All those colors long since faded. All our smiles are confiscated.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

Monday, August 31st
Day 92
Early Evening

Karina’s party and my recent picnic in the park with Koneko have reminded me how much I actually used to enjoy being out and around people. I wonder when that changed? It wasn’t just a result of what happened in the alley, that incident just made it worse. I think it started even before that, though I can’t remember when or even why. And its funny, I told Cain I couldn’t stay hidden away at home from all the bad things in the world, yet that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing. Its time I stopped, what good is being alive if you’re not living, right?

Cain has been so sweet about being around at night and walking me wherever I want to go, but this is something I need to start doing on my own. I change into jeans and a plain cotton shirt and first stop by the café for an early dinner, then head to the tavern just for a couple of drinks. I don’t plan on being out late anyway and if for some reason I am, I can always ask Adam at the inn to walk me home I’m sure Valmont won’t mind.

The tavern is nearly empty when I walk in so I take a seat in the corner at the bar so I can watch people as they come in but not be in the way. I don’t mind if they don’t talk to me or anything, just being around people at this point will be good enough I think. It’s not long before Thomas is setting fire whiskey down in front of me and I almost go to tell him I actually had wanted the mead, but my hands are shaking so much I think I’ll just keep this. So I smile and thank him, putting money on the bar and hope after finish this and have another I won’t feel like running out of here as if the place were on fire. I'll be fine I know I will, this is just silly, completely ridiculous.

[OPEN TO TEZ]  [CLOSED]

All those colors long since faded. All our smiles are confiscated.

[kaeli-whyte.livejournal.com]

Monday, August 31st
Day 92
Early Evening

Karina’s party and my recent picnic in the park with Koneko have reminded me how much I actually used to enjoy being out and around people. I wonder when that changed? It wasn’t just a result of what happened in the alley, that incident just made it worse. I think it started even before that, though I can’t remember when or even why. And its funny, I told Cain I couldn’t stay hidden away at home from all the bad things in the world, yet that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing. Its time I stopped, what good is being alive if you’re not living, right?

Cain has been so sweet about being around at night and walking me wherever I want to go, but this is something I need to start doing on my own. I change into jeans and a plain cotton shirt and first stop by the café for an early dinner, then head to the tavern just for a couple of drinks. I don’t plan on being out late anyway and if for some reason I am, I can always ask Adam at the inn to walk me home I’m sure Valmont won’t mind.

The tavern is nearly empty when I walk in so I take a seat in the corner at the bar so I can watch people as they come in but not be in the way. I don’t mind if they don’t talk to me or anything, just being around people at this point will be good enough I think. It’s not long before Thomas is setting fire whiskey down in front of me and I almost go to tell him I actually had wanted the mead, but my hands are shaking so much I think I’ll just keep this. So I smile and thank him, putting money on the bar and hope after finish this and have another I won’t feel like running out of here as if the place were on fire. I'll be fine I know I will, this is just silly, completely ridiculous.

[OPEN TO TEZ]  [CLOSED]

"I need a little room to breathe 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

(Monday, August 31st, late afternoon)
(clearing in the woods outside of town)

Woke up from a dead sleep.  I'm sure I dreamed.  I feel sick and horrified, but now, thanks to whatever the hell that purple stuff Lucien gave me, I don't remember.  Normally would sleep in on a Monday, but like hell I'm going back to sleep.  Have all the baking done by one, and I'm restless.  Don't want to stay here, don't want to eat, or drink......

right.

A walk then.  No, it's been a long time since I practiced.  Oh, that's an idea.  Perk up and thrown on a sturdy pair of heeled boots, a pair of jeans, and a fitted black T.  Then my trench.  Load it up, even add the bullwhip for good measure, and soon my legs have carried my out of town, right to the border where the woods start.   There's no discernible path, but I know the way like the back off my hand.   A few minutes more and I come upon a decent sized clearing.  My clearing.  One of the places Anne and I used to come to to practice.   Unbutton my coat, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths...... inhale and.....

hands move like quicksilver, pulling out knives from the depths of my coat, and they go flying to pre-appointed targets all around me.  Exhale.  Look about, and see that several did not hit the exact spot I wanted them too.  Curse softly, circling and rounding them up.  To anyone else, it may not seem like a big deal.... but it's just not acceptable to me.  Back to center, re-ground myself, and start over, concentrating on exactly where the blade will fall.  Look around..... better.

Gather them up a second time.... and repeat,  losing myself in the exercise, feeling the tensions, fears and nightmare begin to slip away.....

(Closed)

"I need a little room to breathe 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break."

[mistresswanda.livejournal.com]

(Monday, August 31st, late afternoon)
(clearing in the woods outside of town)

Woke up from a dead sleep.  I'm sure I dreamed.  I feel sick and horrified, but now, thanks to whatever the hell that purple stuff Lucien gave me, I don't remember.  Normally would sleep in on a Monday, but like hell I'm going back to sleep.  Have all the baking done by one, and I'm restless.  Don't want to stay here, don't want to eat, or drink......

right.

A walk then.  No, it's been a long time since I practiced.  Oh, that's an idea.  Perk up and thrown on a sturdy pair of heeled boots, a pair of jeans, and a fitted black T.  Then my trench.  Load it up, even add the bullwhip for good measure, and soon my legs have carried my out of town, right to the border where the woods start.   There's no discernible path, but I know the way like the back off my hand.   A few minutes more and I come upon a decent sized clearing.  My clearing.  One of the places Anne and I used to come to to practice.   Unbutton my coat, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths...... inhale and.....

hands move like quicksilver, pulling out knives from the depths of my coat, and they go flying to pre-appointed targets all around me.  Exhale.  Look about, and see that several did not hit the exact spot I wanted them too.  Curse softly, circling and rounding them up.  To anyone else, it may not seem like a big deal.... but it's just not acceptable to me.  Back to center, re-ground myself, and start over, concentrating on exactly where the blade will fall.  Look around..... better.

Gather them up a second time.... and repeat,  losing myself in the exercise, feeling the tensions, fears and nightmare begin to slip away.....

(Closed)