In Death's Eyes Sorrow Lingered Once

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

Night
Friday 4 September

My eyes open slowly. Dark sky. Ashy ground beneath my back. This place is familiar. Ecksssssss. Yessssss.

I stand and brush grey grass from my back and arms. They sent me back. Swift. Outraged. Scared. My nostrils flare, catching the scent. Faint. Days old. Rot on the air. Soil turned afresh.

The grave is easy to find. I bend my knees and press my palm to the soil. A body rose here. A body without an owner. P. The fingers of my other hand trace the name on the headstone. E. Only one name. L. The surname. A. The faintest hint of energy remains below the surface. N. I let out a grunt of quiet bemusement.

Oh, how disrespectful. Disturbing the physical remains of the dead. Ripples spread out through the lands of the souls.

A smile slowly pulls at the corners of my lips. Silly little lady, I think, shaking my head. Standing, I dust dirt off my hand and consider where to go. Who to see first.

Ah. Yesssss.

No one.

[OPEN at the Twilight Tribune]

[CLOSED]

Comments

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

Cain went to sleep early tonight and I tried to but too much from this week is still running though my head. Gods, demons, light and dark, love and hate. Most of it all seeming to revolve around the creature in the tower in one way or another. Pulling on some sweatpants and a T-shirt, I grab a book and go to the living room to read, hoping that might help get my mind off everything else.

I'm only a couple of pages in when I feel it..chaos and Shadow..and..Lúgh. Nearby but not at my door and something is..off. I put my book down and look out the window in the direction its coming from, the cemetery, wonderful. Of course I see nothing, but I don't have to see him to know he's there, then it fades slightly moving in the direction of his office. It hadn't even occurred to me that he might be bothered by it, though I also wasn't going to tell him either. I sigh and slip on some shoes, leaving Cain a note not saying where I went, just that I'll be back shortly. I'm not about to tell him I'm running off in the middle of the night to see the god he hates and make sure he's all right.

It doesn't take me long to find him, judging from the direction he's either in the office, the Inn or the tavern and for once I'm sort of happy its the office. I can feel him in there even before I'm at the door and my brows knit when I feel the energy pouring off him, chaos, heavy and thick. Closing it off, I walk in shutting the door quietly behind me and then sigh half relieved when I see him at his desk. At least that's not a completely odd thing for him to be doing. "Are you okay?" I ask quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder, "What are you writing?"

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

There's a flutter at the edges of awareness. Someone familiar. Could be anywhere in town, though. Nothing's very far away in this place.

"Are you okay? What are you writing?" she asks as she crosses to me, hand resting on my shoulder.

Too focused while not focusing on anything. Didn't know anyone was here. Should've known it was her. I turn and smile at Kaeli.

"I'm great. An article," I say and set the pencil down. My arms go around her waist lightly. "How've you been, lass?"

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"I'm great. An article, How've you been, lass?" He says smiling and putting his arms around me.

Resting my arms on his shoulders, I smile and kiss the top of his head, "I'm okay. Felt you nearby..in the cemetery and was a little worried. You already know, don't you," I ask, sighing. Granted he could have been there for other reasons, but the more I'm in this town the less I think I believe in coincidence. "What's your article about?" I ask in a lighter tone. Hoping its not about me for once as I glance at the paper, but its too far away and without my glasses its nothing but a blur.

"It was an accident, you know. I didn't think anything would really happen." I murmur. He once told me to never apologize, while not entirely sound advice I'm not going to in this case. Even though I am sorry I did it. Sorry that that poor creature may have suffered because of my ignorance and sorry I almost put the town in danger. Sorry Glass had to get up in the middle of the night and how it somehow did cause her pain too. Though I'm sure she'll make sure I pay for that in one way or another.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

Her lips touch the top of my head and I smile broader. "I'm okay. Felt you nearby..in the cemetery and was a little worried. You already know, don't you?"

"Of course." She doesn't say what I know, but she knows I was in the cemetery.

"What's your article about?"

"Eh. That man running for mayor requested a piece on him." Poor poor stupid man. Trusting such a thing to a journalist he doesn't know. Write it yourself, if you know what's best bessssst for you.

