[identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
“The silence often of pure innocence persuades when speaking fails.”
- Shakespeare


Monday lunchtime, near the sheriff's office, on Main Street

This has proved almost too easy. The clouds are rolling in, air heavy with the promise of rain, and I stand in my Danika body wearing an old coat with the collar turned up against the cold, jacket short enough to show a few inches of a tidy, worn work dress and a calflength of wool stocking. My shoes wear the signs of good, honest farm labour, and my blonde hair is frizzing round my face in the damp air. I look very distressed.

"Did - was there really a man arrested for... for beating on a girl?" I say to an old woman gossiping with her friend on the street. My fingers flutter together anxiously.

"Oh yes," she says, "it's a horrible thing. They think also he did in a girl as worked at - well, the brothel, my dear," she says, lowering her voice over that salacious detail, eyes gleaming with prurient interest. "They think he chopped her up."

"Oh," I say, and I faint very neatly to the ground. It's not long before I have half a dozen people round me - offering water, saying they will take me to the Dormouse, fussing with my coat collar to let me breathe.

"I should've said something," I say, and I burst into tears. That gets me sat down on a bench, an old woman's arm around my shoulders, and a very handsome young man crouched at my feet. "I should - "

"What is is, dear? Do you know something about what happened to those girls?"

I shake my head tightly.

"I know - I know - him," I say quietly. "He - We went out a couple of times, and he was - he was real nice to me, and -" The old woman gives me a handkerchief. "You know, I ain't really dated much," I say, shamefaced, "cos my momma's sick a bunch and I'm busy out on the farm, and he just - he was real nice, and when he -" I turn my face away, and I can feel the vibrating tension from the boy at my feet, his desire to be a hero. "He - I thought it was my fault," I say, and then there is a furious chatter rising from the little crowd, and the conversation spreads in ripples.

"Some carnie's been carving up our girls," one man says fiercely. And there is discussion of me and of Melania - ah, yes, that explains some of what I saw in her - and how we're hard working girls, salt of the earth girls, and who is this monster and why hasn't he been strung up? What the hell is wrong with this town that a murderer and molester can be caught redhanded and he's cosseted in jail? And did you hear that he attacked that nice Mrs Beddau (I wonder if at any other time Glass has been described as nice) when she went to visit him in prison? He should be put in the old stocks in town. People would show him how they felt, alright. They'd show him very clearly indeed.

I manage a brave, trembling smile for the boy at my feet, and he springs up, ready for something, anything, if it will make me look at him like that again. And I nestle in against the arm of the old woman as the crowd grows larger and voices grow louder, and I wait for the storm to break.

[OPEN]
[identity profile] al-shairan.livejournal.com
“The silence often of pure innocence persuades when speaking fails.”
- Shakespeare


Monday lunchtime, near the sheriff's office, on Main Street

This has proved almost too easy. The clouds are rolling in, air heavy with the promise of rain, and I stand in my Danika body wearing an old coat with the collar turned up against the cold, jacket short enough to show a few inches of a tidy, worn work dress and a calflength of wool stocking. My shoes wear the signs of good, honest farm labour, and my blonde hair is frizzing round my face in the damp air. I look very distressed.

"Did - was there really a man arrested for... for beating on a girl?" I say to an old woman gossiping with her friend on the street. My fingers flutter together anxiously.

"Oh yes," she says, "it's a horrible thing. They think also he did in a girl as worked at - well, the brothel, my dear," she says, lowering her voice over that salacious detail, eyes gleaming with prurient interest. "They think he chopped her up."

"Oh," I say, and I faint very neatly to the ground. It's not long before I have half a dozen people round me - offering water, saying they will take me to the Dormouse, fussing with my coat collar to let me breathe.

"I should've said something," I say, and I burst into tears. That gets me sat down on a bench, an old woman's arm around my shoulders, and a very handsome young man crouched at my feet. "I should - "

"What is is, dear? Do you know something about what happened to those girls?"

I shake my head tightly.

"I know - I know - him," I say quietly. "He - We went out a couple of times, and he was - he was real nice to me, and -" The old woman gives me a handkerchief. "You know, I ain't really dated much," I say, shamefaced, "cos my momma's sick a bunch and I'm busy out on the farm, and he just - he was real nice, and when he -" I turn my face away, and I can feel the vibrating tension from the boy at my feet, his desire to be a hero. "He - I thought it was my fault," I say, and then there is a furious chatter rising from the little crowd, and the conversation spreads in ripples.

