Oh no, there is no turning back now; you've woken up the demon in me.

[erisdiscordious.livejournal.com]

Noon of Day 137


I don't know how long I was there, pressed to the stone. It was no longer cold under this coil, but I was. That's what Lúgh said. That I was cold. I should get up. Aphrodite slithers over my body, whispering in my ear. I can't hear what she says. I can stare. That I can do.

Finally, I pull myself to a stand. I don't fix my hair or worry over my appearance. I don't look for Lúgh.

I look for the one who is at fault for this.

Silk swirls around my body at the move of my hips and the stir of Chaos about me. I see dust rising on the road and I know. Father allows me that much.

I stop dead in the middle and wait.

Come to me, dear Luke, dear Cleopatra reborn. You and I have unfinished business.


[OPEN to Luke.]

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[a-cheval.livejournal.com]

Boku was still sleeping when I got up at 6, so I let him be and went off to work. Samuel was fussing over that Reaves turning up dead. Reckon you can tell a town's in trouble when a bloke like that ends up dead, but Samuel says he heard Reaves ain't so good as what he seems anyway. Still little wisps of smoke from the edge of town when I ride out, but by the time I'm past the river you can't see it no more.

Few miles out when I spot someone in the road up ahead, and that ain't nothing unusual, only- Only they um- they ain't getting out the way. Well that ain't bloody sensible, and I'm reining in Freya when see her hair all blowing out and oh, shit, Eris.

Few bits of gravel land at her feet when we skid to a stop, but she don't move. Don't even blink, just looks at me. Makes me shift in the saddle, and I'm suddenly aware of the dust on my boots and the rest of me, come to that. Take my hat off, cause it's only polite. "Afternoon ma'am," I say, only sounds sorta stupid saying it to a goddess. I'd sorta forgotten how she don't even look human sometimes, like she's too perfect. "I-I um, hope you're well." Guess this had to happen sometime.

[erisdiscordious.livejournal.com]

He stops. Best that he does. I don't think he would survive the shock of my quick recovery.

"I-I um, hope you're well." I narrow my eyes and scoff.

"Well? How well would you be, Luke," I spit his name (or her chosen one), "if your brother were dead?" I raise an eyebrow. "Perhaps you'd like to find out."

[a-cheval.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, she's pissed. She's doing that glare thing too, and I swear even Freya takes a step or two back. "Well? How well would you be, Luke," she says, "if your brother were dead?" Squinting a bit cause the sun's in my eyes, but I'm guessing I probably look quite confused anyway. Her brother don't die, he's been around ages, even I know that. "Perhaps you'd like to find out."

What? "Hang on now," I say, raising my hands like I'm calming down Cimarron from one of his skits. "I- I dunno what- what's wrong, but there ain't no need for that. Samuel ain't done nothing." I don't know what she's bloody on about, I don't.

Then I look at her, really look, and I stop talking. Get this heavy feeling all through me like when you know someone's going to find out something bad about you and you can't do nothing to stop it.

[erisdiscordious.livejournal.com]

He's right. His brother hasn't done a thing. Luke has.

"Ares is dead."

It pains me so much to say that and I can hear it in my voice, even though I try to hide it. I will not collapse on the road. He is not worthy of seeing me so vulnerable.

[a-cheval.livejournal.com]

Just sit there for the longest time, hearing her saying that in my head over and over, but it don't make no more sense the more I hear it. I'd reckon she was lying, cause I know she can look like other folks, and that's a kind of lying, only I reckon I can see the truth of it clear enough.

"I'm sorry," I say, and it comes out sounding sorta far away. "I don't understand."

God's can't go round dying. He said, he said he wouldn't die. Jump down off Freya, and I'm sorta worried 'bout if it's respectful or whatever, but I go over and touch her arm, cause she looks so sad and cause I just- I don't get it. I just don't really get it. "Are you sure? Cause he's- he ain't mortal, he's a god."

[erisdiscordious.livejournal.com]

He touches my arm and I allow him to.

"Are you sure? Cause he's- he ain't mortal, he's a god," he says and I sigh. I really do not wish to discuss this at length.

"These bodies are, to a point." I look him in the eyes. "He's been seen in the Underworld. He's not coming back." Then I look away at him because I feel the tears coming back. "I hope you're happy with yourself." Chaos swirls about me and I consider just leaving. But I want to hear what he says.

[a-cheval.livejournal.com]

"These bodies are, to a point." There's something in me feels sick thinking of that. Wanting to know what the fuck happened to his body, and not wanting to know at once. Wanting to know where it is. Where he is. "He's been seen in the Underworld. He's not coming back." I know that don't mean the same as hell. I know it ain't the same. "I hope you're happy with yourself."

