You shadows that in darkness dwell.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Sunday, mid-morning

I still feel tired and shaken by everything that happened on Thursday night. We helped to bring back a man's soul... But we watched a god die. And who knows where the demon that lived in the doctor has gone now. I hope back to hell, but I fear it was just unleashed on the world. I don't know. I hate thinking that thing we glimpsed in the cellar could be out and free... But I'm also very glad it can no longer pretend to be Dr Constantine.

I opened the store late on Friday and closed early. In between I heard about what happened on the Marks ranch. Eris dead, too, just hours before Lugh. That makes me think Lugh knew what was going to happen to him, and I don't know how to feel about that. Truthfully there are a lot of things I don't know how to process yet. Saturday I left Amanda to run the store, and I spent a lot of time in quiet prayer on my own. I thought a lot about the way Wanda screamed as she saw what happened to Lugh... And the way Lugh gave his life to help the doctor. It hurts my heart in different ways, to think of those things. I went out briefly, to leave a message for Glass at the tavern. I gave the barman a piece of paper that said You don't need to worry about Dr Constantine any more. I wondered if I should write more, but I left it at that in the end. She should know, but I can't write it down on a scrap of paper.

Today I feel more like myself, though still not in the mood to be with crowds of people. So I first go to the abbey and lay flowers on the altar in the light just after dawn, saying what I can to Nanshe for giving me strenght, and then I walk across town to church and say my thanks in front of the cross, and I check that Laurence is doing alright, and then I slip away before the congregation arrives. I go home and I bake a loaf out of the dough I had left to rise in a basin, and as it cools I change out of my Sunday best into slacks and a shirt, running my fingers through my hair to let the curls run loose. I put on a coat and take the bread, and carry it with me to see Tess, because however else I feel, I woke up this morning with a feeling like a pain beneath my ribs, and I realised it was because I missed her.

[Open to Tess]
[closed]

Comments

[tess-thiess.livejournal.com]

Kate leans into me, her shoulder pressin' 'gainst my face. "I do," she says soft. "I think - I know you only told me you, you like me three weeks ago, and I don't - you don't have to feel you need to say anything else, but..." I look up and her face is red, but she looks intent as she gets the words out. "At the party I said I thought I could fall in love with you, but I think it started happening a long time ago, back when you were sick and fell asleep in my chair, only I didn't realise it then. You don't - I don't want to spoil anything and we don't have to talk about it, but I just wanted to... say."

I can hear her heart beatin' fast in her chest, and I take a moment t'try 'n sort my thoughts out. I - I love Kate, yeah, I know that. But I get the feelin' she's not so open t'things, like what happened with Syl. I'm so used t'takin' things as they come, I dunt know if I want somethin' like she might.

But I ain't ever met someone like her, so refined and strong, but easy with hard work. "T'say what, Kate?" I look up at her and she's near t'tremblin', but she's holdin' herself steady. "I - I do think I love you, Kate. I ain't sure what it means yet, but I do."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"T'say what, Kate?" says Tess, and I think, oh, don't make me say that all again! And then she looks up at me and adds:
"I - I do think I love you, Kate. I ain't sure what it means yet, but I do."

I really do think my heart skips a beat. It's a painful sort of lurch.

"Oh," I say, and I realise I'm smiling. "I'm glad," I say, and I lean down to kiss her.

[tess-thiess.livejournal.com]

Her lips part and she looks almost shocked fer a sec, but then she smiles. "Oh," she says absently, then "I'm glad," more warmly, and then she's bendin' down t'kiss me.

I try t'keep it tender, but with everythin' it end up bein' more like drownin', me holdin' her tight as I think 'a my worry over her and my disquiet over that talk with Mrs. Beddau, and my wonderin' 'bout Johnny and Kate bein' okay and just everythin', and I kiss her back almost desperately. When she pulls back I take a deep breath, tryin' t'pull myself back some, and I stand back up. "Me too," I say quiet, and even if it dunt make much sense I hope she catches some 'a my meanin'.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Tess kisses me til I'm breathless, and it makes me feel warm but also worried for her, the way she's holding onto me like she might fall down otherwise.

