Every farewell combines loss and new freedom.

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

Afternoon, Friday 11th June
The Miskatonic Cafe

I have been in human form for over two months now, and I am almost used to it. The smells of the body, they were some of the hardest things to accept and then ignore. Last month I had a menstrual period, which was somehow the greatest shock. I had not thought of this body being able to reproduce.

Lately, I have been thinking of my children a great deal. Lost to me for a thousand years, and yet... The loss is keener, somehow, in this form. The physical ache of wishing for them. Sometimes I think of my husband, but we had no great love, and although he was dear to me he was never mine the way our children were.

Syl let me go into her dream, as we discussed, but although I walked that bloody beach for half the night I learned nothing I had not known before. And my priests make no progress on finding a way for me to return to the way I was. It may be that I have to accept that this is my life now; that after thousands of years I will live out one mortal life here, and be done. I don't think I am so very afraid to die; but oh, how I hate to shirk my duties. There is so little I can do for my people now. I need to think of ways that I can accept my new limitations and still do some good here.

The Abbey is quiet today, and I have no particular duties. So I go into town. I don't wear my abbey robes here, but I find flowing clothes most comfortable still, so I wear something pretty I bought at market - a long tunic and trousers. Blue has always been one of my favourite colours. I look at myself before I go out, and it occurs to me that this body is quite pretty. It's strange to always have the same form, so I suppose I'm glad it is pleasing to look at.

I go into town, and it starts to rain lightly. The streets are quiet, and so I take a seat in the window of the cafe and watch the town from the dry comfort of a booth.

[closed]

Every farewell combines loss and new freedom.

[goddessnanshe.livejournal.com]

Afternoon, Friday 11th June
The Miskatonic Cafe

I have been in human form for over two months now, and I am almost used to it. The smells of the body, they were some of the hardest things to accept and then ignore. Last month I had a menstrual period, which was somehow the greatest shock. I had not thought of this body being able to reproduce.

Lately, I have been thinking of my children a great deal. Lost to me for a thousand years, and yet... The loss is keener, somehow, in this form. The physical ache of wishing for them. Sometimes I think of my husband, but we had no great love, and although he was dear to me he was never mine the way our children were.

Syl let me go into her dream, as we discussed, but although I walked that bloody beach for half the night I learned nothing I had not known before. And my priests make no progress on finding a way for me to return to the way I was. It may be that I have to accept that this is my life now; that after thousands of years I will live out one mortal life here, and be done. I don't think I am so very afraid to die; but oh, how I hate to shirk my duties. There is so little I can do for my people now. I need to think of ways that I can accept my new limitations and still do some good here.

The Abbey is quiet today, and I have no particular duties. So I go into town. I don't wear my abbey robes here, but I find flowing clothes most comfortable still, so I wear something pretty I bought at market - a long tunic and trousers. Blue has always been one of my favourite colours. I look at myself before I go out, and it occurs to me that this body is quite pretty. It's strange to always have the same form, so I suppose I'm glad it is pleasing to look at.

I go into town, and it starts to rain lightly. The streets are quiet, and so I take a seat in the window of the cafe and watch the town from the dry comfort of a booth.

[closed]