estdeus_innobis | "This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation."

Entry tags:

"This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation."

[Monday, January 4th (Day 218)]
[Mid-Morning - Apartments above the Whitechapel]

It’s a very strange sort of day and it only started just now. I can’t say how I know it’s strange, not just yet, besides the way the sun’s coming through the window, dust bits dancing along the beams, or the funny kind of hum in the air. It’s a day that’s expecting something, a day waiting on the front porch for Daddy to come home, eyes far off and away towards the end of the road and watching for the first sign of horses kicking up dirt. I can’t say it’s something big, not big big really, but its something.

There’s warm clothes on my back, warm breakfast in my belly, and all of that’s nice enough because it’s still so cold outside. Winter was fun at first, when it was all snowmen and breath solid, dancing in front of my face as I ran in the yard. I think I want it to go away now, though. Fruit that’s gone rotten, nice and crisp then sweet as it ripens and now soft with flies.

I play in my room for a long while, the dolls that Hermia gave me telling me all sorts of stories as I dance them around, until that goes soft too. Everything today, everything now, it’s been here too long and I don’t like it much anymore. I leave the dolls on the floor, they are napping there I like to think, and wander out into the hall.

Not the big man’s room, I know I shouldn’t do that, even if I‘m still standing there, hand on the closed door and head resting on the frame. It’s daytime and he’s sleeping and even if that’s odd, I don’t think it’s wrong. The big man, he’s the sort that can do what he wants, without being wrong. Even sleeping when the sun is up.

My name’s in the air after a good stretch, with my feet aching and my hand not moving at all. Alice, Alice, through the whole place and coming to me. It pulls me back - later, later - and I run off after it, my name, until I’m in the apartments, through the living room and after Valmont. “Yes?” I call out, breath trying to catch up with all that running.

[Open to Valmont and Westin]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It is a bright day, which pleases me. I am tired of winter, of the snow and the dark days. I did not grow up with cold like this, and it presses on me more in Excolo than it did in New London. There was equally cold, but the city was so bright and busy that the snow and dark were easier to ignore. Christmas provided a bright spot, a warm glowing day of Hermia playing with the cat by the fire and Alice unwrapping her dolls while I roasted a chicken, and then New Year's Eve was a raucous, friendly evening in the bar - and Adam only had to throw out two people, and only one of those at gunpoint. But January - what a tiresome month. So I am glad that the sun is bright, and I have been out in the garden feeding the birds for an excuse to catch some light.

I go back into the apartment, and I hear Alice running about. I call out for her.

"Yes?" she says.

"Do you want some hot chocolate, dear?" I ask, going into the kitchen and pouring milk into a pan. "I thought I would make myself some coffee, and you may as well help me drink the rest of the milk." I grin at her.

Hot chocolate!

"Yes, please," I say all at once, running after Valmont into the kitchen and peering around him to see the milk put on the stove. Coming to Excolo has meant seeing and hearing and tasting all sorts of new things, but I think hot chocolate is my favorite so far. Well, and cold chocolate. I like that too. And cupcakes. And regular cakes. And cookies. And-

I'm under his feet now, I know, so I find some place out of the way to sit, feet dangling and hitting the chair legs as I watch. "Is coffee like hot chocolate?" I've never had it before, but new things in Excolo seem to be just five hundred times better than new things anywhere else.

I grin at Alie's enthusiasm. She is improving every day, I think, even if her continued fascination with Gaueko continues to worry me.

"Is coffee like hot chocolate?" I say. "Hm. Coffee is what hot chocolate would be if it smoked cigarettes and stayed up too late," I say. "You can try a bit if you like. Today I am having it in the style I learned in Versailles, where I lived with a duchess. Cafe au lait for breakfast in a wide bowl with a twist of pastry beside it." I smile and make up the drinks - a large cup of coffee for myself, and a large hot chocolate for Alice, with a small coffee beside it. "Are you hungry, cherie? I have not eaten my breakfast yet," I say, opening the bread bin and taking out what is left of a baguette, and I sit down opposite her as I butter the bread. "I should tell you about the duchess sometime," I say. "She was a very grand lady indeed." I eat a piece of bread. "But what have you been doing with yourself this morning, my dear?"

