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[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"When I consider this carefully, I find not a single property which with certainty separates the waking state from the dream. How can you be certain that your whole life is not a dream?” --- Rene Descartes

Tuesday, June 5th
The ballroom

"She's so big now, you would not believe she was only three." I laugh as we waltz about the dance floor with a fluid grace that only he and I had together. "Oh, I visit her every now and again." Lucien assures me with his easy smile as he turns me. "You certainly have your hands full." I cannot help but laugh. "She turned the house purple, purple! Do you believe it?" "She's your daughter, I would believe anything."

The music ends and we stop to bow and curtsy to one another before applauding the band. "Shall I get us some wine my dear, before that husband of your wakes you up and steals you away?" I smirk at him and swat his arm. "Stop it. He's perfectly nice and you know it. But yes, please." I kiss his cheek and he gives me a wink before head off to find the refreshments.

With a happy sigh, I gather up my skirts and wonder where Kent got to and why on earth he would wake me up when---

Oh.

Look around and the head of long, blonde hair has disappeared. Like it always does once I realize I am dreaming. Where else would I see Lucien but in my dreams? Lucien is now just a memory, a very good one, that I can apparently make walk and talk. At least my subconscious can. Although sometimes I wonder if he's more than just a ghost in my head...

Enough speculation, for now at any rate. There are other's that are still here, that are not just memories. Those I can walk, talk and dance with, and it's more than just a memory of a friend.

"Damien?" I call out, finding a place to sit and wait as the band strikes up again. "Are you busy?" After all, what's the good of being all dressed up with no one to dance with?

Closed

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[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Busy I may be, as some of the nightmares can be a little unruly, but I am never so busy as to ignore a friend when they call for me. I hear Wanda's call and it takes hardly any time for me to arrive.

Ah, the ballroom. We both like this setting. I let my clothes shift from plain tshirt and jeans to something more fitting and as I am not wanting to make this a business visit, I drape my cloak up on a nearby chair.

"I'm never too busy for my friends," I tell her. Though perhaps it is more true for certain friends.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Smile as I see Damien crossing the dance floor; dressed to kill.

"I'm never too busy for my friends,"

"Hello, darling." I smile as I rise and kiss Damien's cheek. "Looking smashing, as always." Fiddle with the tie a bit, then nod in satisfaction and lead Hir to the dance floor.

"So let us dance and you fill me in with how my favourite dreamer has been?" I ask, dripping into a curtsy with a grin.

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

I return her kiss, jjst brushing her cheek, and can feel my heart speed up as she fusses with my tie, though I am able to keep from blushing. Guess the sheer amount of time I have for learning to control dreams is handy for a few things. So let us dance and you fill me in with how my favourite dreamer has been?

"Of course I will." I am glad she is in a good mood and that this really is just a social call. Our next stop is the dance floor and I am happy to lead us into a dance.

"Things have been a little busy in the dreamlands lately," I tell her as we glide across the floor. I keep the other couples out there far enough away so that we have plenty of room and yet the floor doesn't feel empty.

"But I still have plenty of time to experiment with teaching some of the nightmares how to be a band. Though I think only Fiddler and Shadow-dog are the only ones who are actually interested." The rest will do it because it pleases me but I can tell that they don't really enjoy it.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

We begin to move about, and although the room is crowded with many nameless faces, it still feels like we are the only ones there. It's a wonderful trick, and I am always amazed by how Damien manages to do it.

"But I still have plenty of time to experiment with teaching some of the nightmares how to be a band. Though I think only Fiddler and Shadow-dog are the only ones who are actually interested."

"Teaching nightmares to form a band?" I ask, arching my eyebrow. "Please, please please tell me there is a golden fiddle involved." It is wonderful to have a friend that gets almost every music reference that pops into my head. "Still, it would be nice if you could pursue your music while wrangling everyone's bad dreams." I sigh and shake my head. "The new guy singing at the Tavern and the dance hall can't follow the music in my head like you could." I inform him with a wrinkle of my nose. Not that I have all that much free time for singing anymore. Mayoral duties and all that rot. Oh, speaking of...

"Have you had a increase of nightmares the past few nights?" I ask, curious to see just how paranoid everyone is about the carnival.

