Having been through hell, we are not afraid of hot ashes.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

[Later afternoon of Wednesday, February 10 (day 255)]
[Courtyard of the Tavern of Hell]

Any other day, I'd wander down the Miskatonic. Given start of the week, not setting foot outside even as far as Silk until Thursday's well and truly dawned. But I've been up at home since Monday, trying to dodge everyone's after chattering at me over the matter of Donner, and I am soundly sick of the sight of the walls and ceiling. The air's full of the weather than can't decide if it cares t'be thick mist or falling rain, and it's a little early yet for folk t'start showing at the Tavern, so think I can at least set foot in the courtyard without being minded t'tell someone t'go to hell.

Fire went out last night--not the flooding folk were talking about, only evening and night and day of steady rain--so thought least I could do was relight it. The ashes are through drenched, and there's nothing left in the firepit I could light. Bring out kindling and a match from the kitchen, though, and trust I've not forgotten the knack of this for living well as I have of late.

Manage to coax a thin bright petal of flame onto lint and splinters in the lee of one of the dead logs, and start slowly feeding it split twigs. I can get it going, dry out one of the sticks already here enough to burn, think I could have it well begun.

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[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I didn't open the store yesterday; I still didn't feel quite right after hitting my head. Just a mild concussion, but enough that I thought I should just rest. And I still felt pretty shaken up by everything that happened.

On Wednesday, though, I open as usual. The mood in the store was strange. People either wanted to talk all about the riot or to pretend it never happened. I closed up a little early, and then I walked down Silk Road. I want to talk to Glass about what happened.

I find her in the courtyard of the tavern.

"Glass," I say. "I thought I'd see how you were." She's trying to light a fire, I see, and I look at the flames begin to catch. "I heard about what happened in the prison."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"Glass," and I look up to see Kate and'm glad of that, but... "I heard about what happened in the prison," and my stomach knots of a sudden.

"I didn't--" and I don't know what to say next, for all that I didn't do seems not t'weigh against the knife in my hand. "Wish I'd not done it," I settle on, sitting back on my heels and rubbing the back of one hand 'cross my eyes. "You were aright, during all of it? 'm sorry I've not been out afore now."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I drop my hand lightly on her shoulder.

"We don't have to talk of it, if you don't want," I say. "I'm alright," I say. "Got a knock to the head in the crowd, but nothing too serious. It could all have been a lot worse, but seeing the town rise like that..." I shake my head. "It makes me worry."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"We don't have to talk of it, if you don't want," she says, and reach up crosswise to touch her hand on my shoulder.

"Not much mind for what t'say," I confess. "He scared me. Thought I was going to let him out, thought he was, was-- c-courting me, something, I d-don't know."

And she's aright, best of that, though she says "Got a knock to the head in the crowd, but nothing too serious," and'm frowning up at her a moment.

"You had Lucien or Westin look to you?" I say. "And Tess, she and hers aright?"

"It could all have been a lot worse, but seeing the town rise like that..." and she shakes her head and I nod. Mobs are a bloody terror, and no mistake. "It makes me worry."

"Particular as the Carnival can't move on," I say serious. "Thomas said there's talk of blaming Julian Parson on them as well. No mind for how this'll play out..." Run one hand over the back of my neck. "Have a seat?" I say, gesturing to the benches about the fire pit. "I'm near done getting this to catch, I think."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"He scared me. Thought I was going to let him out, thought he was, was-- c-courting me, something, I d-don't know."

My mouth curls down. And I find myself thinking of Dorian, his strange obsession with Glass before they came to a more - equable arrangement, and I wonder what it is in my friend that prompts such odd and intense devotion.

"He did do it, didn't he," I say, quite flatly. "To Vale. He ate her."

"You had Lucien or Westin look to you? And Tess, she and hers aright?"

I shake my head.

"The doctors have had enough to worry about, I think. But Tess knows a fair bit about healing, and I spoke to Jenna too, and they both agreed that I should just rest. And so I did. And Tess and Johnny are both alright, thank God. I was worried, after Johnny was locked up, that some people might target him. But he seems well enough."

"Thomas said there's talk of blaming Julian Parson on them as well. No mind for how this'll play out..."

My stomach sinks, thinking of a mob heading to the carnival.

"Do you think Mr Donner could have done that?" I ask, thinking of how that poor baby was torn apart like a dog had been at it. I almost hope he did; he'll hang, I'm sure, and if he was guilty of that too, then at least there's no other baby killer wandering town.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"He did do it, didn't he," she says, her heart at a remove from her voice. "To Vale. He ate her."