"Is coffee like hot chocolate? Hm. Coffee is what hot chocolate would be if it smoked cigarettes and stayed up too late." I giggle, because drinks can't smoke or stay up late, so I know it's a joke. "You can try a bit if you like. Today I am having it in the style I learned in Versailles, where I lived with a duchess. Cafe au lait for breakfast in a wide bowl with a twist of pastry beside it."

"Cafe au lait," I repeat back as he sets the cups down, not really the way he said it, but close enough I think. The coffee definitely looks kind of like hot chocolate, even if the smell makes my nose crinkle a little. Not in a bad way, no, but in a wake up cause there's a loud noise and your eyes go wide sort of way. "Cafe au lait. That sounds funny, Valmont. Words that don't sound like words at all."

"Are you hungry, cherie? I have not eaten my breakfast yet," he says, getting some bread out and the butter too. It looks good but I think I'm still full from before, so there's no room. "I already ate some, so I'm not hungry again yet." Even if the bread looks really good.

"I should tell you about the duchess sometime. She was a very grand lady indeed. But what have you been doing with yourself this morning, my dear?"

"Not anything much," I say, blowing on the top of the chocolate to make it not to hot. There's another cup too, I see, so I have to blow on that too, back and forth as I talk. "I was playing with my dolls. They were at a big fancy dress party, dancing and talking, just like the one I went to. Except everybody there was nice and nobody's eyes got hurt." Back and forth, back and forth, a little for each until they both might be cool. "Then they went to sleep, tired from all the dancing, so I walked around some. Everybody is busy, though. Or sleeping."

I know the hot chocolate is good, so trying the coffee could be fun. Different and fun. Careful, careful as I can, I pick up the cup and take a small sip. I know I make a face, even if it's not so very bad. Not good, maybe, but not bad. More... Bitter. Like the dark chocolate instead of the other kind that I like better. "Coffee would be better if it had chocolate in it."

Another sip, because it would be rude not to drink some when he made it special for me, before I go back to the hot chocolate. It's had more time to cool down so I can take a big swallow before I look back over. "Valmont? Why do people sleep in the day? And what's a duchess?"

"Cafe au lait. That sounds funny, Valmont. Words that don't sound like words at all."

"It is French, mon amie," I say with a smile. "That is the language we spoke in Versailles, for it was designed to be like the France of long ago. And where I grew up we spoke some French, too, mixed with Creole, as well as English."

Alice makes a face when she tries the coffee, and I suppress a smile.

"Coffee would be better if it had chocolate in it."

"That is an excellent suggestion," I say, and carefully tip some of her hot chocolate into her coffee cup. "Try it now."

"Valmont? Why do people sleep in the day? And what's a duchess?"

Alice's questions give me a sudden surge of fondness for her.

"Let us take the last question first," I say. "A duchess is an aristocrat. Do you know what that is? It comes from a Greek word - Hermia could tell you better - aristokratia, which means 'rule by the best'. Though really it is a kind of government where people are powerful because of the families they come from." I sip my coffee. "There are all kinds of aristocracies in the world, but in the one I knew a duc was the highest rank after the king, and a duchesse is a duc's female equivalent. Madame la Duchesse was the most powerful person for a hundred miles in the state of Nouvelle-France, where I lived for some time." I have picked up a sense of how Alice imagines the world to be, and so I say: "does it surprise you, Alice, that a lady could rule? Madame was a strong ruler indeed."

I eat another slice of bread.

