estdeus_innobis | Caught between ignorance and uneasiness

Sunday January 10th, [day 224]
Morning
Damien's apartment

Friday there wasn't a whole lot to do and since finding out about Nanshe was the whole reason for deciding to come to Excolo, I figured I really should go visit the Library and see what I could turn up. So I left early around lunch time, just walked over and into the library. And when I entered, I smiled at the librarian and asked to see the religion and mythology sections. She didn't bat an eye. Probably has gotten that request a lot. I was glad though that it was a busy day for her as it kept her from having time to try starting up a conversation with me. If it was a different situation I think I might liked to chat with her but all I wanted then was to find what I was looking for and get out.

It seemed ridiculously easy to find it too. Almost as if the right books were pressing themselves into my hands. I found a book that listed Gods and mentioned Nanshe. And another book about Norse magic, that after I flipped through it mentioned some thing that might be what Verdandi was talking about. It's not like I haven't come across the idea of people like me having magic and being respected for it. At least in written works. About history. It's just that...I guess I have trouble believing both in magic itself and that people would think it was worth respecting someone for. Probably a part of my city upbringing . We don't really have magic as such in Manhattan. At least not like here. Not stuff like this. Not that I'll ever share that thought with Johnny or Tess. Especially not Tess. I don't think she dislikes me, but at the same time I think she's waiting to see if I'll fuck up and prove I'm not not good enough for her brother. Who turns into a wolf. I wouldn't have believed that if I hadn't seen it for myself. Maybe the reason i'm okay with what I do and not with the idea of magic in general or gods is because I've got at least some control over my freaky little talent and none over what someone else could do. And gods, well the whole point of them so far as I can tell, is that they control the things people don't or can't control but want to.

The books had plenty to say and I still couldn't wrap my head around either of them. I'll probably have to actually go visit the Abbey after all if I want to know more about what people think of Nanshe in this town. I mean beyond what little people mention while shopping. All churches and temples make me uneasy but if it's the only way to find out about the goddess and that other dreamwalker, I'll do it.

I could go the abbey today when there is likely to be less people, maybe I'll feel less uncomfortable about being there if there's no crowd. Which means some time in the afternoon as I think the service is mid morning and l don;t really know how long it lasts for. Probably an hour or so and then it might have some kind of social thing going on after wards. Lots of towns I saw in the last three years had a pattern like that for their holy day.

I go out to the balcony and light up a cig, yeah. Maybe i'll go in the afternoon, get it over with and then I'll finally know. Well something anyways.

[Closed]