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estdeus_innobis(The Dormouse)
(Sunday early evening)
I woke up late morning and kept myself awake, hoping that Lucien would come by, or at least send word....
I guess I should not have been surprised that he did not. I suppose dying would make one a little irate. I would be worried, but I have to assume he is well enough. If something were truly wrong, Miao would have sent word. I am thankful that he has Miao, that there is someone else to care for him, that he is not alone. Alone like me...
Kaeli is seeing to Lúgh, making the arrangements. It's not that I don't want to... but it's my fault he died. You offered to relase him from the vow, twice. He lied to you....
He died because of me....
and for nothing! Lucien hates me.
I ramble about the house without purpose for most of the afternoon, cleaning this, dusting that....
Try eating again, but only after a few bites, I push the plate with the sandwich on it away. I am still too upset to eat. Lucien hates me.... Lúgh is dead.. everythings gone all wrong... guilt and horror knot sharply in my stomach again, and I fight the urge to be sick.
Right.
Pour a cup of hot water and let the tea steep. Only the normal dose though, not the doubles I have been knocking back. Already running low. I will have to go to the apothacary and get more tomorrow. I take my cup and retreat upstairs. Shower quickly, washing away another nights worth of tears and regrets, throw on another of Lucien's t-shirts, and crawl back into the bed in the spare room. Quickly down the tea and curl up on myself, pulling the comforter over my head, letting oblivion drag me back down....
.......
Fingers. Light against the back of my neck, soft and comforting. Must be dreaming. Alone. All alone. Lúgh dead. Lucien's gone. Still, the sensation is there. Stroking, petting, moving to my hair, comforting. I want to open my eyes. Can't be bothered. Dreaming , dreaming, still alseep. Alone. Alone. Everyone leaves. Lúgh, Lucien, even Dorain. All gone. Alone. Dreaming. No one here. No one at all. Dreaming. Dreaming someone is here. Dreaming. It's a nice dream. I could stay in this one. Sigh and smile a little in my sleep. Must be sleeping. No one left. No one left to come and comfort---
Oh. But there is. Inhale deeply, and the scent of smoke and metal and leather floods my senses. Of course it would. I'm clutching the pillow he uses. Of course I would smell his distinct cologne. Struggle to open my eyes, but it's taking too much effort, still in the grip of the tea's effect. Lick my lips, and manage to form words; "I'm dreaming?"
Have to be.
Hope I'm not.
(Open to Kent)
(Closed)
(Sunday early evening)
I woke up late morning and kept myself awake, hoping that Lucien would come by, or at least send word....
I guess I should not have been surprised that he did not. I suppose dying would make one a little irate. I would be worried, but I have to assume he is well enough. If something were truly wrong, Miao would have sent word. I am thankful that he has Miao, that there is someone else to care for him, that he is not alone. Alone like me...
Kaeli is seeing to Lúgh, making the arrangements. It's not that I don't want to... but it's my fault he died. You offered to relase him from the vow, twice. He lied to you....
He died because of me....
and for nothing! Lucien hates me.
I ramble about the house without purpose for most of the afternoon, cleaning this, dusting that....
Try eating again, but only after a few bites, I push the plate with the sandwich on it away. I am still too upset to eat. Lucien hates me.... Lúgh is dead.. everythings gone all wrong... guilt and horror knot sharply in my stomach again, and I fight the urge to be sick.
Right.
Pour a cup of hot water and let the tea steep. Only the normal dose though, not the doubles I have been knocking back. Already running low. I will have to go to the apothacary and get more tomorrow. I take my cup and retreat upstairs. Shower quickly, washing away another nights worth of tears and regrets, throw on another of Lucien's t-shirts, and crawl back into the bed in the spare room. Quickly down the tea and curl up on myself, pulling the comforter over my head, letting oblivion drag me back down....
.......
Fingers. Light against the back of my neck, soft and comforting. Must be dreaming. Alone. All alone. Lúgh dead. Lucien's gone. Still, the sensation is there. Stroking, petting, moving to my hair, comforting. I want to open my eyes. Can't be bothered. Dreaming , dreaming, still alseep. Alone. Alone. Everyone leaves. Lúgh, Lucien, even Dorain. All gone. Alone. Dreaming. No one here. No one at all. Dreaming. Dreaming someone is here. Dreaming. It's a nice dream. I could stay in this one. Sigh and smile a little in my sleep. Must be sleeping. No one left. No one left to come and comfort---
Oh. But there is. Inhale deeply, and the scent of smoke and metal and leather floods my senses. Of course it would. I'm clutching the pillow he uses. Of course I would smell his distinct cologne. Struggle to open my eyes, but it's taking too much effort, still in the grip of the tea's effect. Lick my lips, and manage to form words; "I'm dreaming?"
Have to be.
Hope I'm not.
(Closed)
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