If they only knew the girl with the tattoo like I do.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

Day 353, 19 May
Late Wednesday morning
I Dyed for Beauty Salon


Last night was slow, so I had plenty of time to think of things to take my mind off how much my hand hurt. Found myself thinking mostly of Verite and how pretty she looked at Alice’s party. Also spent some time thinking to about how things didn’t go terribly well between us there. I put that down to Wanda, mostly, but I still feel like I should do something to make sure things are all right. As uncomfortable as it is being sort of together, I’m sure it would be a lot less comfortable not being together at all.

So I made myself get up not long after the sun this morning and go hunting strawberries outside of town. The patch I’d found before had enough for me to pick a basketful with more still left on the plants. It was slow work with my hand wrapped, and I managed to get pink stains on some of the bandages. Sure that looks silly, but maybe she’ll take that as a sign of what I’d do for her. Goddess knows there’s no one else in town I’d get up early to pick strawberries for, especially with my hand like this.

I wrap the basket up after I finish, because the last thing I need is to be seen carrying strawberries through the streets in a basket with a ribbon on it. Know I haven’t got much of a good reputation to speak of, but I’d rather not see what’s left of it dead and buried.

Go into the salon hoping hard she’ll be done with customers for a little while and have the time and inclination to talk to me. I’d just rather not have a basket of strawberries thrown in my face.


OPEN to Verite
CLOSED

Comments

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

I'm expecting to get a earful after that, but she just gives her coffee an evil look for a long minute. Real close to just getting up and leaving, but then she looks up at me, holding a strawberry. Oh.

I look down at my own coffee, wondering what to say. Really didn't expect that from her. "I-I'm glad. I'll try to do more things you like." Which is just a fine thing to say. Feel like the idiot she probably thinks I am.

"Honestly, sweetheart, I'm just glad you're talking to me, even if you're mad." Reach out and touch her hand with my good one, very carefully. " God knows I'd rather get yelled at by you than have a civil conversation with anyone else in this town." Doesn't mean I'm itching to get yelled at, though.

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

He's looking down at his coffee, but at least the angry look is gone. Says he'll try to do more things I like. and I wonder if he's going to make a mess of it by trying to do things he thinks I'd like only to get it wrong. I wash the strawberry down with some coffee.

Honestly, sweetheart, I'm just glad you're talking to me, even if you're mad. He reaches out slowly and touches my hand gently with his unbandaged hand. God knows I'd rather get yelled at by you than have a civil conversation with anyone else in this town.

My eyes widen at this. "What?! Really?"

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

Her eyes go real wide, but I don't think she's mad at me for saying it. Does she not know? "Yes, goddammit." But I can't really find much fire to put in the words. "Wouldn't keep bothering you, otherwise, coming around and talking to you."

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

Yes, goddammit. but he doesn't sound angry, maybe more tired. Wouldn't keep bothering you, otherwise, coming around and talking to you.

I can't meet his eyes so I look down at my hands on the coffee mug. "Oh. Um...What about Verdi?" The question comes out more as whisper, because my throat is so tight. i can feel tears prickling at the corners of my eyes but I refuse to cry.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She's not looking at me, and I can't tell from her face exactly what's wrong, but something sure is. She asks me about Verdi in a choked little whisper, making me want to go around the table and hug her tight. Have to think of an answer for her first, though.

"Haven't talked to Verdi in a while." And that's true. "I guess I need to, but I'm not looking forward to it." She'll want to know why, I know it. "It's something between me and her, sweetheart." Well, me and her and Iago Beddau. "Please don't ask me about it."

She's still so quiet and sad looking, and I don't know if there's anything she'll let me do about it. And that hurts, not knowing. "Are you all right?" It's maybe a stupid question, but it's a start.

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

Haven't talked to Verdi in a while. I guess I need to, but I'm not looking forward to it. I raise my eyes to stare at hi in confusion. Then he quickly adds, It's something between me and her, sweetheart.Please don't ask me about it. I frown cuz it seems like maybe I ought to know if there's some problem between the two of them. I don't need to know all the details just have some idea of what's wrong. Don't want to be pulled at from both sides if it goes that way.

I'm scowling at the table top when he asks, Are you all right?

