I can still make out your wavy face, and if I could just reach you, maybe you could leave this place

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Saturday the 8th of May, day 342
Early afternoon, The Library


Woke up again with a start; war cry on my lips, blood on my hands.  "Alright you bastard!"  I yelled to the ghost in my dream.  "I hear you!  You need me, I get it!"  But for what?


My yelling woke Rose, of course, which was not the best way to start any morning.  Cranky babies are one thing, a cranky Rose can completely ruin a day.  Luckily, she seemed more curious about what caused my sudden outburst than put out. 


We went through the morning and early afternoon, busy in the shoppe because of market day and the lovely weather.  Romana was off, so I was bustling about by myself as Rose was passed around.  But the whole time, my mind was on Ares.  He won't tell me outright what he needs to do, that would make the most sense you prick... but I have a good idea of what he needs.  My only problem is; how?


The problem is still on my mind when I close up for the day.  I feed Rose and change her, and she decides to doze off.  Hoping she'll stay asleep, I place her in her basket and head off to the library.  If I ask really nicely, maybe Lydia will show me where the books on Greek gods are instead of whapping me upside the head with one.


Enter the library, and sigh at it's coolness and comforting quiet.  With luck, Rose will stay asleep and I can find what I need.



(Closed)

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[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

"That Ares was dangerous," I say quietly. Wanda is offering me a chair, but I do not sit yet - I just curl my fingers around the back. "He may want to come back into the world, and he may want you to help him, but it is not always safe to do what the gods want."

Does she really want to bring him back? Wanda, with her sweet voice and sweet baby - how can she have the thing in the Tower for a husband and want to bring even more harm back into the world through Ares?

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

I feel bad, for it is obvious that Ares was not a favorite of Hermia's. She does not look like she is pleased by the idea of him returning to Excolo.

"He may want to come back into the world, and he may want you to help him, but it is not always safe to do what the gods want."

"I think I have a pretty good idea that it's not always safe to do what gods want." I sigh, but smiling at my own foolishness. My eyes linger on Rose, the product of such folly.

"I agree with you, Ares could be a complete jerk, and more than once I though he would rip my head off. Not the easiest fellow to get along with." Drum my fingers on the table, thinking. "But... I always thought there was a duality about him. Like he'd fight for whatever side needed it? And right now... I think Excolo could use the God of War on it's side."

"Plus..." Tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "Ares was... is my friend. He's coming to me because he trusts me to help him with this." Spead my hands. "I just don't know how, or even where to start." I admit, shaking my head.

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

She looks over at Rose, and I wince and glance away, regretting my words. But…is she smiling over that?



"I agree with you, Ares could be a complete jerk, and more than once I though he would rip my head off. Not the easiest fellow to get along with." Drum my fingers on the table, thinking. "But... I always thought there was a duality about him. Like he'd fight for whatever side needed it? And right now... I think Excolo could use the God of War on it's side. Plus..." Tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. "Ares was... is my friend. He's coming to me because he trusts me to help him with this." Spead my hands. "I just don't know how, or even where to start."

She counts Ares as a friend? She doesn't know what he did to Jack, but…she must know his nature! His bloodthirstiness, his casual cruelty.

She knows all that about the thing in the Tower, though, too, and look where she is now.

I do not think that this is akin to Miao's way of seeing goodness in everyone. I think that Wanda simply sees men like that…differently. And I cannot. For all that I count him as a god, I cannot see Ares as anything but violent.

"I don't know if he would measure need in the same way that we would. Or if he could be counted on to be constant once he had chosen a side. If he could be trusted," I say, very slowly, for it is a very big 'if' indeed, "then, yes, he would be a powerful ally. But…he is known more for his ferocity and valor than his steadfastness. I understand wanting to help a friend. But…I think that this has the potential for a great deal of danger in it." I draw in a long breath, and try one more tactic. "Why does he want to come back? Simply for the pleasure of being in the earthly realm? Or does he have some other plan?"

