Good fuckin' girl. She keeps askin' questions, she jes' might be okay. Make sure she knows 'zactly what she's gettin' inta 'fore she starts, an' we're goin' someplace.

"Tez useta be a god'a sorcery. Witchcraft." Lean back 'gainst th'wall. "Me. An'I already got somma'is power in me. If'n y'can paint'at parta'im, wake it up, me'n him might b'able t'team up 'n shoot'at bitch right th'hell outta'ere." Sigh, "Tha's what we's hopin', anyway."

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She ain't - she ain't him, is she? You know, him? Why's she want to hurt you?"

Syl reassures her - and I see the look she gives me too. So close to Genny I force myself not to wince. She can probably feel it anyway.

"No, kid." Give her a bit of a squeeze. "He's promised. Knows you're - " mine " - under my protection." Feel my mouth twist up. "As for why...I think she finds it amusing to torment me."

"Tez useta be a god'a sorcery. Witchcraft. Me. An'I already got somma'is power in me. If'n y'can paint'at parta'im, wake it up, me'n him might b'able t'team up 'n shoot'at bitch right th'hell outta'ere. Tha's what we's hopin', anyway."

Used to. Didn't think that would twinge like it does. I'm still afraid of what I might lose, but....

I look at Syl as I speak, talking as much to her as to Genny. "It's going to take more than a scratch on your arm. The old rituals, the bloodletting." She will need to be blackened, made holy, purified; and there's a little shock of excitement deep in me. So long, so very long.... She's warm against me, and I can feel the blood singing in her.

"And it is - not a kind part of me." If there's any such part beyond the human, the kindnesses I've learned. The sight of me struck men dead, once, and it suddenly occurs to me to wonder what it will do to her.

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"She ain't him, honey. But she knows'im." Don'tcha think I'm lettin' ya leave'im outta this neither. "Ain't sure if'n she wants t'help'r hurt'im, but she knows'im a'right, an's parta why she's'ere."

Syl sounds mad. More'n usual mad, even, and I don't know why, 'cept maybe 'cause it makes her mad to think 'bout Tez still goin' round with him. Don't blame her, but I still don't like it that Syl's mad at Tez.

"No, kid He's promised. Knows you're - under my protection. As for why...I think she finds it amusing to torment me."

"Okay." It still ain't all okay. Can't be okay if there's someone out there who thinks it's fun to hurt Tez, and I hug him back when he says that. But least I know that it ain't Danika and all her other people goin' 'round the Grindhouse, bein' right here in the middle of the family with nobody knowin.' That ain't Lily, and whatever she is, we're gonna get her out.

"Tez useta be a god'a sorcery. Witchcraft. Me. An'I already got somma'is power in me. If'n y'can paint'at parta'im, wake it up, me'n him might b'able t'team up 'n shoot'at bitch right th'hell outta'ere. Tha's what we's hopin', anyway."

"It's going to take more than a scratch on your arm. The old rituals, the bloodletting."

More blood. "I can do that," I whisper. "I can give more." I start to smile at Tez...but Syl's givin' me that look. "Um. We gonna need the doc here?"

"And it is - not a kind part of me."

"What's that mean?" But 'fore I even get the question out I can feel Tez wantin' this, whatever it is. His heart's beatin' faster, and so is mine. A new part of him! A new part of him that I can help make?

"So I paint you lookin' like that, and then you...become it?" Ohhhh, I never done that before. I painted things like they really are, painted things like they were long ago or are gonna be in the future, painted things outta nothin', but I never painted somebody into somethin' else. I can already feel myself smilin'. It's beautiful just thinkin' 'bout it. He wants to do this. I want to do this...

"What did that part of you look like? Can you show me?"

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"It's going to take more than a scratch on your arm. The old rituals, the bloodletting." Tez says, kinda wincin' 'n lookin' at me. An' Genny...'least she looks like she might be thinkin' a bit more 'bout it. 'least a bit.

