She jerks away when I touch her, sitting up and then rolling off me to scramble all the way to the edge of the bed, where she draws her knees up. Is she scared I’m going to hurt her, after all this time? Breaks my heart, seeing her like that. I sit up myself, back against the headboard with my arms crossed, as far away from her as I can get with both of us still on the bed.
She looks like she’s about to cry, and I don’t know what to do about it. Somehow this is my fault. She’s angry and hurt and she wants to hurt me. Can’t think of much I wouldn’t let her do, if it’d help. “I’d have stayed as long as you wanted me, if that’s what you mean, doing what I could for you. Do you want something more?” I’m pleading with her now. Maybe she wants to argue, but I can’t. Too scared to, really. Scared that she hates me for something, and also that she’ll have me out on my ear. I could sleep at the ‘Boy now, I guess, but as much as I think Miao needs me I want to stay here, with this girl, cooking and laughing and lying in bed together doing whatever she pleases. “Tell me what I can do, and I’ll try my best, but I won’t lie to you. I won’t ever, ever lie to you, Verite.” Surely she must know what her name means.
I pull my own knees up, feeling like punching a wall. “If you want to hit me, you can.” Maybe it’d make her feel better. It certainly would me.
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Date: 2011-06-19 05:31 am (UTC)She looks like she’s about to cry, and I don’t know what to do about it. Somehow this is my fault. She’s angry and hurt and she wants to hurt me. Can’t think of much I wouldn’t let her do, if it’d help. “I’d have stayed as long as you wanted me, if that’s what you mean, doing what I could for you. Do you want something more?” I’m pleading with her now. Maybe she wants to argue, but I can’t. Too scared to, really. Scared that she hates me for something, and also that she’ll have me out on my ear. I could sleep at the ‘Boy now, I guess, but as much as I think Miao needs me I want to stay here, with this girl, cooking and laughing and lying in bed together doing whatever she pleases. “Tell me what I can do, and I’ll try my best, but I won’t lie to you. I won’t ever, ever lie to you, Verite.” Surely she must know what her name means.
I pull my own knees up, feeling like punching a wall. “If you want to hit me, you can.” Maybe it’d make her feel better. It certainly would me.