you would think me a fool, wouldn't you?

[regularblack.livejournal.com]

Wednesday morning, February 3rd, Cherny Orchard

I told her nothing happened. That I was only about business. All I did was make some deliveries, and collect what was owed. I could see the doubt in her expression, even when she turned away. It made me so angry that I wanted to smash my cup down on the table, grab her by the shoulders, make her look me in the eyes and doubt me then. Instead I finished my breakfast and set to wandering the trees, checking them for signs of damage from the winter.

I don't know if Vilena should believe me more or less than anyone else. We're family, so that argues for a certain loyalty. We've also lived together for so long that we know each other too well. I know too well.

Nothing did happen. Not for lack of curiosity or yearning. I realized that I couldn't go round carrying fish with me while I went in search of vice. I would have looked a right idiot, some backwards farm boy and they would have laughed. Maybe not to my face, but behind their hands.

At the end of a row I turn around and walk back towards the house. I hate this time of year. There's nothing to do but wait for the trees to wake up when it gets warmer, to stare at the bottles and the still, or scrape the ground of the little vegetable garden behind the house. It's cold and I just want to sit in the warmth of Vilena's workspace. She's probably still upset with me, about the trades, the carnival, everything. At least she isn't present to narrow her eyes in disapproval when I pull the flask out of my coat and take a gulp. It's early yet but the drink is warm in my throat.

The warmth practically makes the decision for me. There's nothing I have to do today, no reason to stay here. Especially not if my sister will spend the day ignoring me. I'll saddle up one of the horses and go to town, maybe drink some in peace away from Vilena's reproach. Maybe even go back to the carnival and do what she thinks I've already done. Who can say? I take another drink and go to saddle up one of the horses.

[closed]

you would think me a fool, wouldn't you?

[regularblack.livejournal.com]

Wednesday morning, February 3rd, Cherny Orchard

I told her nothing happened. That I was only about business. All I did was make some deliveries, and collect what was owed. I could see the doubt in her expression, even when she turned away. It made me so angry that I wanted to smash my cup down on the table, grab her by the shoulders, make her look me in the eyes and doubt me then. Instead I finished my breakfast and set to wandering the trees, checking them for signs of damage from the winter.

I don't know if Vilena should believe me more or less than anyone else. We're family, so that argues for a certain loyalty. We've also lived together for so long that we know each other too well. I know too well.

Nothing did happen. Not for lack of curiosity or yearning. I realized that I couldn't go round carrying fish with me while I went in search of vice. I would have looked a right idiot, some backwards farm boy and they would have laughed. Maybe not to my face, but behind their hands.

At the end of a row I turn around and walk back towards the house. I hate this time of year. There's nothing to do but wait for the trees to wake up when it gets warmer, to stare at the bottles and the still, or scrape the ground of the little vegetable garden behind the house. It's cold and I just want to sit in the warmth of Vilena's workspace. She's probably still upset with me, about the trades, the carnival, everything. At least she isn't present to narrow her eyes in disapproval when I pull the flask out of my coat and take a gulp. It's early yet but the drink is warm in my throat.

The warmth practically makes the decision for me. There's nothing I have to do today, no reason to stay here. Especially not if my sister will spend the day ignoring me. I'll saddle up one of the horses and go to town, maybe drink some in peace away from Vilena's reproach. Maybe even go back to the carnival and do what she thinks I've already done. Who can say? I take another drink and go to saddle up one of the horses.

[closed]