"I can do that. I can give more." she says, an'en looksat me. "Um. We gonna need the doc here?"

Prob'ly. Fuck. Don't like t'think 'bout askin'er t'do'is, not when she's lookin' so tired. But...I mean, I know'at I give blood in m'spells, an've hurt m'self sometimes, but dammit, I know what'm doin'. Know th'risks. Still ain't sure Genny's th'same. But we need'is, dammit. We need'is...an' don't fuckin' care, 'm stoppin'it if'n Genny looks bad.

"And it is - not a kind part of me." Tez says, lookin' away. Fuck, this's really scared, ain't'e? 'e's been so happy 'bout wakin'imself back'up...'is part mus' be real bad if'n's'got'im so worried.

But Genny's all 'scited 'bout'it. "What's that mean? So I paint you lookin' like that, and then you...become it?" She wants t'try'is. So damn bad. God fuckin' help'us.

But I think'm havin' an idea....gotta good look'at all th'parts ovvim when I haddat li'l vision. "S'th'bird, ain't it? That fucked-up lookin' turkey thin'?"

Annit did look kinda like'a fucked up turkey wit' jewels all over'it an'a really pretty tail....bu' jes' 'memb'rin' it makes m'stomach tighten. Somethin' bad 'bout'at bird. Somethin' real fuckin' scary 'bout'it.

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I can feel Genny's excitement, her desire, yearning towards this new potential in herself.

Just glad I'm not drinking anything when Syl speaks: "S'th'bird, ain't it? That fucked-up lookin' turkey thin'?"

Fucked-up looking turkey thing...anyone but Syl I wouldn't laugh. But Syl's never had any damn respect, and I love her for it. "Chalchihuihtotolin," I say, and the name itself sets up tremors in me and in the air around us. "The Blood-Jewelled Fowl." See her mouth tighten like she's angry or even scared.

She's right to be. Death at a glance, and besides that the pestilence and plague-bringer, lord of the tlacatecolotl, the temacpalitotique: sorcerers, desecrators, murderers, rapists, all those who committed their misdeeds at night.... It will make for an interesting relationship with Gaueko, at least, should we manage to wake that part of me. And his girl, too, given that as the Jewelled Fowl I once absolved men of their sins, once in a lifetime each. Judgement and evil twisted together, and we want to stir that?

"The doc might be a good idea," I say grimly. "And I can show you, but...not yet. Not until then." Not until I can find some way to make it likely anyone there will be safe, when it begins. I will talk to Syl about wardings, protection - perhaps there's something she can do.

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"S'th'bird, ain't it? That fucked-up lookin' turkey thin'?"

It would almost be funny, the way she says it, and they're both laughin', only not really - eyes too tight, Syl's mouth goin' thin, and Tez smilin' at Syl but I can feel somethin' else under it.

"Chalchihuihtotolin. The Blood-Jewelled Fowl."

"Chalchihuihtotolin," I whisper back. Can say it right the first time without even thinkin', and it sends a shiver into me when I do. Another ripple through the pond, not as much as the power when Tez said it, but I can still feel it. There's a picture in the pond, a reflection of somethin' far away that I can't see yet, but I can feel it.

"The doc might be a good idea," I say grimly. "And I can show you, but...not yet. Not until then."

"Okay." Still whisperin', and I ain't even sure why. Still feel cold after sayin' that new name. "I'll wait. Just tell me what to do when it's time."

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"Chalchihuihtotolin," Tez says, an' Genny saysit too. Didn't never hear th'name, but don't like th'sound ovvit none. Like th'jaguar...like th'jaguar a whole lot...don't think'm gonna like'is bird. Ain't gonna matter what'e calls it. Jes' th'way'e says it 'minds me'a th'jungle...th'axe an' th'cat an'at bird...mebbe th'ghost was th'nastiest buttat damn bird's th'one gives me chills t'remember. Beat th'ghost, after all.

"The doc might be a good idea. And I can show you, but...not yet. Not until then."

"Okay. I'll wait. Just tell me what to do when it's time."

