Maybe in Another Life I Could Find You There

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

The Marks Ranch
Early Morning, Sunday 8 November

Dead.

I didn't believe it. Not that I didn't think it possible, since Ares' death. Didn't want to believe it, is all. Felt it, though. I woke up Friday in a cold sweat and knew.

Dead.

I've been out here three times since. Stayed back a way the first time, when the people were still here, making sure the fire died out. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Didn't want to hear any of them speculate about what happened to her. I had my own theory.

Dead.

I kick a large piece of charcoal and it falls apart against my boot. Lúgh's death was all I needed for confirmation. He wouldn't leave her here. Not alone. Cain and I might be here for her but that's different. We're mortal. We're finite. Eris isn't finite. She might be in some way, some day, but to me, she's eternal and I know she's out there somewhere.

My eyes close slowly as I think of our last conversation. As I think of her looking like Eileen for me. As I think of her wanting Tempest drawn on her.

I pull the gun from her holster and turn off the safety.

This town, this fucking god-forsaken town. If it weren't for Leah...

I raise Tempest, both hands holding her, and fire round after round into the sky at a steady rate until the gun clicks.

"Might not be a twenty-one gun salute, Eris, but it's something."

I reload Tempest, holster her, and light a clove. Now I need to figure out where the fuck her remains are.


[OPEN]

Comments

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

I wish bad things would stop happening. I wish we had more time to be happy together. When Ares died it was a curiousity nothing more, just information. This time, Eris and Lugh; the god-friends of Maryk and Karina, is different. Karina cries a lot and acts a bit like when she wasn't sleeping in that she can't stick to finishing anything she starts. But it's not so bad. Lena helps by finishing things for her and making sure she has handkercheifs and shoulder to cry on when I or Maryk is n;t there. Maryk,he smokes a lot and keeps going out. Up to their place. I don't know what to do for them. Except to be there. Which is why I came with Maryk today.

I only came to the edge of the cleared area and let Maryk go the rest of the way alone. I'm wondering what he's doing when he takes his gun out and points it at the sky. The shots roar out and I jump in shock and surprise an then look around anxiously for whatever caused him to shoot that many times. But I see nothing. nothing except the bullets he fires in the air come down on their own. I still don't know what that was for when he says,Might not be a twenty-one gun salute, Eris, but it's something.

Then he lights up a cigarette and starts moving stuff around and looking down at the ground really intently like he's looking for something small that got dropped. so I go over to offer my help.I'm pretty good at finding stuff like that.

"What are you looking for? Maybe I can help?"

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

I hear the footsteps over the grass and dirt and ash. My instinct is to draw Tempest on whoever it is. Before I move, though, I remember Leah is here with me this time. I lost myself in memories and forgot she was here.

"What are you looking for? Maybe I can help?"

I look at her as she stops next to me and try to smile at her. All my face lets me do is quirk up the corner of my lip briefly.

"There's nothing to find here, Leah. It's already gone."

She's been dealing with this pretty well, so far. With Karina being devastated by Lúgh's death and then me, withdrawing like I have since feeling Eris pass on.

"This is where Eris was laid to rest."

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

Maryk just looks at me and then the corner of his mouth moves upwards just a tiny bit. Quickly there and gone again. There's nothing to find here, Leah. It's already gone.

"Oh." I reply quietly. I want to ask why we're here, but I don't. I already asked once and didn't get a reply. He continues with, This is where Eris was laid to rest.

I nod my head. This is like 'paying respects'. I don't quite understand the concept. Not really. I know what death is. I even knew something about that when I was the River, things died in there all the time. And things were born in there too.

Maybe I should ask. Maybe I'll get an answer this time. but I don't want to make him upset. More upset than he already is. If he doesn't want to answer he'll just tell me so.

"What does that mean; laid to rest?"

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

Leah doesn't say much. She asked a lot of questions at first. Didn't get very many answers out of me and what I did say probably wasn't all that helpful.

"What does that mean; laid to rest?"

I finish the clove and drop it on the blackened ground beneath our feet. Don't intend it as a disrespect. Staring at the butt on the ground, I remember her refusing a clove from me until that one time that she took one. Always keeping me guessing. Always finding ways to test me, to push me.

"When someone dies, when other people care about that person, they do something special for them when they die. Something called a funeral." I look her in the eyes again. "I think Lúgh did this for her."

