You wear a dress, baby, I'll wear a tie

[nunaunet.livejournal.com]

Tuesday night, the tavern

I ain't had a night on the town in a long time, ayuh. An' I'm always so careful round townies, but sometimes that jus' grates on me. Still a few days off the full moon, ayuh, so I need to shave if I ain't goin' to cause a scene; I want to wear somethin' pretty, an' people heah may be strangah than in many places but that don't mean their heads are much moah open to ideas about the propah way of things. So I get my face smooth, an' I put on some kohl an' wear a kaftan, and then I put some earrings in an' smile at myself in the mirror. Lookin' like a queen, ayuh.

Put on boots an' a coat when I go out, for it ain't warm yet though the snow's meltin', say thankya. Wave at a few people as I go but don't stop to say nothin'. I had enough of a headache with everyone goin' crazy these past few days. I didn't forget nothin', so far as I know, but then, I've got so much in my head it'd be hard to notice, you ken? Know theah's whole lifetimes I've forgot, ayuh, so if I lost recall of last Monday or forgot the price of steak it wouldn't necessarily strike me, ayuh.

Go on into the tavern. Know that boy Thomas recognises me, an' his eyes go a bit wide but he still smiles. Few people in heah, but none I recognise.

"A beeh, sweet," I say to Thomas, an' I take a seat. Get a ball of yarn an' some needles out of my bag, as well as a half-finished scarf I've been makin'. Good to have somethin' to do with my hands on long dark nights, ayuh.

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[parras-siren.livejournal.com]

I haven't been out since my memories came back. For one thing it was utterly mortifying, the thought of facing people who had seen me acting like that, and for another -

Well, it has been difficult. To find myself here, and old, and alone, once again. But I really cannot skulk inside any longer, and so I dress my hair and put on a nice dress (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_BTs4jt0VA7w/SSic-3h_DmI/AAAAAAAAADw/xkUPp9slZmU/s400/Black+Halo+Jackie+O+Dress+Bronze.jpg) - and take myself to the site of my humiliation, because I refuse to have anyone in this town think I cannot hold my head up after that. I am sure other people did things that they are far more ashamed of, but I feel I made a terrible fool of myself, and I cannot stand for people to think that I am - am hiding.

None the less, I am grateful that no one I recognise is there.

I have been feeling lonely, and so when I see a striking larger lady sitting on her own I move across to her. "Would you mind terribly if I sat with you?" I ask, and perhaps it's the lingering memory of being young that makes me feel it's rather forward of me. Really, this is has all been so very confusing.

[nunaunet.livejournal.com]

See Parras come in, her as was Parthenope. Ain't seen her since she left the carnival, an' didn't know her well at all befoah then, ayuh.

"Would you mind terribly if I sat with you?" she says, an' I smile.

"Suah I don't mind, sweet," I say, puttin' down my knittin'. "Ain't seen you since you moved to the Boy. How's it goin' ovah theah? You had a strange week with all this memory business? Carnival was half-crazy, ayuh."

[parras-siren.livejournal.com]

"Suah I don't mind, sweet. Ain't seen you since you moved to the Boy. How's it goin' ovah theah? You had a strange week with all this memory business? Carnival was half-crazy, ayuh."

I look at her quite blankly, but inside I feel a little ill. Plainly I should know her, and yet despite my memory returning, I can't recognise her at all. But that voice is so very familiar - someone from the Carnival, plainly, but the memory in my mind is of a man.... Have I truly grown so old, that I forget things like this? Perhaps the whole affair has worn my mind away, and there is a cold sort of feeling in my stomach.

"You must forgive me," I say, and my voice is strained. "I - find my memory isn't wholly returned. I am having some...difficulties."

[nunaunet.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord. Poor Parras. S'pose some people ain't goin' to be quite right aftah magic that size. (An' I wondah again if I'm right 'bout who it was... Will have to speak to Syl, ayuh.) Reach out an' pat Parras's hand.

"Don't worry, sweet," I say. "I've forgotten moah things'n you in my time, I'm suah of that." Got some patchy centuries heah an' theah, for one thing. "I'm Nu. Do a little fertility doctorin' ovah at the carnival. Used to be the bearded lady too, ayuh, but we been in town so long theah ain't much draw for that sort of act now." Look ovah at Thomas. "Sweet, you get Parras somethin' to drink. A sherry," I suggest. Sweet an' strong, that's the ticket. Pat Parras's hand again.