"Me too," she says, voice soft, and I lean in and touch her cheek.

"Lie down with me?" I say, thumb running across her cheek. "You look tired. Tell me what's on your mind." The bed - Glass's bed, but I try not to think of that - is narrower than mine, but we can both lie on top of the blankets, and I put my arm around her. "Talk to me, and maybe I can help."

[tess-thiess.livejournal.com]

She reaches out 'n touches my face, runnin' her thumb 'cross my cheek. "Lie down with me?" I grin, but the quiet 'a the moment makes it short. "You look tired. Tell me what's on your mind." She sounds concerned fer me as she pulls me over, and we lay next to each other, her arm 'round me. It's strange, since I've bin takin' the lead fer some things, but it's nice, like Kate's sharin' her strength 'n protectin' me from my troubles. "Talk to me, and maybe I can help."

I snuggle into her, thinkin' on it. "There's a few things that've bin weighin' on me, is all. I'm worried fer Johnny, and then there's what happened just past. And I had a talk with Mrs. Beddau that went all wrong, and I'm so happy you're alright, but feelin' kind 'a worried fer you 'cause 'a what might 'v happened... I'm alright, truly. Just - just a bit wound up, I suppose."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Tess shifts against me, and I like feeling the weight of her against my side.

"There's a few things that've bin weighin' on me, is all. I'm worried fer Johnny, and then there's what happened just past. And I had a talk with Mrs. Beddau that went all wrong, and I'm so happy you're alright, but feelin' kind 'a worried fer you 'cause 'a what might 'v happened... I'm alright, truly. Just - just a bit wound up, I suppose."

"What's wrong with Johnny? Still running with a bad crowd?" I ask, smoothing her hair back from her face. "And you spoke to Glass?" I keep my voice as light as I can. I don't want my worry about Glass affecting Tess when she's already tired and anxious. "She - she can be quite sharp," I say. "I'm sorry it didn't go well." I keep stroking her hair. It's so long and thick; I don't think I'd ever manage to grow my hair past my shoulders. It's like princess hair, I think, and smile a little. "Maybe if we talk it out you'll feel better," I suggest, and then because it's hard not to when we're so close I dip my head forward and kiss her. "And maybe that's a distraction too," I say, smiling, and I think she loves me and feel my heart stutter through its next beat.

[tess-thiess.livejournal.com]

"What's wrong with Johnny? Still running with a bad crowd?" She brushes my hair back behind my ears idly as she asks. "No," I say. "Well, sort 'a." I wonder if Mrs. Beddau really will keep quiet - but it's best I'm the one t'tell Kate. "He's bin spendin' some 'a his time with the hound god. And some folks, them as knows what he is, are startin' t'notice. I talked with Johnny, but he says it ain't easy t'just avoid a god when he's got an interest in you."

Kate keeps runnin' her hands through my hair, tanglin' her fingers in it. "She - she can be quite sharp," Kate admits. "I'm sorry it didn't go well. Maybe if we talk it out you'll feel better." I nod. "I just dunt think we're ever really goin' t'get 'long. You should go talk t'her, though. I doubt she's like t'come see you soon, and I know you're friends." I twist up t'look at Kate, who bends her head down 'n kisses me. And maybe that's a distraction too," she says smilin'.

"That it is," I answer, kissin' her in return.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"Johnny's been spending time with G - the Shuck?" I say in low horror. "Oh, Tess." I bite my lip. "Maybe Glass can give him a bell jar," I say. "I know - you two don't get along, but she knows what it's like to be bothered by the Shuck, too."

Tess carries on talking about Glass and I feel a sharp pang when she says I doubt she's like t'come see you soon, because I know it's true.

"I know," I sigh. "I will. Tomorrow, maybe. We have a lot to straighten out."

Tess kisses me then, and it's much easier to kiss her back than to let myself dwell on these things, much easier to let my mouth part under hers and keep my arm round her waist, feeling my heart hammer in a way I've learned is pleasant.

