[identity profile] konrad-voronin.livejournal.com
The Voronin Estate, January 13th, around Midday

The thing that defined him was always this: that he was dead, and the dead do not come back. This is the seed at the heart of the memory, always this, always this numb certainty, the two things twisted into one, death and the boy, the boy dying, the boy and his death, the boy's fever twinned with the fire in the garden, the horrible slackness of his limbs as his father carried him. The boy is dead.

The boy is dead, and the dead do not come back. This is what the boy is thinking when the silence comes. This is what he forgets. The boy has always been clever.

We forget how her power ebbed into the ash. We forget the last the breath, the last pulse of blood into the embers, the last words which died in her lungs, the ecstasy of pain and how it bore us up. We forget that we are not, were not, the same. We forget that death binds us to the other place where silence rests across our eyes like wax over water. We forget how long we have waited in the house, forget the names for those numbers and their vastness.

We forget that we are not allowed out to play on our own.

Hello, hello mother. Hello Excolo. Hello.

[closed]
[identity profile] isidore-excolo.livejournal.com
Tevet 27
Days before the new moon
Day 227
The Abbey
Late afternoon


I have watched the confusion grow here, watched men forget their childhoods and women forget their adulthoods, monks forget their Goddess and parishioners forget their families.

And I just watch. I feel like a hidden one once more, watching their dramas play out, but in truth my watching is only to distract myself. I felt a flood that permeated everything, a ringing imperative and as it reached me I felt Her hand set me aside. Aside from my fellow man, once more. I know that my punishment continues, and what purpose is their to punishment if the punished do not recall their crime?

I have watched enough to see a pattern. We were taught to see such things, to build a structure around new situations. It is how we work, the Lamed Vev, when we are in a new place. There are anomalies, something I am becoming used to here, even in the short time I have spent in Excolo. The remarkable strength in that boy - I should check on him, make sure he is alright. I have not brought myself to seek out Nanse-Kam yet, but I should.

My sword is hidden back away in the armoury, but I have my daggers and my mail, and while I do not expect assault I shall be prepared for it.

Something has gone wrong here, disturbed the community, and as I have been set aside it is my duty to put it right. Thus, here and then to town.

[Open]
[identity profile] isidore-excolo.livejournal.com
Tevet 27
Days before the new moon
Day 227
The Abbey
Late afternoon


I have watched the confusion grow here, watched men forget their childhoods and women forget their adulthoods, monks forget their Goddess and parishioners forget their families.

And I just watch. I feel like a hidden one once more, watching their dramas play out, but in truth my watching is only to distract myself. I felt a flood that permeated everything, a ringing imperative and as it reached me I felt Her hand set me aside. Aside from my fellow man, once more. I know that my punishment continues, and what purpose is their to punishment if the punished do not recall their crime?

I have watched enough to see a pattern. We were taught to see such things, to build a structure around new situations. It is how we work, the Lamed Vev, when we are in a new place. There are anomalies, something I am becoming used to here, even in the short time I have spent in Excolo. The remarkable strength in that boy - I should check on him, make sure he is alright. I have not brought myself to seek out Nanse-Kam yet, but I should.

My sword is hidden back away in the armoury, but I have my daggers and my mail, and while I do not expect assault I shall be prepared for it.

Something has gone wrong here, disturbed the community, and as I have been set aside it is my duty to put it right. Thus, here and then to town.

[Open]
[identity profile] gaueko-erebus.livejournal.com
[Afternoon, Thursday, December 31st, day 214]
[The Dreaming]



I don't dream at night. Which I suppose is no surprise, given that I don't sleep. Why the fuck would I sleep at night when there's so much else to do? There is prey to hunt and shadows to walk, dreams to haunt and blood to spill. Who can sleep when the night sky is running through your veins and the shadows sing in your mind?

During the day, though. I don't really need to sleep, whether man or dog or god, but during the day (when I have enough fucking sense to stay in my room) it's not like there's much else to do. When I was living at the manor, well, that was one thing. I almost came to enjoy paging through the crumbling books, or watching Anushka cast her bones, or just walking the halls and seeing the way they looked in the light. But here...here I can sit in my room, or I can go downstairs and eat, and that's about all that there is. My temple is ash, and I don't know that even my she-wolf could have turned this place into another.

So I sleep. But even then I don't tend to dream. I'm not entirely sure why...at night I can walk through the dreams of others, I used to give dreams, taking them from a sack over my shoulder and casting them into sleeping minds. But these days I rarely dream. It worries me sometimes, when I care to think about it.

So today, when I sink into the dreaming, I suppose that I should be surprised. Or at least revel in the novelty. But I walk the mists on men's feet and dog's paws, and it seems to me that I am just where I should be. Sometimes that's how dreams are, and it's best to sit back and enjoy the ride.

The dreamsstuff under my paws yields like soil, and cold air stings my wet nose. But when I turn to look it is with a man's eyes, and I feel the weight of my coat on my shoulders. Her last offering.

I turn, and I smile.

"Hello, sweet."


[OPEN to....]
[CLOSED]
[identity profile] gaueko-erebus.livejournal.com
[Afternoon, Thursday, December 31st, day 214]
[The Dreaming]



I don't dream at night. Which I suppose is no surprise, given that I don't sleep. Why the fuck would I sleep at night when there's so much else to do? There is prey to hunt and shadows to walk, dreams to haunt and blood to spill. Who can sleep when the night sky is running through your veins and the shadows sing in your mind?

During the day, though. I don't really need to sleep, whether man or dog or god, but during the day (when I have enough fucking sense to stay in my room) it's not like there's much else to do. When I was living at the manor, well, that was one thing. I almost came to enjoy paging through the crumbling books, or watching Anushka cast her bones, or just walking the halls and seeing the way they looked in the light. But here...here I can sit in my room, or I can go downstairs and eat, and that's about all that there is. My temple is ash, and I don't know that even my she-wolf could have turned this place into another.

So I sleep. But even then I don't tend to dream. I'm not entirely sure why...at night I can walk through the dreams of others, I used to give dreams, taking them from a sack over my shoulder and casting them into sleeping minds. But these days I rarely dream. It worries me sometimes, when I care to think about it.

So today, when I sink into the dreaming, I suppose that I should be surprised. Or at least revel in the novelty. But I walk the mists on men's feet and dog's paws, and it seems to me that I am just where I should be. Sometimes that's how dreams are, and it's best to sit back and enjoy the ride.

The dreamsstuff under my paws yields like soil, and cold air stings my wet nose. But when I turn to look it is with a man's eyes, and I feel the weight of my coat on my shoulders. Her last offering.

I turn, and I smile.

"Hello, sweet."


[OPEN to....]
[CLOSED]

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