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Grin at her,"Might be. Fiddler is kinda partial to some interesting songs." I do like talking music with Wanda. I do wish she had more time for it. Agree with her that given the choice I would still be pursuing music more. Shrug and spin her around. "I make do with what I can get. At least in dreams I can have any instrument I can dream up." And any musicians, even nightmares, that I can play with.

Plenty of dreams with music in them. And there are folks who dream of playing it. Though it does make me feel a bit happy to know that Wanda thinks I'm a better musician than the guy that replaced me out in the waking world.

Have you had a increase of nightmares the past few nights? Raise my eyebrow at that. "Yes, there have been more. Told you things have been busy lately. Are you going to tell me what happened on the waking side, or do I have to guess?"

Though I think I may have a big clue to a possible answer.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"I always thought Baba O'Riley sounded better with a fiddle instead of a harmonica..." I muse as we glide along. "Let me know when you get the band settled. I want a private concert." I inform him, trying to be stern, but probably failing horridly.

Damien confirms the nightmares have been on the rise. "Are you going to tell me what happened on the waking side, or do I have to guess?"

Sigh and nod. "Come on, let's grab a drink and sit down to talk." I lead him from the dance floor. A waiter passes and I grab two glasses of wine and hand one to Damien.

"I promise I did not come to talk business," I start as I sit down on a bench on the terrace. I do enjoy just spending time with Damien, but I have also found that I can gauge what the town's feelings are as a whole by how their dreaming. "The Carnival's back in Excolo. Woke up Saturday and 'poof', there it was." Sigh and swipe hair from my face. "Everything had been so quiet..."

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Wanda tells me she wants a private concert if I can get my nightmare band ready for one. They are nowhere near ready, partly because it very hard to teach them and partly because I've only been half serious about actually making them into a band. But Wanda doesn't have to know any of that. And it would feel good to give a proper performance again.

So instead I smirk at her and say, "Sure! as long you agree to sing at least one song with me during it."

She does not make me guess what the problem is she just sighs, nods and our dancing is over for now and possibly for the whole evening. Wanda grabs us some wine and we go out to the terrace.

I amuse myself by providing us with an enormous silvery moon en-ringed by a belt of smaller moons. She starts by saying she did not ask me here just to talk business. Though I understand why she asks. She is a good leader and uses any means at her disposal to help her do her job. And am I not doing something similar when I ask her for news of the waking world?

The Carnival's back in Excolo. Woke up Saturday and 'poof', there it was.

"Ah." So. I had wondered, when more and more dreams of the circus started to appear, and so many of them were nightmares. Next to the Tower, the Carnival Diabolique does feature quite often in Excoloer's nightmares.

Perhaps that's why so many of the mirrors in my front hall have become fun house mirrors.

Sip my wine and put one hand on Wanda's shoulder. Her skin beneath my hand is warm and silky smooth. "Are they complaining a lot about it? Or has it become something one only mentions in whispers?"

If they are complaining it can't be that bad yet. Not that I can really talk much about the carnival. Only went the one time with John. Our first date. And I like Zann, who is with the Carnival.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"Agree? I insist." Can't help but smirk a little around my wine glass as I sip.

The mere 'ah' tells me Damien already had a good idea as to what's going on back in the waking world. Hir hand lays on my shoulder, and sometimes it still takes me by surprise that I can feel it. Then again, this is Damien's world; Ze of all things should feel solid and real.

"Are they complaining a lot about it? Or has it become something one only mentions in whispers?"

"Complaining, and loudly," I roll my eyes then shift so Damien's arm is now around me. Ze should know by now there is no reason to stand on ceremony with me, nor any reason to be shy. But Damien still is, and it's endearing. "The same way they bitch about the 'Boy, so I'm not overly worried. Yet. Need to go out and see their Management, but I've already been warned it's a bad idea." Recall what Kent related to me from Nu. "That they are strange above and beyond the Excolo standard. Does not fill me with hope." I sigh and look up at the moons. "Nice touch, by the way." I nod up at the sky.

"So, what are the dreams about? Man eating cotton candy and killer clowns?" I ask, poking a finger into Damien's side. "Or have you been lucky enough to find some rugged and lovely rousties roaming about the nightmares?"