"It was an accident, you know. I didn't think anything would really happen."

It's an almost apology, I think. Sorry. Don't ever say you're sorry. What a falsehood, such a lie.

"What made you try?"

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"Eh. That man running for mayor requested a piece on him."

My nose wrinkles and I scowl a little at that. "Reeves?" I ask, almost hissing the name, "Make sure to include the fact that his son has taken to attacking harmless, innocent girls in alley's, will you?" I can't even help it, just the thought of that bully and his friends hurting Zann still makes me angry.

"What made you try?" I shrug and little and sigh, "I could say I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time," I smile down at him, "But I did it because I wanted to see if I could bring someone back to life. In case I ever needed to," I say quietly, "And I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time." I'm not going to blame Tez, in the end I'm responsible for what I do regardless of circumstance. I just still can't get the picture of Fiona screaming and crying and trapped in fire out of my head. And then Zann, hair and skin seared off..what if they didn't..what if they died. If it just happened, could I save them? That's that I wanted to know. "Are you upset about what I did?"

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

She wrinkles her nose. The little scowl does nothing to detract from how cute it is. The man's surname sisses through her teeth. "Make sure to include the fact that his son has taken to attacking harmless, innocent girls in alley's, will you?"

"Harmless" stands out to me. Not one of my lovers here. All four of them are dangerous in their own way. I'd not call a single one "innocent," either. Not even her. "Sweet, gentle, Kaeli," I whisper. "Who was it?" I ask louder.

She shrugs, sighs, says, "I could say I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time but I did it because I wanted to see if I could bring someone back to life. In case I ever needed to, and I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time."

I nod and look up at her. I'm not smiling. No humor in this. None at all.

"Are you upset about what I did?"

Now, a smile. Gentle. Kind.

"No, lass. What you did upset the spirits." It interrupted my vacation in Shadow's realm. My followers forced me back into this world. That is somewhat upsetting. That reminder that, as powerful as I am, as strong as I have ever been, my will is forever linked to the wills of those that I serve. "That body's soul was unable to return to it. Unable to reclaim ownership of its place here in this world. Dead too long. The link had been severed."

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"Sweet, gentle, Kaeli," he whispers and I'm tempted to try to feel what's wrong with him. And its not a wrongness so much as a difference, a change, distraction. Not my happy smiling Lúgh, someone else. Perhaps its just shadow's influence but I don't recall him being like this before. "Who was it?"

I open my mouth about to tell him it was Zann, but then I close it shaking my head, "Can't say who..or rather..I won't. I hated it when my name and what was done to me was used and I'll not do it to someone else. Isn't it enough that I saw it happen?" I ask just as quietly as he spoke to me. And he doesn't laugh at my joke, not even a smile, not good. Sighing, I move away and take a seat on his desk as he smiles and explains.

"No, lass. What you did upset the spirits. That body's soul was unable to return to it. Unable to reclaim ownership of its place here in this world. Dead too long. The link had been severed."

I nod, thinking of Glass and Marbas both upset about it and explaining in their own way why it was wrong. And I know it was, I should have known then too. "Glass set it back to right and he's at peace now. I won't do it again," I say looking at the floor, feeling like one of my students who I had to call to my desk for some misbehavior. "You said the spirits were upset, why would they be and wouldn't they be happy again now that its fixed?" I'm really wishing I had paid more attention to my mothers religion now.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

Almost tells me. Gives it away. Stops herself. Oh, she's figuring me out. Doesn't take the intelligent ones long. Let myself in to them, let them close to me.

She sighs and shifts away from me. Feels my difference. Knows my change. Doesn't understand. Who would, though?

Erissss, I think and smile wide. Yessssss, she would.

"Aye. That's enough for me. Who else was there? Just the boy, you, and the girl?"

Sitting on the desk, she says, "Glass set it back to right and he's at peace now. I won't do it again. You said the spirits were upset, why would they be and wouldn't they be happy again now that its fixed?" Her eyes are on the floor, like she's been reprimanded.

"It is fear that drove them to me. That brought me to it. One body rises, unbidden, uninhabited by a soul, and the others become afraid. They question if it's simply the start of something bigger, something scarier." I stand and step in front of her. Fingers go to her chin and gently lift her chin so we look each other in the eyes. "What you did is done and no more. The action was brief and the consequence nearly so. Things could've gone worse'n they did."

