Like a lost child/ bearing atonements/ Do I know where to go?

[silence-excolo.livejournal.com]

[Friday, February 26th (Day 271)]
[Late]
[In her trailer]

 I've been remembering more lately.

It's like piecing together a shattered mirror- there's big chunks, sure, but most of it's tiny little slivers of things that don't fit in just yet. I remember the color of his eyes & his betrayal but not his name. I remember some of the trials but not who demanded we go or who ordered them done. I remember my sacrifice, now the tiniest of scars, but not the place it was given. I remember when I first awakened to my power, the havoc it caused (another scar, long since faded) but not when. And I still can't remember my name.

It's frustrating, but it's coming together quicker now. Ever since- well, since the backlash from Tez's spell. Makes me wonder why. Also makes me wonder about Tez. I've heard he's been seen, briefly, but- I dunno. I will need to talk to Syl, eventually, I know. And the sheriff, now that the trial & hanging's past (should I have been there? I felt no pull, & yet...), just don't know when.

And I remember the other, as well; what it is, or was. As my memory heals, so does it's. But there's still so much missing.

The things I do remember are- well, confusing. Painful. I remember rage, fear, death. I remember dying, somehow. I remember killing, too.

All the terrible details of Marion's death & how it drove me to- I not only killed her murderer, I destroyed him, obliterated him. And still I failed, ultimately, & could only watch as he dragged her soul screaming into the abyss. I touch my shoulder, feeling the ragged contour of the skin beneath the shirt. Maybe that's why that scar remains, even as the others fade. To remind me of that failure. Of my duty.

But there are other, stranger things. Pieces of memory that don't seem to fit anywhere. More feelings than full-on memories, really. Like a calm I can't explain, a sensation of watching, of worry. Then sadness. And falling.

I sorta wish I could talk to someone about this, but- Well, after that thing with Dana, I'm not sure. Heh, I obviously got some trust issues. I've never been good with people; I remember that, too.

And still it feels like time's running out.

[closed]

Like a lost child/ bearing atonements/ Do I know where to go?

[silence-excolo.livejournal.com]

[Friday, February 26th (Day 271)]
[Late]
[In her trailer]

 I've been remembering more lately.

It's like piecing together a shattered mirror- there's big chunks, sure, but most of it's tiny little slivers of things that don't fit in just yet. I remember the color of his eyes & his betrayal but not his name. I remember some of the trials but not who demanded we go or who ordered them done. I remember my sacrifice, now the tiniest of scars, but not the place it was given. I remember when I first awakened to my power, the havoc it caused (another scar, long since faded) but not when. And I still can't remember my name.

It's frustrating, but it's coming together quicker now. Ever since- well, since the backlash from Tez's spell. Makes me wonder why. Also makes me wonder about Tez. I've heard he's been seen, briefly, but- I dunno. I will need to talk to Syl, eventually, I know. And the sheriff, now that the trial & hanging's past (should I have been there? I felt no pull, & yet...), just don't know when.

And I remember the other, as well; what it is, or was. As my memory heals, so does it's. But there's still so much missing.

The things I do remember are- well, confusing. Painful. I remember rage, fear, death. I remember dying, somehow. I remember killing, too.

All the terrible details of Marion's death & how it drove me to- I not only killed her murderer, I destroyed him, obliterated him. And still I failed, ultimately, & could only watch as he dragged her soul screaming into the abyss. I touch my shoulder, feeling the ragged contour of the skin beneath the shirt. Maybe that's why that scar remains, even as the others fade. To remind me of that failure. Of my duty.

But there are other, stranger things. Pieces of memory that don't seem to fit anywhere. More feelings than full-on memories, really. Like a calm I can't explain, a sensation of watching, of worry. Then sadness. And falling.

I sorta wish I could talk to someone about this, but- Well, after that thing with Dana, I'm not sure. Heh, I obviously got some trust issues. I've never been good with people; I remember that, too.

And still it feels like time's running out.

[closed]