Then I sit down in the grass on the bank and I can't think of nothing to say. Think about monster crying last night over his friend, but I don't feel like crying. I don't feel much at all, just numb. Can't imagine him dead, not Ares. Can't imagine anything that'd kill him. Fuck, I ain't ever even seen him sleeping, that's how alive he is. "I'm sorry," I say again, but only cause I can't think of nothing else to say. I don't even know why she's cross with me. "I ain't even seen him."

[erisdiscordious.livejournal.com]

"No, you haven't, have you? You moved on and thought he'd do the same. You did what she did. Made him completely lose himself. I should've dealt you when the thought first hit me. Like we did her. You have no idea what it is to be immortal, boy. Lovers growing old or deciding they can't handle such as us and leaving. There was nothing for him here." I shake my head. "There's nothing for any of us here. The battle that's to be fought is a long ways away." I lift my chin proudly, even though it pains me. "He went as he wished; fighting." I wince at the feelings I had when he left and add quietly, "Burning to nothingness." The only way for him to not be able to come back. He was smarter than I. And he didn't share his idea with me. It makes me a little sad. I shake my head, clearing it and refocusing my mind. He doesn't understand why it's his fault, but when I am done, he will. And he will regret it. "But gone he is."

[a-cheval.livejournal.com]

"But he-" And I look up at her with the sun behind her looking so proud and sad. Seems just as strange, just as wrong now that the world wouldn't have him in it, as it did when I found out what he was. "I loved him," I say. "What was I s'posed to do, sit round waiting for him? He weren't even that bothered about me, he told me to fuck off before I could even say anything to him 'bout- 'bout breaking up. He don't fucking care." Shut my mouth then cause my voice has got loud suddenly and all unsteady and I feel all breathless.

Want to tell her she's lying and he ain't dead and ain't my fault and I never did nothing to him, I never did nothing. "He went as he wished; fighting. Burning to nothingness." Oh, fuck. Oh fuck, and I was worried monster'd see bones, and I brushed the ash off him and it's probably on me. Oh, god. "I ain't like her," I say, pushing myself to my feet and gripping Freya's reins real hard. "Why would he do that? Someone must've done it. He wouldn't do that."

[erisdiscordious.livejournal.com]

I don't understand what he's saying, that he loved Ares but Ares left him. None of it makes sense, so I dismiss it.

"I ain't like her," he says with such conviction that my eyebrow raises. "Why would he do that? Someone must've done it. He wouldn't do that." Something I've told myself plenty since I woke up in pain. The corners of my lips twitch, like I'm trying to smile even though there's no reason in the world.

"He told us he was leaving." It's all I can say. He didn't say how. He didn't say he'd do this, leaving me to wonder if I'll ever see him again. He gave me hope, damn him.

[a-cheval.livejournal.com]

"He told us he was leaving."

's like a stone falling into my head and settling all through me into my stomach. Almost want to laugh, though fuck knows why.

Thing is, what if he done it for a reason, all that stuff? What if I was right, that day with Miss Kaeli, when I felt like I'd got it wrong somehow and I'd misunderstood and it was my fault. Lovers growing old or deciding they can't handle such as us and leaving.

"I have to go," I say, missing my footing in the stirrup and damn near spooking Freya with being so shaky. "I'm sorry. I- I have to go."

[erisdiscordious.livejournal.com]

I look at him, noting how shaken he is. Good. Someone else should feel half the pain I do. We should not be the only ones to mourn my brother.

"I'm sorry. I- I have to go."

I nod once in response and pull Chaos tight to me, then head back to the house that means even less to me now that the one who constructed it for me has gone.

[a-cheval.livejournal.com]

She's gone before I'm up on Freya and kicking her off along the road. Try and listen to the sound of her hooves like always, try and find the blank bits between the rhythm of it and fall into that way of not thinking, but I can't. Seems like all I can do is think, all I can do is hear what she said over and over and think about that fucking house last night and how the ground was still warm and how he looked at me last, before I left the ranch.

Most of all how Samuel said he'd seen Ares come by every few days, but I never thought nothing of it, cause I figured the butchers was so near he'd be visiting that. How Pollux'd been all odd and wouldn't go in the garden of that big burnt house. How she's right. I moved on and I reckoned he'd do the same cause why the hell wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he?

I can feel it, like feeling some massive block of stone in the dark even though you don't know what it is. I done something awful, something big and dark and horrible and wrong, and I never even knew I could. Can't get the sense of it, even, but I reckon I will, sometime soon. I ride Freya into a lather and I don't go back to town till it's dark. Just running. But there ain't no escaping this.