I snap back an automatic, "Yes," then shake my head and sigh. "No. I don't know." I put one hand up and lean my face into it.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She doesn't look happy about that, but she doesn't ask after it. I guess I should say something after all. Maybe it'll help. "Someone told me something about her, something bad, and I don't know if it's true or not. I just want to talk to her about it before I say anything, all right?" There, that's true enough, and maybe it'll ease her.

It doesn't seem to, though, and she snaps at me and then sighs. Really don't know what to do now. Not sure what she'd see as help, mostly. "Can I fix you some lunch?" There, that's maybe safe enough to offer.

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

I didn't ask for more info but he tries to explain without telling me everything. and I just stare at him while I try to process what he said. About Verdi. Though I do remember that almost scared look in Lannie's eyes just before she left if you mention her boss...

I want to snap at Jarmyn I shouldn't not for this. That's not his fault. But if he doesn't talk to Verdi soon, maybe I should. I look up at him when he asks if he can make me lunch. I can't help sighing again. Jarmyn. Always trying to DO things for me. "not hungry," I mumble.

"Sorry," I add; reaching for his hand.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She just looks at me, and I think I can see feelings sort of shifting in her. Maybe she's thinking about Verdi, I don't know. But she doesn't ask, and I don't want to think about that anymore.

She says she's not hungry, and I think about getting up and poking in the icebox anyway, trying to get her to eat something. It probably would help, but I don't want to start an argument.

Well, then. I stand up, pushing my hair back with one hand. "Want a hug?"

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

He stands up and I tense up a bit waiting for him to try to convince me or ask what else he can do. But he just runs one hand into his hair and asks if I want a hug.

I'm not sure that I do but I guess he needs to do something. And maybe if I do this he'll stop trying and I can maybe figure out how I feel about all the stuff he's said. so I get up from my chair and give him a quick hug.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She stands up and comes over to me, not looking joyful at the prospect. Guess she could have said no, though. She knows I wouldn't force anything on her. Slips her arms around me quick and light, and oh, I'd forgotten how soft and warm she is, where her cheek rests on my chest, how she fits.

Don't keep her longer than she wants to stay, but I do bend my head to drop a light kiss on her hair. "I do l-love you, you know." And there, easy to say once it's said, not thought over too much. And isn't that what she wanted from me before? Isn't that what you say to someone who's maybe mostly your girlfriend if you can just manage not to screw up this time, when she's feeling low over something you said? That's right, isn't it?

Anyway, it's true.

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

I can feel the light kiss he drops on my head, and his words as I pull back, I do l-love you, you know. I give him a half smile, suddenly feeling a lot better.

"Took you long enough to say so." I look down and straighten my skirt, before adding, "You not saying it and maybe sorta implying that you never would feel like that about me is kinda why I got mad that morning." My head is still bent down but I'm watching him from the corner of my eye.

I want a smoke so bad right now.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

Her face clears and she smiles a little as she looks down. Wasn't looking for fireworks, but still. She fiddles with her skirt, talking about that morning. My eyes go wide at never would, though. "Didn't mean to imply that, sweetheart, but I'm sorry." Really don't want to think about that morning.

"Do you? I mean, if you don't because I made you feel that way--" Take a deep breath. Does she know what I'm asking? Hell, do I know what I'm asking? "I guess if you don't, I'll stop bothering you."

Put my hands in my pockets, sort-of looking at her like she's sort-of looking at me. "Want a drink?" Stronger than coffee, I mean.

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

His eyes go wide at my words, I risk looking up. Didn't mean to imply that, sweetheart, but I'm sorry. Finally he gets it. Took bloody long enough!

Then he rambles on, Do you? I mean, if you don't because I made you feel that way--I guess if you don't, I'll stop bothering you.

It takes me a long moment to figure out what he's saying. and then a feeling of panic rises up inside me. "No! I-You idiot! That's what I've been trying to-Of course I love you! Why the fuck else would I be mad about you not feeling that way...."

I can feel the tears leaking form the corners of my eyes and turn around and wipe at them with my hand.

When he asks if I want a drink I sniff a bit and say "C'n I have my coffee?"

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She just kind of stares at me, looking confused. Lovely, I've muddled this, of all things, and I can't think of anything else to say that'll help. Then it looks like she gets what I was saying, because she lights into me. Not hitting me but angry and fed up and, oh goddess, crying.