Dear gods, I have a plan of my own that is starting to take shape, and it is bolder than anything before, and I fear that I will crash into the sun like Icarus for the hubris of even thinking it…

…but could we bind Ares so that he would be obliged to fight on our side?

Would it work? Could we really bind the will of a god?

But would that make it worth anything at all, if he did not choose to fight for the blue city of his own free will?

And is the blue city really what Wanda counts as "our side" when she speaks of Excolo?

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Oh, now I know I've upset her. Dammit, I should have just looked on my own. Hermia looks none too pleased, and gives her words measured thought.

"I don't know if he would measure need in the same way that we would. Or if he could be counted on to be constant once he had chosen a side. If he could be trusted, then, yes, he would be a powerful ally. But…he is known more for his ferocity and valor than his steadfastness. I understand wanting to help a friend. But…I think that this has the potential for a great deal of danger in it." A long moment goes by, and she's not wrong. Maybe I am delusional... seeing things in people, and gods, that aren't really there.

"Why does he want to come back? Simply for the pleasure of being in the earthly realm? Or does he have some other plan?"

"Don't know." I amswer truthfully, as I watch the emotions play across her face as she thinks. "That seems to be a sticking point. He can't, or won't tell me. Maybe it's part of... I don't know, a quest?"

Drum my fingers on the table again. "Alright, so just about everytime I run into him, there's fighting. But not against him. With him. It seems like... he's stuck. Can't seem to get to Olympus, and if the way he mutters about his father is any indication, he doesn't really want to, but he doesn't want to stay in the grey limbo he's in, either." I sigh, shaking my head. "He's still a prick..." Smile a little, thinking about how he teased me about my ass, and then when he hugged me, and told me it would all be alright. "... but I think there's more to him than just bloodlust and battle."

See the way Hermia's looking at me, and laugh, but it's a bit tired. "But please, take my opinion with a grain of salt. I may not be the best judge of charater." I am hoping that my teasing of myself might help, a bit.

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

"Don't know." I answer truthfully, as I watch the emotions play across her face as she thinks. "That seems to be a sticking point. He can't, or won't tell me. Maybe it's part of... I don't know, a quest?"

Drum my fingers on the table again. "Alright, so just about every time I run into him, there's fighting. But not against him. With him. It seems like... he's stuck. Can't seem to get to Olympus, and if the way he mutters about his father is any indication, he doesn't really want to, but he doesn't want to stay in the grey limbo he's in, either." I sigh, shaking my head. "He's still a prick..." Smile a little, thinking about how he teased me about my ass, and then when he hugged me, and told me it would all be alright. "... but I think there's more to him than just bloodlust and battle."

I watch Wanda's face as she explains, and I can tell that she is not happy either. She is filled with sympathy for Ares - I believe that she truly wants to help him as a friend! - and I am not giving her the answers that she had hoped I would. But how could I ever say that I would want to bring Ares back, after what he did?

And I cannot possibly ever tell Wanda, not without giving away Jack's secrets, and they are not mine to give.

"I don't think it's a wise idea to help Ares along his path without knowing for sure why he wants to come back. There is too much risk." Unless we could make him fight for the Blue City, says that small voice in the back of my head again, and I try to push it down. "If you see him again, could you ask him what his goals are? He may not be able to say - if it is a quest, another god may have forbidden him. But it's worth another try.

"As for Olympus…I don't know if he can get there. Gods do not die," I explain - or try to, for I shake my head helplessly even as I say the words. "I cannot say whether he will ever be admitted to Olympus."

"But please, take my opinion with a grain of salt. I may not be the best judge of character."

She's laughing at herself again. Can she really laugh about - about - who she's married? The thing in the Tower? How can she? She sounds as if she's chiding herself for being too fond of frivolous novels or something of that sort, not something as deadly serious as it is.

"Wanda," I say very quietly, very carefully. "Do you…need help? Not with Ares. But…do you need help? You and Rose?"

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

I feel rather foolish for bringing this up at all. Hermia is clearly against the idea, and I can practically hear Ares in my head, berating me for moving forward without a strategy. Well, it's not like he's making it easy, the fucker.