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"Aye. That's enough for me. Who else was there? Just the boy, you, and the girl?"

"Three boys against one girl, Reeves junior was the ring leader by the look of it. Wanda and I handled them," I say with a small, pleased smile. I'm just happy to have been able to do one good thing for once. Wanda's way of handling it may not have been what I would have done but in that case I think hers was the better of the two.

"It is fear that drove them to me. That brought me to it. One body rises, unbidden, uninhabited by a soul, and the others become afraid. They question if it's simply the start of something bigger, something scarier." He says, moving to stand in front of me. Then he lifts my chin raising my eyes to meet his. "What you did is done and no more. The action was brief and the consequence nearly so. Things could've gone worse'n they did."

"So I've been told," I groan, circling my arms around him and leaning my forehead on his chest, "Somehow I don't think the consequences are going to be brief either. I have an appointment with the abbey soon to discuss it," I say sighing inwardly. "So what about you then, you seem....less...balanced. Why?" I ask, looking up at him. I'm not sure if balanced is the correct word, but as good as any at this point. Besides, he knows how I feel about his wife, coming from me it would be insulting to say he felt more like her.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

"Three boys against one girl, Reeves junior was the ring leader by the look of it. Wanda and I handled them." That makes me smile. Not that there were three on one, probably a carnie, if Reeves' boy was involved. No, no, not that. My redheads paired up, defenders of the innocent.

"I'm sure you did." Reeves' article was already going to be critical of his stance. Ssssooo much to use against him now.

Her arms go around me and her forehead rests against my chest. "So I've been told. Somehow I don't think the consequences are going to be brief either. I have an appointment with the abbey soon to discuss it." I stay silent like Pelan's grave was before and is again again. Doubt they'll do anything. Wrist slap, stern words, little more.

"So what about you then, you seem....less...balanced. Why?"

I kiss the top of her head and smile. "Balance is the same. Lesssssss... man. More Chaos. Too much time spent as a mortal, walking the streets of Excolo, dealing with the dealings of people." I take a deep breath, inhaling the light perfume she's wearing, the lighter soap on her skin. Missed that smell. Missed her arms around me. "I stripped away my mortality. Less weak man, less powerful god. I'm readjusting to being here, being living a mortal life."

Like dying and being reborn. Like suicide and self-resurrection.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

A kiss on the top of my head and a smile from him, "Balance is the same. Lesssssss... man. More Chaos. Too much time spent as a mortal, walking the streets of Excolo, dealing with the dealings of people. I stripped away my mortality. Less weak man, less powerful god. I'm readjusting to being here, being living a mortal life."

The words in some places are nonsensical, jumbled and confused. Stripped away mortality, less weak man. He was in the spirit realm and they sent him back suddenly. "So its almost like waking up with a hangover," I say slowly, brows knitting as I try to make sense of it, "Or are you changing, getting stronger and becoming less human, like Tez?" I still don't think that's exactly the right way to put it. Well not for Lúgh at least. Tez on the other hand..The thing that struck me the most when I first met him was his humanity, that he felt more human. That was different the last time I saw him, he tried to hide it, but I felt it. "Is there anything I can do to help you readjust?" I ask, smiling up at him.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

"So its almost like waking up with a hangover. Or are you changing, getting stronger and becoming less human, like Tez?"

I tilt my head to the side, considering what she's asking. Tez? Tez--caaaat--leeee-pOkah. The Night Wind.

"Chaos is ever-changing. People, gods, morals, views. Always shifting. I'm simply... shifting. I was never human, Kaeli. Humans willed me into being, making me a part of them, a part of you."

"Is there anything I can do to help you readjust?"

My head shakes. Smiling, I say, "Nothing more than what you already have yet to do." Strikes me that that didn't make any sense nor does it. I get it, though, don't I? "Tell me about the doctor and his demon?"

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"Chaos is ever-changing. People, gods, morals, views. Always shifting. I'm simply... shifting. I was never human, Kaeli. Humans willed me into being, making me a part of them, a part of you."