"As for your first question, I suppose when you sleep depends on when you go to bed," I say. "Hermia is awake early because she needs to open the library for nine, while I often do not get to bed until after two and so I laze away the morning." I grin. "Are you wondering," I add more seriously, "about our friend Gaueko?"

There's a thumping knock on the apartment door, and I go out and find Cora standing there.

"Man to see you," she says.

"Did he give his name?"

She grunts. Cora is an excellent worker in many ways, but she lacks people skills.

"Well, tell him I'm eating breakfast, so if he doesn't mind that he can come up to the kitchen," I say, and I return to Alice and my coffee.

Valmont pours some of the hot chocolate into the coffee - an excellent suggestion - and I'm smiling, one thing goes into another thing and makes a new thing, when he explains about a duchess.

"A duchess is an aristocrat. Do you know what that is? It comes from a Greek word - Hermia could tell you better - aristokratia, which means 'rule by the best'. Though really it is a kind of government where people are powerful because of the families they come from. There are all kinds of aristocracies in the world, but in the one I knew a duc was the highest rank after the king, and a duchesse is a duc's female equivalent. Madame la Duchesse was the most powerful person for a hundred miles in the state of Nouvelle-France, where I lived for some time."

My eyebrows are wanting to go all the way up to my hair now, and I think Valmont sees, cause he keeps talking. "Does it surprise you, Alice, that a lady could rule? Madame was a strong ruler indeed."

I set down my chocolate coffee, shaking my head. "That doesn't seem right, Valmont. She could get into a lot of trouble. Even if she was a nice lady." Especially if she was a nice lady. All the nice ones get in trouble first.

Even if I don't like it though, don't like thinking about it, I know Valmont won't tell on her. He's not that sort of man. He doesn't raise his voice, or say mean things, and I've never even seen him whip Hermia, so I know he only gets sore when somebody actually does something bad.

"As for your first question, I suppose when you sleep depends on when you go to bed. Hermia is awake early because she needs to open the library for nine, while I often do not get to bed until after two and so I laze away the morning. Are you wondering about our friend Gaueko?"

I pick up my chocolate coffee again, feeling better now that we aren't talking about bad things like that duchess anymore. "He always sleeps during the day when people are awake and goes away during the night when people are sleeping. I'ts... It's backwards, Valmont." The cup's at my lips, warmer there than to my hands, and I think for a minute before I keep going. "I don't think he likes the sun, much. Cause he's made of shadows, right? Nighttime and the sun, they don't belong together. Though it's funny, with him being friends with the star lady. She's brighter than the sunshine and he's still friends with her."

Miss Cora comes to the door then, saying Valmont has a visitor, and I take a sip of my chocolate coffee while he's talking. "That's much better!" I say, smiling, when he comes back.

The (somewhat unprepossessing, but I do not mind) woman returns, and I find my way through the halls to the kitchen. I can hear two voices, a man's and a child's, and I come in to find Valmont and his ward sitting at the table breakfasting.

"Good morning, Mr Laclos, Miss Alice," I say, smiling. "A pleasant day to you both." I hesitate a moment, remembering the girl's nervousness earlier, and I really do think that woman might have mentioned he was not breakfasting alone... but no matter. "I am sorry to intrude," I say to Valmont, "but I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time?" I glance towards Alice. "Possibly in private, if it would be convenient?"

"That doesn't seem right, Valmont. She could get into a lot of trouble. Even if she was a nice lady."

I shake my head at Alice's assessment

"Madame was the person who could get people in trouble," I say, "not the other way around. Except, I suppose, for the King, but we never saw him." I smile at her. Then the conversation turns to Gaueko.

"He always sleeps during the day when people are awake and goes away during the night when people are sleeping. I'ts... It's backwards, Valmont.I don't think he likes the sun, much. Cause he's made of shadows, right? Nighttime and the sun, they don't belong together. Though it's funny, with him being friends with the star lady. She's brighter than the sunshine and he's still friends with her."

