estdeus_innobis | I will try, I just need a little time To get your face right out of my mind

Monday December 14th (day 197)
The Salon, early in the morning

I don't want to open this morning. I haven't wanted to do anything these last few days. Not since...Johnny's visit.

I've done a lot of crying lately but mostly when I'm alone. Kinda glad that Lannie's been so busy lately that she hasn't really noticed how sad I am. Or maybe she's just being nice about it, and pretending not to notice.

I kinda had to tell Syl about it when she came by on Sunday to give me the stuff she'd made. I still took and paid for it cuz, well, she'd already made it and it's not like I can't find someone else if I want.

Part of me does want to go find some guy and have a wild fling to prove I don't need Johnny. The rest of me thinks that's stupid and won't do anything for the empty hurt feeling lodged inside me. The only thing I can draw lately is hearts and every one of those is broken or damaged in some way. I have whole pages in my sketchbook of these things.

Guess I oughta be glad business is slow these days, not so many people to deal with and try and be cheerful for. and it's not like I just sit around moping. I took out the last of the faded purple and redyed my hair blue. I almost left it white but in the end I decided that blue is almost as sad colourr as white but it's brighter so maybe it'll lift my spirits a little.

I could use something to do that.
[Closed]