"I know you aren't human, but," I pause, then sigh, "You've never been this much chaos before either. I understand, that you're shadow and light, but can you blame me for missing my ghrá gheal?" I ask, smiling and touching his cheek.

"Nothing more than what you already have yet to do. Tell me about the doctor and his demon?"

I look at him in confusion for a minute, then just smile again and shake my head, "What I already have yet to do? What is it that I have yet to do?" I'm still trying to remember the things I should from my past, but if he knows of something I'm supposed to do, that would be good to know as well. Then he asks about Lucien and Marbas and I can't help but give him a cautious look. Him and Cain don't like each other and I know Lucien and Marbas really don't. And I'm in the middle of them all and I refuse to be part of one harming the other, though I have no idea how I'm supposed to protect them all at once. "What is it you want to know exactly?" I ask carefully.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

"I know you aren't human, but you've never been this much chaos before either. I understand, that you're shadow and light, but can you blame me for missing my ghrá gheal?"

Never? That's a long time. I've always been chaotic, sometimes less than now, sometimes more than now. "Balance is fluid and ever-shifting. I am Balance. Someday but not now, I will be that way again." Unless I am unable to shift to middle again. Then very little will matter.

"What I already have yet to do? What is it that I have yet to do?"

I furrow my brow. "I don't know what those things will be. Only that you have things you will do that you haven't done yet. Like everyone." Am I making sense? Do I care?

She considers me for what feels like minutes upon hours before cautiously asking, "What is it you want to know exactly?"

"You don't trust me? Don't think I will do right by them? By Wanda?"

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"Balance is fluid and ever-shifting. I am Balance. Someday but not now, I will be that way again."

"'K," I murmur, letting my hand fall away. For the first time it occurs to me, what if we end up on different sides? The thought settles in the pit of my stomach, making me feel both sick and sad all at once.

He says he doesn't know what I'll do only that I have things to do that I haven't done yet. Yet another thing I'm not following, isn't that the case with most humans?

"You don't trust me? Don't think I will do right by them? By Wanda?"

Anger and irritation well up in me, edged with Tez's cold. He accuses me of not trusting him yet wants me to betray a trust another has placed in me. "If I thought that I would have said it," I say slowly, eyes narrowing, "I haven't given any of them your secrets either, nor would I. I'm not going to help any of you harm each other in any way. And for the moment, Lucien's demon seems to be the only one doing any good for anyone in this town, for nothing more than the simple fact that he can," I say turning my face away.

I really don't understand any of them, they can kill for the sake of it, so why is doing good for no reason so hard. All of that power and wisdom and nothing.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

She barely responds. There's realization in her eyes. That my nature will not allow me to fully and forever choose to do "good" or to be "bad." Nothing with me is consistent. Nothing except my love.

"If I thought that I would have said it," she snaps, voice and feelings filled with anger. "I haven't given any of them your secrets either, nor would I. I'm not going to help any of you harm each other in any way. And for the moment, Lucien's demon seems to be the only one doing any good for anyone in this town, for nothing more than the simple fact that he can."

Her eyes turn away from me, then her face, shuts me out, shuts me. I lean forward and press my lips to the side of her neck, a faint glow rising on her skin where I touch her.

"Some things never change. I don't wish to do them harm, Kaeli. Nor will I ask you again to betray their confidences."

No matter how I might need the information. No matter how much fear wells in my gut when I think of tearing the doctor and the demon into their individual selves.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

Warm lips press against my neck, melting away the sharp cold. I should have given Tez back what was his, but I still don't want him knowing everything that I can do. I lean my head against his for a second just wishing they all would stop. How are we ever supposed to fight against the evil in this town when we're all too busy fighting with each other.

"Some things never change. I don't wish to do them harm, Kaeli. Nor will I ask you again to betray their confidences."

"I know you don't," I say quietly, "You've had opportunity to and didn't. I just don't understand what's going on between you all. Its like for every one thing I do know, there's three more that I don't. And I know you don't have to explain, I just wish you would." I feel like I'm walking around in the dark with all of them, waiting for something I don't know about and can't see to come crashing down on top of me.

"He's was upset about what we did in the cemetery. And when I told him how I hurt you when I was upset he was surprised and had me try it on him to see if it would work. It did. Do you know much about his god, Lúgh?"