"Gaueko is a creature of the night," I say, seriously. "That isn't a bad thing in and of itself - I like the night. But I don't think I'd ever completely trust someone who disliked the day altogether. There is so much good to daytime, and Gaueko turns away from that." I wonder if I can make her understand. And then the last part of what she said registers. "Who is the star lady?" I am not sure I want to know the answer.

Just then Westin comes in, greeting us both.

"Good morning, Mr Laclos, Miss Alice,A pleasant day to you both.I am sorry to intrude," I say to Valmont, "but I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time?Possibly in private, if it would be convenient?"

"Call me Valmont," I say. "We've met often enough now, I'm sure." I smile, although I'm curious about what he wants. "And of course - come with me," I say, setting aside my coffee and leading him out into the living room.

"Call me Valmont," and I smile and dip my head.

"And I would be pleased if you would call me Westin," I say, cheerfully enough. I am glad to talk to the man, although I think it might be a touch of an awkward conversation, and we take seats.

"I spoke to Alice, some time ago," I say hesitantly. "She, ah, she said something about your fiancée that rather disturbed me."

I don't think Valmont likes the big man very much, not the way his colors show when he says his name. Says his name, that too, and it's during the day, the big man says he doesn't hear during the day, but it still doesn't feel right, coming out of Valmont's mouth, crawling over my skin. "Shh..." I put my finger at my mouth and shake my head. "You aren't supposed to say his name, Valmont, not like that. Not unless it's important. Unless you really want him to come over."

He's asking about the star lady too - how any body could not know about the star lady, it's crazy, cause her light shines just about everywhere, even inside - and I don't think I like talking about her, so it's good that Mr Sagert comes in, asking to talk to Valmont about man business and leaving me to my chocolate coffee.

Until the happiness of not having to talk about bad things goes away, me sipping more coffee and the other two in the living room. Because then I remember what Mr Sagert could be coming over to talk about, what he promised not to be talking about, ever, and now is talking about anyway.

He's gonna get Hermia whipped.

I stay in my seat, frozen, for a second. I know I will get in trouble if I go interrupt. It's grown-up business, man business besides, and I'm liable to get myself whipped, running in. But it's Hermia, Hermia who's always been so nice to me, and got me those dolls for Christmas, and never did anything bad to anybody and-

"Valmont!" I'm jumping from my chair and running into the living room. There's no plan besides that, though, so I just kinda stand in the doorway for a minute, looking between the two of them and wondering what would be a good thing to say. "Um... The coffee burnt my tongue! And- And I spilled it! On the floor! You should come back in here, okay?"

"She, ah, she said something about your fiancée that rather disturbed me."

My smile drops at once, and I feel myself straighten.

"About Hermia?" I say, and then I pause. "And - when were you speaking to Alice, if you do not mind me asking?"

Men keep taking an interest in my ward, and I am finding it unsettling. My discomfort is not eased when Alice rushes back in. She hesitates at the doorway, looking from me to Westin, and then says:

"Um... The coffee burnt my tongue! And- And I spilled it! On the floor! You should come back in here, okay?"

"Of course," I say. "One moment," I say to Westin, and I take Alice back into the kitchen.

There is no coffee on the floor, but I did not expect there would be.

"Is everything alright, Alice?" I say in a low voice. "You know, I hope, that you can trust me, and I will look after you - Hermia and I will look after you, whatever happens. There is no need to be - anxious, or to hold anything back."

About Hermia?" and I can see him straighten. "And - when were you speaking to Alice, if you do not mind me asking?"

"Before the holidays," I say hesitantly. "I am sorry for not coming by sooner, but I'm afraid--some matters came up." I see no reason to mention that she did a remarkable job of drenching my coat and then offered me what I can only assume was her pocket money to buy a new one. "We were discussing books, and--"

"Valmont!" and I start a little at that, and then Alice is standing in the doorway, looking distinctly upset and talking very quickly about coffee. Valmont excuses himself and I sit and wait, passing one hand over my forehead. This is quite awkward, and I imagine it might have already come up in the household... but really, if there is even the smallest chance it has not, I cannot imagine letting the situation stand. A girl believing her guardian would whip his fiancée for reading, and her a librarian no less...

