EXCOLO

I've not smoked any opium since that last time with Dorian and perhaps I shouldn't have this time. The whys of it escape me right now before I'm overcome with an uncharacteristic bout of giggles. Damn dragon... I swear it chased me this time, and then sat on me for good measure.

Picturing Lucien's contortionist, I'm struck with a funny thought regarding one of my cousins. Perhaps it was the other one and before I know it, I'm saying all of it, stumbling along with Lucien as I try to regale him in my disjointed way.

"You are an absolute mess, do you know that?"

"I'm a mess?" There's another fit of snorting giggles and I'm nodding as he adds, "Granted, I am an absolute mess too." Fate must agree because we stumble again, barely keeping our balance for the moment.

I glance at the rushing river before saying, "It would suck to drown, Lucien. If anything's likely to piss off Glass, it would be that." I give him a silly half-grin, adding, "I think she'd miss you too."

"We are never telling Glass about this, right?"

Chuckling madly, I ask, "Which part? Almost falling in the river?" I nod much more vigorously than I intended before continuing brightly, "Your secret's safe with me." I blink, attempting to recall whatever else might upset her. "The contortionist was interesting but since Glass is unlikely to come looking for me on her own, I doubt she'll ever know." I poke him in the ribs, amused as I add, "Unless you tell her yourself, of course."

I lean on him, he leans on me and between the two of us, we're actually still standing. Good for us, and I giggle before frowning. Damn opium... "So where to now? Surely that can't be the only fun to be had, not even in a town as small as this one."

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Stumbling, bumbling and laughing... that's us. Hopefully we won't add soggy to that list.

"It would suck to drown, Lucien. If anything's likely to piss off Glass, it would be that. I think she'd miss you too."

I can picture Glass standing over our dead corpses, muttering in Welsh under her breath and giving us nasty looks... it sets me to laughing all over again. "More likely she'd be pissed about double the work and having to take on both our sins at once. The horror... the horror..."

"Which part? Almost falling in the river?" I manage to give him an incredulous look. "You're a fuckin' loon, Iago." But there's no malice in my condemnation. He's nodding his head, and it reminds me of one of the prizes over at the games, a little dog that's head bobs up and down. Now that I've got that image in my head, there's no getting rid of it. I am giggling even as he swears my secrets are safe as long as I keep my mouth shut.

"No worries there. Doctor-patient privi-- priva--- confi---" Shit, long words do not like my mouth right now. "I can't tell her anything because you're my patient. Hey, in some circles, it's medicinal." That's our story and we're sticking to it.

"So where to now? Surely that can't be the only fun to be had, not even in a town as small as this one."

We're barely standing and he wants to keep going??? Oh for fuck's sake.

"Fun that won't get us into trouble or wreck my already bad repu--- repu--- my already bad image?" Shake my head. "Sorry, mate. I kinda wanna keep my job." Look around...

Damn it's dark out here. Why didn't we take the main road? Oh right... that bad image thing.

"Why don't we try for either my place or yours. 'M sure we both have booze."

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"More likely she'd be pissed about double the work and having to take on both our sins at once. The horror... the horror..."

The thought gives me a snorting laugh and I shake my head. "Quite true. She does so hate messes." He calls me a loon and that sets off the laughter again. He giggles and the notion of badass Lucien giggling, well, that enough to send me into another fit of mad chuckles.

He looks rather sincere as he continues, "No worries there. Doctor-patient privi-- priva--- confi---" I swallow another bit of laughter as I try to give him an encouraging look. "I can't tell her anything because you're my patient. Hey, in some circles, it's medicinal."

Pleased as punch-drunk-punch, I grin. "I like your kind of medicine, Lucien. Very much so," and I laugh again. I ask where we're going next and he suggests not ruining his reputation. Spoilsport. "Fine. If we must behave, then I suppose we'll have to." I try not to pout through my amusement before considering his question.

I try to focus and place our location. "I think we're closer to your place. As long as you have enough booze for the two of us, I'm all for it." I chuckle. "I could use another drink anyway." I think I'm actually too drunk for another drink but that's never stopped me before. It won't tonight either. "I'm trying to forget all my troubles, remember?"

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yeah, we're wrecked. At least I'm aware of it? That's good. That means I'm not as bad off... or my paranoia is keeping me slightly more alert. Maybe a combination of that and Verdi resetting my clock, as it were.

"I like your kind of medicine, Lucien. Very much so," Laugh, and shake my head. "It's all about knowing your patient. Once you know the malady, you can find the right course of treatment."

