"I like you how you are," I say into his neck. "I always do. I always have." I want, I want - I want him to let himself have this always, I want him to be alright, I want that long grey despair I fell in love with at some point in the before-I-died time to go away. "I want everything for you," I say more fiercely. He's just a boy now, even more than me.
I force myself to stop crying. It's very hard. "I'm so glad you love me." Does the rest of him, the shut away parts, or is he only able to now because they're not there? But this is part of him too, isn't it, so some part of him must, and it'll be alright because I'll always know that, even if he doesn't, I'll always remember this. My face is sticky, and I wipe it with my arm.
It's not fair for him not to know. "You chose to forget things because - " for me. "So we could be like this. If you want to be fixed, you shouldn't stay like this for me." Stay like this for me. I won't ever say it, I won't. I would have said it to Val. Everything's so confusing.
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Date: 2013-07-17 12:25 am (UTC)I force myself to stop crying. It's very hard. "I'm so glad you love me." Does the rest of him, the shut away parts, or is he only able to now because they're not there? But this is part of him too, isn't it, so some part of him must, and it'll be alright because I'll always know that, even if he doesn't, I'll always remember this. My face is sticky, and I wipe it with my arm.
It's not fair for him not to know. "You chose to forget things because - " for me. "So we could be like this. If you want to be fixed, you shouldn't stay like this for me." Stay like this for me. I won't ever say it, I won't. I would have said it to Val. Everything's so confusing.