Valmont comes in and no no no this is bad, really bad, with no coffee on the floor and him looking right at me, face and body and colors all serious as can be. "Is everything alright, Alice?" I just nod at that, because I'm not trusting my words to work just now, with my eyes trying to peek around towards the living room. "You know, I hope, that you can trust me, and I will look after you - Hermia and I will look after you, whatever happens. There is no need to be - anxious, or to hold anything back."

I don't understand any of that, nice words that make me want to smile, but they don't make any sense which is confusing. "I'm not... Not..." I want to call Mr Sagert a liar. A big dirty liar, even if he's not (I don't know, I've never even seen Hermia read, me myself), but I know that's wrong. He's a man and it's his word, so that would be wrong.

So instead I'm just looking up, trying so hard not to tug at my dress or wring my hands or anything. "I want to come in the living room. For your conversation." That's still wrong, naughty of me, but it's better than saying Mr Sagert's a liar, at least I hope. And if he starts talking about Hermia being able to read or having books or anything bad, well, I'll just... Figure out something to do then. "Please, Valmont?"

"I'm not... Not..."

I just look at Alice, and I resist the urge to embrace her. She can be skittish at times, and I don't want to put her off speaking.

"I want to come in the living room. For your conversation. Please, Valmont?"

I look at her thoughtfully for a moment.

"Alright, my dear," I say. "On one condition - if I ask you to go out of the room, you will go without complaining," I say. If Westin starts to say something Alice should not overhear, I want to be ready for it. "And I know I don't need to ask you to sit quietly," I say with a smile. I offer her my hand. "Shall we go back in?"

I can hear his low tones and her lighter, shaking ones from the kitchen. I am not rude enough to try and listen to the words, but when they return, Alice is looking quite upset and I do find myself wishing she had been... well, I suppose that given her views on reading, she would not be likely to have been at school.

"Miss Alice," I say awkwardly as it seems I must say something, "I am sure it will be fine." I look back to Valmont, and explain.

"Alice said--insisted, in fact--that Miss Stephanides could not read and would not do so even if she were able, and suggested that she-- she would--" The concept is beyond ridiculous, but I force myself to say the words.

"That someone would strike her for doing so."

"Alice said--insisted, in fact--that Miss Stephanides could not read and would not do so even if she were able, and suggested that she-- she would--That someone would strike her for doing so."

I just stare at Westin, because I'm not sure I understand what he means.

"Hermia not able to read? Someone would strike her? Wait - I would strike her?"

I have heard a great many strange things in my life, but I think this has to be one of the most extraordinary.

"I can assure you," I say after a moment, when I have recovered myself a little, "I would never lift my hand to Hermia, and as for reading - "

I turn around and look at Alice.

"Of course Hermia can read, my dear," I say gently. "She is a librarian. She looks after books." I run a hand through my hair and look back at Westin somewhat helplessly. "I knew Alice's education had been - truncated, and we haven't wanted to push her because of - well. She had a trying time before she came to Excolo," I say. "But I had not realised - "

For one of the very few times in my life I am quite lost for words.

I take Valmont's hand and we go back into the living room and Mr Sagert is still there but I smile my best at him anyway. And everything starts out not so bad, it really does, after I sit down, legs tucked underneath.

"Alice said--insisted, in fact--that Miss Stephanides could not read and would not do so even if she were able, and suggested that she-- she would-- That someone would strike her for doing so."

Not so bad at all. I nod a little bit, looking at Valmont, because there's nothing wrong in what Mr Sagert said. Nothing to get Hermia in trouble, or even me in trouble, besides messing up Mr Sagert's coat; though he promised not to say anything about that, I think. Maybe.