"Fine. If we must behave, then I suppose we'll have to."

"It's not a want, more of a necessary evil. That and..." Eyes dart around, searching the darkness. He rambles on, and figures my place is closer. Good, whatever. "I've got booze enough for the night." I assure him, and try to move us a bit quicker. "You know, for a skinny fuck, you are quite the lump to keep moving." I mutter, hoping the sheer will I have to get my somewhat addled brain to clear will work.

"I'm trying to forget all my troubles, remember?"

We're moving slightly better now, so I allow myself to relax a tiny bit. "I am sure we can find some more diversions to make you forget your troubles. I seem to always fall into it, so you can laugh at my misfortune. Hey! Maybe Lannie will be there and we can re-negotiate her dowry..."

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He promises more booze at his place and I'm happy to follow him to where ever his liquor cabinet is located. As for being a skinny fuck, I laugh and say, "Now that I know there's more liquor to be had, I'll do my best to speed up." Forgetting my troubles would be good and I tell him so. He promises more fun, appealing to my mischievous streak.

"Lannie? That would be outstanding. I've not seen her in quite a while." Arching an eyebrow, I ask, "Are you and Lannie shacking up? Negotiations are definitively in order. She's not going to be young forever." I laugh, wishing she were here to hear it. She'd likely growl at me, the unruly puppy. I grin and continue, "I'm glad to hear she's back though."

My grin sharpens and I say, "Did I tell you about my recent encounter with Jarmyn? Surely you've already heard. Doesn't the local grapevine stroll through your office everyday?"

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Oh shit... did I forget to tell Iago that Lannie I were...

Suppose I did.

"Lannie and I shacked up. I mean, she was staying there, and we were trying to share that bed anyway..." I might be grinning. I might be grinning like a dopey teenager. "Yeah, she's back. Probably be happy to see your ugly mug too." Okay, the bend in the river means we're about two-thirds of the way back to my place. Good.

"Did I tell you about my recent encounter with Jarmyn? Surely you've already heard. Doesn't the local grapevine stroll through your office everyday?"

Can't help but give an evil little snicker at that. "Every other day. Either Wanda swings by or I go there for lunch. I just don't like the fellow, but she takes delight in his tripping over his own tongue. You know she went to the Whitechapel to chew him out---"

There's the sound of a twig snapping from behind us, and I stop and my head spins around. Unfortunately, due to the opium and drink, my vision takes about three seconds to catch up to my actual eyesight. Damn, I hate being slightly impared.

"Hear that?"

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From the grin on his face, I'd say that he and Lannie were quite pleased to share a bed. I giggle. "Good luck with that, and she'd better be. There's no one like me. I'll have to remind her of such," I add with another giggle.

I ask about whether he's heard from the local gossip circle and I chuckle madly at his dark snicker. "Wanda gave him a tongue-lashing and in public no less. I can imagine her fiery temper..."

Lucien's looking around and I try to follow his gaze, peering into the darkness, uncertain of what I'm supposed to be looking for. "No. I didn't hear anything." I strain, listening for something, anything but all I hear are crickets. Lucien's tension is catching and I stumble a bit as I try to quicken my pace. "It's likely an animal. We'll send Lannie to find it later. She's good at that."

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I've managed to close the distance between us so I can now hear snatches of conversation carried back to me on the breeze. They talk of nothing...

I wonder if men would change their conversations if they knew it was going to be the last one they ever had?

I feel the twig under my shoe, but it snaps before I can pull my foot back. "Hear that?" "It's likely an animal..."

Oh, more than you know. Still, stealth is shot. Change of track, then.

"I'mmmmm 'Enery the aigth I am.... 'enery the aigth I am I am..." I sing under my breath, smiling like an idiot and weaving in my step as I approach the pair. "I got married to the widdow next dorr..." I get close enough so they can just make me out. I wave and pretend to stumble from the effort.

"A little lost... which way is Main from here?"

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Iago stops and looks into the dark with me, making a joke about Lannie, but I wish I could appreciate the humor about it. Rather wish Lannie were here. Or Mab. Or even Wanda with her knives and sword.

A voice starts to come in bits and pieces through the dark, and as I strain to hear it...

"Are they singing Henry the Eight?" I ask Iago, and sure enough, a figure comes closer, unsteady on his feet as we are and singing, badly.

The man stops and gives a friendly wave which almost knocks him off his feet, and I can;t help but snicker a little.