"Some carnie's been carving up our girls," one man says fiercely. And there is discussion of me and of Melania - ah, yes, that explains some of what I saw in her - and how we're hard working girls, salt of the earth girls, and who is this monster and why hasn't he been strung up? What the hell is wrong with this town that a murderer and molester can be caught redhanded and he's cosseted in jail? And did you hear that he attacked that nice Mrs Beddau (I wonder if at any other time Glass has been described as nice) when she went to visit him in prison? He should be put in the old stocks in town. People would show him how they felt, alright. They'd show him very clearly indeed.

I manage a brave, trembling smile for the boy at my feet, and he springs up, ready for something, anything, if it will make me look at him like that again. And I nestle in against the arm of the old woman as the crowd grows larger and voices grow louder, and I wait for the storm to break.

[OPEN]
[identity profile] jaeresteade.livejournal.com

Sunday, February 7th, day 252
Wee hours of the morning
Whitechapel inn, upstairs


 

This is why I hate weekends. I’m told that people in other lines of work actually enjoy them, use them to go out and generally have the good time they can’t other nights, when they have to get up and work in the morning. The difficulty I have with this is that the places most people decide to go to for their good times are the places I usually work. We made plenty of money tonight, I’m sure, and I wasn’t hurting for tips, either, but the crowd tonight was messy and lingering, although not particularly imaginative and rowdy.
 

The Whitechapel may not be a nice bar, but if I’m working here it will sure as hell be a clean one. Once we finally got everyone out, Adam and I scrubbed the tables and the bar down and then put the chairs up and mopped the floors. God, I hate mopping, but there’s no other way to get everything off the floor that our dear customers leave behind. So here it is nearly three, and we’ve just now finished. Everything I’m wearing is grimy, and my feet are aching for new boots. I did stop in the bar’s tiny kitchen to wash my hands and face and mix up two mugs of the hot buttered rum I’ve been wanting. Well, one mug. Mine is hot buttered molasses and water, which won’t taste nearly as good, but if I’m going to bed with a man I just met, I’m doing it with a clear head, just in case. Unless he offers me a sample of the brandy that’s the reason I’m doing this. Then I might make an exception.
 

At least the bed will be warm, thank God, and I won’t have to stand up and make conversation at the same time. If it gets better from there, that would be nice, but keeping your expectations low is a good way to not be disappointed in the morning. Before I go in, I make enough noise on the landing to announce my presence if he’s awake, but I’m not knocking on my own door. Really need to find a more permanent place if I’m going to be having people over.

 

OPEN to Arkady
CLOSED

 

[identity profile] jaeresteade.livejournal.com

Sunday, February 7th, day 252
Wee hours of the morning
Whitechapel inn, upstairs


 

This is why I hate weekends. I’m told that people in other lines of work actually enjoy them, use them to go out and generally have the good time they can’t other nights, when they have to get up and work in the morning. The difficulty I have with this is that the places most people decide to go to for their good times are the places I usually work. We made plenty of money tonight, I’m sure, and I wasn’t hurting for tips, either, but the crowd tonight was messy and lingering, although not particularly imaginative and rowdy.
 

The Whitechapel may not be a nice bar, but if I’m working here it will sure as hell be a clean one. Once we finally got everyone out, Adam and I scrubbed the tables and the bar down and then put the chairs up and mopped the floors. God, I hate mopping, but there’s no other way to get everything off the floor that our dear customers leave behind. So here it is nearly three, and we’ve just now finished. Everything I’m wearing is grimy, and my feet are aching for new boots. I did stop in the bar’s tiny kitchen to wash my hands and face and mix up two mugs of the hot buttered rum I’ve been wanting. Well, one mug. Mine is hot buttered molasses and water, which won’t taste nearly as good, but if I’m going to bed with a man I just met, I’m doing it with a clear head, just in case. Unless he offers me a sample of the brandy that’s the reason I’m doing this. Then I might make an exception.
 

At least the bed will be warm, thank God, and I won’t have to stand up and make conversation at the same time. If it gets better from there, that would be nice, but keeping your expectations low is a good way to not be disappointed in the morning. Before I go in, I make enough noise on the landing to announce my presence if he’s awake, but I’m not knocking on my own door. Really need to find a more permanent place if I’m going to be having people over.