Sigh 'n take outta cig. Wuz plannin' t'talk 'bout'is when Genny wuz gone, but fuckit. She's parta'is, an' she needs t'know what she's doin', don't she. "Tez, how bad's'is gonna get? You thinkin' ye're gonna go feathery'n rip out allour hearts, 'r somethin'?"

Don't think so. Hope not. But 'member somma th'pictures innat book 'n wonder jest a bit.

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"Chalchihuihtotolin" Genny's voice ripples like fingers down my spine, and her shiver spreads itself to me, skin tightening, prickling. I hear my own breath thicken. Oh, Genny, you see me so well, you feel what I am, and you still yearn to it...

A sharp hot smell and little flare of light bring my attention back: Syl lighting up. "Tez, how bad's'is gonna get? You thinkin' ye're gonna go feathery'n rip out allour hearts, 'r somethin'?"

Well, that's the the point, I suppose. "I - " Don't know. Don't think so. If I would trust myself to be safe with anyone, it would be these two. Tighten my hold on Genny a bit, deliberately, reassuring. I call feel the low thud of her heart through her flesh.

"I don't think so. It's more..." How to say it, without terrifying the girl warm and soft against my side, who for all she thrums with my power is still so little more than a child. "I was - hard for men to look on, once. Some...didn't survive. But if they were strong, if they had courage - you've seen how that works, Syl. You understand."

Syl's the bravest damn human I've ever met, and Lucien's no coward, and Genny...Genny, for all her tears, has never been afraid to look on me yet. Surely, surely all will be well?

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"Tez, how bad's'is gonna get? You thinkin' ye're gonna go feathery'n rip out allour hearts, 'r somethin'?"

"I don't think so. It's more...I was - hard for men to look on, once. Some...didn't survive. But if they were strong, if they had courage - you've seen how that works, Syl. You understand."

Scary enough that people died when they looked at him? Glad Tez's huggin' me tighter already, 'cause I woulda tried to hide in him when he said that if he wasn't.

But it'll still be Tez. Sure, I was scared when I saw the mirrors'n teeth the first time I painted 'em, but now I know it's just Tez. All of them are him, the one who joked and brought presents and asked "what're you thinking, Genny-o?" And now I know that he was always them, even when those parts of him didn't show. This'll just be painting in a different part of him. Like I was lookin' at him from one side, and now he's turnin' around so I can see the other. And even if he's still talkin' 'bout how scary he is, I still want him to be the one to keep me safe.

"I'll be brave," I say, real quiet. "It's still you, ain't it? It's all...you." All of him that I can feel runnin' through his veins, all that power and blood that's so close to me. "I won't be scared of you."

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Tez looks worried. See'is arm tighten up 'round Genny. "I don't think so. It's more...I was - hard for men to look on, once. Some...didn't survive. But if they were strong, if they had courage - you've seen how that works, Syl. You understand."

"I 'member." Nod. Y'run from th'ghost, it getsya. Y'go afterit, y'take its heart, then you get...somethin'. Still ain't sure quite what. But hey, s'a thought. "Hey, Tez, I beat th'ghost, yeah? 'r passed th'test, 'r whatever...somethin' sim'lar fer th'bird? Some way t'make it cool off 'r somethin'? An' even if'ere ain't...know y'gave me somethin' after I dealt wit' th'ghost. That be 'nough t'make th'bird leave me be?" If'n'at means I gotta put m'self 'tween it'n Genny, fine. 'm okay wit' doin'at.

Genny ain't thinkin' like'at, though. "I'll be brave. It's still you, ain't it? It's all...you. I won't be scared of you."

An' y'know...she's gotta damned point. I wuzn't scared'a th'fuckin' jaguar cuzzit wuz Tez, an' Tez ain't gonna hurt me. Not like'at, anyway. Whatever th'damned bird is, 's' still Tez. Reckon we'll find some way t'deal wit'it.

"Right," I says, takin' a drag. "When we doin'is?"

