(no subject)

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

Wednesday, October 14th, Mid morning

It started shortly after I woke, it started with feelings I couldn’t dismiss or close away. Feelings of determination and fear with relief mixed in. Something to do, but I didn’t know what. I was afraid but I couldn’t say why and underneath it all, I was at ease. For a moment I thought, this is it, Lúgh's doing it, its happening today. But then the children arrived and it all faded, drowned away by happiness, songs and play.

And then I thought maybe I was wrong, today wasn’t the day. We were on our first break mid morning when it started again and that’s when Beth, my teachers aid ran in, talking about smoke billowing up from the direction of the Voronin estate. I hadn’t made it out the door when it hit me like a shockwave, almost knocking me to knees, she was gone. Anushka was gone.

After dismissing the class early I go upstairs and sit on the couch, stunned and empty, just staring around my apartment as if its not mine. Tears blurring my vision and burning my eyes as I remember when I met her in the park, thinking there is at least one who understands, and then when I found out I would never have children, how she took my hand, my own sadness reflected in her eyes. She was more than most knew, they just couldn’t see.

Footsteps sound on the stairs, and I pull my eyes away from the room to look into Cains, “I already know. She’s gone,” I say flatly, feeling tears sting my eyes again before I push them away.

[OPEN TO CAIN]    [CLOSED]