 

OPEN to Arkady
CLOSED

 

[identity profile] regularblack.livejournal.com
[Late afternoon/early evening, Saturday, February 6th, day 251)
(The bar at the Whitechapel Inn)


After I finished with the business of the market today, I stayed. Going back to the house made my feet feel like they were frozen, lumps of cold weighing me down. I sat for several minutes, trying to convince myself. The idea of the quiet fire, the familiar shadows of the house, the silences...

Vilena and I have never spent terrible much time in town, outside of business. Our parents didn't encourage that. They mistrusted everyone, even the people that gave us business in lean winters. Lately we argue about how much we keep to what our parents taught us and whether we even should. It isn't much of an argument for me. I have no interest in being their kind of fool, or hiding from the world. Sometimes I wonder what would have come if I had just run away instead of staying.

So I went to the Whitechapel, to drop off some bottles and collect. Usually I just take that money home, because there isn't much point to drinking at the bar what I can drink at home. I stayed, hungry for a different fire and different silence. Adam and Peter don't mind if I sit at the end of the bar and listen to their work. It's still early yet so the crowd is thin and not especially raucous. There will be trouble to get into later, I think. For now I concentrate on my drink and the warmth it brings.

(open to anyone who feels like visiting the Whitechapel bar)
[identity profile] regularblack.livejournal.com
[Late afternoon/early evening, Saturday, February 6th, day 251)
(The bar at the Whitechapel Inn)


After I finished with the business of the market today, I stayed. Going back to the house made my feet feel like they were frozen, lumps of cold weighing me down. I sat for several minutes, trying to convince myself. The idea of the quiet fire, the familiar shadows of the house, the silences...

Vilena and I have never spent terrible much time in town, outside of business. Our parents didn't encourage that. They mistrusted everyone, even the people that gave us business in lean winters. Lately we argue about how much we keep to what our parents taught us and whether we even should. It isn't much of an argument for me. I have no interest in being their kind of fool, or hiding from the world. Sometimes I wonder what would have come if I had just run away instead of staying.

So I went to the Whitechapel, to drop off some bottles and collect. Usually I just take that money home, because there isn't much point to drinking at the bar what I can drink at home. I stayed, hungry for a different fire and different silence. Adam and Peter don't mind if I sit at the end of the bar and listen to their work. It's still early yet so the crowd is thin and not especially raucous. There will be trouble to get into later, I think. For now I concentrate on my drink and the warmth it brings.

(open to anyone who feels like visiting the Whitechapel bar)
[identity profile] regularblack.livejournal.com
Wednesday morning, February 3rd, Cherny Orchard

I told her nothing happened. That I was only about business. All I did was make some deliveries, and collect what was owed. I could see the doubt in her expression, even when she turned away. It made me so angry that I wanted to smash my cup down on the table, grab her by the shoulders, make her look me in the eyes and doubt me then. Instead I finished my breakfast and set to wandering the trees, checking them for signs of damage from the winter.

I don't know if Vilena should believe me more or less than anyone else. We're family, so that argues for a certain loyalty. We've also lived together for so long that we know each other too well. I know too well.

Nothing did happen. Not for lack of curiosity or yearning. I realized that I couldn't go round carrying fish with me while I went in search of vice. I would have looked a right idiot, some backwards farm boy and they would have laughed. Maybe not to my face, but behind their hands.

At the end of a row I turn around and walk back towards the house. I hate this time of year. There's nothing to do but wait for the trees to wake up when it gets warmer, to stare at the bottles and the still, or scrape the ground of the little vegetable garden behind the house. It's cold and I just want to sit in the warmth of Vilena's workspace. She's probably still upset with me, about the trades, the carnival, everything. At least she isn't present to narrow her eyes in disapproval when I pull the flask out of my coat and take a gulp. It's early yet but the drink is warm in my throat.

The warmth practically makes the decision for me. There's nothing I have to do today, no reason to stay here. Especially not if my sister will spend the day ignoring me. I'll saddle up one of the horses and go to town, maybe drink some in peace away from Vilena's reproach. Maybe even go back to the carnival and do what she thinks I've already done. Who can say? I take another drink and go to saddle up one of the horses.

[closed]
[identity profile] regularblack.livejournal.com
Wednesday morning, February 3rd, Cherny Orchard

I told her nothing happened. That I was only about business. All I did was make some deliveries, and collect what was owed. I could see the doubt in her expression, even when she turned away. It made me so angry that I wanted to smash my cup down on the table, grab her by the shoulders, make her look me in the eyes and doubt me then. Instead I finished my breakfast and set to wandering the trees, checking them for signs of damage from the winter.