But then Valmont's talking, the words that should be coming out (of course she can't read, that's just silly) not coming out at all. "Hermia not able to read? Someone would strike her? Wait - I would strike her?" he's saying instead, staring at Mr Sagert with me staring at him and things aren't making too much sense, his voice and colors not as they are supposed to be. Confused, yes, but not the right sort.

"I can assure you," he says after a big silence. "I would never lift my hand to Hermia, and as for reading - "

Then he's looking at me, talking, but I'm only kinda of paying attention to those words - "Of course Hermia can read, my dear. She is a librarian. She looks after books" - because my mind is still full of the last ones. He would never lift a hand to Hermia, never he says, and in front of Mr Sagert, in front of people he promises and-

"I knew Alice's education had been - truncated, and we haven't wanted to push her because of - well. She had a trying time before she came to Excolo. But I had not realised - "

"I..." comes squeaking out and my head hurts, from everything gone crazy around me, nothing making sense. Hermia can read and Valmont says she can read, knows it, and would never lift a hand to her, not ever he said, and with Mr Sagert right there and- "You would never hit her?" I say, blinking with wet eyes. "Even if she was... Even if she was bad?" Probably still if she was bad, but no other times? That's...

A voice says that's wrong. Valmont is weak and Hermia is going to hell and it's his job, besides, to keep that from happening, to be her shepherd through the world, but it's such a nice idea, he's just so nice, that I want it anyway.

Alice looks like she is on the verge of tears.

"You would never hit her? Even if she was... Even if she was bad?"

Oh, my dear. I find myself quite glad that I do not know from where Alice came, or there would be a reckoning with the people who brought her up. I move across the room.

"Alice, my dear," I say. "Come and sit down." I coax her onto the sofa, and I sit next to her. "You know," I say, "I had a sister. You remind me of her, sometimes. She was called Marie, and she was a good girl just like you, but my mother used to beat her. She used to beat me, too, and neither of us learned anything about being good or being kind from being beaten. It just made us afraid. I would never want Hermia to be afraid of me, because I love her, and I respect her. If Hermia was bad, as you say, I would tell her that I was unhappy, and I would ask her to explain why she did what she did. Don't you think that's more sensible than hurting her? All that hitting her would do would make her want to hide things from me, don't you think?"

We'll come to the question of reading later. This for now is, I think, more important.

Valmont looks shocked, and I think I manage a bit of a no, I understand at his quite obvious assertion that he would not strike Hermia, but Alice's reaction to that is something that rather cuts through the whole question of Miss Stephanides being a librarian. I can understand wanting to cry, if she felt that she had done something wrong and been caught, but...

"You would never hit her? Even if she was... Even if she was bad?"

I really feel this is the sort of discussion I ought not be privy to. A man may of course carry himself as he sees fit within his household, within the bounds of decency, and I would expect only the most respectable behaviour from Valmont, but... this is nonetheless a household matter, and I am not a member.

"Excuse me," I say softly, rising, and I would do so in silence except I am not actually sure which would be ruder at the moment and so I find I am erring on the side of courtesies. "I feel-- I--" Oh blast. "I did not mean to distress you," I manage, "I only thought that there was a misapprehension." Oh that sounds terrible. Westin, man, do shut up. "Please forgive me if I have been forward, I should-- I wish you the best," I manage, gathering up my hat.

Valmont pulls me onto the couch and Mr Sagert is saying his goodbyes and there's nothing for me to do but sit there, feeling very confused and very, very alone. Everyone seems to know things, expect things, that I don't really understand.

"You know. I had a sister. You remind me of her, sometimes. She was called Marie, and she was a good girl just like you, but my mother used to beat her. She used to beat me, too, and neither of us learned anything about being good or being kind from being beaten. It just made us afraid."