"He did," I say. There. The truth of it, like stones in my hand. Silent a moment and feed a heavier twig to the fire, one slowly drying in its heat. "And Eris as well. He asked-- Saw me angry and thought he'd been too greedy. Asked if I wanted the meat of them as well." Snapping off other fragments of wood and setting them 'round the slow kindle of the fire, near enough t'dry. Nod agreement as she lays out not seeing them yet, Lucien nor Westin, and really need to'go see Lucien, for the blood set into my mouth...

"Do you think Mr Donner could have done that?" Kate says, and pull myself back t'the talk at hand, to Julian.

Think on it a moment and shake my head. "No," though I wish it was otherwise. "There was too much of him left. I think-- way he spoke of it, he w-was--" Cover my hand with my mouth for a moment.

"Was out one night and found a girl from the Carnival sleepwalking by the Pontarlier, took her home," I say low and fast. "She had him walk me back t'town, small courtesy. Talked a little the way, herbs and cooking, jugging meat." Hands too tight around the piece of wood and set it down. "Kate, he thanked me for the recipe."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"And Eris as well. He asked-- Saw me angry and thought he'd been too greedy. Asked if I wanted the meat of them as well."

"Mother of God," I say faintly.

"There was too much of him left. I think-- way he spoke of it, he w-was--"

I can imagine what she means, and I feel my stomach turn over. I put my hand on Glass's shoulder and squeeze hard briefly.

"She had him walk me back t'town, small courtesy. Talked a little the way, herbs and cooking, jugging meat. Kate, he thanked me for the recipe."

"He - " And now it's time for my hand to fly to my mouth, feeling a tremble pass through me. Disgust's not a strong enough word now. "Oh, Glass," I say, and my mouth's sour so that I almost want to spit. "Will you see to him, when the sheriff has finished with him?" I think she will; Glass's sense of duty is strong. But I wouldn't blame her if she refused, not so much to refuse him peace but because the idea of sliding up your mind against that - I know Glass has seen many horrible things, but this might be the worst.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Her hand on my shoulder, and reach up to touch it. "He - Oh, Glass." And so little to say. Get to one foot and straighten up, and one hand light on her arm.

"Will you see to him, when the sheriff has finished with him?"

"I will." My head aches a little at the thought--him dead, and not by my hand, and push aside the tangle of that. "Not begrudging the dead peace. Even would I, he's one I'd particular hate to see rest uneasy." Sit down on one of the benches by the fire. The knees of my jeans are cold, damp circles pressed onto them from kneeling against the stone.

"Suppose I ought speak t'Lucien, see if there's anyone as'd claim him for kin," I say quiet. "But I'm thinking there isn't, not of the moment."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"Not begrudging the dead peace. Even would I, he's one I'd particular hate to see rest uneasy."

I think of my own experience of the unquiet dead, and shudder a little. Yes, better he rest.

"Suppose I ought speak t'Lucien, see if there's anyone as'd claim him for kin. But I'm thinking there isn't, not of the moment."

"I suppose the carnival might," I say. "They seem to think of themselves as family. But they might not want to be associated with him now."

I look into the fire.

"I saw Wanda," I say, "at the riot. She looks to be far along in her pregnancy," I say. "Further than she should be." My mouth turns down. "It won't be long, I think, til the baby comes."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Nod as Kate lays out that they may turn from him. "Sure folk've turned away for less," I say quiet. "And even if they do still take t'him as kin... well. 'm from town, and less likely t'hear it. But I ought try."

Sit quiet aside her a while, then, in the cooling rain. Imagine there may've yet be scabs of snow out in the fields Monday, but these few days should've cleared the last of them. Spring coming on again, then.

"I saw Wanda at the riot," Kate says, and look to her, and her mouth drawn down. "She looks to be far along in her pregnancy. Further than she should be." Find I've one hand light on my own belly, listening to her speak. "It won't be long, I think, til the baby comes."

"Imagine not," I say quietly. "And her still in town, where it can get at her and the child..." And Tesni Beddau, who walked into the horizon and crossed half the world to keep her half-god child from kin. Shake my head and press the heel of my hand to my eyes.

"Tell you this now so you don't hear it from another," I say. "Tez took Lucien up t'see the thing in a tower on a drunken dare. And he asked how the end'd come again, and it said with birth of a child. Didn't say Wanda's, and it loves to use words as will hurt. Only--" Find I've few words, and put my hand to hers. "'d not have you hear the story without knowing source of it."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I feel a cold dread steal over me as Glass speaks. Of course, I'd wondered about it - why else would It get Wanda pregnant? - but to hear it put so baldly...

I remember something in the Gospel of St John, and I recite it slowly.