I think he did this to her, too, but he's gone now as well. They had their reasons and, if I learned nothing else from my time with Eris, it's that you don't question her reasons. Sometimes I wondered, like I'm wondering now, if they even understood their reasons.

"Holding a funeral helps people. It helps those that are still alive cope with the loss of their friend or family."

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

Maryk drops the clove to ground and I feel relieved. I know the cigarettes help him to feel better but I still don't like them. I guess it worked too as he starts explaining so I listen closely.

When someone dies, when other people care about that person, they do something special for them when they die. Something called a funeral.I think Lúgh did this for her.

He looks me in the eyes and I nod again. I'm about to ask what a funeral is when he goes on. Holding a funeral helps people. It helps those that are still alive cope with the loss of their friend or family.

Ah. Now I think I know what we're doing here. But I ask just to make sure I understand."So we're here to hold a funeral for Eris?" Stuff like paying respects, laid to rest, and funerals weren't any part of death in the river. When something died in there it got eaten or the water made it go soft and fall apart. Sometimes both happened. I still don't understand why humans have to make everything so complicated.

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

Leah stays quiet, still, listening to everything I have to say and thinking it over. It's little wonder that she learns so quickly. Being what she is aside, the girl takes her time with understanding.

"So we're here to hold a funeral for Eris?"

I smile at that-- a real one this time. "Yes. I suppose we are. Lúgh held one for her, in his way." I gesture at the burned ground. "It's not easy to say good bye to someone you love very deeply."

I take a deep breath and sigh, feeling really... vulnerable, suddenly. Don't like it, even in front of Leah.

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

This time he smiles properly. Yes. I suppose we are. Lúgh held one for her, in his way. It's not easy to say good bye to someone you love very deeply. He gestures to the ground which is all black and smells like stuff has been on fire. Maryk takes a deep breath and lets it out quickly. He looks unhappy again, and I touch him gently on the arm. I wish I knew what to do for him and Karina. Him especially. I think I've learned a few things to do for Karina, but Maryk, he just goes away inside and then I can't do much for him and since being all present when things are bad makes him unhappy I don't want to demand he stay present just for me.It would be so nice to learn something I could do to help him. Coming here and learning how to hold a funeral might be it.

"How do we hold a funeral?" I ask. I hope it's sorta of simple that way I'm not so likely to get it wrong the first time.

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

Her hand rests on my arm lightly. She is always careful about doing things like that, always deliberate. "How do we hold a funeral?"

How do you do it? I've never been the one to actually hold it. Even when Eileen died, I attended hers much like everyone else that was there. And what do you do for a god? All that really died was her body and not her.

"I'm not really sure. There's usually more people." And a body. I glance over at the house. There's no life there now. More than that is missing, too. The feeling of something more, something bigger, is gone. Maybe I'm just imagining it.

"Follow me," I say softly and head to the house. Hopefully, it's remain untouched.

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

Maryk looks a bit uncertain as he answers,I'm not really sure. There's usually more people. He looks over to the house and then says softly but more decisively,Follow me and he heads for the house.

"Okay." I say just as softly and follow close behind and to one side of him.

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

She follows me, keeping the talk to a minimum. Sometimes I feel like I should feel bad for not being more talkative. Living with Karina and Leah, though, I think, has made me the most talkative I've ever been in my life.

We enter the house, which is unlocked, and I survey the main room. The place doesn't look like it's been touched. That's strange, since there's a lot of stuff here that'd be worth a lot to someone, I'm sure. Maybe it's who lived here that's keeping most people out. None of them kept it a secret as to what they are.

Being back inside this place, knowing Eris is gone from it, feels like we've walked into a tomb. My eyes go out the door to the courtyard and I see what I'm looking for-- blood. I lead the way out into the quad and run my hand through my hair when I see the sword still lying on the stone.

"Wish this'd surprise me."

Shouldn't have come in here. Shouldn't have come looking for answers.

Now, I'm left with one last piece that I've been trying to avoid facing. Where the fuck is her body?

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

We go inside and look around. It's a large room with plenty of chairs and stuff in it. Maryk barely looks at it before he's moving again heading somewhere else. He goes to and other door and leads us out under the sky again. There's a chair there with a dark patch on it. Next to it is a long metal bar with a shorter piece crossing it. There are dark patches on it as well.

