Misery loves company.

[hopeorfaith.livejournal.com]

November 2nd, early morning.

By th' time I found Faith on 'alloween it was nigh on 11.30, so we 'ad to 'urry 'ome, 'oldin' our long skirts up. Was tricky an' all cos as we walked me legs felt 'eavier an' less substantial, all at once. Magic comin' to an end, I s'pose. Were lucky that whoever was meant t'be on watch o' the livin' lot wasn't there - 'alloween's a big night fer the carnival, an' rides were still runnin'. Made it to our caravan jus' as we got t'midnight, an...

It was painful, th'splittin' apart, but it weren't nothin' compared to bein' put back t'gether. Felt bones fusin', sinew stretching, tearin' -

Think it was near enough dawn when it was done. Dunno 'ow it was no one came t'see what was goin' on. Would've thought I'd bin shoutin'. But maybe Management thought o'that too. There's a lot they've thought of. Th'clothes we wore was gone, an' we saw that what we'd worn when we went to see Management was 'angin' up neatly on th'door of our wardrobe.

Too exhausted, then, t'feel anythin' much. Jus' needed t'sleep. Woke up once, mid-afternoon, an' drank a couple o'pints o'water, then slept again. Strange sleep, full o'dreams. Woke up at dawn this mornin', feelin' quite shaky. Washed up a bit wi' water from th'jug, managed t'get dressed. Ate some bread - stale, but couldn't face goin' to th'cooktent yet. Finally put a pot o'coffee on an' took a cup outside while Faith 'ad a smoke, sittin' on th'steps. Pretty warm day already, fer November. Jus' got a light shawl on over our clothes.

Took a while, this mornin', t'get back int' the 'abit o' movin' together an' not tryin' t'move too fast. Knocked our 'ips against th'table, an' oh, that stung. Funny you can lose an 'abit of a lifetime in jus' a few hours. Keep thinkin' of my knight, 'ow 'e 'ad the kindest smile I ever saw on a bloke, an' 'ow it must 'ave 'urt 'is feelings when I didn't come back. I 'ope that girl gave 'im the tarot card. Even if it don't mean nothin' to 'im, maybe 'e'd know it meant goodbye.

[open]
[closed]

Comments

[syl-thorn.livejournal.com]

Slept through most'a yes'rday, curled up'n Verdi's bed, nestled 'tween her'n Tez. Told'em'ey didn't hafta stay, but'ey did, an' t'be honest wuz right glad'ey wuzzere. Don't think nonnovvus wanna be 'lone, not after what happened. So we stayed'n bed, ev'ry so often either Tez 'r Verdi gettin' up t'make food, 'r else onovvus gettin' up t'take a piss. Other'n'at, we lie'ere 'n we doze, 'n when I wake up shakin' one ovvem's'ere t'hold me.

Verdi says I c'n stay's long's I like, but I know 'nough t'know I oughta get home's soon's I can. Longer I stay, harder it'll be t'leave. So I give Verdi a kiss, I walk wit' Tez t'th'edge'a town'n kiss'im too, an'I tell'em I'll be fine. Course I will. Ain't I always?

Get some weird looks's I wander back onta th'lot. Know I look like shit. Jes' wanna get back t'm'wagon 'n sit quiet ferra while, mebbe work on some charms. Jes'....get back t'th'ol' routine. Not think 'bout thin's ferra bit. Tez'n me c'n worry 'bout Lily later.

Pass by th'twins wagon' an'ey's sittin' out. 'n mebbe's cuz I ain't talked t'em inna while, mebbe's cuz I still don't really wanna be 'lone. 'r mebbe's cuzzey look bout's good's I do. Whatever, I stop when I sees'em. "Hey, ladies. How y'doin'?"

[hopeorfaith.livejournal.com]

Really fuckin' tired t'day. Get a cig lit once me 'n Hope are outside. Tobacco 'elps some; notice me 'and's still shakin' a bit. Well. Feel th'caffeine fro' the coffee Hope's drinkin' too, jitterin' in our blood.

See Syl come over, lookin' as rough as a dog.

"How ladies. How y'doin'?"

"Bin better," I says. Blow out a puff o'smoke. "Look like you could say th' same, luvvie. Want ter sit down? There's coffee in th' pot indoors."

[syl-thorn.livejournal.com]

Def'nitely feelin' 'bout's good's I am. Ain't seen'em lookin'is shaky since...well, since'ey told me 'bout tryin' t'read Management. "Bin better," Faith says, "Look like you could say th' same, luvvie. Want ter sit down? There's coffee in th' pot indoors."

"Be right nice," I nod. Head in t'get th'coffee m'self; ain't gonna make'em get up fer nothin' if'n'm here. Bring't out 'long wit' three mugs. "So, you two gonna tell me wha's up?" Don't think'ey tried readin' Management 'gain. M'girls ain't dumb.

[hopeorfaith.livejournal.com]

Syl brings out some more coffee, which is nice o' 'er. Don' reckon we'll find it easy t'get up again t'day. So tired.

"So, you two gonna tell me wha's up?"