"A little lost... which way is Main from here?"

Against my better judgement, I take a few steps towards him...

"Your that Underhill fellow, right?" I call over to him. "You work with Kaeli, you are the other teacher." I say aloud, finally placing the face. Oh fuck, if he's the school teacher, it'll be even worse for him to be caught stinking drunk.

"Come on, we're headed that way." I sigh and wave him over.

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I hear a bit of noise and wonder if it's the opium playing tricks on me. Lucien's right though because that bit of noise blossoms into an off-key tune. "I believe it is Henry the Eighth." I listen to a bit more before commenting, "Damn, he's mangled the hell out it as well." I shake my head, muttering, "No respect for the classics."

A form stumbles from the darkness and I'm squinting at him, trying to place a name with his face. I don't believe I know him but as he only wants directions, I'm happy to oblige him as I make a random guess and point off to the right. "That way," I firmly say. Lucien's steadier than me it seems and he steps forward, exchanging words with the fellow as he waves him over.

"Kaeli?" I blink drunkenly before pointing to the left. "She's that way." At least I think she is. I ponder it a moment before pointing right again and saying, "Or perhaps that way." Lucien apparently knows the way, thank fuck. "Yes, of course. That way." I grin as I agree. "Come along then. Can't stumble around all night. There's more liquor to be had."

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Lucien cautiously steps forward, and much to my consternantion recognizes me. One one way, it works to my advantage. Who wouldn't trust the mild mannered school teacher? In the other...

I may have to kill them both now.

The bartender tries to give directions, and it's lamentable, really. Lucien seems the more in control of the two and waves me over to them

"Come along then. Can't stumble around all night. There's more liquor to be had."

I weave my way to them, and lean heavily against the bartender. "More? Dear god there's more?" I slur and laugh. "No more for me. Had enough... I think. Went to the 'Chapel..." I turn to point and make as if the turning knocked my balance off. I plop down on my ass, ans start laughing again.

"Gimme... gimme a minute..."

Here's to betting that the doctor in Lucien can't help but what to help.

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This is just ridiculous. Iago trying to be helpful at this point is like trying to swat a fly with a picnic table. Pinch the bridge of my nose as the drunken school teacher leans on the drunken bartender, but I have to admit...

this is rather funny, too. There was a comedy trio a long time ago... Manny, Moe and Jack?

"Went to the 'Chapel..." Annnnnnnnnd we're down. "Gimme... gimme a minute..."

I am laughing as I walk over and offer the man my hand. "I've heard long visits at the Whitechapel may have adverse effects..." As I lean over and my hand extends, my laughter fades away. Something's off...

"I don't smell alcohol on you."

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The Underhill fellow doesn't seem to be in a rush to follow my directions but truly, I'm not quite sure he understood, as drunk as he is. He does understand about the liquor though and meanders his way over to me. He leans on me, laughing as he begins to tip over my delicate balance. I shift, trying to account for his extra weight and look in the direction he points at the same time. I manage to remain standing but my new companion isn't quite as lucky.

I shrug before suffering from another bout of giggles and isn't Lucien the kind one, because he's reaching down to help the fellow up. I get a hold of myself, raking the long hair out of my eyes as I hear Lucien say, "I don't smell alcohol on you."

Is that a joke? Lucien doesn't look amused and I blink, confused by his lack of humor as I ask, "What?"

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Lucien's laughing, and as I figured he would do, he walks over with hand extended.

"You're a true gentleman my---" I chuckle, reaching out for his arm with one hand as the other reaches for the knife in my boot when he stops cold.

"I don't smell alcohol on you." Our eyes meet. His are bloodshot, but there's a clarity there I did not count on. This just made things more difficult.

"What?" With something between a sigh and a growl, I retract my hand and run it through my hair.

"Well then. I should explain myself..." I give Lucien a sheepish grin...

then leap up and tackle him.

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Iago stops as I do, and the Underhill fellow looks...

there's something so damn familiar about him!

"Well then. I should explain myself..." He tries to smile, but it's more off putting than comforting. I take a step back---

And have the find knocked out of me when his body connects with mine and we go tumbling backwards. "What the hell???" I manage to yell at him, but then his hands are around my throat, and yelling becomes more squeaking for Iago as I try to beat the deranged man off of me.

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How things have changed so quickly, I don't yet understand but suddenly everyone's changed their positions but me. The drunk fellow's charged Lucien and they're both down on the ground. I hear a voice yelling out but whether it's Lucien or Underhill, I can't tell. What the fuck is going on?