[parras-siren.livejournal.com]

"Used to be the bearded lady too, ayuh, but we been in town so long theah ain't much draw for that sort of act now."

Oh, heavens, what a mistake to make! The memory pulls itself together slowly and I feel quite flustered, as if I were indeed a girl again. Heaven knows I've always somehow thought of Nu as - well, as more a man than a woman, despite the fertility medicine. Perhaps simply because it was restful to know a man who wasn't going to be bothering at me or the girls the way that most of them do.

She does make a very striking woman, though, and has always been kind. Kindness is not enough valued in the world, I find. "Thank you," I say, my voice low. "I'm so sorry, Nu - I quite feel like my mind is coming apart at the seams after these last days, like a worn-out glove."

[nunaunet.livejournal.com]

Recognition seems to seep back in, like watah through sand, ayuh.

"I'm so sorry, Nu - I quite feel like my mind is coming apart at the seams after these last days, like a worn-out glove."

"Don't you go troublin' yourself, sweet," I say. Thomas brings her the sherry an' I smile at him. "You drink that up, hon, an' you'll feel bettah, ayuh. Ain't no shame in takin' your time in findin' your marbles, you ken? Big magic like what was done to this place, it don't just get shrugged off." Sip my beeh. "Befoah all that business, you keepin' alright?"

[tereixa-zann.livejournal.com]

It's cooler today than yesterday, so I pulled on a sweater (not as bright as my scarf, just a kind of cherry-red-orange but without those streaks and flashes of colour) for under my jacket, but the sky's clear and the sun's swept down and the stars are glittering like a song. Headed out of the lot and down to the Tavern, and once I walk in I'm kinda glad I went with the sweater 'cause my usual shirts are all those beaten-soft old things with the prints and paint and tears, and Nu and Parras are both looking smashing, they really really are. Me, I've got clean jeans and nothing you could read on my clothes, but they're both all gloss and shine.

Stick my hands in my pockets and think for a second, figuring out what I got left over from the Tavern job and thinking yeah, spring's coming on and someone's gonna need a hand fixing something, and anyway there was that nice girl wanted to see if I'd sit with her at her stall sometimes on Saturdays, mend things people brought by that she couldn't fix... Yeah, I think I can do it, and besides Parras looks sad. So I go see Thomas and get a glass of whatever they're having, something like the bones of cotton candy on a bender and then the rest of the bottle (and I am kinda glad it's only a small one) and head over to where they're sitting.

"Ladies," I say, coming up and smiling and I've got my glass in one hand and it's such a pretty colour in the electric and firelight of the Tavern, and I gesture with it as I half-bow to them. "How've you been? C'n I join you?"

[nunaunet.livejournal.com]

Zann comes over. Sweet girl - flighty, but not about things that mattah, ayuh, least I don't think so.

"How've you been? C'n I join you?"

"Sit yo'self down, sweet," I say. "Me an' Parras was jus' catchin' up aftah this whole memory business. You weah alright though, ayuh? Heah you even picked up a boyfriend for the interim." Wink at her an' pat the seat next to me.

[parras-siren.livejournal.com]

One of the Zann girls comes to join us, and I feel a little awkward, because - well. Two carnival people, and I think I've been in town long enough now that people don't associate me with the Diabolique, but I still don't like to socialise with them too much. I might not have come over to Nu if I'd remembered, and I feel terribly mean-spirited for thinking it, but it's true.

"Me an' Parras was jus' catchin' up aftah this whole memory business. You weah alright though, ayuh? Heah you even picked up a boyfriend for the interim."

I smile at Zann a little stiffly. "It was awfully confusing, wasn't it?" Everyone running around carrying on with the wrong people - I'm glad I didn't get involved with any of that.

[tereixa-zann.livejournal.com]

"Sit yo'self down, sweet," Nu says, and I smile at her, pulling up the chair she indicated. Set the bottle down on the table and smile at them both. "Me an' Parras was jus' catchin' up aftah this whole memory business," and I nod.

