There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Saturday, January 30th, evening

I'm not quite sure how I feel about tonight. Nervous, and happy, and a bit shy all at once, I think. After the business with Damien and Johnny I've felt my nerves have had more grounds - though it's more for Tess's sake than mine. I can just imagine what people will be saying about the Thiesses now they know about Johnny and Damien, and when they realise about me and Tess. I hate the thought of being the subject of petty gossip, but I can't stand the thought of it happening to Tess.

I told Amanda today that Tess is my sweetheart. I could tell that she'd been wanting to ask all week; working at the store it wasn't hard for her to figure out that Tess had been staying over regularly, and this week she could tell Tess was here every day. I could see she wanted to ask but also didn't know how, and in the end I was tired of dancing around the subject. So when we cashed up the register I told her.

She burst into tears. It wasn't what I had expected. Shock, yes, and perhaps even disgust, but not tears. It took me five minutes to get her calm enough so I could hear what she was saying. She said she liked me so very much, and she'd never been happier than she's been in this job, and she hated to think of me going to hell.

I think, overall, I would have preferred it if she'd been angry. What do you say when someone's crying because they're worried for your soul? I gave her a glass of water, and I said I had wondered about that myself, but I was pretty certain love was a good thing, a kind thing. After a while she stopped crying, and she said I hoped I was right.

I'm pretty sure she'll come back to work next week. I think it will be alright. It didn't put me in a party frame of mind, though, but I don't let myself indulge in self-pity. We've got about a dozen people arriving in half an hour, and I've got the food all ready. It's a buffet with simple, tasty dishes easy to cook in bulk - a green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, macaroni cheese, a roast chicken, a pork casserole - and apple pie and plum cobbler for dessert. I didn't want to make party food; I wanted food that felt like home. People can just help themselves when they arrive, and sit or stand and talk. I don't think Tess and I want much fuss.

I still want to look nice, though, and so once everything is ready - the dishes sitting in the oven to keep warm, the plates and glasses set out on the sideboard - I go into the bedroom to get myself fixed up. My pretty but simple navy dress will do, I think.

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