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Love seeing her smirk at me like that. I laugh softly, "But this way by making it a condition of my holding the concert, I can save some face."

At least I no longer have to prove myself on a daily basis as their master. I still do need to work a bit at showing that I still am. And probably always will need to.

I relax a bit when Wanda rolls her eyes and tells me that they are indeed complaining. Somehow she manages to shift on the bench so that my arm is around her. It feels nice so I leave it there. Can also feel my coat and shirt dissolving leaving my arms bare. It still surprises me to know that she knows some of the secrets that have made life in the waking world so difficult and has never given me grief over any of them. John gave me hell for not mentioning the dreamwalking before I ate Icelus' heart and had trouble staying awake.

I smile as she compares the manner of their complaints to the way they complain about the brothel, but the smile fades as she talks about visiting the Carnival and talking to their Management. Lick my lips. Going to have to try to explain why that makes me worried for her. Though her comment about my moons does bring back a fainter version of my smile.

"They are very strange and somewhat scary," I tell her. "I would be very careful when talking to them. From the way some of the Carnies dream about them I might guess they are a little like your ex-husband."

I know better than to ask her not to go. Wanda can be so very stubborn.

She turns the conversation back to the dreams of her townsfolk by asking me what their dreams were about.I squirm a little as she pokes a finger into my side. "There are some dreams like that, as well as plenty where the dreamer is naked during their carnival visit. Or gets stripped during," I tell her. "But more are like wandering into a maze of tents where you lose important things to the inhabitants until you have nothing left and then are forced to join them. Some dreamers are even more creative than that."

And several are rather disturbing. Even after I have seen plenty of disturbing dreams since becoming Lord of Nightmares. I can't stop the quick blush when she mentions me finding attractive rousties. Some of the Carnival folk are rather nice to meet in dreams, For all the townsfolk are dreaming them as monsters.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Damien settles against me in a more comfortable manner, and I notice the sleeves of the suit jacket and shirt disappear. With a smile, I let my voluminous gown shimmer and fade into something (http://www.promdressesonlineshop.co.uk/select-by-type/sheathcolumn-sweetheart-dark-green-bow-beading-taffeta-shortmini-prom-dress-p-3219.html) that allows for a bit more physical contact. I count my blessings that I have Rose and Kent to be able to hug and hold. Damien has been on this side for over a year now... it must get lonely.

Damien takes Hir time to respond when I talk about going to the Carnival's management.

"From the way some of the Carnies dream about them I might guess they are a little like your ex-husband."

I turn in Damien's arms to look up into hir eyes. "Are you kidding me?" The look tells me ze are not. "For the love of everything... I can barely get a straight answer about anything out of him, and now I've a plural like him to deal with... fuck my life. Sideways." I add for good measure, groaning and running a hand through my hair.

Damien confirms that some of the dreams are run of the mill, but some are not.

"But more are like wandering into a maze of tents where you lose important things to the inhabitants until you have nothing left and then are forced to join them. Some dreamers are even more creative than that."

Chew on my bottom lip as I mull it over, and nod slowly. "Of course, some of it may be regular anxiety and stress, just now with a new back-drop..." I ponder aloud. "Wonder of some of those people worried about joining them are previous carnival family." I don't ask Damien to tell me names, never do. Dreams are personal, so I only ever talk about people in the general community sense. If there is something specific I should know, I would hope Damien would tell me.

"I think the biggest question I have in front of me is this; is the Carnival working with my ex-husband... or do they have a agenda all their own?"

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Sigh softly when I feel Wanda change her dress so that I can feel more of her silky skin against my own. I could wish for things to be different from how they ended up but I will take what she is offering. It will have to be enough.

She turns to look up at me clearly unhappy with what I've just said. I do wish it could have been something more encouraging but she did need to be warned about them. And she isn't dismissing it out of hand so I may still have done some good by speaking up on the topic. I shrug when she speculates on the reasons for some of those dreams. Even I did know specifics I would never say. It would be unprofessional. Or something. These days I can find out so much more about the dreamers than I used to. It makes me a bit protective of them and their privacy.