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Genny leans right into me, and her voice is soft. "I'll be brave. It's still you, ain't it? It's all...you. I won't be scared of you."

Oh, kid. Kiss the top of her head gently. Not a coward, my Genny, for all she's gentle, yielding, kind. Trusting. "Still me," I say against her hair. "Not going to let anything bad happen to you, Gen."

Syl's thinking practically, of course. "Hey, Tez, I beat th'ghost, yeah? 'r passed th'test, 'r whatever...somethin' sim'lar fer th'bird? Some way t'make it cool off 'r somethin'? An' even if'ere ain't...know y'gave me somethin' after I dealt wit' th'ghost. That be 'nough t'make th'bird leave me be?"

Reach out to Syl, link a finger through hers and pull gently. She unfolds a bit and lets herself be tugged over, so that I can get my free arm round her waist. Don't care if she thinks I'm sentimental: I just want them both here against me, Syl wiry-strong and smelling of smoke and herbs and Genny soft and trusting.

"Same deal," I say to Syl. "Same courage, to reach and grasp...and yes. What I gave you, I'd recognise that, no matter what." My blessing might not always have been something to be trusted, but I think with it she'd be safe even if I was so far gone that I didn't recognise Syl herself. Which I have difficulty imagining.

"When we doin'is?"

"Soon as possible." Fuck, I want Lilith out of here. Idea that she could be here now, not so far away at all, all the fire and presence of her folded down into a human shape so that I can't find her until it's too late...no. "When you're ready, the two of you. Soon as."

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"Still me. Not going to let anything bad happen to you, Gen."

"I know," I say real soft. Don't need to say it loud, 'cause I'm sure it's true. I lean into him, feel his face in my hair. Want to say somethin' else, but all I can think of is I love you, and that don't feel right for a god, even when the god's Tez with his arm 'round me all warm and solid. So I just say, "I know" again, and put my head down on his shoulder.

Syl talks 'bout helpin' Tez with a ghost, and I don't know what she's talkin' bout, but sounds like she did good then. And I know Syl's strong enough to deal with anything that she gets given. Only thing I ever saw that she couldn't take was that one time when the magic went bad on her. And when Tez made her cry.

But now Tez's got his arm 'round her too, and he's got both of us close, one on each side. I can't feel Syl like I can feel Tez, but I still feel like everything's more right when he's holdin' her like that.

"When we doin'is?"
"Soon as possible. When you're ready, the two of you. Soon as."

"I can be ready whenever you need me!" And then I think 'bout stayin' up all night workin' last night and stayin' up I don't know how long the night before... "Um...guess maybe I better rest up for a couple days 'fore we go?"

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Tez stretches outtis hand t'me...an'even after alla this, still reach out'n take it, cuzzit's what we always do. An'e snags me wit'a finger'n pulls me close, gets th'arm't ain't 'round Genny 'round me. An' aw, hell, get m'own arms 'round'em both. Fuck. Th'hell we thinkin' of?

"Same deal. Same courage, to reach and grasp...and yes. What I gave you, I'd recognise that, no matter what." Tez says. Got Genny tucked in 'gainst'is side annis head 'gainst m'belly.

"Then if'n thin's get bad, I get in th'way," I says. Gonna hafta spit m'cig out inna minute if'n we don't break up th'damn lovefest. Damned if'n'm burnin' m'lips off. "Might not touch me, yeah? So get Genny 'n th'Doc out, 'n'll deal witcha." S'a plan. S'sort ovva plan. Fuck, s'better'n nothin'.

"I can be ready whenever you need me!" Genny starts t'say, an'I take a breath t'fuckin' yallet'er an' nearly choke on m'damn cig. "Um...guess maybe I better rest up for a couple days 'fore we go?"

Better. Fuckin' better. "Right. Give Genny a couple days t'rest, an' see when th'Doc c'n come by." An'en....guess we see.

"...Tez, if'n y'don't let me go yer hair's gonna end up on fire."

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