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

I sigh and lean back away from her, but not letting go. She makes me feel grounded right now. Like I won't suddenly be ripped from this life. Could be, but don't feel the threat of it right now.

"I know you don't. You've had opportunity to and didn't. I just don't understand what's going on between you all. Its like for every one thing I do know, there's three more that I don't. And I know you don't have to explain, I just wish you would."

I roll my head a little, stretching the muscles in my neck. "I've made a promise to someone that involves the two of them. Are they happy? Being trapped with one another like that?" I wouldn't be, trapped inside one body with two entities. It'd be too confining. Not everyone, mortal or god, is the same.

"He's was upset about what we did in the cemetery. And when I told him how I hurt you when I was upset he was surprised and had me try it on him to see if it would work. It did. Do you know much about his god, Lúgh?"

I smile, thinking of what I do know.

"I ne'er met the Creator. All I know is what is in the various books written by his followers. What I know beyond that... he is Light, pure and unblemished. Brighter than my own. I am a representation of that light, but man-made. I also know that the demon within Doctor Constantine once served the Creator."

This is what puts me in such deadly a position, I think. That power, like what is within Kaeli now, even a sliver of it, is far more powerful than any of the power I have to bend to my will.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"I've made a promise to someone that involves the two of them. Are they happy? Being trapped with one another like that?"

A promise, like the one he made to me to help Karina and Maryk perhaps. I shake my head slowly, half smiling at him, "No, I don't think they are. Two beings sharing a body seems to wear on them both, more so on Lucien given he's the weaker of the two." I shrug a little, "Its just my opinion and observation of course, I haven't heard either of them complain."

Where as Marbas seemed to take pleasure in the fact that I hurt Lúgh, I note that Lúgh doesn't. There's more worry coming from him than anything else. Oh, Lúgh, what have you gotten yourself into? "I ne'er met the Creator. All I know is what is in the various books written by his followers. What I know beyond that... he is Light, pure and unblemished. Brighter than my own. I am a representation of that light, but man-made. I also know that the demon within Doctor Constantine once served the Creator."

I nod, "He did and in some ways I think he still does. Why else would he bother to help me? I don't think he's all bad even if he does love those who might be," I say quietly, remembering how he talked about his creator and then his lord and then the woman named Lilith. Its still so odd, I did read a book by his followers but I always treated them like stories, nothing more. But then I never believed any of our gods really listened to us either.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

"No, I don't think they are. Two beings sharing a body seems to wear on them both, more so on Lucien given he's the weaker of the two." Like in everything, the weaker member of a pair or system is worn down. He mustn't be quite the man that Wanda once knew. Certainly would be why she wants her Lucien back. "Its just my opinion and observation of course, I haven't heard either of them complain."

I laugh softly. "Of course you haven't."

"He did and in some ways I think he still does. Why else would he bother to help me? I don't think he's all bad even if he does love those who might be."

I nod. It's good to know. "No one and no thing are all 'bad.' Even those he loves cannot be one thing all the time."

Very few strike Balance as often as I do, but that is my purpose. "Good" and "bad" are all subjective anyway.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"Of course you haven't." he says laughing a little, and I smile. "Are you picking on me?" I ask, poking him in the sides. Its good to see him laugh though, I didn't realize how much I missed him laughing and smiling until now. Laughing, I wrap my arms around him and hug him, "I missed you, you know."

"No one and no thing are all 'bad.' Even those he loves cannot be one thing all the time."

I should have expected that from him and I don't disagree, with all I've seen so far I can't. But I can see the room for argument too. Unfortunately in this town, one is far outweighing the other and its not balanced. I wonder if that's what's affecting him? I nod, "Tez said sort of the same thing about the man in the tower," I say quietly, "Said he was alone and sad sometimes."

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

"Are you picking on me?"

I laugh again and shake my head. "Only a little."

Her arms wrap around me tightly as she laughs. "I missed you, you know."

Hugging her back, I say, "I do now." I press my face against her hair, smiling. I can still feel the swirling, unsettled, unpredictable chaos within me, but it feels further away. Like seeing it from across a vast fild of heather.