Maryk has gone all quiet inside himself again. He says, Wish this'd surprise me. In horrible, flat voice, the voice he used when he first heard about Eris and Lugh.

I don't know what I should do. What do we do next? I take a step out side ways so I'm not so much behind him and ask, "What should we do?"

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

"What should we do?"

I snap my head to the side to see Leah standing there next to me. I knew she was following me. I told her to follow me. This isn't something she should see, though. She's learned so much and seen so much. She shouldn't have to know about this...

...or...

Karina's gonna kill me but she needs to know about this stuff if she's going to go on living in this world, especially in this fucking town.

If this were done by one person to another, it'd be murder. But a god to another god? Especially the gods involved. No. I know murder well and this isn't it.

"There's nothing to do. Not for us. That," I point at the sword. "That's called a sword. It's a weapon, like my gun is a weapon. It's meant for killing another person."

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

His head moves round very quickly when I speak but he doesn't say anything for a long moment. Then he says, There's nothing to do. Not for us. That,That's called a sword. It's a weapon, like my gun is a weapon. It's meant for killing another person.

He points at the metal bar and calls it 'sword'. I've seen the word written down in some of the books but I couldn't see the picture in my mind. not til now. It doesn't look like much. But if the dark stuff is what's left of Eris than that IS impressive. I look from the sword back to Maryk.

"She was killed with that?" I ask? Again I think back to the river, where things died and either were eaten or broke down into small soft bits.

"How did it kill her?"

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

"She was killed with that? How did it kill her?" Explaining this stuff to her might be wrong. Karina most likely won't agree with me doing this. How else will she know, though? People are cruel and violent. I would know.

"You know when we use a knife to cut food? It's similar. The knife has a blade that can stab and slice. The sword also has a blade, just a lot larger." I crouch next to the chaise, near the sword. The blood on the piece of furniture and on the floor underneath. The sword set where it is. No splatters; drips and pools. It's reassuring.

"It was calm and quick. Leah," I start and look up at her. "People aren't always very nice."

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

You know when we use a knife to cut food? It's similar. The knife has a blade that can stab and slice. The sword also has a blade, just a lot larger.

I think about that and try to see it in my mind. A sword is used like a large knife. Maryk crouches down to look at the sword or maybe at the marks on it and the chair.

It was calm and quick. Leah,people aren't always very nice. He looks up at me. That feels odd, having him look up at me instead of me looking up at him.

"Is that good? That it was calm and quick?"

I don't know what to say to the other thing he said about people not always being nice. Because I've never seen people in Excolo not be nice.Another thought, a sword is a weapon it doesn't move by itself. Someone had to use it.

"Who used it? The sword, I mean."

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

"Is that good? That it was calm and quick?"

I nod. "It can hurt a lot otherwise." Probably still did. Being stabbed certainly isn't a pleasurable experience.

"Who used it? The sword, I mean."

Standing, I leave the sword where it is and don't touch the blood-- her blood. "I'm guessing Lúgh. I don't think she'd let anyone else get this close to her with a sword."

And that's the crux of the whole thing for me. This wouldn't have happened unless she let him.

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

He nods. It can hurt a lot otherwise. He stands up, and I feel better as if something that was out of place is returned. Then he speaks again. I'm guessing Lúgh. I don't think she'd let anyone else get this close to her with a sword.

And then I'm confused. "But why did he do it? And why did she let him?"

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

"But why did he do it? And why did she let him?" I look back down at the sword and the chaise and the blood on the stone.

"I don't know for certain. He's gone now, too, though. Maybe this place isn't for them. It must be different for gods." I look back at Leah. "It's even different for you than it is for Karina and I. Not that it's exactly the same for her and me." Rambling. I'm fucking rambling.

"Come on." I take her hand in mine and lead her back inside, out of the chill. Once inside, I have her sit down on a couch and I face her from the armchair. "The reason I'm showing you this is because there's a lot of danger in town. People aren't what they seem to be. You're different from Karina and I in that you come from the River. Eris and Lúgh were different because they're gods." My hand goes through my hair. I lean forward, elbows on my knees. "People-- humans, gods, whatever else-- lie, cheat, steal, and kill. They hurt each other, emotionally and physically."

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.