I think the biggest question I have in front of me is this; is the Carnival working with my ex-husband... or do they have a agenda all their own?

"Or perhaps it is a bit of both? I would think they'd have their own agenda. Which may or may not be compatible with his. No way anyone who is in charge of something like the Carnival does not have some kind of goal in mind. But we can't ignore the idea that they may have teamed up with him for their own reasons. Or the possibility that they might have a different goal this time round than they did on the last visit."

Offer her a half smile and a gentle hug, "Sorry if that sounds less than helpful."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"Or perhaps it is a bit of both?"

Damien lays out everything I was already thinking, which gives me no answers, but is a comfort. At least there are others wondering the same thing I am. Still, I am felling like I am rather fucked from all sides in this particular problem.

I get a squeeze from behind, and I chuckle and hug back.

"Sorry if that sounds less than helpful."

"It's fine. At least someone else is having the same circular thoughts I am. I feel slightly better now, thanks."

Look up at the moons in the sky, and sigh. "Come on, the night is growing older, and so am I." My dress shifts (http://www.latin-dancedress.com/latin-dance-dress/women-latin-dance-outfits-2.html) again as I take Damien's hand and draw hir back to the ballroom. The setting shift from formal to something decidedly more intimate; smoky and darker, and the music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZgUl8fakRk) changes to suit the mood.

"Shall we dance?" I ask, throwing ze a smoky look and holding out my hand.

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Makes feel a little better that she hugs back and says that knowing that someone else is thinking those same thoughts does make her feel better. And then she suggests we get back to dancing.

We return to the ballroom which of course has shifted to match her dress and the somewhat wilder music.

Shall we dance? Wanda asks with a smokey look as she holds out her hand.

Smile as I reach for her, "As if I would ever refuse such an invitation."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Damien takes my hand and we begin to tango. It's heated and physical... and it's just about as far as we go when I am dreaming. Ever since... well, I realized that I did not need or want any other lovers. But Damien and I had our fun in the waking world before that epiphany hit.

"So, my dear..." I say as ze takes my leg and holds it as I dip backwards. "Can you actually dance like this in the waking world?"

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

For a little while dancing is all we do. I leave all thinking behind me and just enjoy it. I'm glad she is still willing to dance like this with me. But She's made her choice and I will respect that. As she understood a sudden decision I made once.

Then she asks,So, my dear...Can you actually dance like this in the waking world? and I give her a frown. Not a fair question to ask me, seeing as how I haven't been able to wake up for long enough that I don't know if I'd be able to walk if I did, let alone dance.

"I didn't get that much practice at it in the waking world, seeing as how I was usually playing the music folks were dancing to. But when I did I never heard any complaints from my partners." I tell her lightly enough.

Before I had such trouble staying awake I might not have been comfortable dancing like this with anyone. (except maybe her...and only after she found out about me and proved she didn't mind) And John only really liked the country dances which were usually done in groups.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Damien's frown is rather adorable, so much so I must resist the urge to giggle and give hir a peck on the cheek.

"I didn't get that much practice at it in the waking world, seeing as how I was usually playing the music folks were dancing to. But when I did I never heard any complaints from my partners."

"I was just curious... there are very few people I knew that could dance a waltz or a swing, let alone execute a tango." I explain as the dance winds down. "Kent's not a great dancer, Dorian is usually busy and Lucien..." Dammit, getting melancholy. I was just thinking that maybe, if you were..." If what? It's been a year. A year of only talking to my friend in dreams.

"I just miss your face, okay?" I mumble, and give Damien a hug.

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

The dance winds down and Wanda tries to explain what she meant. I still feel a bit upset. One of the only good bits about living in dreams is that it doesn't matter if I didn't know how to do something in the waking world, I can do it here because it's part of the dream. Here I can be taller or shorter, male or female or something else completely; I can dance or swordfight or paint a lifelike portrait or even fly. I always did love the flying.

I just miss your face, okay? Hug her back, "Miss you too," I say into her hair. And I do. I also miss lots of other people that don't really see me even when I do manage to visit their dreams.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

We just stand there for a few minutes, clinging to one another for our own reasons. The urge to dance is gone; and when I pull away, so are the other dancers and the band. The ballroom is empty except for us.