"This is how we know it is the last hour... They went out from us, but they did not really belong to us... For if they had belonged to us, they would have remained with us; but their going showed that none of them belonged to us."

I wonder if this is what he meant. If something is coming like a man but not. Something like to us, but apart. God help us.

"Do you think it's the child's birth that brings in the end, or is it the child itself?" I run a hand through my hair. "If this gets widely known, Wanda's life will be in danger. I think many people would be happy to try to kill the child, and her with it. Though I don't suppose - It - has left her unprotected."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"Do you think it's the child's birth that brings in the end, or is it the child itself?" and spit and staunchweed, how I'm t'have any mind for that... But Kate asks, so I think on it.

"Know little enough of these matters," I say slow, and think of the way mam laid things out, story and story and echoing truth. "Think that's a matter of--pardon, Kate--whether she's truly carrying a child, or whether she's carrying thing from the tower born to flesh, as was your god with Christ. If she's carrying child... well. Care t'have some faith in children standing against their parents, no matter whether they're cruelty come walking." Quick twist of a smile at that. "If it's the thing from the tower come over again-- though either way I suppose this makes it matter of what the child comes t'set its hand to."

"If this gets widely known, Wanda's life will be in danger," she says, and nod. "I think many people would be happy to try to kill the child, and her with it."

"Sorry for saying it," I say quiet, "but there're worse things I could see happen. Wanda's sworn herself t'that thing, and forgives it and its lickspittles any horror they set to her, and shrieks at those as'd stand in their way. And they have done t'her as the Shuck did to Dorian and more aside." I shrug into my coat. "I pity her, Kate, and I'd not wish more pain t'her, but she's gone poison."

And Kate speaks of whether it left her unprotected, and I think of that. "May've," I say thoughtful. "Could see it spreading word of that, for pleasure at seeing her torn to pieces. But if it wants her t'birth the child, then no, like not." Run one hand over the back of my neck, tired again.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

If she's carrying child... well. Care t'have some faith in children standing against their parents, no matter whether they're cruelty come walking. If it's the thing from the tower come over again-- though either way I suppose this makes it matter of what the child comes t'set its hand to."

"Yes," I say. "If there's a chance it's a human... Or even if its nature is more akin to what its father's was once... It should have a right to have the opportunity to be good." I think a little. "Maybe it would be better," I say, "for the child to be taken from Wanda. Perhaps there are - I don't know, magics that could hide it from its father as it was raised. Let it be raised by decent people." I think I would have called Wanda that, once, and maybe she could be again, but I don't trust her now.

"I pity her, Kate, and I'd not wish more pain t'her, but she's gone poison."

I nod.

"I told her there were always other choices," I say, "but she seems set on her path. I pity her, too. But not enough to put her safety above anyone else's in this town, and I think she's a danger to us all."

"Could see it spreading word of that, for pleasure at seeing her torn to pieces. But if it wants her t'birth the child, then no, like not."

"If anyone were to act," I say thoughtfully, "they'll have to wait for the baby to be born, then. I wonder if - It'll claim the baby straight away, or leave it to Wanda to rear. The second, I would guess. Maybe then will be the time for something to be done." I can't believe I'm suggesting stealing a child from its mother, but these are desperate times.

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Kate's of agreement, I think. "It should have a right to have the opportunity to be good," and that tangles me a moment,

"Maybe it would be better," she says, and I look over, "for the child to be taken from Wanda," and there's a sudden clarity in her words, 'minds me of when she asked me if the Shuck could be killed. "Perhaps there are - I don't know, magics that could hide it from its father as it was raised. Let it be raised by decent people."

"May be," I say slow and thoughtful. "Sure there're workings enough 'gainst ill intent and being seen, and both seem t'suit..." Imagine there's a way t'see this done. Remember some things from summer, from trying to work a charm 'gainst the Shuck, but've no real gift for that. "Worth talking t'Tess or Hermia or Syl, I think."

Touch light on Wanda locked into herself, stubborn and damned, and my mouth twists. "Back summer," I say, "she warned me that even going near folk as dealt with the tower would twist me, make me poison." And think there's truth to that, may not be as deep as she thought but sure something t'be wary of, and now as sworn to it she cares to raise a child? "Miss her," I say quiet. Remember when she was ready t'stand against the Shuck, before he did as he's minded t'do t'her in the night and she took to cosseting him for frightening folk in her shop, and miss her.

"If anyone were to act," Kate says, and pull myself back to myself and listen, "they'll have to wait for the baby to be born, then. I wonder if - It'll claim the baby straight away, or leave it to Wanda to rear. The second, I would guess. Maybe then will be the time for something to be done."