"Karina was hurt very badly before you came to us. By a thing that can change its face." The fucker's face shifts into something else... "And you will watch. If you close your eyes..." I shiver and fight the urge to pull out Tempest. Nothing she can do.

That's what you say, lover.

"Leah, I'm sorry for bringing you here. For showing you," I stop and gesture back towards the door behind me. "I want you to know that you shouldn't trust everything people say in town. That you should be careful when you go out." I reach out and take her hand. "That Karina and I worry about you."

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

mark stares down at the sword and says, I don't know for certain. He's gone now, too, though. Maybe this place isn't for them. It must be different for gods.It's even different for you than it is for Karina and I. Not that it's exactly the same for her and me.

He looks back at me. And then takes my hand. Come on. He leads me inside and sits me down on a couch. Then he takes the armchair across from it. Leans forward with an intent look on his face.The reason I'm showing you this is because there's a lot of danger in town. People aren't what they seem to be. You're different from Karina and I in that you come from the River. Eris and Lúgh were different because they're gods. He runs a hand through his hair. And then goes on. People-- humans, gods, whatever else-- lie, cheat, steal, and kill. They hurt each other, emotionally and physically.

I keep listening, trying to figure out what else he's saying. I can tell this is important so I want to get this right. I want to understand.

Karina was hurt very badly before you came to us. By a thing that can change its face. He shivers and his hand twitches. i think he wants to do something with it like smoke.

Leah, I'm sorry for bringing you here. For showing you... He stops talking and points back out to where we just were. Then continues, I want you to know that you shouldn't trust everything people say in town. That you should be careful when you go out.That Karina and I worry about you.

He reaches out and takes my hand, and I wrap my fingers around his and give him a small uncertain smile.

"Help me learn to be careful. I try but I'm not certain I'm doing it properly. I didn't tell anybody where I come from and I got Zann to walk me back from the party. But I can tell there are things I still need to know. And I worry about you and Karina."

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

Her fingers wrap around mine and it seems like such an odd thing. Not sure why. It's so... normal.

"Help me learn to be careful. I try but I'm not certain I'm doing it properly. I didn't tell anybody where I come from and I got Zann to walk me back from the party. But I can tell there are things I still need to know. And I worry about you and Karina."

Help her be careful? What-- No. No, that's not possible. It is. But it isn't right. Is it?

"You're doing well," I say and grin a little at her, reassuringly. "It's not easy and takes time to see things that might not be right. Things out of place or out of character. If you're aware enough, if you focus enough, you can sense something or someone dangerous the moment you walk into a room. I'll teach you, if you want."

There's very little in doing that that'll raise questions. All I have to do is be careful not to give up so much information that she wonders what I did before she came along.

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

You're doing well, he says with a little grin to reassure me.

It's not easy and takes time to see things that might not be right. Things out of place or out of character. If you're aware enough, if you focus enough, you can sense something or someone dangerous the moment you walk into a room. I'll teach you, if you want.

"Yes, please!" I answer eagerly. I very much want to learn this. I like learning everything but especially the things that will help me to be properly human.

[maryk-graeb.livejournal.com]

The eagerness in her response brings a smile to my face. If nothing else, the girl loves to learn. It might not be a skill that most people possess but it's saved my life in countless situations.

"Well, we're not going to learn much here. You've got too much knowledge of me to effectively read me right now. Let's head back into town. I'll take you to the café for breakfast."

And for watching people. Habits are easy to spot when they think no one can see them. Set a plate of food in front of someone and they give up all their tells because the person across from them is too busy to notice.

I stand and lead the way out of the house. As I'm about to shut the front door, I look back to the courtyard door. She's not here. She's not really gone forever.

I shut the door as I step out into the chill November air.

I still want to find her body.

[leah-pontarlier.livejournal.com]

Maryk smiles at me, a proper smile. it makes me feel warm when or Karina does that. I smile back. Well, we're not going to learn much here. You've got too much knowledge of me to effectively read me right now. Let's head back into town. I'll take you to the café for breakfast.

I nod. I've been past the cafe but never inside it. what I've seen through the windows is fascinating though so I've go two things to look forward to!

Before we leave he looks back once but doesn't say anything. Was that his funeral for Eris? Maybe I'll ask later. Right now, we're going to the cafe to have breakfast and teach me how to be cautious.