"I don't think it's a wise idea to help Ares along his path without knowing for sure why he wants to come back. There is too much risk. If you see him again, could you ask him what his goals are?" I start to answer when Hermia tells me gods cannot die, and I feel that sharp twist of pain. Oh Hermia, they can. Believe me, they can.

"I will ask him," I say, pushing the grief down before it can surface. "but I am pretty sure he'll quip that the booze and women here are better." Smile, thinking he'll tell me just that. "I'll try and dream us into the tavern, that might get him talking." Push come to shove, I can try to seduce it out of him---

"Wanda. Do you…need help? Not with Ares. But…do you need help? You and Rose?"

The question catches me off guard, and it takes a few seconds of me looking at her in a puzzled manner before I connect the words with what she's asking. "Oh! No!" I say, shaking my head. "Rose and I are fine. We're left to our own devices mostly, which is probably for the best and..."

A small gurgle distracts me, and I look over into the basket to see Rose blinking up at me. "Well hello." I say, reaching in and bringing Rose out to look about. "Say hello to Miss Hermia." Rose looks over and gives her a glimmer of a smile, reachiing out a tiny fist to her.

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

Where does my duty truly lie in this? Ares is one of the gods of Athens…but his presence would put Excolo at risk. Is this another piece of leaving Athens behind? I cannot abandon my gods, but I cannot let my piety bring danger to the people around me.

If nothing else, I can get more information, at least. Or try to.

"I will ask him," I say, pushing the grief down before it can surface. "but I am pretty sure he'll quip that the booze and women here are better." Smile, thinking he'll tell me just that. "I'll try and dream us into the tavern, that might get him talking."

"He probably will," I sigh. "And it will be a part of the truth, too." This time I find a smile somewhere, too, for the incongruity of it all - and yes, for the humor, too.

To my offer of help, Wanda simply blinks at me for a moment, as if she cannot fathom why on earth anyone would suggest such a thing. And then she shakes her head, and cries, "Oh! No! Rose and I are fine. We're left to our own devices mostly, which is probably for the best and…"

"If you ever do…" I offer - but we're both distracted by a tiny sound from the basket. "I'm here," I finish quickly. "And Valmont, too. Always."

That is all that I can say, before Wanda brings Rose out. "Well hello," she coos. "Say hello to Miss Hermia."

"Oh, look at that," I breathe, a helpless smile rising as the sleepy smiley baby emerges from the basket. "Yes, you have lovely eyes, Rose." I stretch out a finger to brush lightly across her little hand, feeling the softness.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"He probably will, and it will be a part of the truth, too." At least, now, there is a smile.

"If you ever do, I'm here, And Valmont, too. Always." I smile up at her. "I know, and appreciate it."

I think the moment light be lost, for Rose has worked her magic on yet another... hmmmm. No, it's not magic. Glass did not succumb to her cuteness. Hermia coo's over her eyes while reaching out to touch my daughter's hand. "Would you like to hold her?" I ask, shifting Rose towards her a bit more.

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

I hold Wanda's gaze for a moment more, very steadily, as she says "I know, and appreciate it." We will help. I hope she never needs it, but I cannot count on that hope, not with her life the way it is, and the world the way it is.

As Rose squirms and gurgles, Wanda holds her towards me, and asks, "Would you like to hold her?"

Me? Hold her?

It's the child of the thing in the Tower, says a part of my mind. Should I touch her?

She's a baby, says the rest. She's a baby being raised by Wanda - and mostly by Wanda, if they really are being left to their own devices as she said - and that means…that perhaps she can grow into a good person, even if she isn't entirely human?

And she really is adorable...

I reach out to take the baby. "Yes," I say softly. "Thank you." And then to Rose, as I settle her into my arms, "Come here, darling…"

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

There's that moment of hesitation most seem to have when I ask if they would like to hold her. But in the end, I see that maternal instincts and cuteness wills out. Hermia takes Rose from my hands and settles her in her arms.