Something about Valmont's words, the actual words and the way they mix with his colors too, makes me calmer though. Even if it's a little crazy. "I would never want Hermia to be afraid of me, because I love her, and I respect her. If Hermia was bad, as you say, I would tell her that I was unhappy, and I would ask her to explain why she did what she did. Don't you think that's more sensible than hurting her? All that hitting her would do would make her want to hide things from me, don't you think?"

"Maybe," I say, not knowing if that's the answer or not. I understand, a little, at least what he's trying to say, but that doesn't mean it makes any real sense. "But... But if you don't whip Hermia, how is she supposed to know the right things to do? The things you want her to do? I-"

A pause and something clicks in, something crazier than all the rest and it makes my stomach turn even if I cling to it. "Hermia is like a man, isn't she?" I look up at him, eyes gone wide. "You let her be like a man."

Westin hurries away, quite dicomfited. I suppose I should speak to him further, but for now I turn back to Alice.

"But... But if you don't whip Hermia, how is she supposed to know the right things to do? The things you want her to do? I-"

The juxtaposition of right and what I want makes my jaw clench, my throat tighten. Alice, dear one, what did they do to you?

(The low quiet memory of a bruise like a shadow on a cheekbone, purple marks like a bracelet on her wrist.)

"Hermia is like a man, isn't she? You let her be like a man."

If I said yes, this would be easier, and Alice might be comforted. If Hermia's an exception.

"No, my dear," I say. "No. I respect Hermia because I love her, and because she is clever and kind. I treat her with respect because she is a human being." I look her in the eye. "And I don't let her be anything. Hermia can be whatever, and whoever, she wants to be. That is her right, and it's not about being a man or a woman. Women aren't slaves, Alice. Maybe they were where you grew up, but not everywhere in the world is like that. Here in Excolo a woman is the sheriff. A woman owns the general store. There's a woman running for mayor. They aren't like men, not at all."

"No, my dear. No. I respect Hermia because I love her, and because she is clever and kind. I treat her with respect because she is a human being." Valmont's looking at me then, right into my eyes and I see back into his, see back into him and know the words as they come, until it's all too confusing and I have to look away, look at the couch cushions instead. "And I don't let her be anything. Hermia can be whatever, and whoever, she wants to be. That is her right, and it's not about being a man or a woman. Women aren't slaves, Alice. Maybe they were where you grew up, but not everywhere in the world is like that. Here in Excolo a woman is the sheriff. A woman owns the general store. There's a woman running for mayor. They aren't like men, not at all."

Sheriff and shop owner and mayor and not even like a man at all, he says, but like a woman who... Who could do things on her own, or make her own decisions, or even read if she wanted. That's how Excolo is different. Mr Constantine said it was, said the people were, and I didn't know then, I think, what he meant.

I wrap my arms around my middle, trying very hard not to be upset even if there is so much in my head now, so much to figure out even when some little part saying no, no it's bad and wrong. Daddy wouldn't like it, I know, and not brother Elijah either. Especially not brother Elijah. Heretics, blasphemers, and whoremongers probably too, because that's what they are, these sorts of women, this town. Harlots and whore and men who make use of them, bewitched by them too, and- And-

And even for all that running around in my head, making it hurt behind my eyes, there's a voice. Very loud, very strong, and it says hush now. It says this is better. It says, even if I don't want to hear, that maybe they were wrong. Maybe Valmont is right.

I don't know if I can think that myself, even as I look back up at him, but I know I want to. I like Valmont, really do, and what he says... I want that to be the way of things, want it so much. "You mean... A woman could do those things and choose them too?" It comes out broken, a little, with me feeling out the words. "I could read a book or talk to anybody or marry who I wanted?"

Alice wraps her arms round herself, and I want very much to hold her. But she is learning adult things, and right now I think to treat her like a child would be the wrong course.

"You mean... A woman could do those things and choose them too? I could read a book or talk to anybody or marry who I wanted?"