"Tez said sort of the same thing about the man in the tower. Said he was alone and sad sometimes."

I slowly close my eyes, inhaling the scent of her, enjoying the feel of her closeness.

"I've never thought of that before. But that must be a very lonely experience. To have dedicated your existence to the downfall of Man after turning his back on the one that created him."

By extension, I can understand his disdain for gods. We are all of us beings made by Man, the Creator's creators.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"I do now." Lúgh's arms go around me, warm and tight making me smile. "Well, good." I say smiling up at him.

"I've never thought of that before. But that must be a very lonely experience. To have dedicated your existence to the downfall of Man after turning his back on the one that created him."

"It would have to be. I can't even imagine holding on to that much hate for so long. It must be a horrible existence," I say quietly. Though turning his back on his creator, I can sort of understand that. Especially from what I've heard so far.

"How much danger are you in with what you're doing for Lucien?" I ask, remembering how they both feel about Lúgh. "I don't want you getting yourself hurt."

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

"It would have to be. I can't even imagine holding on to that much hate for so long. It must be a horrible existence." I silently agree. Some part of him, though, some small, hidden away part of him, that must find joy in something. Even if it is the destruction of individuals. To each his own.

"How much danger are you in with what you're doing for Lucien? I don't want you getting yourself hurt." The question pulls me from my thoughts and I pull away just enough to look into Kaeli's eyes.

"As much danger as if I were a woman walking the streets of Excolo at night." Not entirely true, but the number of those sorts of attacks are increasing. It's not a terrible comparison. "There is risk in anything any of us do." I look at her deeply for a moment, head slightly cocked to one side. "What would you have me do?"

It's not a question I thought I'd ever ask. Always so sure of my plans in the past. What makes this one different?

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"As much danger as if I were a woman walking the streets of Excolo at night."

I snicker, "So its only women that are in danger? After seeing Wanda in action, I'd fear for anyone on her bad side."

"There is risk in anything any of us do. What would you have me do?" he says, looking into my eyes. And for a moment I just start back.

"Well," I say slowly, "Since I'm not entirely sure what you are going to do, I don't really know how to answer that. So lets begin with, not doing anything stupid?" I say smiling up at him.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

Kaeli laughs gently. "So its only women that are in danger? After seeing Wanda in action, I'd fear for anyone on her bad side."

"Oh? I haven't had the privilege." I know she's often armed and, by the looks of her basement, I'd expect her to be quite capable of protecting herself.

"Well, since I'm not entirely sure what you are going to do, I don't really know how to answer that," she responds slowly. No surprise to me in those words. There aren't many that truly know what I plan to do. "So lets begin with, not doing anything stupid?"

"You could say anything I do is stupid," I say through laughter. "I believe that every act I've made since coming to this town has either been or has had the potential to be stupid." I know quite certainly that Ares would completely agree with me.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

"You could say anything I do is stupid," Lúgh laughs. "I believe that every act I've made since coming to this town has either been or has had the potential to be stupid."

"I could," I laugh with him, "And I do believe I have said that on several occasions." Smiling, I take him hands in mine, "Well most have said the same of me, actually, I have said the same of myself, but how are you supposed to learn if you don't make mistakes?" I shrug. Its not necessary that one make them as often as I do, sometimes I think I just have a death wish.

I'm not entirely sure it counts for gods, but really why shouldn't it. I've watched them make mistakes and as much as some would like us to believe they don't, it doesn't mean it so.

[lugh-thecelt.livejournal.com]

"I could," she says, laughing along. "And I do believe I have said that on several occasions." Her hands enclose around mine. "Well most have said the same of me, actually, I have said the same of myself, but how are you supposed to learn if you don't make mistakes?"

I smile at her. The question dropped a second time with her. I know I can only sidestep it so many times before one of them, she or Wanda or Karina or-- Hera forbid it-- my wife, asks persistently enough that I tell them the truth. The truth of this that I don't even want to look in its ice blue eye.

"Exactly," I answer and wrinkle my nose. "How indeed? I have learned nearly everything I know from one mistake or another." I glance at the papers lying on the desk beside her then return my gaze to hers. "I think I've worked enough tonight. Let me walk you home, lass."