Rose gurgles and coo's at the person holding her, obviously pleased with the attention. And Hermia...

"You've got it bad, don't you?" I laugh, leaning against the table. "The baby bug." I explain, still grinning.

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

I brush my fingertip across Rose's hand, feeling the infinite softness of each tiny finger. Adorable little noises bubble up from her, so happy that I almost have to laugh myself.

"You've got it bad, don't you?"

I blink back up at Wanda. "Sorry. What?"

"The baby bug." She's got that look again, as if she and the old ladies in the marketplace were all counting weeks and months...

"Oh. Yes. I suppose I have," I admit, ducking my head sheepishly. "Well. It's hard not to, when there's a lovely baby like this one right in front of me! And…well, as I said, Valmont and I do want to have children of our own. Not for a little while, though."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

I catch her off guard again, and she blushes and dips her head.

"It's hard not to, when there's a lovely baby like this one right in front of me! And… well, as I said, Valmont and I do want to have children of our own. Not for a little while, though."

Chuckle and brush a finger across Rose's hair. I can tell that she is just as delighted with Hermia as Hermia is her, but she keeps saying something about being speical too... I wonder what it is she senses?

"Well, if you are set on waiting, I've found that fawning over and spoiling the children of friends works well... for a while at least. Always considered myself a fabulous auntie." I confide, thinking if Fiona and her faerie wings. "Spoil them, pump them full of sugar, shake them up and send them home."

Rose's little hand emerges from the blanket and reaches out towards Hermia's face. "She is really intrigued by you." I comment, smiling.

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

"Well, if you are set on waiting, I've found that fawning over and spoiling the children of friends works well... for a while at least. Always considered myself a fabulous auntie." I confide, thinking if Fiona and her faerie wings. "Spoil them, pump them full of sugar, shake them up and send them home."

"Well, we've already got Alice, of course, and she's wonderful! And Valmont does spoil Fiona every chance he gets! Often with sugar. Often at your shop!" I add with a quick laugh.

"She is really intrigued by you." Wanda observes, looking back to Rose.

"Oh, she is! Look at that!" Her eyes are very intent - that stare that babies get when they're trying to figure out the world around them, I suppose - and her hand is reaching out towards me. What could she want? I hold Rose a little higher, glancing over to Wanda as I guess, "Does she like playing with hair?" My friend Irene's son did, back in Athens - I haven't thought of that for months, but I remember it now. Any time I let a bit of hair dangle, he'd grab hold of it...

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Hermia admits to doting oin Alice, and Valmont's affections for Fiona. I laugh with her. "It's easy and fun to spoil, but one day... one day you'll want to take them home after you've sugared them up!" funny, never thought that day would come for me, but here I am.

"Does she like playing with hair?" I am about to warn her that she does only if you mention it...

And I wince when Rose manages to grab a thick lock and tug it to her. "Sorry, and yes, she's a hair grabber." I apologize, trying to pry tiny fingers from captured strands. "Now Rose, we've talked about this, it's not nice to pull." I tell my daughter, looking into her eyes. I swear Rose gives me a irritated sigh before releasing her grip. "Now be polite, little miss." I smile, tapping her nose.

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

"It's easy and fun to spoil, but one day... one day you'll want to take them home after you've sugared them up!"

"Well, true - Alice is always with us, but it's not the same as having a small child all full of sugar! And - Oh!" I'd forgotten how strong babies can be, too, as well as how much they love pulling hair!

"Sorry, and yes, she's a hair grabber."

"Oh dear," I sigh, but I am laughing as I do. "It's all right, really." I shift Rose around, trying to free one of my hands to help Wanda unravel my hair from the baby's grasp.

"Now Rose, we've talked about this, it's not nice to pull."

For just a second, Rose looks almost adult. She can't really be exasperated, can she? She's a baby!

But she's not human.

But…

"Now be polite, little miss," Wanda lectures.