I wrap my arms around her, just real slow. Just a hug. Just a hug for my girlfriend, because we love each other. Not sure what it's come to that I'm thinking things like that and not panicking, but all right.

She mops at her eyes and sniffles, asking for her coffee. I reach behind her and grab it off the table. "Here you go." Ease away from her and put it in her hands. So lovely, and it hurts to see her crying.

I'm barely even still mad that she called me an idiot. "Do you--I mean, should I say it all the time?" Really don't think I could manage that. "It just seems like it would take the meaning away, or something." And goddess, what if she decides to say it all the time to me? I guess I could figure out how to like that.

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

He puts his arms round me real slow bu doesn't say anything,for which I'm so glad. I couldn't it if he decided he needed to talk again. When I ask for my coffee he gently lets go of me and fetches it for me. I take a grateful sip and the warmth eases my throat.

I take another sip, and nearly choke on it as he starts talking again. Do you--I mean, should I say it all the time? It just seems like it would take the meaning away, or something. I swallow the coffee and shake my head.

That's probably not clear enough for him to understand. "No, I wouldn't expect you to say it all the time." I manage not to add that that would be stupid. Instead I drink more coffee.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She's holding onto that coffee for dear life, and I can't say I blame her. I reach for my own mug so we can stand there together holding our drinks and looking at each other. "Thank you," I tell her, when she says she doesn't expect me to say it all the time.

She sips her coffee and I sip mine, and things are getting a little awkward, so I work up the courage to ask something I've been thinking about for a while. "Do you...know how to cover up a tattoo with another tattoo so the one underneath doesn't show?"

Feel like holding my breath to wait for her answer, but then it comes to me that she might not take my meaning. Not like she's seen me with my shirt off lately. "I mean, don't know how you feel about an idiot wearing your name, but I'd like to wear it if you'll put it on me. And I'll, um, pay for it." Look down at our mugs because my face feels hot.

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

We end up standing there drinking coffee, neither of us willing to risk sayin' something. The silence getting bigger an bigger,til it fills the room.

Do you...know how to cover up a tattoo with another tattoo so the one underneath doesn't show? I look up from my coffee in surprise. "Yeah, I c'n do that..." Start to wonder why he's askin' but then he hurries on, adding more words which for once do help me figure out what's on about this time.

I mean, don't know how you feel about an idiot wearing your name, but I'd like to wear it if you'll put it on me. And I'll, um, pay for it.

Oh. I'm glad he's mot looking at me. Instead his face is turned down towards his coffee but I can see the blush. There are tears in the corners of my eyes and I probably look stunned or shocked or something. The silence is back and thicker than ever.

He wants...my name...on his chest.

If I don't say somethin' real soon he's gonna get the wrong idea. I let a grin steal over my mouth and say extra casually, "Guess that makes you MY idiot. 'F I do this. An' damn right you'll pay for it."

I blink to see if I can keep those little tears from goin' anywhere and add more seriously, "D'you know what else you want in the design besides my name?"

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She lets me wait for a bit, long enough to start me worrying. But then--her idiot? Well, I guess I can live with that.

Look up to see her blinking fast like she's trying to hold back tears. "Oh, sweetheart. No, just-just-" Why can't I talk properly? "Just your name, written kind of dark and curly."

There'll be time to talk about the ink later. I doubt she can fit me in right now. I set my mug down and go around behind her, sliding my arms around her waist. "Thank you, sweetheart."

[verite-belrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetheart. No, just-just-Just your name, written kind of dark and curly.

His voice is shaking and I close my eyes holding onto what he said. My name on his chest, in something dark and curly...Guess I can use the curls to help cover the other name...

His arms slide round my waist n' I lean back a bit as he says, Thank you, sweetheart.

I crack my eyes just a bit an raise my mug to drink my coffee. I need it to get rid of the big lump stuck in my throat. But I have just the slightest hint of a smile on my lips.

[jaeresteade.livejournal.com]

She lets me hold her, even leans back against me like she's happy to stay in the circle of my arms. And it's starting to feel comfortable like it was before.

She takes a drink, and I think she's smiling. "'M not going to mess this up," I murmur as I bend my head to kiss her shoulder. Never meant anything more.

I know she has to get back to work soon, but I can squeeze her tight one last time before I let her go.