I don't know if Vilena should believe me more or less than anyone else. We're family, so that argues for a certain loyalty. We've also lived together for so long that we know each other too well. I know too well.

Nothing did happen. Not for lack of curiosity or yearning. I realized that I couldn't go round carrying fish with me while I went in search of vice. I would have looked a right idiot, some backwards farm boy and they would have laughed. Maybe not to my face, but behind their hands.

At the end of a row I turn around and walk back towards the house. I hate this time of year. There's nothing to do but wait for the trees to wake up when it gets warmer, to stare at the bottles and the still, or scrape the ground of the little vegetable garden behind the house. It's cold and I just want to sit in the warmth of Vilena's workspace. She's probably still upset with me, about the trades, the carnival, everything. At least she isn't present to narrow her eyes in disapproval when I pull the flask out of my coat and take a gulp. It's early yet but the drink is warm in my throat.

The warmth practically makes the decision for me. There's nothing I have to do today, no reason to stay here. Especially not if my sister will spend the day ignoring me. I'll saddle up one of the horses and go to town, maybe drink some in peace away from Vilena's reproach. Maybe even go back to the carnival and do what she thinks I've already done. Who can say? I take another drink and go to saddle up one of the horses.

[closed]
[identity profile] regularblack.livejournal.com
Saturday, January 30th, late morning to afternoon

I hate the dampness, seeping into everything. It isn't actually raining, more like the air is wavering with clouds of cold, fat mist. Clammy mist that wants to freeze and wants me to stay home, warm and dry in the kitchen. But I told Vilena she didn't have to go, and I should make the effort to sell something to keep us going.

We have some bottles left of the honey mead with pears, and brandy. I pack them in carefully with Vilena's pitchers, tall and pale gray. She's taken to stenciling patterns around the rim in blues and reds, long twisting lines like morning glory vines. She's bashful when I suggest they will sell before anything else, but I think they're beautiful. I pack some of the short, thick mugs along with the deep bowls and pots. With the tarp stretched over the back of the wagon, everything should stay dry. Everything but me.

It is slow going. When I reach Excolo, the mist thins out a bit. It is barely a drizzle. I hope that means a few people will be out shopping. The main street appears subdued as the wagon rattles along towards the river. My usual place just past the smithy is empty and waiting. Gently I unwrap some of Vilena's pottery and feel relieved to see nothing's broken on the trip. I always worry that something will spook the horse or a puddle will turn into a gaping hole that jolts everything out of the wagon. I dry a pitcher speckled with tiny rain drops. It's chilly and damp, and I have to fight the urge to drink some of the brandy until my toes warm up again. Maybe I should just think about getting some new boots.

[open to anyone at the weekend market]
[closed]
[identity profile] regularblack.livejournal.com
Saturday, January 30th, late morning to afternoon

I hate the dampness, seeping into everything. It isn't actually raining, more like the air is wavering with clouds of cold, fat mist. Clammy mist that wants to freeze and wants me to stay home, warm and dry in the kitchen. But I told Vilena she didn't have to go, and I should make the effort to sell something to keep us going.

We have some bottles left of the honey mead with pears, and brandy. I pack them in carefully with Vilena's pitchers, tall and pale gray. She's taken to stenciling patterns around the rim in blues and reds, long twisting lines like morning glory vines. She's bashful when I suggest they will sell before anything else, but I think they're beautiful. I pack some of the short, thick mugs along with the deep bowls and pots. With the tarp stretched over the back of the wagon, everything should stay dry. Everything but me.

It is slow going. When I reach Excolo, the mist thins out a bit. It is barely a drizzle. I hope that means a few people will be out shopping. The main street appears subdued as the wagon rattles along towards the river. My usual place just past the smithy is empty and waiting. Gently I unwrap some of Vilena's pottery and feel relieved to see nothing's broken on the trip. I always worry that something will spook the horse or a puddle will turn into a gaping hole that jolts everything out of the wagon. I dry a pitcher speckled with tiny rain drops. It's chilly and damp, and I have to fight the urge to drink some of the brandy until my toes warm up again. Maybe I should just think about getting some new boots.

[open to anyone at the weekend market]
[closed]

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