Nod slow and stiff. "I know Lucien went t'see to her," I say, "but I don't know that she's having him mind her as she quickens. Hearing of it came as surprise to him, in any case." Spit and staunchweed, he was nearly green at the thought... "May be worth talking t'him, t'find out how it's going, but think she could still cajole him so need be careful."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"Sure there're workings enough 'gainst ill intent and being seen, and both seem t'suit..." says Glass, with a better sense of these things than I have, and I feel hope lift up a little. There may be something we can do.

"Worth talking t'Tess or Hermia or Syl, I think."

"I'll talk over it with Tess," I say. "See what sort of magic she thinks it would be, which might decide whether Hermia or Syl might be better able to help. Their skills seem quite different," I note, thinking of Hermia and her books and then of Syl at my bedside as she cast away the ghost.

"May be worth talking t'him, t'find out how it's going, but think she could still cajole him so need be careful."

I shake my head.

"I wouldn't trust Lucien," I say. "I know he's a friend of yours, and now he's rid of the demon I like him well enough, but I wouldn't trust him. Not about this." I sigh. "But I'm sure word'll get out when she goes into labour. Everyone in town loves babies being born." It's always a point of excitement, given the difficulties people have bearing children in these days.

"And how is your pregnancy going?" I ask, hoping to move to cheerier things. I want to ask about Dorian, but now doesn't seem like the right time. "Is it treating you well enough?"

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Mentions talking it over with Tess, and nod agreement. Though adds "I wouldn't trust Lucien," and frown at that. "I know he's a friend of yours, and now he's rid of the demon I like him well enough, but I wouldn't trust him. Not about this."

"I..." Think of the colour he turned in the Miskatonic, and trust he'd have her well shut of what she's carrying. And yet as well remember him speaking of her calling on Lugh and Laurence and Kate t'stand against Marbas as some unspeakable bravery, and think if she painted herself aright he'd fall in with her, always. "Well enough," I say soft.

Mention of word getting out and can feel the shift in the subject, and'm glad of it, and touch her hand light aside mine on the bench. "And how is your pregnancy going?" she says. "Is it treating you well enough?"

"Well enough," I say, and realize I've curled in on myself a little and straighten. "Truly," I add. "Times my moods're scattered and'm a touch sick," and I hate that, the moods particular, "but less tired, at least. Though I'll be glad t'see spring come," and manage a smile. Raspberries and raspberry leaf, beets, corn, lemon balm, spinach, and I am so tired of them preserved or dried... "And've been craving oranges. Haven't had them in years." Shake my head.

"That aside..." Touch my face light, the stains creeping 'round my eyes. "Think few folk may've started t'suspect, but-- well. No'one's speaking of it yet, leastways not t'me." May be soon enough, may be that when the weather's warmed t'where I no longer need go about in layers and I've started t'show more they will, but not yet. "Don't mind the... the quiet of that. And Iago's being a kindness," I say soft. Still speaking of no gift particular for keeping house, or cooking, and from the changes happen 'round the house when I'm sleeping or away from the kitchen, lend as much weight t'that as to his claims of not being a gentleman t'me. "Though he'd wave it aside."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Glass tenses when I mention Lucien and I feel a little bad for criticising her friend, but I think I'm right to do it, and I think she agrees.

Glass lays out how she's been feeling, and she says: "And've been craving oranges. Haven't had them in years."

"I've got a couple of jars of orange marmalade in the store, traded in before the snow cut off the southern road for a while" I say. "It's not the same as fresh, but you're welcome to them."

And then she talks about how Iago's been good to her, and I think again of Dorian. I will go to see him, I decide. I'd rather not speak to him, but for Glass I'll do it.

"I'm glad he's been a help," I say, and I smile. Then I get up. "I should get back. But I'll see you soon," I say, touching her shoulder lightly. "Let me know if you need anything."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"I've got a couple of jars of orange marmalade in the store, traded in before the snow cut off the southern road for a while," she says, and look up with my attention pricked, can feel my mouth start to water. "It's not the same as fresh, but you're welcome to them."

"I'd--that'd be a kindness," I say, and she smiles over Iago, and stands.

"I should get back. But I'll see you soon," and I find myself eased by the simple truth of it. "Let me know if you need anything."

Nod and "I will," and know I'm well set, I think, and... "'d you care t'come in for a moment?" I say, standing with her. "Mean... it's hardly a fine day for walking, and we've been out here. Cup of tea and a moment t'dry off'll not hurt, if you've time."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

I think, and I smile and nod.

"Yes, I'd like that." There's no need to rush away; the things I need to think on can wait a half hour.