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Monday, September 14th, early afternoon

Filthy day, it is. Sort o'weather it don't make no sense to go outdoors. But Faith 'n me, we've both 'ad a cold th'last week, an' we ain't been out at all, near 'nough. People brought us soup an' such from the cook tent, bless 'em. Been feelin' better a bit since yesterday, an' both of us're feelin' a bit stir-crazy. Tol' Faith it weren't no good idea t'go out in the rain when we's just been ill, but she said she was sick o'bein' indoors, an' I di'n't complain 'bout it too much cos I is too. So we got dressed in somethin' suitable - sturdy boots, skirt bit higher'n usual so the hem won't get wet, an' that means it's obvious from the off 'bout only 'avin' two legs, but there ain't enough people out an' about today in town to notice. Big cape, cos that's easier to wear than a raincoat fer us. We both 'ave our smaller 'ands on the umbrella, and we each got a cane. Don' want ter risk fallin' over in the mud. 'Ard fer us to get back up if we fall down.

Think a lot 'bout things as we walks over the river. Looks all churned up an' brown. Turn back t'look at th'Diabolique. Don' look like much in th'rain. No lights, an' just a load o'wet caravans. Been 'ere so long now. Sometimes wake up at night with me 'eart racing, thinking we ain't never goin' t'leave. Don' know that I wants to live out the rest o' me life 'ere. Don' want t'die 'ere. Wish I understood what Management was doin'. Know they left Zann a card. 'Parently she left 'em a present. Our Zann ain't scared o'nothin'. Wonder what she'd think if she knew what they - But Faith 'n I don't want ter talk bout what 'appened. Tol' Syl a bit of it, but no one else. Like 'aving a secret we's ashamed of or somethin'.

Ain't seen Simon in near a month. 'E said somethin' 'bout wantin' to 'ave a barbecue. Won't be too many weeks o'good 'nough weather for it now, but we ain't 'eard from 'im. Could go to see 'im, but - well. Feel a bit shy 'bout it all. Don' want t'blurt out somethin' by accident like I love you. Not to 'im. But - th'other. Azrael. Jus' thinkin' 'is name feels dangerous, like we shouldn't risk anyone 'earin' it. But when I think 'is name it chimes in me like a sweet 'igh bell. Like somethin' so lovely it could make you weep. 'As done, sometimes. Dreamt 'bout what's inside Simon, sometimes. Know when Faith is thinkin' 'bout 'im as well. Feel 'er 'eart race. Not like when she's thinking of - well, you know. Diff'rent, some'ow. Dunno 'ow - an 'eartbeat's an 'eartbeat - but it is. So much I don' know.

Wonder if we're like Genny at all. Don' take a genius to see 'er getting tied up in Tez. Think there's a lot we ain't bin told 'bout what's goin' on with 'er an' 'im, but I seen 'er at th'cook tent, I seen 'ow 'er skin is like paper stretched over bone, seen purple shadders under 'er eyes, an' it scares me. Seen 'ow Zann looks at 'er, almost like she's sayin' goodbye an' don' want ter. Need to talk to Gen. Maybe best t'talk t'Zann. Want ter know what's goin' on. 'Ard sometimes, wi' Faith, cos of 'er and Gen, an' then cos of 'ow she can't keep 'er mouth shut 'bout Tez. I don' like 'im either, don' get me wrong, but I don' 'ave to shout about 'ow 'e's ev'ry name under th'sun.

Ain't got no particular destination in mind. Jus' start walkin' up Silk Road towards Main Street. Could call on Miss Miao, cos she's so kind, but she's prob'ly workin'. Could go to the cafe, maybe, if it ain't too full on a wet day like this. Fer now, jus' walkin'.

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