"Yes," I say. "Within reason, of course. You are still very young," I say, and I put up a hand and smile, "although I know, I know, you are of an age to be a wife and to keep house." The idea of Alice marrying anyone now is frankly alarming, but from what she's said I have no doubt her hometown favoured child marriages and the like. "You are still young, and I hope - I know you have not been with us long, Alice, but Hermia and I consider you family, and so I hope before you do anything that might affect your life you would talk to us about it." I cannot but help thinking of Gaueko here. "And of course we none of us can do what we want all the time, because it's not always safe or it would hurt other people. But otherwise, yes. You can talk to anyone, or read anything, and fall in love, and get a job." I smile at her. "But perhaps first of all we should see about helping you learn to do those things. You know my dear friend Kaeli is the schoolmistress here in town? Would you like to meet her?"

"Yes. Within reason, of course. You are still very young," he starts and I open my mouth, just about to say I'm fifteen in the spring and not young at all, but I think maybe he saw those words about to come out, because he keeps going. "although I know, I know, you are of an age to be a wife and to keep house."

I nod along to that, because yes I am, a woman grown and ready in fact, with a smile as well because this is so new and strange and it's like going to a new place, but with ideas.

"You are still young, and I hope - I know you have not been with us long, Alice, but Hermia and I consider you family, and so I hope before you do anything that might affect your life you would talk to us about it."

My smile gets bigger at that, because I want Valmont to like me, even more now, and Hermia too. I don't think any of this would work if Hermia didn't like me too - people never realize how important that is, not until there are all sorts of problems. So of course I wouldn't want to do anything to make them sore.

"And of course we none of us can do what we want all the time, because it's not always safe or it would hurt other people. But otherwise, yes. You can talk to anyone, or read anything, and fall in love, and get a job."

"A job?" I ask all of a sudden, not trying to interrupt because that's wrong, but still doing it because the words just pop out. "Like a mayor or a sheriff or even a baker?"

"But perhaps first of all we should see about helping you learn to do those things. You know my dear friend Kaeli is the schoolmistress here in town? Would you like to meet her?"

"Could she teach me how to be a baker? I could learn to read for that, if I had to." A pause and I look at Valmont, really look at him. "Is that why you like Hermia? Because she knows things and can read?"

"Like a mayor or a sheriff or even a baker?"

"Any or all of those things, cherie," I say, amused.

"Could she teach me how to be a baker? I could learn to read for that, if I had to."

"Kaeli is a good cook," I say, "but I think she'd mostly be interested in teaching you school things - reading and writing and arithmetic," I say. "But if you want to learn to bake, I will introduce you to Edmund, if you haven't met him yet. He's a very nice man, and he might be willing to teach you." From what I remember of my chat with Edmund at Wanda's wedding, he could do with some distractions.

Alice gives me a piercing sort of look, and she asks: "Is that why you like Hermia? Because she knows things and can read?" I wonder what it is she is looking for.

"I like that Hermia knows a lot of things," I say. "It makes her interesting to talk to. And I like that she wants to learn, because she is curious about the world and I like that. You're curious too," I say, and I smile at Alice. "I like Hermia because she's one of the cleverest people I know, and because she is brave and kind. And I love her because she makes me want to be a better man." I smile at Alice. "It took me a long time to find that, and I'm glad I waited. You shouldn't settle for anything less than happiness, Alice," I say. No child brides here.

Really, I have had a wonderful few days, and am in a fine mood. Emerging from the Miskatonic this morning, I noticed a small knot of young ladies emerging from the library, and the thought put me rather in mind of Valmont's ward. And his fiancée, of course. Charming young lady, if unremarkable...

It is a bright and lovely day, as such things go in this town in winter, and I have a smile on my face and little planned for the morning. I turn down Silk Road, and presently find myself at the Whitechapel.

There is a woman at the front desk, and I ask if I may see Mr Laclos, if he is available.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject