Make hay while the sun shines

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

Mid-afternoon of Tuesday, 29th June
The Abbey

It's a bright warm day, and the church, my church, rings with the sound of a community in song. Every pew is filled, and there are even people standing at the back of the church and spilling onto the porch, leaning into the doorway to hear Ash's words, and singing out familiar hymns of summer and farmwork through the stone of the church and out into the bright air. Some of our farmers - I know them all by name, John Hale, Jasper Thornton, Lucille Cliff, Alex Brown, their dreams familiar to me as neighbours - bring a bale of new hay to the altar in offering, and my throat is tight.

Please, I pray. Please let their prayers be granted. May I still be able to do some good.

It's strange, to be able to feel such joy and such grief at once. I have such pride in my people, and such helpless frustration at what I have become.

The service ends, and everyone goes into the fresh air. Tonight they will dance together at the new hall, kick up tired heels and shake out aching muscles into new, pleasanter aches of dancing and socialising and celebrating after hard labour. For now, our community here has moved tables out from the dining hall into the yard, and the congregation has brought pies and cider to share. Children run giggling between the tables, hay in their hair, and I laugh looking at them, and feel a terrible tender pain in my heart, wanting them to be as safe as this always.

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Comments

[janeveniver.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear. I think I've touched a sensitive pot with my comment. I'd thought it was just that'd she'd been getting in some, I don't know, chains, or something. Leather things, maybe. But perhaps not. I suppose that's a pity, because she must have enjoyed what she did down there. I think for a minute about poor, dear Derek. But he's gone, at peace wherever he is, and there's peace here too, just now.

And oh, Wanda must be talking about Dorian. I feel my face getting hot. "He's very nice," I say quietly. "And he never eats! Someone has to feed him." It's not just pies anymore, either. We had a lovely roast just the other night. He swore when he burned his fingers on the pan. It was very charming.

I clear my throat and look down, sure that there must be a very silly smile on my face.

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

Oh, they are talking about Wanda's basement. I'm surprised Jane knows about that - Wanda has always been quite discreet, from what I've gathered - but I suppose news does get around. But as Noma I can't be seen to know any such thing, so I just keep bouncing Rose on my knee.

Then Wanda and Jane are talking about romance, and from what they've said there's only one person I can think it must be.

"If it's the gentleman I think it is, he does keep busy," I say mildly, smiling a little.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

I manage not to giggle when Jane's face flushes when she realizes I am speaking about her. Well, if you are going to ask after gossip... and oh, she has it bad.

"He does eat." I say mildly. "I've seen it firsthand. Can put down a funnel cake, ice cream and cotton candy in the blink of an eye."

"If it's the gentleman I think it is, he does keep busy,"

Now I laugh at Noma's mild assessment of Dorian. "He does indeed. Rose does adore her pretty uncle." And she burbles happily at the mention of Dorian, but she is still focused on Noma for the most part. She even goes so far to look at me with that look of her, then back to Noma, waving a little hand at the woman holding her.

"I think you may have just been drafted into being..." Look at Rose, and she is most insistant that she knows Noma. "...how do you feel about being an adopted aunt?"

[janeveniver.livejournal.com]

It's very clear that they both know exactly who I mean. I suppose I am being quite obvious about it all here. Still, I can't help sniffing when Wanda mentions what Dorian eats. "That isn't real food--oh." But if she's seen him eat all that, then she must have gone to the Carnival with him. And if he's going out with someone like Wanda, I just can't imagine what he'd see in someone like me.

I try to hide my crestfallen expression as I watch Noma play with Rose.

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

"...how do you feel about being an adopted aunt?"

I laugh.

"I'm quite happy to be an auntie, Rose," I say to the baby. I don't think I'm imagining she looks pleased.

I notice Jane looks a little sad, and think she'd probably prefer to talk to Wanda without me there. Then I see that the deputy is here by himself.

"Rose, do you want to meet some people?" I say. I look at Wanda. "I won't go out of your sight, I promise."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"That isn't real food--oh." Jane's face practically falls, and I wince a little.