[tess-thiess.livejournal.com]

It's like I thought - Kate's frightened when she hears 'a Johnny, but part 'a me feels relieved when she's concerned fer him, not scared 'v him. And then there's Mrs. Beddau - but we're kissin', and my worries fall away.

Today there ain't the same sense 'a restraint like usual with Kate. I always wonder if I'm pushin', if I'm takin' things farther 'n she's easy with 'cause I want her. But today it's easy t'lay here kissin' her and not wonderin', just enjoyin' the feel 'a her lips 'gainst mine. There's light streamin' in through the crack 'a the curtains, and the smell 'a tea and fresh bread fillin' the room, and I sigh 'gainst her mouth in contentment.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Tess sighs against me, and it makes my heart clench, but not in a bad way. I feel something so sweet it almost makes my eyes prick with tears. Kissing her here isn't like the fevered, giggly excitement at Dorian's party. It's gentler, but somehow it feels more real. No masks. My hand is in her hair, and the sun's coming down over my back, and I remember a folk song the boys used to sing when I was growing up. Her eyes were bright and her stockings white, and her buckling shone like silver,/
She had a dark roving eye, and her hair hung over her shoulder. I kiss Tess with all my heart, the weight of her hair against my fingers.

[tess-thiess.livejournal.com]

There's a crinkle 'a fabric as we shift, and Kate's fingers are still twinin' through my hair. Finally I pull back t'get a proper breath and she's lookin' half solemn and I grin at her. "I think I'm feelin' a fair bit better, now." Her hair's a bit mussed and it makes me laugh, seein' her like that when she's so together and collected in public. I feel like it's a part 'a her that she shows just t'me.

"I love you." It still sounds kind 'a strange, hearin' those words from my own mouth. So I grin and peck her on the cheek and sit up. "I think the tea's gone cold."

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

Tess sits up a bit and I let go of her reluctantly.

"I think I'm feelin' a fair bit better, now." She laughs and I laugh too, but then my breath catches as she says "I love you." I think of how Laurence said it and how it made me feel glad but sad all at once, and I don't feel that now. It feels like having a cool drink of water on a hot day.

"I think the tea's gone cold."

"I can make more," I say, sliding off the bed and putting the kettle back onto the stove. I sing under my breath.

As I walked out on a May morning, on a May morning so early,
I overtook a pretty fair maid just as the day was a-dawning.

I look back at Tess over my shoulder, taking in her flushed face and tousled hair and feeling heat bloom inside me.

"And I love you," I say, almost as quiet as I was singing, and I feel my cheeks go red. But the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile, and I unfasten the top button of my shirt, because this blush is making me hot.

[tess-thiess.livejournal.com]

"I can make more," she says, smilin' again, and she steps over t'put the kettle on, singin' quietly as she goes. I cross my legs and sit on the bed, watchin' her, smilin' at her song, and then gigglin' just a bit as I recognize it. "And I love you," she says then, lookin' back at me, and it makes my breath catch, her lookin' at me like that.

"It's Sunday sure 'nough, but I ain't too worried 'bout my Ma'," I say, hoppin' off the bed, and walkin' over t'where she's standin' at the stove. Her face it flushed and she's undone one 'a her shirt's buttons, and the sight brings a heat 'v its own t'me.

[kateohara.livejournal.com]

"It's Sunday sure 'nough, but I ain't too worried 'bout my Ma'," she says, and I laugh.

"Boys in my hometown used to sing that song. Sometimes they'd sit on the front porch of my parents' store and my ma would shoo them off, saying they had the manners of a cat," I say, and my smile softens at that memory. The kettle whistles so I take it off the heat. Tess looks a little flushed, and the colour suits her. I put a hand up to her cheek and find it warm. "Would your mother be shocked, about - this?" I ask softly, leaning in to kiss her. "I guess she would rather you were marrying a nice farm boy," I add. "Maybe she would have liked me as Robin Hood," I continue with a quick little smile, and I feel myself get warmer, remembering the night, or at least before it all went horrid.