Chew me lip an' wonder what t'say, then Faith says:

"Dunno, Syl. You might get annoyed with us, even if we ain't done nothin' dangerous. You might reckon it was stupid, though." She stubs 'er cig out.

"'Ad an int'restin' 'Alloween," I says, an' sip th'coffee. "Did you? Ain't see you fer a few days."

[syl-thorn.livejournal.com]

Hope looks all shy, 'n Faith looks all wary. S'Faith who speaks up, "Dunno, Syl. You might get annoyed with us, even if we ain't done nothin' dangerous. You might reckon it was stupid, though."

That makes m'eyebrows go up. Th'hell wuzzey fuckin' wit' las'night? 'course, given where've been, guess I ain't got much place snappin' attem. An' Hope goes right ferrat. "'Ad an int'restin' 'Alloween. Did you? Ain't see you fer a few days."

Sip m'coffee. "Int'restin's one way'a puttin't." I says, "Me'n Tez been lookin' inta ways t'get Lily outta th'Lot...got a li'l compl'cated." That's a fuckin' understatement, but c'n leave't at'at. "Now, wha 'bouchou girls? Whatcha gotten yerselves inta?"

[hopeorfaith.livejournal.com]

"Yer goin' t'get Lily out?" I say, 'ushed voice. "Be careful, Syl. That woman's like an 'urricane."

Take a swallow of coffee. Sort o'scaldin', but it feels good as well. Deliberate a minute over what ter tell 'er, but I think - well. May as well tell 'er what 'appened. Knowin' Syl she'd get it out of us in th'end anyway.

"Got an invite," I says, "to that party in town. Th' masked ball. But we was feelin' pretty low about it. I mean, not like we can really disguise ourselves none." I take a drag on me cig. "So we went an' saw Management. Thought they might - be able t'give us a glamour. Y'know, as a disguise, make people see us a bit diff'rent fer the night. But..." The cig shakes a bit, but I blame that on th' caffeine. "They di'n't do that. They..." Me mouth feels dry. "They split us, Syl. They split us apart." Take a quick breath. "Jus' fer the night, and there was rules, like we couldn't speak t'no one, an' we 'ad t'be back 'ere by midnight. But we was two bodies, fer a little while." Look up at th'sky and take another drag.

[syl-thorn.livejournal.com]

Hope's eyes go wide, "Yer goin' t'get Lily out? Be careful, Syl. That woman's like an 'urricane."

"I wish," I says, sippin' th'coffee. Too damned hot, but good. "Hurricanes're bloody easy compared t'er. But we worked on somethin't might givvus an edge," Better fuckin' givvus'n edge, consid'rin' what I went through t'fuckin' gettit.

Faith talks next, "Got an invite, to that party in town. Th' masked ball. But we was feelin' pretty low about it. I mean, not like we can really disguise ourselves none. So we went an' saw Management. Thought they might - be able t'give us a glamour. Y'know, as a disguise, make people see us a bit diff'rent fer the night. But...They di'n't do that. They...They split us, Syl. They split us apart. Jus' fer the night, and there was rules, like we couldn't speak t'no one, an' we 'ad t'be back 'ere by midnight. But we was two bodies, fer a little while."

...could yell attem. Wanna yell attem, ferra minute. Bloody goddamned hell, look what happened th'last time'ey fucked wit' Management. Look what Management's been doin', dammit. What next, they go wand'rin' up t'th'Psycho Monster'n askin'im ferris favours. But...

...c'n I blame'em fer wnatin' t'at least know whattit wuz like? I mean, fuck, look what I did las' night, annat wuz like's not more likely t'get me killed'r damned 'n what'ey did. C'n I blame'em?

Set m'mug down, take out m'pack'a cig's 'n take one out 'tween m'teeth. "What'd'ey ask ya for?" I says fin'lly, cuz dammit, it wuzn't free. Ain't nothin' innis world't is.

[hopeorfaith.livejournal.com]

Syl don't look too pleased, but she don't shout at us neither, an' if Syl was really upset she wouldn't 'old back from shoutin'. So that's somethin.

"Asked us t'read someone's cards," I says. "Ain't told us who yet. Promised it wouldn't be th' - th' Tower, though. "Di'n't seem like too big a favour, cos - well, if they asked we'd read most anyone's cards fer 'em." Shrug a bit an' look down at th' cup. "It was... It was real nice. Even got t'dance." Put th'cup down on th'step. "But it's over now," I say, tryin' t'be brisk. "Ain't nothin' works out like fairytales, right luv?"

[syl-thorn.livejournal.com]

Hope looks't me, bit relieved, 'm thinkin'. "Asked us t'read someone's cards. Ain't told us who yet. Promised it wouldn't be th' - th' Tower, though." least'ey had th'sense t'make sure'a that. "Di'n't seem like too big a favour, cos - well, if they asked we'd read most anyone's cards fer 'em. It was... It was real nice. Even got t'dance." Ferra sec she soundsa bit teary, but'en she puts'er cup down. Hope tends t'think ovver self's all shy 'n nervous, but inner own way she's jes's tough's'er sister. Sometimes I think mebbe more. "But it's over now. Ain't nothin' works out like fairytales, right luv?"

...aw, babies. Y'gotta work t'getchour arm 'round Hope'n Faith, but I guess'ere's a reason I wuz built so bloody lanky. "Y'gladja diddit, honeys?" Always say don't do nothin' ye'll regret, an if'n'ey don't regret I ain't gonna say nothin' more 'bout it. Sounds like'ey did'eir best, anyway...but th'fact't th'price seems so fuckin' low makes me worry. Them's th'sorta deals y'gotta watch out for.

[hopeorfaith.livejournal.com]

Syl puts 'er arm round us, an' fer a minute me eyes get blurry, but I sniff an' they go dry again. Hope leans 'er 'ead against Syl a bit.

"Don' regret it," I say. "Even though it 'urts now, knowin' what..." Words trail off an' I grind th' cig out. "Anyway." I grin at 'er. "Shagged a bloke, I did, an' even Hope kissed someone," I say, an' now she's blushin'. "So that's somethin'. Was a good lookin' bloke an' all. Lovely dark eyes." My grin gets a bit wider. "An' a nice thick cock."

"Faith!" says Hope, an' tuts at me, an' I laugh, an' it feels a bit easier now.

"You alright, then?" I ask Syl. "Hope whatever you did, the price weren't too 'igh neither."

[syl-thorn.livejournal.com]

Don't miss th'way Faith sniffles, 'r how Hope leans on me. I know m'babies. I know when'ey's hurtin'. S'my bloody job t'know. "Don' regret it," Faith says, "Even though it 'urts now, knowin' what...Anyway. Shagged a bloke, I did, an' even Hope kissed someone," Aw, 'at makes me grin. Hope's blushin', an'I givver a li'l squeeze. Good for'er. Good fer both ovvem. "So that's somethin'. Was a good lookin' bloke an' all. Lovely dark eyes. An' a nice thick cock."

Lord, don't'at make me laugh. "Good choice, Faith. Length's all well'n good, but if'n length's all we wanted might's well jam a bloody pencil up our cunts, yeah?" Faith'n me're both laughin'. Hope's gone's red's'a bloody apple.

"You alright, then?" Faith says when we's done, "Hope whatever you did, the price weren't too 'igh neither."

Look attem ferra sec. My girls. My babies. If'n't wuz jes' me'n Tez t'worry 'bout, I wouldn't never'a done what I did. Wuz ferrem I did it, fer m'babies. Fer Hope'n Faith'n Genny'n Zann'n all th'girls't came b'fore'n all th'ones't're gonna come after. Do't a thousand times over if'n'at wuz what't took t'keep'em safe. "Na," I says, takin' a drag on m'smoke. "Na, wuzn't too high. Don't regret't neither." Blow smoke 'tween m'teeth. "Not at all."

Stay quiet ferra sec. Wonder if'n I could. Know'm stronger now. Know I could do more, magic-wise. Still be dang'rous, ain't got no doubt't all. "Wouldja wanna stay 'part ferever? If'n y'could?"

[hopeorfaith.livejournal.com]

Don't 'alf crack up at Syl's pencil comment.

"Yeah, don't want ter feel like there's room on either side," I says, an' Hope's bright red. Feels good t'laugh.

Syl gives us a long look, and says she don't regret what she did. Think we'll leave it at that, askin' what 'appened.

"Wouldja wanna stay 'part ferever? If'n y'could?"

Think fer a long while.

"Dunno," I say at last. "It's... Dunno if it'd be lonely. Dunno if bein' apart permanent would change 'ow we talk to each other an' such. But.. Would make some things easier. People, even those we're friends with, they've always got t'get over their shock. Would be nice t'not always 'ave to wait fer that to pass, even if it only takes a minute. Tirin', it is," I say, an' I sound right tired an' all. "I ain't ashamed of what we are. But it ain't easy, neither."

[syl-thorn.livejournal.com]

Faith 'n Hope both stop 'n think ferra long while 'bout what I asked. Don't rush'em. Question like'at d'serves t'get thought 'bout. Fin'lly Faith says, "Dunno. It's... Dunno if it'd be lonely. Dunno if bein' apart permanent would change 'ow we talk to each other an' such. But.. Would make some things easier. People, even those we're friends with, they've always got t'get over their shock. Would be nice t'not always 'ave to wait fer that to pass, even if it only takes a minute. Tirin', it is. I ain't ashamed of what we are. But it ain't easy, neither."

"It ain't," I says, noddin'. "I know't fuckin' sucks, sometimes. But'm glad y'ain't 'shamed, cuz y'ain't got no cause t'be." Givvem both 'nother squeeze. Don't say's gonna be okay. Don't say't one day'ey's gonna find fellas 'r girls 'at'll want'em 'n spite of. Both ovvem's smart 'nough t'smell bullshit when's dropped, an'I ain't never talked bullshit t'm'girls. But I huggem, cuz me, I'm always gonna be here ferrem, no matter what'ey d'cide.