Noma happily agrees to play at being an Auntie, and I can hear Rose's approval. Noma looks about, and offers to introduce Rose around.

"I won't go out of your sight, I promise." I wave my hand and smile warmly. "I'm sure she'll be quite fine, no worries." After all, I am sure Rose will let me know if something happens that upsets her. "You be a good girl." I tell my daughter, waggling my finger at her.

Once Noma wanders away, I turn back to Jane. "I have no exclusive claim to Dorian, if that's what you're worried about." I say calmly, taking a sip of my cider.

[janeveniver.livejournal.com]

Noma excuses herself with Rose, leaving me some privacy with Wanda. It's my turn to wince, when she says Dorian's name. I shake my head. "It's just that I suppose I'd like to-to have him to myself." I look down, wondering if Wanda will take this as a slight against her. "But he's not really that kind of man, is he? To be...had?"

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"It's just that I suppose I'd like to-to have him to myself." Well, that is a complication, isn't it? Wonder if Dorian knows that.

"But he's not really that kind of man, is he? To be...had?"

Give her a small smile. "I doubt it. Not out of the realm of the possible mind you..." I add, just in case I am completely wrong.

[janeveniver.livejournal.com]

I look at Wanda, thinking that maybe she's not someone for having, either, even though she was married for a while. She doesn't want Dorian all for herself, anyway, so that's all right. "Maybe it will pass. It's just thst he's new and wonderful--maddening, but wonderful--and very...educational." I find my face getting hot again, but in a happy way.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

She studies me for a minute, and I wonder what she's thinking, or what she's trying to figure out.

"Maybe it will pass. It's just thst he's new and wonderful--maddening, but wonderful--and very...educational."

She's blushing again, but I don't think she's embarrassed. Grin and shake my head. "I think that about describes him," I agree easily. "Wonderful and maddening. May want to add 'infuriating' in there as well." I suggest with a chuckle.

Lean back and tilt my head towards the sun a bit. "So, have you lost interest in Jamie then?" I ask, then turn my face to her. "I'm just asking so I know if I should talk to him about you or not."

[janeveniver.livejournal.com]

I laugh with Wanda. "I haven't been furious with him...yet." I'm sure a day will come, though. Perhaps being furious in bed would be fun. But perhaps not.

She looks so beautiful in the sunlight, all milky skin and shining hair. And she asks me about Jamie. I look down at my own rough, brown hands, remembering my mother painting them with mehndi for my wedding. "I don't think I'll ever lose interest in Jamie," I say softly. "But we can't--we didn't make that-that marriage."

I look up at Wanda, feeling tears in my eyes in spite of the wonderful day. "We did make something else, though, and I'm not, not keeping it. When he finds out about that, I doubt he'll want anything to do with me." I think I know what kind of man he is, and he'd say it was ours and want to keep it, never mind that it's growing inside me.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"I don't think I'll ever lose interest in Jamie, But we can't--we didn't make that-that marriage."

Feel my own throat tighten a little, and my heart twist. Oh, I think I know that feeling. "Well, there's still hope. Dreams may not make a marriage..." Take a moment to clear my throat, I will not be sad. Not now. "but dreaming about what may be is a great way to start." There, stay positive. And find Jamie and kick his ass for not tracking Jane down.

"We did make something else, though, and I'm not, not keeping it. When he finds out about that, I doubt he'll want anything to do with me."

It take a minute, to put together her bright, wet eyes with the words she's saying. Oh.... OH. I straighten up and try to figure out what to say. "Ah... well..."

I was in the same position she's in now. Maybe not exactly the same, but that decision... it's not easy. Rub the back of my neck with my hand. "I'm sorry. For the position you are in." I say quietly, touching the back of her hand lightly.

[janeveniver.livejournal.com]

I can see that she's thinking about her own marriage as she tries to reassure me about mine, and I feel terrible that I've dragged up her sadness on this bright day.

When she touches my hand, I sniffle a little. I know I'm being terribly maudlin, and it isn't helping a thing. "I wish life were like baking," I say when I've composed myself a little. "So you could set out all the things you needed and mix them together and time everything to come out perfectly."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

(con't below)