"Closing time," I sigh as I look around. "Now what do you want to do? Horse-back riding? A wander down the Seine? Picnic on the beach?" The upside to meeting in dreams... you can really go anywhere you want.

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

And that really is it for the dancing this night. The ballroom is nothing more than a large, dim, empty space around us. Closing time, Now what do you want to do? Horse-back riding? A wander down the Seine? Picnic on the beach? Wanda asks me with a little sigh.

Those are all nice options and I think we've probably done most if not all of them one time or another. Though none of them really appeals to me right now. Guess I'm still stuck on the thought of flying. Oh. Wonder if maybe Wanda would like that?

Grin at her and say, "How about we go flying round some mountains?" Let my wings gently unfurl to show her what I mean. Think I can hear a train whistle in the background but I ignore it for the moment. (Please don't let it be Messenger come to summon me off to deal with another dream crisis!)

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Damien ponders our options, and none of them seem to suit. But ze grins...

And then there are wings. Big. Wings. "Oh that's cool!" I breathe out, impressed. "Flying... okay." Around mountains. Tall mountians I am sure. Up high. "Right." Try to dream myself up a set of my own wings. And Try.

And... try.

Nope. I am dreaming and generally not afraid of heights when dreaming consciously, but my mind can't seem to wrap my imagination around being able to fly.

Laugh a little and shake my head as I circle my arms around Damien's neck. "You have to promise not to let go." Because I really don't want to find out if you die in the waking world if you die in dreams... my dreams are far too real for my comfort.

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Wanda looks impressed with my wings and I make a mental note to fly in next visit. She sounds a bit doubtful about the flying and after a moment she laughs and puts her arms around my neck.

My idea had been for both of us to fly each with our own set of wings but if Wanda wants me to carry her I will not complain. "Of course." I promise as I scoop her up into my arms. "I would never do that to you."

Head out to the balcony where there is now a lovely high range of mountains. with a nice set of thermals so we can climb and drift with a spectacular view. Drop gently off the balcony and then we can get some air and climb. As I turn us in a wide circle round the mountain, I can hear Messenger's whistle get closer and even see the sun glint off their shiny metal skin. Guess we only get enough time for one turn round the mountain and then I'll have to go.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

I manage not to 'squeak' when we drop off the balcony. Or scream. My eyes might be shut though. Tightly, at least for the first few minutes. When my heart stops thundering in my ears and I realize we are going up and not plummeting to our doom, I pry my eyes open.

"Oh my god, it's beautiful (http://nature.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/60697/)..." I breathe out, and then I lose the ability to speak for quite some time. I get lost in the air and the colors and we're flying!

But a funny sound keeps breaking into my amazement, and it's finally distracting enough that I scan the landscape looking for it.

"Damien... is that a train?" I ask, watching a line of silver make it's way rapidly up the mountain.

[damien-dw.livejournal.com]

Can feel Wanda's fingers digging into my skin as we leave the balcony and I think her eyes might be closed. My wings catch the air and we rise and then her reaction to the experience and the sight of the landscape beneath is everything I could have wished. And the feel of her, resting in my arms while taking it all in makes me feel happier than I have been in a long time.

Damien... is that a train? She asks and I am reminded how short this (and any time) of happiness is. Look down at Messenger's progress up the winding trail. Soon enough they'll probably be reaching the mountaintop and will be expecting me to meet them there.

"Yes," I sigh, "Unfortunately. Which means that I shall have to leave shortly. But not until I have got you safely to the top of the mountain."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"Yes, Unfortunately. Which means that I shall have to leave shortly. But not until I have got you safely to the top of the mountain."

It seems our limited time together is drawing to a close. Damien slowly circles downward, and when we land it is at a small train station (http://www.flickr.com/photos/cemeteryrodeo/2048255945/). A silver train awaits us, rumbling in an insistent manor on the tracks, steam billowing around us. Damien gives me a lingering hug, then is off with the train.

And here I am, sitting on a bench in a empty train station, on top of a mountain. Well, since I am dreaming...

Whistle loudly and call out in a sing-song voice for Cerebus. I am sure we can find a stick around here somewhere to play fetch with until it's time to wake up.