"It was something," I say in agreement. "I guess I mostly tried to think of it as coming to a new town, and it kinda helped that a couple of people on the lot didn't get hit by it, but..." Everything turned upside-down and falling into new configurations, pieces dropping out of it all, a new and lacy kaleidoscope, and I shiver a bit.

"You weah alright though, ayuh? Heah you even picked up a boyfriend for the interim," and I grin.

"Poor guy," I say, thinking of him. "He'd... he was lonely, you know?" I gesture with the glass. "And he had a fight with a friend, and his memory was shot, and I think it just all came down on him at once." Take a sip of the drink and it's... almost like cherries and almost like honey and not really either, and I smile. "I think... You know I think Management came out to see him?"

"It was awfully confusing, wasn't it?"

"That it was," I say, ducking my head and smiling at Parras. She looks a bit sad, and I can't tell if it's cause it was a bad time for her or if it's cause I'm bringing down the tone a bit. This about asking were you okay and then decide that with her this way another question might work better. "No-one gave you any trouble, did they?"

[nunaunet.livejournal.com]

Parras gets a bit stiff when Zann comes ovah. Oh, girl, you go on pretendin' you didn't come from the carnival, an' we jus' some riffraff you happen to know - but not well, lord no. Give her a bit of a look. Think it was bettah when she didn't remembah who I was, ayuh.

Zann starts talkin' 'bout what happened, and comes to the mattah of her friend.

"And he had a fight with a friend, and his memory was shot, and I think it just all came down on him at once. I think... You know I think Management came out to see him?"

"That so?" I say, interested, an' I lean forward a bit. "Wondah who that boy was, if Management wanted to see him. You know wheah he went?" Wish I'd seen Zann soon aftah she went with him, cos I can tell a lot from a body aftah sex, ayuh. Been too long now, though. Take a swallow of my beeh as she asks Parras 'bout her week. Management wantin' to see Zann's boy... Interestin' indeed.

[parras-siren.livejournal.com]

I don't miss the look that Nu gives me. Oh, you may glare at me, but I have my livelihood to think of - there are many people in this town who have increasingly strong feelings about the carnival, and some of them are my clients.

"No-one gave you any trouble, did they?"

"Oh, not at all. I was simply...disconcerted." You will understand better, Zann, when you're older and your hands grow stiff, unwilling to manipulate your beloved machines.

Zann talks about some boy she had sex with on the lot, and I would shake my head if I were less polite. "Wonder who that boy was, if Management wanted to see him"

Ugh, Management. I am most glad to be free of them, whatever they are.

[tereixa-zann.livejournal.com]

Catch the look between Nu and Parras, and my mouth drops a bit, 'cause I really don't want any fighting, even if she is getting up on her horse about being a townie now. "What is this, exactly?" I say, pushing the bottle forward. "I mean, I tried it, and it's nice... you guys want some?"

Parras waves off the question of anyone actually upsetting her, and I nod. "It was a bit strange," I agree. "But I'm glad there wasn't really any trouble, you know?"

"Wondah who that boy was, if Management wanted to see him," Nu says. "You know wheah he went?" and I shake my head.

"I hope he got a chance to make up with whoever he had a fight with," I say. "He just stayed for a bit... he was amazing," I say, smiling. "I mean, not that," and I laugh a little, quick and giddy and embarrassed but not in any bad way, "but he saw everything the way I saw machines, you know? And he sang."

[nunaunet.livejournal.com]

"Oh, not at all. I was simply...disconcerted."

Moah than that, ayuh. But now Parras's hoity toity wall has gone up again. Definitely liked heah bettah when she wasn't sure who I am, ayuh.

Zann pushes her drink toward me an' I shake my head.

"None for me, sweet. I like my drinks simple, ayuh."

"He just stayed for a bit... he was amazing. I mean, not thatbut he saw everything the way I saw machines, you know? And he sang."

Can't help smilin' back at how she's grinnin'.

"Singin' an' sex an' a mind for things... Sounds like a good catch, ayuh. You think you'll see him again?" Settle back in my seat. Wondah if Parras is seein' anyone these days. Wondah if she's still sore 'bout Marcilla.