There is so much joy

[al-shairan.livejournal.com]

Early evening, Wednesday, Main Street

This whole town has forgotten itself. Perhaps the whole world has. The dead walking, memories lost, and myself a stranger in a strange land. It could be the end of days; I know something of what is allotted, although I find that there, like with everything else, there are gaps in my understanding. I will watch for comets. But these things do not trouble me very much.

I have spent the afternoon walking about the town. There is panic amongst the townsfolk, and I find a little church with crowded pews. I almost feel my Beloved here, and I go inside with the sound of bells ringing in my head. The people kneel in front of a cross. I walk up to it and put my hands on it, and I almost remember what it means. Δόξα ἐν ὑψίστοις Θεῷ καὶ ἐπὶ γῆς εἰρήνη ἐν ἀνθρώποις εὐδοκία... It slips away from me, and I realise the congregation are looking at me. And so we pray together, and I say the name of Love again and again, and then I realise that I have made the crowd weep, and some of their tears are blood. I must be careful, careful. They are so fragile that even some words can hurt them, poor infant Man. I calm myself, and take myself away.

I walk around this strange little town. The people are restless, angry. I saw men about to fight, and I told them to stop. One man fainted. I do not know if I am meant to do these things. I wish I understood what You want. I wish I knew if this is the test, or if the test is yet to come. And -

I realise I am lonely. I do not think I have ever felt such a thing before. I have never been alone.

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