All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

[iago-excolo.livejournal.com]

[Saturday, June 19th (Day 384)]
[Early afternoon, Main Street]

Iago's having lunch at the Miskatonic Cafe, when Jarmyn stops by his table.   Despite being wary of Iago's sharp tongue, Jarmyn decides to sit down anyway, along with the newly-arrived Leah.  Iago gleefully takes the opportunity for what it is and needles Jarmyn mercilessly in front of their confused table-mate, and without realizing it, the rest of the cafe, as well. 

Glass arrives, looking for her own meal and quickly notices the tense duo before settling at a nearby table.  She's within hearing range and catches various snippets of their back-and-forth conversation, much to her amusement and consternation.

Meanwhile, Iago's practically dared Jarmyn into apologizing to Glass.  The cafe patrons and Iago are riveted.  Jarmyn gives it a shot but Glass isn't interested and after a tense moment, he returns to Iago's table.  It only get worse from there, and after another tense exchange, Iago leaves the table and joins Glass at hers.  The estranged couple agree to leave the cafe and are currently strolling along Main Street while they talk.

[continued from here]

~ ~ ~

"You set aside him beating me 'til I'd've died in our bed with my brain crushing against my skull and you'd not forgive him running afraid of you?"

I shake my head, curious as I ask, "Glass, if it bothered you so much, the beating he gave you, then why did you take him as a lover in the first place?  I feel like you're angry with me for it but I didn't make that choice for you."  My voice is quiet as I continue, "I won't disagree that I thought it the right thing, setting things aside so we could have the relationship I thought we both wanted." I'm regretful as I add, "If you didn't want it, I wish I'd realized it then.  I wouldn't have encouraged it otherwise."

When she mentions 'running afraid', I chuckle lightly, vaguely amused as I shake my head again.  "There are none that fear me, love, least of all, him. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." I scowl, recalling my conversation from the cafe with Jarmyn and continue, "As for the louse, I didn't say it was fine or right, not now and not when it happened.  I've told him so as well.  Today even."

I pause, swallowing my disappointment at her words before quietly asking, "Love, I'm confused. You tell me you love me but we can't live together?"  I sigh, taking a long drag.  "I disagree. You're not helping me by pushing me away."  Curious about her perspective, I ask, "Is it helping you any?"

[Open to Glass]

Comments

[iago-excolo.livejournal.com]

She flinches and immediately, I'm regretful of my rash action. I sigh, raking a hand through my wet, unruly hair as I glance briefly at my discarded notepad. I look back to my love and ask about the time I was gone before asking about her choice of locations for certain conversation topics.

Her voice is low and I take long drags of my smoke, listening and less than pleased when she says, "...Asked and I told you, and it never happened, not to you." And even though she's right, it does little to change my pang of loss. Her voice pitches, and I catch a sliver of her anger as she adds, "...You were gone and didn't even tell me."

I stare at her, intending to reply but I can't, not in the face of her obvious pain. How did we come to this place, my love? My missteps echo in my mind, standing between us and the happiness we once had. I hate the way I've made her feel and I look up at the overcast sky, wishing the rain would wash away my ever-growing list of unacceptable sins. It's not to be though and as she crosses her arms, I watch her step away from me.

Ditching my smoke, I quietly say, "You told me to leave but you never said when I should come back, and because I didn't know, it seemed to me that you didn't want to be with me anymore." I rub my eyes to clear my vision. "I didn't leave Excolo to hurt you, love. I swear it. I only went for Alessandra and I'd have told you." I shake my head and continue, "But I didn't think you wanted to speak to me. I didn't want to be rejected again either."

I look up at the rain again, blinking rapidly before saying, "Can we get out of the rain?" Remembering the crowd in the cafe, I continue, "Not the cafe though. Somewhere dry, with less curious witnesses, if possible."

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

Minute I'm left wondering if I even said what I did about the slip of his words, the meaning that looks solid and then collapses into mud when you try and take hold of it. Touch one hand light to my mouth as if I could feel some trace of what I did or didn't speak still there. I told him I didn't want him to leave, I did...

"Iago." Can't think where to go with that a moment, and the rain runs down. "Believe you didn't leave to hurt me. But I bloody well cannot talk to you while you're going in circles over what did or didn't happen, think or don't." And if it's something he can drop in a moment's notice, then it's a game he's been playing with me all this time, and I will not have that, I will not. "I'll walk you back t'Allesandra's, but this matter of speaking without meaning, I'd have you see to that afore speaking further."

[iago-excolo.livejournal.com]

I nod, and as I begin to turn towards Alessandra's, I catch myself and lean over to retrieve my now-soggy notepad. I might be able to save it but then I might not. I sigh at myself and gingerly shake the muddy mess, hoping I'll be able to read it later. I wrap the notepad in a handkerchief and stow it in one of my pockets.

"Glass, I'm not trying to speak to you without meaning what I'm saying. In fact, it's the opposite. I'm trying quite hard to make certain that I'm not evasive but from what you're saying, I'm failing." I light another smoke and continue, "You ask me how I felt about things in our past and I've told you. It never seems to be what you want to hear though and more and more, I'm of the mind that perhaps you and I may be discussing two entirely different bits of the same situation."

I pause, considering what we've already discussed and I say, "You seem to want to delve into the heart of things but what you consider that to be may be different that what I do. Rather than ask me to lay it all out and let you pick over it, why don't you ask me one question? Perhaps if we start with one small bit, we won't get lost in another knotted tangle. Does that sound fair to you, love?"

[glass-beddau.livejournal.com]

"You ask me how I felt about things in our past and I've told you. It never seems to be what you want to hear though and more and more, I'm of the mind that perhaps you and I may be discussing two entirely different bits of the same situation," and I bloody well hope that those two things are different to his mind because if he's thinking the only reason I may not care for what I'm hearing is misunderstanding then he's forgotten more than I care to think he might...

Strikes me I'm hearing precious little about how he feels when we disagree, only about what I feel. Leaves me some unsettled, and not sure why.

"You seem to want to delve into the heart of things but what you consider that to be may be different that what I do. Rather than ask me to lay it all out and let you pick over it, why don't you ask me one question? Perhaps if we start with one small bit, we won't get lost in another knotted tangle. Does that sound fair to you, love?"

"No," I say blunt. "Sounds like you're missing the problem I have with speaking of the matter. Moment ago you were so unsure of way of things you were after writing down my thoughts on it, setting aside any of your own. What good do you think my asking you about anything'll do when you can't tell in your own mind what did or didn't happen?"

Well, then. Suppose that's one question, in its own way, but not one as is going to settle matters; nor does it. End up walking him back home in the rain, and parting ways.