I push those few loose bits of hair back behind my ear, and cuddle Rose closer as I say, "Let's remove some of the temptation, shall we? And let's find you something else to play with…" I look around, trying to think what on earth in the library would work as a baby toy. Pencils? Books? Lydia is resourceful, but I don't think that she has any teddy bears tucked away in those back shelves…

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

We manage to free Hermia's hair, and I smile a little as Hermia studies. "Yes, she understands, generally." I say softly as she tucks her hair away. "Maybe not all the words, but she gets the gist."

Hermia is looking for a toy for Rose to play with, but I doubt we'll find something in here. I reache into the basket and pull out her two favorite things: a little orange kitten Romana made, and my wedding necklace, the night black diamond surrounded by the clear ones that match my ring.

"Which one?" I ask Rose, holding both up, and a ray of light catches the necklace. "Ah, no need to answer." I laugh, and hand it to Hermia. "Dangle that, she likes the sparkly light and it will divert attention from your hair."

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

"Yes, she understands, generally." I say softly as she tucks her hair away. "Maybe not all the words, but she gets the gist."

Rose can understand. That aware look that I saw in her eyes wasn't just a chance effect of that intent baby stare - she really did know what was going on. "Oh," I say. And that's all I can say. Except, "I see," which sounds just as bland and useless.

She's still a child. She's still an innocent. She feels like any other baby as I hold her in the crook of my arm. And she looks very much like any baby as she squirms and grabs and stares eagerly over at the shiny glint of -

"Which one?" I ask Rose, holding both up, and a ray of light catches the necklace. "Ah, no need to answer." I laugh, and hand it to Hermia. "Dangle that, she likes the sparkly light and it will divert attention from your hair."

- my goodness, are those real diamonds that Wanda is offering the baby to play with? "Quite some taste, for such a little one…" I murmur as I take the necklace. "See, Rose?" I bounce the jewels up and down in front of the baby's face, turning it around so that it catches the light. "Look at that…"

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

Hermia startles a bit when I explain Rose's capacity to grasp things at such a young age, but recovers as she takes the necklace.

"Quite some taste, for such a little one… Smile as Rose grips the jewel and makes the prism's dance across the walls.

"Yes, she is quite discerning in her tastes, just like her mother." I say, watching the colors spin about. I hear Rose's happy thoughts, mixed between simple childish delight in the colors, and more advanced ideas of color and light and her father.

I sigh, and now it's my turn to tuck a stand of hair behind my ear. "I know it's disconcerting. Imagine it from my end, a infant that understands almost everything you say." Arch my eyebrow a bit, then soften my face again. "So I've made sure just about everything I say around her is positive, and tell her how beautiful the world is and how wonderful it is to be a part of it."

[hermia-sophia.livejournal.com]

"Yes, she is quite discerning in her tastes, just like her mother.""I know it's disconcerting. Imagine it from my end, a infant that understands almost everything you say."

"Mm," I murmur, returning that wry look with some sympathy. "Usually you have at least a couple years before you have to watch out for little ears catching what you say, don't you?"

"So I've made sure just about everything I say around her is positive, and tell her how beautiful the world is and how wonderful it is to be a part of it."

"Good," I say quietly. "That's the best thing that you can do for any child." And even more important for a child like Rose. "I'm sure that she nows that she is loved."

If there's anything that can keep her as innocent as she is now - as innocent as any person can be - it will be attention like that.

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

"Usually you have at least a couple years before you have to watch out for little ears catching what you say, don't you?"

"Tell me about it." I sigh. "No more cussing within earshot or talking about things I won't want to explain until she's at least sixteen!" I am sure the list of things I should keep to myself is much longer, but right now, I'll settle for normal topics. to avoid around children.

"That's the best thing that you can do for any child. I'm sure that she knows that she is loved."

Well, at least there are a few things I've done right. "Oh, that much she does know, don't you sweetling?" I say, leaning over to kiss the top of her little head. "Mummy loves you sooooo much!" I laugh, and she gurgles and coo's and squirms in Hermia's arms, smiling.