"...Lucien?"

He doesn't reply, not unless strangled squeaks count and I stagger two steps towards them, trying to shake off the fuzziness in my head as I move. Underhill's got both hands wrapped around Lucien's throat and I growl, displeased in so many ways. No one's going to randomly attack my friends without dire consequences indeed.

First things first though and I reach down, catching a hold of his clothing as I try to pull him off my friend. It's not working and Lucien's looking redder and redder by the moment. Probably the lack or air or something... Irritated, I kick Underhill and it moves him but unfortunately not off of Lucien. This isn't good and I'm beginning to feel the first trickles of true alarm.

Spying a branch on the ground, I pick it up and hit Underhill as hard as I can. "Get off him, asshole, or else!" Or else means I hit him again, and so I do. "Get off!"

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My surprise attack catches Lucien off guard, and I am a little surprised that I have the advantage. We are of a build, maybe I am the slightly shorter of the two...

but I have the advantage of sobriety and necessity on my side, I suppose. I Manage to lock my fingers around Lucien's neck, and he wheezing in a pleasing way as I apply pressure to his windpipe.

Jerk suddenly when a boot connects to my side, but it's not enough to make me let go. Just squeeze harder. That brach connecting with my back on the other hand.... "Get off him, asshole, or else!" Oh damn, the alcoholic bartender is trying to gather his wits. Growl as the branch connects again. "Get off!"

Release Lucien's throat and turn to man brandishing the tree limb. "Fine. I suppose I shall have to get you out of the way first."

Leap off of Lucien's prone form and knock the branch from Iago's hand. "You have my attention, little man." I growl, advancing on him.

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"Fine. I suppose I shall have to get you out of the way first."

He's drunk and violent and if working at the Tavern's taught me nothing else, then it's taught me how deal with people like him. I don't like his threat though and that way he's treated Lucien, well, I'll not stand for it.

He releases Lucien and I glance at him quickly before looking back to Underhill. Now that I have a clear view of him, it doesn't look like he's drunk at all. Well, fuck me. I'm still unsteady though and blaming the dragons again as I snarl at him, "I don't think so, bastard. You picked the wrong people tonight."

He's faster than me and as he tells me that I now have his attention, the branch is swatted from my grip. Shit, this could be going better but I'm not out of the match yet.

"Fuck you, prick. Come'n get some." He's moved towards me and I give him a tight smile before swinging at his face. Let's see how he likes that.

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"I don't think so, bastard. You picked the wrong people tonight." The bravado would be amusing if I were back to myself and this were just for sport, but tonight's purpose is as serious as death.

"To the contrary, I picked the exact person I need." I smile easily as the branch goes sailing. I take a few more steps forward towards the bartender, but spare a glance back to Lucien---

Mistake. A human one. Iago's fist connects with my face. With force. The sharp pain explodes across my face, and there are flashes in my eyes. "Cursed human body!" I roar, clapping a hand over my what must now be broken nose. Another human mistake; the inebrated bartender gets in quite a few blows to my middle while I am re-setting my nose. He's lucky I am distracted, but I can tell he's not quite as sure on his feet, and although he has a hell of a punch, they are somewhat sloppy and slower than they should be.

"You drunken son of a bitch! That's quite enough!" I bellow, then take a swing at his jaw, it connects It's a lucky punch. Between the right placement and his condition, Iago spins around with the force of the blow. Bring my foot up and kick him in the lower back. He goes stumbling, then sprawling.

"Let's get you out of the way, shall we?" I pick up the tree branch, and take aim for the back of his head.

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What the fuck is going on??? Underhill is off me, and I start gasping and dragging air into my lungs. My throat is on fire, and there's a pounding in my head, wait...

No, well, yes. My head is throbbing, but I hear fist meeting flesh. Manage to sit up, and I nearly fall back as the blood rushes to my head. But I do see the Underhill fellow bleeding and getting punched repeatedly. Oh good, something going right. I drag myself to my feet, only to see Iago get sucker punched. "Fuck, Iago!" I croak, and stumble towards them.

"Let's get you out of the way, shall we?"

"Get the fuck away from him!" Is that me yelling? God I should like shit, but it doesn't matter. I throw my full weight against this derranged bastard. We're both grappling and yelling as we go down, and when we land heavily, I feel a sharp, stinging pain that takes my breath away.

Shit, I just broke a rib, I think.

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