There is so much joy

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

Early evening, Wednesday, Main Street

This whole town has forgotten itself. Perhaps the whole world has. The dead walking, memories lost, and myself a stranger in a strange land. It could be the end of days; I know something of what is allotted, although I find that there, like with everything else, there are gaps in my understanding. I will watch for comets. But these things do not trouble me very much.

I have spent the afternoon walking about the town. There is panic amongst the townsfolk, and I find a little church with crowded pews. I almost feel my Beloved here, and I go inside with the sound of bells ringing in my head. The people kneel in front of a cross. I walk up to it and put my hands on it, and I almost remember what it means. Δόξα ἐν ὑψίστοις Θεῷ καὶ ἐπὶ γῆς εἰρήνη ἐν ἀνθρώποις εὐδοκία... It slips away from me, and I realise the congregation are looking at me. And so we pray together, and I say the name of Love again and again, and then I realise that I have made the crowd weep, and some of their tears are blood. I must be careful, careful. They are so fragile that even some words can hurt them, poor infant Man. I calm myself, and take myself away.

I walk around this strange little town. The people are restless, angry. I saw men about to fight, and I told them to stop. One man fainted. I do not know if I am meant to do these things. I wish I understood what You want. I wish I knew if this is the test, or if the test is yet to come. And -

I realise I am lonely. I do not think I have ever felt such a thing before. I have never been alone.

[OPEN][closed]

There is so much joy

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

Early evening, Wednesday, Main Street

This whole town has forgotten itself. Perhaps the whole world has. The dead walking, memories lost, and myself a stranger in a strange land. It could be the end of days; I know something of what is allotted, although I find that there, like with everything else, there are gaps in my understanding. I will watch for comets. But these things do not trouble me very much.

I have spent the afternoon walking about the town. There is panic amongst the townsfolk, and I find a little church with crowded pews. I almost feel my Beloved here, and I go inside with the sound of bells ringing in my head. The people kneel in front of a cross. I walk up to it and put my hands on it, and I almost remember what it means. Δόξα ἐν ὑψίστοις Θεῷ καὶ ἐπὶ γῆς εἰρήνη ἐν ἀνθρώποις εὐδοκία... It slips away from me, and I realise the congregation are looking at me. And so we pray together, and I say the name of Love again and again, and then I realise that I have made the crowd weep, and some of their tears are blood. I must be careful, careful. They are so fragile that even some words can hurt them, poor infant Man. I calm myself, and take myself away.

I walk around this strange little town. The people are restless, angry. I saw men about to fight, and I told them to stop. One man fainted. I do not know if I am meant to do these things. I wish I understood what You want. I wish I knew if this is the test, or if the test is yet to come. And -

I realise I am lonely. I do not think I have ever felt such a thing before. I have never been alone.

[OPEN][closed]

So get back, back, back to the disaster...

[regal-vigilante.livejournal.com]

[Afternoon January 13 (day 227)]

I've been leaving more and more of the day to day stuff to Jack. He's better at dealing with the townsfolk than I am anyway. Always has been. Taken to going out for walks or rides during the afternoon and patrolling the town itself at night.

The woods are quiet. During the day there's not much to worry about and I can enjoy the solitude. But it often leads to reverie. When I think back to my old posts I try to remember if I was this miserable. I don't think I was. Then again, I wasn't at all involved in the locals lives. Would go drink with 'em, and lock 'em up. Nice and impersonal.

What is it about Excolo that started breaking down the shell I carefully crafted? Wasn't the hard-luck cases. 've always had those and this never happened before. Even before I was a full-time law enforcer.
No. No, here I care about people. But at the same time I feel myself pulling away, wishing that I could just forget it all and go back to the hard person I was years ago. The woman who could blow into town, fulfill her Lady's Orders and then have herself a good unwind with whoever piqued her fancy and was agreeable. Then blow out again on the scent of the next one. Catch 'em, or kill 'em. Squeeze 'em or bring the strays back to the Lady's safety. So much easier than upholding the Law.

"Be nice to forget them all maybe. Go back to only caring for myself and my own fun. Even if it was just for a while. Being that care-free again would be a relief."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wake up sprawled under a tree. I slide from a sleepy stretch into a crouch as my mind wakes up and realizes that I don't know where I am. Assess my surroundings as I check my gunbelt. Both my guns are here, but the comfortable weight of my sword is missing from between my shoulder blades. Bootknife check, but the others aren't in place. Don't have my kit with me, or a horse- between that and the missing blades, I must be staying here. Can't remember my target, so maybe I'm on a long assignment?

Start going through my pockets, trying to find something to tell me what's going on here. Among the usual, there's a badge in my pocket. Turn it over a few times and try to figure out why I have it. Am I posing as the Sheriff while I carry out my mission? Did I kill the Sheriff?
Who knows?

My Lady will. Need to get a hold of her. But first, I need to find my sword. Close my eyes and listen.

There

Farther into the town, I can hear her ringing.
"Nothing to do but get moving."
{CLOSED}

So get back, back, back to the disaster...

[regal-vigilante.livejournal.com]

[Afternoon January 13 (day 227)]

I've been leaving more and more of the day to day stuff to Jack. He's better at dealing with the townsfolk than I am anyway. Always has been. Taken to going out for walks or rides during the afternoon and patrolling the town itself at night.

The woods are quiet. During the day there's not much to worry about and I can enjoy the solitude. But it often leads to reverie. When I think back to my old posts I try to remember if I was this miserable. I don't think I was. Then again, I wasn't at all involved in the locals lives. Would go drink with 'em, and lock 'em up. Nice and impersonal.

What is it about Excolo that started breaking down the shell I carefully crafted? Wasn't the hard-luck cases. 've always had those and this never happened before. Even before I was a full-time law enforcer.
No. No, here I care about people. But at the same time I feel myself pulling away, wishing that I could just forget it all and go back to the hard person I was years ago. The woman who could blow into town, fulfill her Lady's Orders and then have herself a good unwind with whoever piqued her fancy and was agreeable. Then blow out again on the scent of the next one. Catch 'em, or kill 'em. Squeeze 'em or bring the strays back to the Lady's safety. So much easier than upholding the Law.

"Be nice to forget them all maybe. Go back to only caring for myself and my own fun. Even if it was just for a while. Being that care-free again would be a relief."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wake up sprawled under a tree. I slide from a sleepy stretch into a crouch as my mind wakes up and realizes that I don't know where I am. Assess my surroundings as I check my gunbelt. Both my guns are here, but the comfortable weight of my sword is missing from between my shoulder blades. Bootknife check, but the others aren't in place. Don't have my kit with me, or a horse- between that and the missing blades, I must be staying here. Can't remember my target, so maybe I'm on a long assignment?

Start going through my pockets, trying to find something to tell me what's going on here. Among the usual, there's a badge in my pocket. Turn it over a few times and try to figure out why I have it. Am I posing as the Sheriff while I carry out my mission? Did I kill the Sheriff?
Who knows?

My Lady will. Need to get a hold of her. But first, I need to find my sword. Close my eyes and listen.

There

Farther into the town, I can hear her ringing.
"Nothing to do but get moving."
{CLOSED}